A Shift in the Force: Chapter Sixty-One: An Unlikely Ally
AN: Wow, a special shout-out to Lady-Stesonora who left me a literal chapter of a review, you really made my day!
Some questions were posed recently so here's the answers: We will eventually get into AotC, but it's still a bit out, and this fic will continue into the Clone Wars, though there might be some changes based on the direction this fic is going. I didn't create Jedi Shadows and the different councils of the Jedi, they're already canon, I merely expanded on them. The Jedi Temple is really built on a Sith Shrine, its why the temple was built in the first place but it ended up weakening the Jedi's precognitive abilities instead of neutralizing the Dark Side. Most the drugs in this fic are taken from canon, I just pulled them in.
Thanks for the continued interest.
Rachi Sitra didn't stir in the slightest as Sabé and Caleb brought her into the shelter of a nearby cave.
"That's a lot of blaster burns," Caleb said quietly, uneasily, as he crouched at her side before noticing the lightsaber. "She's a Jedi?"
He looked to Sabé, who was already rifling through her pack to find the bacta. "She was, well, she's part of the Altisian Jedi, they're a faction led by Master Djinn Altis on Bespin. Those that are a part of the Jedi Order on Coruscant don't approve much of them because they have some beliefs that the Order frowns upon."
Sabé pasted the bacta carefully over Rachi's wounds and the Twi'lek winced in her sleep. She couldn't think about what would cause Rachi to come to Ryloth and end up with so many blaster burns.
"Is she going to be all right?" Caleb's bright eyes were concerned and Sabé reached over to ruffle his hair.
"None of her vital spots were hit, she'll survive, she just needs time to heal." Sabé looked out of the cave to see the wind picking up. "Luckily it looks like we'll be grounded here for a little while."
"Another sandstorm?" Caleb was dismayed. "We'll never reach the Tann Province at this rate."
Sabé spared him a faint grin. "You worry too much, darling, we'll get there eventually…it'll be a good lesson in patience for you." Her eyes slid towards him and Caleb's cheeks turned a blotchy red.
"I'm patient!"
"Mm-hm." Her molten eyes were light and her voice was teasing and Caleb for moment could see her as a mother so very clearly and it tugged at a heartstring he didn't even know had existed. He wondered if this was what it was like for Talik Shala, being her Padawan.
"You seem out of sorts, Caleb." Her voice drew him back and he blinked a few times.
"I'm fine," he said, shaking out his head before looking at her full on. "Do you ever think about going back to the Temple?"
The question clearly surprised her, her eyes widening and a sharp intake of breath parting from her lips. "No," she said finally, "not to the Temple…that place its like a cesspool of darkness." Her lips tightened and her eyes darkened and grew hard. The change surprised Caleb.
"But if you're asking if I've turned my back on the Jedi," Sabé continued, eyes softening as they came back to him and Caleb flushed. "I don't know…I believe in the Force, I believe in achieving balance in all things, and as someone who was both Jedi and Sith, I can understand that completely."
She patted the spot beside her and he tripped to get to her side which earned him a faint laugh.
"You know the Jedi Code by now, I think?" She quirked an eyebrow and Caleb nodded. "Have you ever heard the Sith's?"
"They have one?" Caleb felt stupid blurting out the question, but Sabé never seemed to notice his tongue moving faster than his brain.
"It's known as the Qotsisajak in the Sith Tongue," Sabé said before reciting:
"Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me."
Caleb blinked, staring at her. "That sounds…it doesn't sound evil." They were always taught of the dark deeds of the Sith, so he would've thought that their Code would reflect that, but clearly not.
"No, it doesn't," Sabé agreed. "But the Force isn't inherently good or evil, Light or Dark. In reality its an impartial force that binds all living things. The Will of the Force flows through all of us, sometimes it's a tool, no different than a lightsaber or a blaster, sometimes its a guide, showing you the way, the only difference is how you use it. The Jedi believe in the Light Side of the Force and the Jedi Code so they strive for harmony and aim at benevolence. The Sith believe in the Dark Side of the Force and the Sith Code, so they achieve their goals with aggression to amass power."
This was getting deeply philosophical, Caleb thought, but he was still enraptured.
"There've always been stories of Jedi becoming Sith in moments of agony and rage." Sabé's brow creased and she sighed, eyes glazing over in thought. "The Jedi Order used to be more forgiving of those that returned from the Sith," she said finally, almost lost in her own memories.
Caleb stiffened, turning his head and fixing her with another stare. She hadn't spoken much regarding her stint as a Sith.
Sabé pinched the bridge of her nose. "Where's Obi-Wan when I need him?" she lamented and he didn't really have an answer to that. "Where was I?...Ah, the Codes, that's right."
"The Jedi Code, well, it's a bastardization if I'm being perfectly honest." This time Caleb earned a wry grin. "There was a Jedi named Odan-Urr that found the Code to be frustratingly difficult to understand, which is why the Jedi have the simplified one that exists today. There were a lot of views he held that a different now."
"Like what?" Caleb didn't think he'd ever met someone who taught like Sabé did. The instructors were always rather cut and dry, right and wrong, black and white. It was one thing to read about something, it was another to understand it, it was something else entirely to use it as interpretive.
Sabé had often taught class in the temple by asking "And what does this mean to you?" with an open face and non-judgmental eyes.
"Did you ever ask anyone what the Code meant?" she countered instead, an eyebrow arching.
Caleb had, so he nodded.
"Did you get an immediate response?"
Caleb furrowed his brow, thinking back. "I'm pretty sure." He was also sure that it had explained to him in a flat tone that brooked no argument.
Sabé's lips twisted. "Odan-Urr felt that a Jedi might know the words but that few Jedi actually truly understood the Code…but he also felt that Jedi should never lie or manipulate, which would've put me out of a job." She threw a wink his way and Caleb hid his sniggers.
"But there've been a lot of Codes over the eons…do you remember when I told you about how the Jedi were once the Je'daii?" His head bobbed. "Well, the Je'daii had their own Code too:
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.
There is no fear; there is power.
I am the heart of the Force.
I am the revealing fire of light.
I am the mystery of darkness.
In balance with chaos and harmony,
Immortal in the Force."
Caleb tilted his head, looking up at her. "That's…different."
She smiled. "I suppose it is."
"But which one d'you believe in?"
That actually made Sabé start in surprise, eyes gleaming in the light of the fire that they'd set up while the sandstorm raged; it was cold enough in the cave that one was necessary. "Does it matter what I believe in?"
"I -uh-," Caleb floundered. "I guess not, but…I wanna know."
Sabé's lips curved into a soft smile and she ran a hand through his hair. A motherly gesture.
"I believe…I believe in the Force. I believe that there is a need for balance that flows through everything. I believe that you can't achieve peace without a passion to create. I believe that you can't have passion without a peace to guide, to center. I believe knowledge stagnates without a strength to act. I believe that power can blind if you don't have the serenity to see. There's freedom in how we live and purpose in how we die. That's what I believe."
Caleb's mouth had gone dry. "That's…deep," he said finally and Sabé couldn't help but laugh.
"It is, isn't it?" She ruffled his hair this time, making him squawk in protest. "Go on and get some sleep Caleb, the sandstorm isn't going to let up anytime soon."
He wrapped her jacket tighter around him and scooted off towards the fire, leaving Sabé beside Rachi Sitra.
"A lot of interesting views," came a rusty voice and Sabé turned to see a pair of dark green eyes fluttering open to consider Sabé. "You haven't changed much."
"Well, I'm sure most people would disagree with you on that," Sabé had to counter, turning around completely. "You're looking well, Rachi Sitra."
Rachi's glare reminded vividly of Talik. Sabé frowned. The shade of lavender that both Twi'leks were colored with wasn't as common as blue or green, but still, having two Twi'leks the same uncommon color who just happened to be Jedi? What were the chances of that?
Sabé must've been staring before now Rachi was looking at her strangely. Sabé almost said "Don't worry, you're not my type" but then remembered Kinsa, her skin a gleaming pale blue in the moonlight, her touch warm, as warm as the blood that had seeped from her wound as she'd gasped for breath, telling Sabé -telling Tanika- to run. Sabé shook herself out of the memories; that mission had ended terribly even by Sabé's standards.
"Still with the Altisian Jedi?" she asked instead.
"Yes," Rachi winced as she shifted, looking down at herself, finally taking notice of the bacta patches.
"On a mission, I'm guessing?" Sabé's voice was painfully mild, like she had forced herself to be after losing her arm to the Sith, digging the anger at her trauma down deep, unable to bear Yoda's disapproval and disappointment. "You're pretty beat up."
"Pretty shot up, you mean," Rachi countered, rolling her eyes, tongue sharp. No wonder she'd left the Order; aggression even in a tone of voice was frowned on.
"Yeah, that," Sabé drawled, rolling her eyes as well.
Rachi didn't choose to address the question, instead considering Sabé, looking her up and down. It struck Sabé that she actually hadn't seen Rachi Sitra in years. "What happened to your eyes?" Rachi's own narrowed suspiciously.
"Went to Malachor IV, had a talk with a ghost, centered myself, you know, normal girl stuff."
That earned her a pained snort, the movement jarring Rachi's injuries. "Combat gear suits you," Rachi found herself saying. The last time she'd seen Sabé she'd been in darker Jedi robes than her fellows, a leather jerkin on her torso, a thick glove hiding her silver-plated arm from view.
The same couldn't be said now. Her prosthetic was clear to see, black with silver details, more advanced than Rachi remembered. The combat fatigues were certainly a surprise, but she remembered that Sabé was a Jedi Shadow, she was meant to blend in and that did it better than the robes.
The last time she'd seen Sabé her hair had been restrained in multiple braids and her eyes had been brown, soft as she smiled down on her young Padawan, dropping a hand on the top of her head in an almost motherly gesture.
Rachi grimaced at the memory, trying to clear her thoughts, her abdomen giving a twinge.
"How're things at the Temple?" she opted for conversational and Sabé paused, eyes flicking towards the boy now slumbering by the fire and then back to Rachi.
"I wouldn't know," she said finally, "I was exiled some time ago."
Rachi was so surprised she went into a coughing fit. Sabé waited for it to subside, taking in the bulging eyes and gaping mouth without any comment. "Exiled? You?"
"I was undercover as a Sith for about a year," Sabé informed her and Rachi couldn't seem to get her tongue to work. Sabé Amidala? Sabé Amidala, so ingrained in the Light falling to the Dark?
"Undercover," she said blankly, "as a Sith?" There had to be a story behind that.
Sabé gave a careless shrug. "It involved a Sith Holocron, but I won't get into it."
Rachi frowned like she wanted to ask something else, but decided against it. "Slavers are moving through the region, you might be aware," she said instead, choosing to answer Sabé's first question. "They didn't like me prying into their business."
Something flickered in Sabé's eyes, annoyance, perhaps? "When was the last time Senator Taa was actually on the planet he represents in the Senate?"
Rachi snorted. "He probably sells out his people for a big payout. Orn Free's wealth only seems to grow with the hatred of the people he supposedly represents."
Sabé's lips curled in disgust. If there was one thing she hated, it was corruption that led to enslavement. She remembered the first day Anakin had spent in the Temple, having to spend just enough time in the Halls of Healing to remove the slave implant that had been deactivated when Qui-Gon freed him. Sabé had felt his shame and when Obi-Wan wasn't looking offered the removed chip to him to smash to his heart's content. The smile he'd given her had been worth it.
"I was actually shot down by the ship Caleb was on," Sabé explained, nodding to the small boy fast asleep. Rachi thought he was a bit small, but maybe that was because she hadn't been around younglings very much…was he an Initiate? "We're heading in the direction of the Tann Province…I made friends there the last time I was here. I'm hoping we can barter our way off the planet…did you want to come along?"
Rachi considered her, thinking for a moment that Sabé was too trusting, but the blasters strapped to her legs had the safety off, so perhaps not. Besides, Rachi's money had been taken by the slavers she'd tried to stop them taking two young Twi'leks that were screaming for their parents.
"I suppose it wouldn't hurt," she grunted and the corner of Sabé's lips drew upwards slightly. She looked back over to the slumbering boy. He had to have been about the same age as those two girls. "The kid's a Jedi, I'm guessing?"
"An Initiate," Sabé agreed, eyes softening briefly as she followed Rachi's gaze. "Caleb Dume."
"Keep an eye on him," Rachi warned. "Pretty boys sell high, pretty boy Jedi sell even higher."
A darkness flitted behind Sabé's eyes, her jaw tightening, like a memory of something terrible, but Rachi blinked and it had gone.
"Get some sleep, Rachi," was all she said before turning away from her to find a place to sleep.
Caleb felt like there were screams echoing inside his skull, he didn't know how else to explain it. It was like waking up from a nightmare, and what was even worse was that he was certain it was Sabé's screams.
His mouth went dry and he sat up so quickly he got a head rush. It took him a few more seconds to right himself, then he looked around the cave.
The Jedi they'd rescued -Sitra, was it?- was fast sleep where Sabé had carried her the previous day, but Sabé was in a corner, her back turned to him.
He clenched the jacket tighter around him. The fire had gone out and the cold was back. He was embarrassed to admit that he missed sleeping in Sabé's lap, but she was warmer and her arms were secure, her heartbeat steady.
He could barely see her, but he still crawled over towards her, not trusting his ability to see in the dark, moving carefully past Arthree where he rested, deactivated for the night.
"Always two there are, no more, no less, or so the saying goes," her voice whispered in his head like a distant echo. "But who says the Sith can't change?"
"If all I do is try, then I don't truly believe I can succeed," a second voice murmured in his ear, male and unfamiliar.
"Just when you think you understand the Force, you find out how little you actually know," hummed a third voice, a woman.
"Why won't you look at me?" a child screamed.
And that was when he closed his arm against Sabé's arm. It was like a jolting shock to his system, and when he opened his eyes he was in a familiar place.
"Why won't you look at me?" The girl in the healing cot was small, pale, bruised and clutching at her missing arm. Tear tracks ran down her cheeks as she shook, looking on the small, hunched green figure. Caleb had never seen Yoda look quite so old.
"Let go of your hate, you must," the Grandmaster said.
"He took my arm!" The young Sabé was incensed, upset, and furious all at the same time, her tremors growing with her anger. "How can you just sit there and act like that's nothing? You've got all your limbs!"
Vokara Che rushed into the room, worry creasing her brow. "Master Yoda, I'll going to need to ask you to leave. Your presence will only worsen her condition."
Yoda conceded and Caleb watched him go before looking back to the sixteen-year-old version of the woman he was traveling with. Vokara Che, who was well known for her rough demeanor, was now rubbing Sabé's small shoulders gently as she dissolved into wails, humming soothingly.
"I didn't want this!" Sabé sobbed into Vokara Che's shoulder.
"I know," she hummed comfortingly. "I know, Sabé."
Then the world shifted so fast Caleb was stumbling.
It was her, it had to be, but she looked different…she looked wrong. Hair hacked and shaved, a combination of red and black that didn't suit her and eyes a burning yellow so unlike the warm gold he'd grown accustomed to.
She was in the center of a room, hands locked in binders above her head and Caleb winced as he looked at her midsection, at the puckered wounds and burns and blood smeared there. She bared her teeth, it wasn't even a hint of a smile.
"Is that the best you've got?" Sabé sneered but it faded into a blood-curdling scream as the rod was jammed against her abdomen once more.
Then he was back by Sabé's side and she was startled awake, eyes wild and flashing in the darkness and Caleb felt like a cord was tightening around his throat.
He was choking and he grasped at his throat, but there was nothing there.
"Sa—" he tried to croak out her name, but he couldn't force it past his lips, pressure building inside him, his lungs burning. It felt so cold, like ice around his throat.
The Force whispered in his ear as spots danced before his eyes. Master, he breathed in his mind and like the flick of a switch, the clouds over Sabé's eyes cleared and the pressure around his throat eased.
Caleb greedily sucked in air, massaging at his throat while Sabé's eyes fluttered closed and she brought a hand up to press against her mouth as if keeping bile from spewing from her lips. He could see the sickly grey sheen of her skin just barely in the darkness.
"Stars, Caleb," she rasped liked she'd just been screaming, like in the dream, the nightmare, "I'm so sorry…usually I don't—" Her words failed her and Caleb wondered just how many scars she'd earned when she was a Sith.
The silence was strained and minutes seemed to pass before Sabé finally sighed. "Sorry, darling, that's on me." Her chest was still heaving, her breaths coming in short and making her words faint.
"S'okay," Caleb managed to say, his throat still burning. "I shouldn't've—"
"Accept my apology, Caleb and we'll leave it at that," Sabé said with a trace of sternness.
"Okay." Caleb felt awkward. He was the one that had reached out, her mind opening to him as if reflexively. He wondered if that was what it was like for Masters and Padawans.
She pulled herself upright, sitting against the edge of the cave wall. He could barely see her rubbing at her eyes. "Caleb," she said finally, clearly putting a lot of effort into a mask of calm, "it's the middle of the night. You should be sleeping."
"I know!" Caleb barely managed to quiet his voice in time, eyes glancing towards the Jedi that faintly stirred at the noise. Embarrassment flooded through him. "Its just…I got cold." His voice struggled and faded.
There was a faint huff. "Is that all?" The lilt in her voice was close to teasing and less to the startled that it had been moments ago.
There was the sound of her boots scuffing as she crossed her legs and Caleb nestled himself comfortably in her lap.
"Sabé?" his voice echoed quietly. "What's gonna happen tomorrow?" Her arms were barely looped around him, easily broken if he needed to get up or shift. She did that on purpose, he thought.
Sabé hummed as he nestled his head on her shoulder. "Moving Rachi will be slow…more likely we'll eventually need to find a ride to Tann Province…if not be speeder then by one of the animals on this planet. Blurrgs usually only seat one, so we'll have to see."
"Okay." Caleb frowned in the darkness, looking at nothing. "Do…do your dreams get better?"
She said nothing for a moment before he felt more than saw her bring her hand up to rest against the side of his head and he felt the tingle of lips against his hair; a comforting kiss.
"I've got goods days and bad days," she admitted, "but battles leave scars, and some of those scars you can't even see, and that's always important to remember. Everyone deals with trauma differently, and I'm no exception."
The image flashed in his mind of the young Sabé, her limb amputated, sobbing hopelessly.
"I dream about burning sometimes," he murmured, his fingers accidentally tracing over her mechno-arm, feeling its grooves. She didn't seem to notice. He closed his eyes, remembering the overwhelming heat, his feet skidding under him, trying to hold the flames back with one hand and keep one in the opposite direction, like he was pushing something away from the flames.
"Anakin does too," Sabé mused thoughtfully. "I gather it isn't an uncommon dream."
"But what if it's a vision?" Caleb's fear came to a head as he twisted to look up at the faint outline of Sabé's face. "What if—"
"Caleb." Her tone drew him up short. "You will drive yourself mad trying to figure out if a dream is really a dream or if it's a vision. And even if it is a vision…they are so often misinterpreted. Take me for instance."
"You?" Caleb blinked.
"Me," she agreed. "I'd had visions about myself as Darth Carina for years before I Fell, and even then I was terrified of going Dark, it was my deepest fear…the real irony was that I didn't choose the Dark Side for power, but to keep knowledge safe. There's always more than one side to dreams like these; what you see, and what remains hidden."
Caleb supposed she would have more experience with that.
She still had one hand in his hair, carding through it and sending soothing waves through the Force, making it difficult for Caleb to keep his eyes open.
"Sleep, Caleb," she murmured and then he was fast asleep, and this time he slept restfully with no visions to plague him.
AN: I'm still not over the Rebels episode Jedi Night, so here's some trauma for you. Sabé's still struggling with dealing with her own trauma, but she's pretty open about it. Having Caleb around probably helps, but healing takes time and she's no fool in that regard.
In other news, Yoda is the least helpful in regards to dealing with trauma, but who's really surprised?
As always: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!
