Leon anxiously tapped his pencil against his binder, counting down the seconds on the clock as the school day drew to a close. He couldn't wait to get back home and return to checking out Emil's social media timelines, eager to see if there are new posts and to look back over the older ones.
The bell went off, signaling the end of the school day and he nearly jumped out of his desk. Though he knew full well that Chun-Yan wouldn't be there for about ten minutes, he still bolted out of his classroom and to his usual part of the middle school yard to wait for his sister. Pulling his cell phone out of his pocket, he brought up his social media profile and typed Emil's username into the search bar.
Glad that he wasn't exactly popular, Leon was able to scroll through Emil's social media in peace. Nothing had changed from the night before, but it was nice to see his posts still. He scrolled down to his favorite ones, glancing up every now and then for Chun-Yan's car. Once he saw it coming into the U-drive to pick him up, he quickly closed out of his account and rushed off to her car.
"When are you coming home, Chun?" he asked once they were on the road. "The house feels different when you're not there."
"That's a question for Dad," she replied with a sigh. "You know that I can't come back until he says I can. But I wouldn't ask him if I were you. It'll just piss him off." She exchanged a glance with Ivan, who was sitting in the passenger's seat. "Until then, you know where to find me, bud. It's safer this way."
Leon knew what she meant, but he hated acknowledging the fact that her being home when their father didn't want her there put her in danger. He wished their lives could go back to the way they were when their mother was still there, but to ask for that was to ask for a miracle. At this point, he doubted that miracles were even real.
Ivan shifted uncomfortably in his seat at Chun-Yan's words, making Leon wonder just how much he knew. If Ivan knew about all of the abuse their father put his sister through, was there a chance that he would report it one day? 'No,' he told himself, 'Ivan would never do that to us. He knows that if he does, he'll never see Chun-Yan again. He's smarter than that. Right?' But still, part of him couldn't help but wonder what would happen if he did report it. Would his father be locked up, or would he only be let out with a slap on the wrist and actually kill his sister when he got home? Even Ivan knew about the consequences, right?
"Dad will contact me soon enough, Leon, don't worry," she said, meeting his eyes through the rearview mirror. "And when he does, I'll come home. Until then, just remember that I'm safe and nothing bad can happen to me. After all, Ivan wouldn't let anything happen. I'd trust him with my life."
"I know," Leon replied, fiddling with his school binder. "I just worry about you when you're not around. Isn't that normal for a younger brother?" Something unsettled him about Ivan, ever since the incident two years before, but if his sister trusted him then he had no choice but to as well. "Maybe it's not the same for you, but sometimes it feels like you're my only family I have left."
"Oh, Leon, I understand what you mean," she told him, a frown offsetting her pretty face. "I miss you too. Don't worry, it won't be much longer. Dad can't be mad about rumors forever. Besides, we both know I'm the only one who does the cooking and cleaning at home. He'll get tired of the mess and takeout before too long. You know he always does."
Her younger brother was honestly surprised that she was talking so casually about their home life problems in front of Ivan. Though he was sure that he knew everything that went on in their house, it still felt strange to talk about it in front of his sister's friend. It wasn't that the words were sacred or super secretive, but it made him realize just how much she trusted the boy sitting next to her.
They pulled into the driveway of Wangs' house and she turned around to actually look at him. "I'll be home before you know it, Leon," she told him, reaching back and grabbing his hand. She gave it a gentle squeeze before letting go. "Just try to focus on something else while you wait, okay?"
"Got it," he replied, getting out and shutting the door. He waved goodbye until she was gone before going inside and hopping on his computer. Oh, he was definitely going to focus on something else, alright. And that something else was Emil Steilsson.
.
"Are you sure it was okay to talk so openly about what goes on in your house with me present?" Ivan asked, biting his lip with worry. "I mean, we both know that I know what goes on there, but how much does Leon know I know?"
Chun-Yan dismissed him with a wave of her hand. "It's fine, Ivan. If you ask me, I honestly think it makes him feel better to know that I have a confidante. It makes him worry less. Besides, he knows you wouldn't tell anyone about what I tell you." She smiled over at her best friend. "There's nothing to worry about. It'll all be fine."
His big, violet eyes stared out the passenger's side window. "If you say so, Chun," he sighed. He didn't want to think about what would happen to her if her father found out he knew everything. Even if she didn't seem to think it was a big deal, Ivan knew that she made downplaying serious issues into an art form.
"You're worried," she stated, reading his body language as she drove. "Don't worry, Ivan. Nothing is going to happen. My dad won't find out about you knowing. And even if he knew that you know, it's not like it'll change anything. He can't just go back in time and undo what he did, you know?"
"But what would he do to you if he knew that I know?"
Chun-Yan thought for a moment. "Nothing he hasn't already done," she stated as if the abuse she received from her father was no big deal. "Seriously, it's fine, Ivan. I don't see what you and Leon are so worked up about. It's not like he'll come after either of you. I can handle him. I always do."
Ivan tried to swallow the lump forming in his throat. "And what will happen on the day when you can't?" he quietly asked. "What if one of these days your dad actually kills you? What am I supposed to do then? How am I supposed to go on knowing that my best friend isn't here anymore? Please try to think of how all of this will affect the people around you before you try to pass it off like it's not a big deal."
She frowned, pulling into his driveway before parking her car and turning it off. "I'm sorry, Ivan. I guess I can be pretty insensitive when it comes to that kind of stuff, huh? I didn't mean to upset you. It's just that I don't really think of myself and my life as that big of a deal." Chun-Yan took a deep breath. "You know, I should start to work more on my wording."
"That and your self-worth," he commented. "Losing you would destroy me, Chun."
Her hand reached out and ruffled his hair as she smiled warmly at him. "You wouldn't be the only one destroyed by the loss of their best friend."
.
"Ivan," Chun-Yan whispered that night as she laid in his bed, looking up at the ceiling. "Are you still awake?" She turned her head a little to look over at the lump of blankets beside her. "I can't sleep."
He rolled onto his back to stare up the ceiling with her. "Neither can I," Ivan admitted before glancing at her. "What do you want to talk about, Chun?"
"Do you really think that one of these days I'll be free from my dad?" she softly asked, staring over at him with wide eyes. "Like, actually be free and never have to worry about him ever speaking to me or hitting me again?" She turned her head to gaze up at his ceiling. "I find myself wondering about that all the time. It feels as if I'll never escape from him. Though I try to tell myself that I will, the end just seems too far out of reach to be real."
"In the end, don't you think it's up to you to believe in yourself and your freedom? After all, in a way it depends on you. If you believe that you'll never escape him, then that will turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. But if you genuinely believe that you'll be free from him one day, then your chances look pretty good." Ivan rolled over to face her. "Do you get what I mean by that?"
Chun-Yan rolled over to look at him. "Yeah, that makes sense," she admitted. "I'm sorry that I'm being such a downer, Ivan. You're the only person that I can be real with. When it comes to everyone else, I have to be the happy-go-lucky Chun-Yan that they all think I am, or else they'll start getting suspicious and asking questions that I don't think I'll be able to handle. It sucks that half the time this is the only part of me that you see, though."
"I don't really mind it," he told her. "After all, it's almost as if this is a side specifically for me in a way. It makes me feel special to know that I'm one of the only people you can talk to like this. Don't ever feel like you need to apologize for it. I like having the real Chun-Yan around me. Putting on a face for others is exhausting anyway. It's okay that you're not always happy. I don't believe anyone is. What matters is what you do with your sadness. Will you let it drown and consume you, or will you grow from it? The choice is yours in the end; I can't help you make it. But since this is you we're talking about, I know it'll be the right one."
"How can you be so sure?" she asked, voice sounding just as small as she felt.
"Because it's you."
Chun-Yan felt the corners of her mouth pull into a smile. "Thanks, Ivan. I feel more at peace with the way my life is now. Maybe I can finally get some sleep." She yawned, closing her eyes. "Goodnight, Ivan. Thanks for talking to me."
And even after she had fallen asleep, Ivan laid awake beside her, trying to think of ways to get her and Leon out of that house forever.
.
Ivan watched as his mother fell to the floor, a small puddle of crimson pooling around her. The corner of the tabletop where she had hit her head had blood dripping from it. He wanted to squeeze his eyes shut and tune it all out, but he couldn't will himself to look away. His heart pounded in his ears as his stomach sank.
His body began to move on its own as his vision went black. Something was wrong. Everything was hazy. He couldn't remember much of what his body was doing, just that it remained in motion.
Once he finally came to, his wrists felt cold. He looked down at them to see a pair of metal handcuffs on them as he sat in a questioning room at a police station. Ivan didn't understand what he was doing there. The officers sitting across from him were throwing around big words that made him nervous until they noticed that he was staring at them.
"You ready to talk, kid?" one of them asked him, rapping his knuckles on the table.
"Where am I?" he asked, voice sounding much more fragile than normal. "What's going on? Where's my mom?! Is she okay?!"
"Your mom's fine," the officer replied. "She's recovering in the hospital from that head injury. Mind telling me how she got it?"
Ivan bit his lip, uncertain of how much he should tell the police. His father had always told him that they only make matters worse. Then again, if he told them that his father had done it, would he finally be locked up for good? Or would he just come back home after a few months and beat them even worse?
"Come on, kid, you can tell us," the other officer coaxed. "It's not like your father will ever find out what you said. Was it him?"
"What are you talking about?" Ivan asked.
"Your old man's dead, kid."
Dead. Just the thought of it brought a small bubble of joy to his chest, but he wondered if it really was too good to be true. Was his father really dead, or were they just saying that? And if he was dead, who killed him?
"He's dead?"
"We want the truth of what happened to him, starting with who hurt your mom."
"He's the one who hurt her," Ivan slowly said. "I remembered her falling and all of the blood, but I can't remember anything else." He hung his head in shame, hoping he hadn't let them down on some sort of lead.
"So you don't remember stabbing him?" the officer asked.
Ivan's blood suddenly ran cold. "Stabbing who?"
"Your father, kid. You're the one who killed him."
.
Ivan bolted upright in bed in a cold sweat. He gasped for air as he placed a hand over his racing heart. How had that just come back to his head? He had spent the last two years trying to forget, so why was it coming back now?
Once he felt under control, he looked over at Chun-Yan sleeping peacefully beside him. A pang of jealousy stabbed into his heart as he wished he could sleep as soundly as her, but the nightmares of that horrible day always haunted him. Then again, having her beside him when he woke from them always gave him a special peace of mind that he couldn't find anywhere else. He smiled over at her and crawled out of bed to take a shower.
The sun still wasn't showing any signs of rising as he sat in his living room, reading a book. He didn't want to wake Chun-Yan, and he knew his mother would be getting home from work at any minute. Sometimes he liked to greet her, especially on nights when he had one of his nightmares. It always calmed his soul to see that Anya was alive and well. Though he didn't remember what he had done to his father, all he had come to realize was that he did it to save his mother. That alone gave him a sense that in a twisted way, he had done the right thing.
Anya Braginsky heaved a tired sigh as she walked through the front door. She smiled when she saw her son reading in his usual corner. "Couldn't sleep?" she asked, walking over to him and kissing the top of his head.
"Not tonight," he confirmed, noting the page number he was on and closing his book. "How was work? Would you like me to make you some tea or anything?"
"No thank you, darling," his mother replied, sitting down on the couch. "Thank you for offering, though. Work was work, about as normal as one would expect. Is Chun still here?"
"Yeah, she's sleeping still," Ivan answered, setting the book on the side table. "I had that nightmare again. The one where the officers told me what happened two years ago." He bit his lip. "You don't hate me for what happened, do you?"
Anya jumped up and hugged her son, cradling his head to her chest. "Hate you? Don't be silly. You saved me. I could never hate you for being the sole reason that I'm still alive today. You have nothing to worry about, Ivan. You're my precious son and I will love you until the end of my days."
Reassured, Ivan hugged his mother back. The peace she had given him made him feel as if he may possibly be able to get a couple more hours of sleep in before he needed to get up for school.
