Chun-Yan curled up into her favorite spot on Ivan's couch as their show started, textbook open on the coffee table with a notebook in her lap, scribbling notes as she took glances up at the screen. Her brown eyes glanced up at Ivan as a smile stretched onto her lips. "So who do you think will be voted off tonight?" she asked, grabbing a potato chip from the bag in between them and stuffing it into her mouth. She widened her eyes in curiosity, wiggling her eyebrows at him.
"Stop making that face at me, Chun," he laughed, glancing at the TV. The contestants on the show all popped up on the screen with their intros and he pensively watched. "I think Gloria is getting kicked off tonight. She has the personality of a wet mop, so I don't see her advancing any further. But I suppose that's just my opinion."
"I was thinking either Gloria or Mikey," she agreed, nodding. "I agree with you on Gloria, but Mikey also has the personality of an Adidas sandal. He's doomed." She glanced down at the math problems on her notebook before pushing it out of her lap and onto the floor. "Since they only vote off one contestant per week, I'd say they're the ones being voted off for the next two weeks."
"But what about Megan?" Ivan suggested. "She keeps flirting with the host. I bet they're sleeping together behind the scenes. It's not like she has much to offer, but since the host likes her, she apparently has to stay."
"Good analysis, Ivan. I don't think I'd have ever thought of that if you hadn't mentioned it. But you're right!" Chun-Yan narrowed her eyes as Megan came on the screen. "Don't you think that should be considered cheating?"
"There's nothing in the rules about it."
She gripped her pencil so hard that it snapped, causing her to let out a yelp of surprise before tossing it onto the coffee table as if it had bitten her. "My bad! Things like that just make me so angry is all!" Realizing that she was apologizing for no reason, Chun-Yan shut her mouth and focused her attention on the screen.
.
At the end of the show, Chun-Yan stared at the TV, dumbfounded. "What?!" she shrieked to Ivan, who was also staring. "I was not expecting that twist! Who would've thought Megan would cheat on the host and get voted off?!" Her wide, brown eyes looked over at Ivan, who was still staring in shock at the screen. "I just…."
"I know, right?" Ivan agreed, sounding as if he were in a trance. "I can't believe it. No one saw that coming. Did you see Gloria and Mikey's faces when they announced Megan getting voted off?!"
"Looks like those two get to survive another week." She sagely nodded. "But they won't be safe forever." Her body stretched awkwardly as she grabbed her notebook off of the floor to finish her math homework. With a hint of embarrassment, Chun-Yan timidly asked, "Hey Ivey, can I borrow a pencil? Mine had an unfortunate accident."
Ivan laughed and handed her a pencil from his backpack. "Let's hope this one won't befall the same fate, eh?"
She smiled and accepted it. "Since it's yours, I'll be extra careful to get it back to you in one piece."
"Don't worry about it, Chun. Anyone would snap a pencil over Megan's bullshit. I'd say it was warranted." Ivan fidgeted in his seat as he fiddled with his eraser, rolling it back and forth in his palms. "I can't believe you forgot about her, though. She was definitely a dodgy one. If I'm honest, I'm glad she's gone. Something about her was so off-putting."
"I know, right?" she agreed. "There was just something about her that irked me for no reason. Maybe it was her punchable face?"
He laughed loudly. "That could be it. She definitely had a punchable face. Honestly, she looked as if she had been punched a few times behind the scenes. There's no way her nose was real either. Megan had to have had plastic surgery."
"And not just in her face," Chun-Yan added. "No one has boobs that large and perky." To add emphasis, she glanced down at her own chest and frowned. How she detested being petite at times, especially when standing beside Ivan's mother! "I bet you could melt her down and make a LEGO set out of her. What do you think?"
Ivan seemed as if he were putting deep thought into it as he slowly decided, "Yes, perhaps. Interesting." He then turned to Chun-Yan. "Why do women even do plastic surgery anyway? Isn't it expensive and kinda pointless? I mean, who are they trying to impress? Who would even care about sizes or proportions when it's supposed to be about who she is?"
She felt her face growing hot as she bowed her head to work on her homework. That was the Ivan she loved. Whether he knew of her insecurity or not, he was always there to fight it. Maybe that was why she had fallen for him back in middle school. Either way, she knew that everything would be okay as long as he was with her.
.
Five Years Previous
Chun-Yan walked down the middle school hallway, clutching her books to her chest as boys in her class stared from all directions. She couldn't help but feel as if they were all sizing her up in their minds. Who knew? Maybe they were. Her cheeks flushed deeply when she heard her name escape the lips of one of the boys.
"Yeah, that's Chun-Yan Wang. She's the smartest girl in our class. I mean, she's pretty hot if you excuse the mosquito bites on her chest. I've heard Asian girls don't have big boobs. That's why they overcompensate on anime." The boy laughed. "I mean, why date a girl with no boobs?"
The boy next to him laughed. "I know, right? She's so flat. How does anyone know if she's really a girl and not just a boy who crossdresses?"
Her cheeks burned with fury as she tried to block out their words. Why would people say something so hateful about someone they hardly knew? What were middle school boys doing staring intrusively like that anyway? She felt her legs grow week as they shook like jelly, rooting her to the spot. Chun-Yan squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she could be anywhere else but there in that moment.
"The fuck is wrong with you?" she heard a familiar voice demand of the boys. "You think you can talk shit about a girl like that and get away with it?" Ivan cracked his knuckles, glaring at them. "Do you really think anyone cares about your shitty opinions? I hate guys like you."
"What makes you think we give a shit about your opinions either?" the first boy asked. "It's not like she heard us."
"Oh, but she did," Ivan replied, a sinister smile stretching on his lips. "She wouldn't have stopped if she hadn't heard you, dumbass. Now apologize."
"Why should we?" the second boy demanded.
"Do you seriously believe that every girl should live up to your expectations? Pathetic! Not all girls look like the ones in porn, and I think that's great! Chun-Yan is beautiful, and if you feel she needs to meet your expectations, then I hope you die alone!"
Chun-Yan grabbed his hand and began to pull him away from the boys, having regained the feeling in her legs. "Ivan, enough. They won't get it. They never will. Don't waste your breath on idiots."
Ivan let himself be taken along with her, grumbling the whole way about how he could kick the asses of those two boys. Once they were alone, he asked, "Why did you stop me? Do you want people to keep disrespecting you, or what? You get enough shit from your dad; you don't need it from them."
"It's not that," she quietly admitted. "I honestly appreciate what you said about me. It made me really happy." Chun-Yan looked down to hide the blush in her cheeks. "But the thing is, people will always have mean things to say. What would I do if you're not around to shut them up? Don't you think it's better if I learn to block it out?"
"But they shouldn't be saying that shit in the first place," he argued back. "I don't like people saying things like that about you, Chun. It's not fair! How could they dare to judge you before they ever met you?"
A tear trailed down her cheek. "Ivan, you're the best friend I could ever ask for," she softly said. "With a friend like you, I'll never need anyone else." She sniffled, trying to hide how emotional she was getting. "I just….I really love you, Ivan."
Ivan noticed her tears and quickly pulled her into a comforting hug. "I love you too, Chun. After all, what are best friends for?"
Chun-Yan felt an aching pain in her chest, as if her heart had split in two. How could she have just admitted her feelings to him and he just brush her off with the best friends spiel? Her heart was nearly bursting with agony. She had loved him for years, but now she had come to realize that he will never love her back in the same way.
Ivan would never fall in love with a girl like her…
.
Chun-Yan woke up with a start and noticed Ivan still sleeping beside her. Why did she have to remember that time? How cruel did her mind need to be? She silently sighed and looked over at Ivan. Her heart hammered in her chest when she saw him sleeping so peacefully. It was a rare sight and she wanted to cherish it properly.
Carefully, she reached her hand out and swept his hair out of his face, blushing. How could someone be so handsome and no one else ever realize it? If other people knew, Ivan would be much more popular. But she didn't want that for him. With always having to share everything with the people around her, Chun-Yan was glad to be able to have Ivan to herself.
Her heart pounded in her chest as she snuggled closer to him, resting her hand on his cheek. She loved how he subconsciously nuzzled her small hand, smiling in his sleep. "I love you," she whispered to him, voice barely audible. "I love you so much, Ivan." Though she knew she shouldn't, Chun-Yan brought her lips to his as he slept.
She stole kisses from him like that more often than she cared to admit. Yet each kiss brought a heavy guilt to her heart. What would Ivan say if he knew? Would he even want to be friends with someone like her after finding out she kissed him often in his sleep? There was no way he could ever find out, especially since there were times when he would subconsciously kiss her back. Chun-Yan was determined to keep it her little secret.
.
Ivan woke the next morning to see Chun-Yan snuggled into his side. He smiled at her and gently rocked her awake. "Chun, it's morning. We have to get ready for school."
She yawned and pushed his hand off of her. "Five more minutes," she groaned. "I'm still sleepy."
"Only five," he agreed and got out of bed to get ready. He splashed water on his face to wake himself up. He'd had that dream again. The one where he was making out with Chun-Yan. Those dreams always felt strange when he woke up and she was in his bed with him. He wished he could stop having them so he didn't have to feel awkward in the mornings.
Ivan didn't understand why he was having dreams like those. After all, he had never seen Chun-Yan in a romantic way, so why would his subconscious want to make out with her? None of it made sense, but he had grown used to them upon waking. All he needed to do was keep himself calm when waking up beside her and everything would be okay.
Five minutes, he walked over to his bed and shook her awake. "It's been five minutes, Chun," he told her. "It's time to get up. You still have to get ready."
She groggily sat up, yawning and stretching. "Why does it have to be morning already?" she groaned. "It comes way too fast. Did you sleep well?" Her hair stuck up in a few places and she rushed to smooth it out.
"I got about four hours," he told her. "So I'd say it's a little better than normal."
"I'm glad to hear it!" she sang, climbing out of the bed. "I'll be back. I need to wash my face and all that."
Ivan changed into his school uniform once she left the room, staring at his reflection as he tied his tie. He slowly reached out toward the mirror, hardly recognizing his reflection, despite seeing it every day. He hadn't been able to recognize his own face ever since the incident with his father. Then again, the face of a man who killed his own father wasn't one he ever wanted to recognize anyway.
"Are you okay?" Chun-Yan asked, walking up behind him. Her reflection in his mirror bore an expression of concern. "You've been spacing out at your reflection for awhile."
"Chun, do I look different to you?"
"I don't think you do. I mean, sure, you've matured since we started high school. You've definitely grown more handsome over the years. Is that what you mean?"
He shook his head to rid himself of his doubtful thoughts. "I guess so," he lied, grabbing his backpack from his desk. "Let's go to school, Chun. We'll be late if we wait any longer."
Chun-Yan slowly followed after him as he raced out of the room to her car. What had happened to him while she was getting ready for school?
