Chapter 2: Breaking the Mould
'Nothing motivates you better than a purpose to live which drives every facet of your being, every fibre of your body. This I learned while on my easterly travels… [Partially faded section]… I drank it as if it were my water, food and poison. Magic, the pursuit of it and knowledge surrounding it drove me when all else to me was lost. Its potential, complexity and omniscience got me through to the other side.' Translation from an old monk's story in an excerpt from Magic: The Eastern Way.
As soon as he opened his eyes the next morning Harry could feel the difference. Like a bear rising from a long hibernation, he rose from his bed with an energy that belied his current physical state. For the first time in months he actually felt good, that sinking dread which had been his constant anchor seemed to have loosened if not fallen away entirely. He was of course still grieving over Sirius, and he would be for some time he suspected. But for now, he had a purpose to focus on, a role to live up to and people to make proud. Perhaps it was because he felt somehow lighter having accepted the inevitable about his life, perhaps because it was his new found purpose, or perhaps even because he'd eaten plentifully last night for the first time in weeks. Regardless it was with a determined heart rather than a heavy one that he began to carry out the plans he had made last night.
Arriving home yesterday Harry had immediately snuck upstairs to wash all traces of his little confrontation away. Doing so quickly, he then headed for the kitchen to catch up on missed meals before Dudley got home and saw him; Harry didn't want his unimposing presence to influence Dudley's affirmation to conceal the truth from his beloved parents.
Since returning to Privet Drive the Dursleys had been quietly stand-offish with Harry, much to his delight, thanks to Mad-eye Moody's ear splitting reprimand over Harry's treatment. Just as worrying for the Dursleys as any physical retribution at the hands of the battered Auror, was Mad-eye's promise of showing up at their home and creating a scene in front of their superficially impressionable neighbours; something that was equal to the most heinous of crimes in their eyes.
After having eaten Harry set about writing letters to his friends who accompanied him to the Department of Mysteries and to Remus and Dumbledore as well. Firstly to his friends, he mostly thanked them for their loyalty and apologised for his stupidity in luring them all, even if unintentionally so, into danger. He knew all of them would recover from their wounds and would never have let him go alone, but he thought it important to mention each injury and apologise for them anyway. As he was writing the letters however he realised rather shamefully that he didn't even really know Ginny, Luna or even more surprisingly, as he shared a dorm with him, Neville that well. Resolving to change that this year Harry wrote in earnest, trying to end each letter on as light a note as possible with the promise of a better year to come, before teasing them slightly over a DA revival.
When he came to write Neville's letter though Harry paused, the words of the prophecy echoing heavily through his mind. Suddenly all Harry could think about was the fact that it could have been Neville: if it weren't for Voldemort's whim it could have been Neville who would have become the boy-who-lived. Harry knew Neville didn't exactly have it easy growing up. Firstly, having to live in his father's daunting shadow, as aggrandised by his grandmother and secondly coupling that with the knowledge that his parents had been tortured into insanity yet were still alive and unresponsive, must have left their scars; come to think of it Harry didn't even know if Neville had always known about his parent's condition or whether his aunt had broken it to him during his school years. Feeling ashamed that he had never gotten to know Neville well enough to ask Harry reaffirmed his promise to get closer to his long time dorm mate who had for so long hung on the fringes of the trio's group. Given this and especially his proximity to a prophecy that would have no doubt have been so life changing for him, Harry regarded his friendship with Neville as an area of his life which needed much improvement over the coming year.
It may have been his feelings of shame or the fact that the prophecy and the thought of what could have been that made Harry open up, but before he knew it he found himself deeply immersed in his letter to his friend, pouring some of his pent up emotions out to someone he hoped would listen with care and unfortunately understand all too well.
Dear Neville,
Firstly, I hope you are recovering well from our Ministry escapade. I'm so sorry my friend for leading you there and getting us all way in over our heads. It was reckless enough to put my own life on the line let alone those of you guys as well. Now I know what you'll say, that you would have come to back me up and that there was no way in hell that you'd let me go alone, but I still feel I should apologise anyway. I didn't even think of coming up with a plan and it nearly got you and the others killed, and for that I hope you can forgive me.
To be honest right now I'm still heavily mourning the death of my Godfather, Sirius. I keep replaying events over in my mind and wishing I had done things differently: been faster, better or at least wise enough to think of a back-up plan or something to fall back on. I feel so helpless now and to be honest I did then too. I think we all did to a degree. Now that I think about it we were insanely lucky to escape with only a few scrapes and bruises. Although we suffered losses in the fight, all things considered they could have been a lot worse and likely would have been if not for the Order and Dumbledore's intervention.
It's those feelings of helplessness that quite frankly I'm tired of. I've had a lot of time to think over the past couple of days and I've come to some really important decisions that I want to share with you first. But before I do there's something you should know a little about.
And here Harry paused, was he actually going to tell Neville the prophecy? He had nearly written it down instinctively, but now, given a few seconds to think about it, perhaps it wasn't such a good idea, particularly considering the danger such knowledge brought. On the other hand, considering Neville's position in relation to the prophecy and his closeness as a friend, Harry felt Neville deserved to know at least his part in it; giving him anything more specific would have been crazily dangerous knowing what Voldemort would do to learn its true contents.
Basically Nev, as I'm sure you've guessed, Voldemort pursues me for a reason. He sees me as the ultimate obstacle to his power and until he's killed me he won't ever stop. You see, before me and you were born he was told of a prophecy (the one we had to retrieve) that predicted his demise would be at the hands of a then baby, a baby born at the end of July. We were both born at the end of July, my friend. And really, it's only through his capriciousness that he chose me instead of you to attack and therefore become the constant thorn in his side.
Now that's not the whole story and I realise I've just dropped a huge bomb on you there, but frankly I only just found out the other day myself and hiding it from you when you so nearly could have been involved just didn't seem right. Telling you feels like the right thing to do and I thought you deserve to know what could have happened and why our families were pursued so viciously by 'Him' and his forces. That said and I know I don't have to tell you this, but please keep this completely to yourself. I trust Hedwig to deliver this letter without interception as she is a highly perceptive companion but if this were ever to fall into the enemy's hands, the devastation could be enormous to the lives of those involved.
I understand if you need a few days to process everything here in the letter and I thank you now for being the person who I vented to about this. I'm truly sorry if it's been too much for you. I just felt that given everything that's happened to us and our families in the past and frankly everything that will likely happen in the future we need to stick together and help each other prepare for what's to come. If we do we may well be able to avoid catastrophes like the Ministry happening again.
With that said, I'll end my little ramble by asking how you're doing after the Ministry? Are you still feeling any after effects of the curse? Plans for the summer?
I know these questions seem a little trivial and idiotic taking into account what the rest of the letter has been about but I really am interested and would like to let you know that if you ever need to talk about anything, be it about the war, the past or just whatever, I'm always here for you Nev. Again I'm sorry for the informational and emotional dump, I don't mean to burden you with these things, but I felt that in the position I'm currently in you might well understand better than most. I hope your summer is going well and wish you luck on your OWL results.
If you have any questions, which I kind of assume you will, then feel free to ask them and send them back to me perhaps with Hedwig. I look forward to your letter.
Your friend,
Harry
'Wow, that really did feel relieving' Harry thought as he sighed out loud. Although he knew he had just changed Neville's life forever, much as the prophecy had done for him, telling Neville was the right thing to do. While ignorance could be bliss, if Harry had learnt one thing this year it was that it sure as hell wasn't helpful in this situation. It actually felt good to tell someone and someone who Harry knew would appreciate his honesty in the end too.
Having finished this and given Neville's letter as well as the other's with an apologetic look to Hedwig Harry sat down to think over his next moves when he heard the downstairs door open and Dudley come limping in. He could tell it was him from the whining noise the floor boards beneath him elicited. Easing his door open, Harry stood at the top of the stairs shrouded almost entirely in the dark watching as his Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon came to greet him only to shriek in astonishment over his muddied appearance. He sluggishly accepted the coddling from his mother as she ordered Vernon to retrieve a towel and water while crushing him in as delicate a hug as possible. A hastily returning Vernon demanded furiously to know who did this to his precious son and what had happened.
Embraced in his mummy's arms and facing his father's inquisition Dudley opened his mouth to speak only to snap it shut upon seeing Harry glaring calmly at him from the top of the stairs, wand in hand.
Harry had to hand it to Dudley, the slime could lie to his parents, years of practice Harry thought, as Dudley proceeded to tell them about a random attack from an older boy he used to know. Harry was actually rather impressed by the end but didn't hang around to hear the gory details.
He penned letters next to Dumbledore and Remus which he hoped could be delivered by Fawkes, if he called him. He cheekily prayed that Dumbledore's pet phoenix wouldn't mind running a quick errand for him on top of sending something to Dumbledore as well. He reread the text to make sure of what he was getting himself in for was the right course of action.
Dear Professor Dumbledore,
Firstly, I would like to sincerely apologise for the damage I caused a few days ago to the likely precious valuables in your office. I hope nothing broken was beyond repair, but if it was then I will of course pay you back sincerely.
Secondly, thank you for the information you gave to me with regards to you know what. While it's safe to say it wasn't exactly welcome news it has clarified a few things for me allowing me to see a clearer path to the future, so for that I thank you.
However, and you should know I have thought about this incessantly since leaving your office, given that you refused to share such valuable and perhaps even lifesaving information with me sooner I am more than a little frustrated with your methods of and reasons for secrecy in this area. I think it's fair from now on to expect a more veracious flow of information between us so as to best combat the challenges we have facing us.
With that said, could you tell me how long I am expected to stay here at Privet Drive and is it possible to visit Diagon Alley sometime soon, with an escort of course, to purchase a few things?
Please get back to me as soon as you can.
Yours,
HP
Happy with his clear and crisp tone with which he addressed the headmaster, Harry rolled the letter up grabbed Remus' earlier prepared letter and called for Fawkes. For a few seconds nothing happened and just as Harry was beginning to think of another means to get the letters to their recipients Fawkes flashed into the room in a blaze of fire and light. Materialising out of nowhere and hovering in mid-air the immensely impressive bird took flight around the room barely making a sound as he finally landed gracefully on Harry's shoulder.
"Hello my old friend", Harry said in response to the magical bird's majestic trilling. Harry couldn't help but notice how out of place the bird looked in such a rundown scanty habitat as this. The Phoenix even managed to make his hole of a room look nicer merely by being in it. It was like seeing a beautiful fairy-tale princess sitting on a trash heap somewhere – even if they didn't belong there they sure as hell made the place look better. "I was wondering if you could give these to Dumbledore and possible Remus if it's not too much trouble, my owl is flying letters for me already and I don't want to overburden her", Harry asked politely stroking the radiant creature tentatively.
Fawkes didn't respond immediately but given his following trill which made harry feel warmth and acceptance, and if Harry was correct slight amusement, he guessed it would be okay. "Thank you, Fawkes". And with that the Bird grabbed both letters in his talons and flashed away in a puff of smoke which, once dispersed, left no trace of his appearance.
Whistling cheekily Harry exclaimed to the room aloud, "I've gotta get me one of those."
Remembering Fawkes' entrance and swift exit brought Harry back to the present as he readied himself for the day. He had finished off the evening last night with some simple reading of old textbooks and was now ready to start the day with some more revision of classic subjects while he waited for his replies. He was particularly worried about Remus' letter as it was his old Defence against the Dark Art teacher's response that could make or break Harry's plans. With that scary thought he turned back to his old textbook and reread some interesting paragraphs on the theories of magic which he had largely ignored until now, thinking them boring. Unfortunately boring wasn't a word available to Harry anymore so he had to focus and try and make headway whichever way he could, even if he did feel his eyes starting to droop after the first few pages.
-HP-
Remus Lupin sat at his breakfast table staring off into space, the newspaper in his hands lay forgotten and his food starting to crust over. The ex-professor looked far more ruffled than usual and barely even acknowledged the great grandfather clock as it struck midnight reverberating its monotone chimes through his cosy cottage. Instead, he continued to stare forward absently mourning over the death of another one of his close school friends, one of the few people whom he would have ever considered family in his toilsome life and one of the few to also look past his affliction to the man beneath. He had only just gotten Sirius back after all that had happened and before he or Harry could even find any real happiness together their dream had been ripped apart. Oh Harry, the professor thought. He weeped for his lost friends just as much as he did for the boy who had lost everything all over again.
It was while his thoughts rested on that very boy that there was a bright flash to the side of his kitchen and just as panic began to rise up at the thought of being attacked, a quiet trilling penetrated the air and before he even registered it was Dumbledore's Phoenix he felt his muscles involuntarily relax and a calming sensation wash over him. Sighing in relief he got up to take the attached letter, but just as he did so the phoenix halted Remus with his penetrating stare. Remus felt the phoenix sense his sorrow and in response trilled a calmingly joyous song that instantly brought old memories of Lily, James and Sirius to mind - the Marauders were in the Gryffindor common room planning their midnight excursion with a studious yet smiling Lily tutting away behind them trying to ignore the explosive details.
Breaking his fleeting reverie with a smile on his face moments later Remus turned his attention to the Phoenix and thanked him deeply for his song, stroking him gratefully.
Eyeing the letter in the bird's talons Remus assumed it was another Order meeting reschedule or perhaps even mission for him from Dumbledore. But once he read the senders name at the end his eyes immediately shot up in surprise. He's probably writing to apologise knowing him, was Remus' last thought before opening the letter.
-HP-
Surprisingly for Harry, once he had pushed passed the incredibly boring introduction to theories of magic he had found that the next few chapters proved to be each more interesting than the one that preceded it. He had made a few notes in an old leather bound diary/notebook that Hermione had loaned him once and as he continued to read he found there was a lot more to magic than he had previously assumed. That was clearly why things like Ancient Runes and Arithmacy, which were both linked to magical theory and spell creation, were famously so hard or indeed intricate.
If he was going to learn as much as he could about magic then certainly spell creation and theory seemed like the best place to start, he thought. Harry was particularly interested in a batch of scarcely mentioned wandless magic, which according to parts of the text required a great inner connection to one's own magic and talked about its necessity in becoming, for example, an Animagus or a Master Occlumens. Both of these things struck Harry as extremely important; firstly for the war and his likely need for their uses; but secondly because he knew if he did become an Animagus it would make his father and Sirius proud. Not to mention how fun it could be. As if in response to this heart warming thought, Harry turned to see an owl he hadn't seen before flying through the window.
Going over to it Harry fed the owl a treat as he took the offered letter and seeing who is was from knew he had guessed correctly. Harry looked up out of the sky and exhaled nervously before opening the letter.
Finishing the letter a few minutes later Harry said to himself, "And so it begins." And with that a bright flash lit up the room taking an unsuspecting Harry completely off guard.
Harry got to the end of his street five minutes early so he could be ready and not keep Remus waiting when he showed up. Always best to keep the person you're asking favours from happy, especially when they are these types of favours, Harry thought as a side note.
He had spent the last few hours calming himself after reading the headmaster's reply which had been delivered shortly after Remus'. If anything, his missive had served to bolster Harry's motivation, reinforcing his necessity to ask so much of Remus. While Dumbledore didn't outright agree wholeheartedly to a complete flow of information between himself and Harry he did accept to a 'greater' necessity to keep Harry in the loop. His tone however, had been just a little too condescending, leading Harry to believe that he was trying to placate him again and keep him in the dark upon matters that clearly concerned him.
At the same time as Dumbledore's tone and sincerity may be genuine and amicable, the lack of information conveyed and his reassurances not to worry were all too reminiscent of a past which Harry had hoped to put behind the two of them. As long as Harry was in his school though, he realised he wouldn't be able to get the headmaster to stop seeing him as a boy and start seeing him as the independent man he needed to become. Dumbledore's intentions were of course good and noble, as he no doubt thought that he only had Harry's best interests at heart. The trouble with that was Harry had other ideas; chiefly a life where his decisions were respected and equally importantly, his own.
Speaking of which, Harry caught a figure walking around the corner towards him. Harry had seen Remus a few days ago and at many times over the last few years, but never had he seen his old professor looking so haggard and worn as he appeared now. The crimson bags under his eyes conveyed all too well the pain he was experiencing at the loss of his childhood friend. The fact that he had his hair slightly brushed over and had attempted to straighten his ragged clothes told Harry at least he wanted to appear as if he was trying; the small sad smile on the Old Marauders face confirming Harry's suspicions. Seeing his last true connection to his parents look so reminded him all too vividly of the recent loss the two of them had both suffered.
Having taken in his whole appearance, Harry could tell that Remus equally felt the same loss and pain he did. Before even words became thoughts, both men embraced each other as the bitter sadness of another loss hit them. After a while of embracing they pulled away and smiled admirably at the other.
"So, shall we?" Harry asked breaking the silence and gesturing his hand towards the park area where they could have slightly more privacy.
"Absolutely", Remus returned.
After a few minutes of walking in silence they finally arrived at a bench on the edge of the park, far away from prying ears and eyes.
"So, my first question to you is, are we being watched?" Harry began frankly turning towards Remus.
Raising an eyebrow in intrigue Remus replied, "No Harry, I have told Mundungus who is on watch that I will be watching you for an hour or so, so he could go for a break - much to his delight," replied Remus.
"And Dumbledore, does he know of this?" Harry asked slightly nervously.
"Again, No Harry. Although I did feel slightly uncomfortable not mentioning it to him as he would likely want to know." Remus paused before turning more to face a visibly relieved Harry on the bench, "Okay Harry what is this about? You alluded to a lot of things in your letter, without actually being very specific, and most of which were honestly a little unsettling in terms of me not being able to tell anyone." Remus paused here to let the magnitude of Harry's requests sink in and to catch his breath before continuing, "But for now I will respect your request and hear you out" he finished expectantly.
Pausing for a few seconds to deliberate over the right words as Harry wanted to make sure what he said next came across honestly and passionately he looked Remus in the face and began. "I need your help Remus. I came to a frightening realisation yesterday and I've since made a decision, whether Dumbledore likes it or not, that I am going to fight in this war. And that means not being locked up, not being kept in the dark, not being coddled or controlled or stifled. It means actually fighting in this war, it means preparing for the inevitable Remus."
Before Remus could acknowledge or object Harry continued, "It's going to happen Remus", and here Harry paused going over things in his head one last time, making sure his decision to tell Remus was the right one, "it's what it will come down to according to the prophecy: me against him. He won't ever stop until I'm dead. And now neither will I until he is." And after breaking for a second to give Remus a chance to catch up Harry continued by telling Remus the prophecy,
-"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies… and the dark lord will mark his as his equal but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not… and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives… the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies…"-
Letting the depth of the prophecy and his words sink in Harry turned to face across the park where the swings and playground loomed in the distance and where, less than 24 hours ago, the decision to go down this road had changed things forever. "I've made a vow Remus, to all I should be and all I know my parents and Sirius would have wanted me to have been." The past tense of Siruis' name briefly saddened Harry before he refocused on Remus.
Visibly stunned Remus sighed deeply and with a resigning gesture acknowledged that, "I had thought it would come down to something like that. The prophecy he so desperately wanted, the reason why he was after both it and you so famously. But I thought it was destroyed before Voldemort could get it and you could hear it?"
"It was", Harry responded. "But Dumbledore was there when the original was made, by Sybil Trelawney no less, before I was born. So after the-, well after what happened at the Ministry, Dumbledore took me back to his office and explained all about the prophecy, including why he was avoiding me this year as well, fearing Voldemort would try to use our connection to spy on him. A fact that in all honesty I would have appreciated knowing a little sooner so I wouldn't have felt so rejected and outcast this year," Harry took a breath to calm himself ."But still there's nothing I can do about it now and whining won't get me anywhere. And so you see why I truly do have to think about these things. Quite literally it is my responsibility, my destiny: Voldemort will have it no other way."
To say Remus looked shocked would be an understatement, but to be fair to him Harry thought he was taking the heavy news rather well. "Merlin" he uttered under his breath, "I mean I figured that you certainly had a significant role to play in the war, but to hear that it must come down to the two of you is certainly…"
"Life-shatteringly crazy" Harry finished off for him frankly with a chuckle. "Yeah, well for me at least it kind of was. Was being the operative word."
"How so?" Remus asked, clearly intrigued to hear how Harry was handling it.
"Since the ministry I had been as upset as I can tell you are", Harry looked over to confirm Remus' plight and continued, "over Sirius, over the future, over the unfair nature of seemingly everything this year, over yet another life being taken away from me. And yet yesterday I had a moment of such colossal clarity that it rocked me to my very core and awoke me to the strange reality of my situation. Sitting down and crying about it wasn't going to change anything. It wouldn't bring anyone back and it sure as hell wouldn't help me against the inevitable confrontation with Riddle. And so with every second I'm not training or working towards making myself better, is seconds I've lost in the fight for not just my life now, but the life I could have, and the lives others could have as well."
Just as Remus opened his mouth to interject Harry cut him off knowing clearly what his response. "-And before you say, 'well I'm sure Dumbledore has a plan', or 'Dumbledore won't let that happen', think about it Remus and really think. Firstly, the prophecy doesn't even mention Dumbledore, and even if I don't believe in that sort of stuff, all that matters is that Voldemort does. Secondly, Dumbledore doesn't even want me train or prepare me for it, he spent all of this year avoiding me and even now wants to confine and placate me until he thinks it might be time to show me something." Harry half yelled half vexed venting his emotions and flinging the evidenced letter from Dumbledore down on the bench.
"Well, I'm tired of it Remus," He continued. "No more living by someone else's rules, or sitting on the side lines with barely pieced together information all the while trying to figure out what really going on." Harry paused trying to quell his frustrations and bolster the determination in his voice. "I have to make my own decisions now, and if I have to I will do it alone." Harry said finishing his rant sighing and panting through his aggression. "But I don't want to do it all alone Remus. Truthfully it would be a lot easier with your help." With this Harry finished by looking deep into Remus' eyes and pleading with him to see his point. "And so now I ask, will you help me, Remus?"
At the same time Harry handed Remus the opened letter Dumbledore had sent him. Contemplating Harry's words, Remus looked down from Harry's thoughtful eyes into Dumbledore's unmistakably famous handwriting on the page.
Dear Harry,
Firstly I would like to say thank you for your maturity in sending me this letter addressing many of the things I myself haven't been able to as of yet. While I appreciate your apology over my office it is of course wholly unnecessary as I fear I myself am the one who has made a great many mistakes and therefore made the aforementioned outburst unavoidable. With regards to this, you should also know I am deeply regretful over my actions and hope you are able to find it in yourself to forgive me.
With this polite exchange Remus stopped and looked at Harry questioningly, curious now as to what Harry was talking about as in his mind the letter honestly couldn't have started much cheerier than that. Harry simply stared back.
With that said in recognition of all that has happened I am of course willing to give you more information with regards to the war. I will likely schedule meetings this year with you where I will pass to you all the relevant information I believe you should have.
Unfortunately, you will have to stay with your relatives for most of the summer in order to keep the wards, I explained, as strong as possible for the coming year. Similarly, you will also not be able to visit Diagon Alley, largely because at this time we could not guarantee your safety in such a public place. I am sorry for your summer confinement Harry and while I know you would much rather be elsewhere it is for the last time as next year you will be 17 and can leave of your own free will.
I wish you a pleasant summer and if theirs is anything else you feel you might need, please don't hesitate to contact me.
Sincerely,
Albus Dumbledore
-HP-
Finishing the letter Remus could guess at Harry's feelings of frustration, and if he couldn't then the contemptuous look on Harry's face certainly gave it away.
"You see Remus? He wants to keep me here all summer, doing nothing, not even leaving for a few hours to get some small sample of reality outside of Little Whining," exclaimed Harry gesturing around at the empty park and housing estates that lay beyond, seemingly a world away from the one which he knew he needed to be in.
"And even when I do go back to school, just as useless as I left," Harry continued sourly, "he's going to tell me only what he wants me to know. And if he's restricting information to me, there's no way he's going to let me join the order any time soon." Remus watched as Harry physically deflated a little, visibly trying to calm himself. Clearly he was very worked up over his current confinement, which given the circumstances Remus could sympathise with all too well.
"Look I appreciate all he's done for me and continues to do for me," began Harry once more, clarifying his thoughts, "but frankly, it's not his decision anymore, its mine. He can't keep attempting to coddle me and hide me away until he thinks the times right for me to know something. Voldemort has shown he will be unyielding in this war, and therefore so must I." Harry ended and turned to look at him, an unasked question hanging between them.
To this Remus gulped. He had heard a lot over the past few minutes and seriously needed to digest some of what was happening and think about what he was being asked. For his part, Harry kept quiet, allowing Remus to mull over everything. What could he do? If he did what Harry asked he would have to actively lie to the Headmaster for Merlin knows how long. If he told the headmaster of Harry's plans he would be betraying Harry, someone who right now was placing all his trust in Remus' ability to see reason, regardless of the potential consequences. On the other hand, if Remus did help Harry and something happened it would be all Remus' fault. Although given the prophecy he had just heard and its rather devastating consequences there really was only one way forward, because when it comes down to it Harry was right. Voldemort would come for him regardless and Dumbledore likely would placate him, which ironically would have been what Remus would have done had he not grown up with a certain pair of mischievous marauders tarnishing all his attempts to be unimpeachable even now.
Much of what Remus had just heard would require hours of thought and contemplation over later on, however seeing Harry grow more nervous as time ticked by without an answer, Remus decided to give him a break, as in the end, and chuckling ever so slightly, he decided to follow what his two old friends would have wanted him to do. "Okay Harry, I imagine there's probably going to be somewhere down the line where I may deeply regret saying this, - but for now and as long as you abide by certain conditions, I will help you."
Harry breathed a sigh of such absolute relief to which Remus couldn't help but smile. Taking another steady breath in and righting himself Harry leaned over and hugged him tightly. If not before, certainly now Remus knew how much this meant to Harry, how much he had been dreading Remus' answer: how much Harry needed him.
-HP-
'Oh the relief'. That was at the top of what was consuming Harry's thoughts right now. It had been an insanely tense few minutes for him while Remus mulled over his decision. So much so that Harry began to contemplate moving forward from here without Remus' help, thinking about how to somehow bind Remus to secrecy. Or just bind him altogether and keep him somewhere no one would find or look for him for, well maybe years.
Thankfully, not only did that not come to pass but it also didn't have to render Harry extremely embarrassed either - he assumed his attempt and failure to hold Remus would have been a rather unforgivable/laughable relationship moment between the two of them. Remus however, for all his self-imposing exiles and authoritarian posturing was a true marauder at heart. In a similar way he reminded Harry of Hermione, who likewise, had it not been for a Potter and his friends would have probably lived a largely rule abiding and well-behaved life. And right now Harry had never been more grateful for such an influence.
It was a testament to what kind of people his parents were as well as how they influenced people to see even now, nearly 20 years later, the full impact their lives had on the people around them. He knew of course from stories he had been told of how gifted his mother was and how equally charismatic his father was, but when their presence was still evident in the lives of those who remained, Harry felt truly proud.
Smiling with that thought Harry released Remus from their embrace and thanked him profusely for what he was about to embark on with him. 'And he still has no idea over the depth of things I want to do', Harry thought nervously.
"Thanks Remus," exclaimed Harry who was quickly cut off.
"Now wait a minute Harry, let's not get carried away, there are still some conditions I would like you to follow if I am to help you. But to be honest I can't quite define them precisely yet until you give me an idea of what it is exactly you are planning- your letter was as unspecific as it was shattering, not to mention daring too." And here Remus stopped to laugh, "Sirius and your father would have been so proud".
At this Harry smiled, "Thanks. Listen I know there is a lot that I have left out thus far, but for now bear with me. First things first, did you bring any of the items I asked you for at the beginning of the letter?"
Remus paused for a second to evaluate whether this was the most important area to pursue first but decided to let Harry dictate events for now. "Yes, well sort of. Sirius and your father did of course make copious notes during their research to become animagi, amongst various other less than lawful pursuits, and even employed mine and your mother's help in enchanting the book to keep it safe from prying eyes. Which actually," Remus explained jauntily following the thought, "funnily enough led us to the idea of creating the map itself."
Smiling at this rather distracting chain of memories harry prodded Remus to continue, "oh how so?"
"Well, once the book was created we could write in it and keep it safe from prying eyes, but we had no idea where those prying eyes were. If they were behind us and invisible, for whatever reason, when we were writing then what would be the point in enchanting the book if its contents could be divulged on the spot. And I believe it was actually Frank, who had joked with us about the idea of a map of Hogwarts so we could keep track of our antics and others in the process, and so we thought why not and combined the two ideas to make one." Remus finished with pride.
Harry laughed both in happiness over that piece of information and over seeing it invigorate Remus so, but also because it meant he could bi-pass, if possible, a lot of the research necessary to become an animagus himself. It was interesting how Frank, Neville's father had come up with the idea as well, Harry thought, making sure to file that information away for later.
"Great. So any idea where the book ended up?" Harry asked, already fearing the answer.
"Actually yes, I do," Harry's eyes widened in surprise, "I know that Sirius almost always had it on him, at least while at school and that he kept it after we finished, so I'm fairly sure it's in his house somewhere." Harry's eyes were now huge with anticipation.
"Remus", and then Harry thought better of it, "Moony, if you are able to get that book for me it would go a long way towards helping me achieve my goals this summer." Harry said earnestly anticipating very much holding the marauders work book in his hands, not just because it would help him out, but because it would deepen the connection to his father and godfather in the process.
"Well Harry I can certainly try to look for it, and if I find it pass it on to you, as well as tell you the password", Moony finished with a wink.
"That's brilliant Remus, thanks. Okay, so leading nicely onto something else, now that you have agreed I was wondering if you could quickly repair this for me?" And as he said that, Harry pulled out the pieces of the mirror Sirius had given him for Christmas to contact one another.
"This mirror represents my failure over the Department of Mysteries. If I had been smart enough I would have remembered I had this to contact Sirius and would have avoided so much pain." Harry stated, his face morphed into one of regret and consequence. The reminder of their loss stung both men deeply.
"For the future though", Harry continued, pulling himself together, "I want to never make that mistake again, so this summer and possibly after I want to use this as a way for us to contact each other if we need to. The other mirror is at Siruis' I think, so presuming you can fix this one then you can have the other one."
Both men looked slightly saddened by this but embraced once more before Remus broke the silence by pulling out his wand and repairing the smashed mirror with a flick of his wrist. It flew together and looked as good as new.
"Awesome, assuming you find it later contact me. I'll keep this near so we can reach each other. For now though, onto the bigger stuff. So this summer I definitely don't want to remain idle, I want to train, learn and prepare as best I can for the coming conflict." Seeing Remus acknowledge this bolstered Harry. "So were you able to bring any books that you thought might be useful?"
Harry had asked Remus for any magical book he could recommend that would be very useful to the reader with regards to spells, curses, jinxes, runes or any other form of magic he thought worthwhile. Harry was thinking Remus would have known some either from school or from post Hogwarts studying he might have done. According to what Sirius had insinuated last year, Moony was the most studious of the Marauders as if he was not being distracted by the others, he could usually be found reading a book on the couch in the common room or in the library researching.
"That is a firm yes Harry, now I'm not exactly sure what books you were after but it terms of usefulness and practicality then these certainly were the most impactful on me as I eagerly pursued magical knowledge in my youth." As he said that that Remus pulled a few books from his satchel and handed them over for Harry's perusal.
There was a collection of random topical books including 'Runes: Intricacies and Secrets', 'The Ins and Outs of Magic', 'Revelations: Lesser Known Magical Principles' and finally a ratty looking old book with a cover so faded Harry had to turn it on its side and read the almost equally worn spine. It was simply called 'Magic' but upon closer inspection of the first page Harry found the subtitle 'The Eastern Way'. Intrigued but pleased Harry thanked Remus profusely for the varied collection.
"Now each book here has a meaning and a purpose Harry, that last one especially as it's so old. I know you chose not to take Runes or Arithmacy, if I'm correct, so that Runes book is fantastic at breaking down the inner principles of the subject in an understandable way for relative beginners. The other two should help you understand the broader concepts of magic and what is possible or what has at least been tried with magic." Here Remus stopped and examined the final book. "And this book was actually a graduation gift from Sirius. He knew I was a bit of a researcher and thought some of the lesser known Asian magical insights might help me with my furry problem, as he termed it. Unfortunately I never got around to reading all of it but there certainly were some interesting comprehensions of magic within that perhaps will help your understanding develop further."
"Wow Remus," Harry was shocked Remus had clearly chosen carefully and given him quite a valuable and sentimental item. "Thank so much, I promise I'll take good care of all of them and have them back to you as soon as possible." Harry said in earnest.
"Not a problem at all Harry, return them when you are finished with them, and besides I think you'll be needing all the help you can get now." Remus stated rather acceptingly with a small smile given Harry's predicament.
Laughing, Harry replied, "Yeah, no shit Remus".
"So I assume that wasn't everything you had in mind when asking for my help now was it Harry?" Remus inquired.
"Well actually this is the part that gets a little interesting. Are you free by chance tomorrow Remus?" And at Remus' curious and slightly worried expression, Harry laid out his ideas for the summer and how Remus, given his consent, could play a massive role in them.
