Author's Note: Thank you for all the kind faves, follows and reviews! They truly made my day. I hope this chapter provides the payoff you've been waiting for. :-)
~~o~O~o~~
Two days later, at Netherfield Park…
Darcy was, as always, the first to awaken, the first to make his way down to the breakfast parlor, the first to help himself to the array of victuals heaped high on the groaning sideboard, and therefore the only one seated at the table. As such, he was also the first to have access to The Times which he quickly availed himself of, even before touching his meal. Fortified by coffee alone, he perused those sections of The Times which deserved his full attention and set aside those not containing Matters of Great Import - especially the loathsome gossip broadsheet! - for his friend's eager consumption.
Bingley was, as usual, the next one to enter. After helping his plate, he sat next to his friend and immediately tucked into his meal. Knowing that his friend was usually at his most taciturn in the morning Bingley happily snatched up a section of the paper in Darcy's pile of cast offs, the better to keep him occupied and his friend undisturbed as they both ate their meals. His random selection just so happened to be the gossip page, and as this was very much to his liking, he tucked into it with the same eagerness that he tucked into his meal. Bingley had only just started his consumption of both when he and Darcy were interrupted by the arrival of yet another party. Both men quickly folded their papers and rose from the table in unison to acknowledge the entrance of Caroline Bingley.
"Good morning, gentlemen! It's a lovely day, is it not?" she warbled, having calculated in her mind that this would indeed be the day. "Please…" she motioned for them to be seated, "…do not remain standing on my account!"
With that, her breakfast companions resumed their activities. The fact that Caroline Bingley had dressed particularly well this morning and was in such good cheer quite escaped the notice of both men. Undeterred, she glided to the sideboard, made a small selection of fruits and bread, and took a seat directly across from her companions, the better to observe events as they unfolded. Seeing no unusual reaction on Darcy's face, she assumed, correctly, that Darcy had not read the gossip sheet, so she focused her attention on her brother, who most assuredly would read it.
Her wait wasn't a long time coming, and the exact moment of her brother's discovery was thrilling to behold! Caroline watched in fascination as her brother's neck suddenly jutted forward then pulled back. Completely mystified, he read and re-read the relevant contents, his gaping mouth slowly forming a perfect 'o' before shutting with an audible clack. Finally, he lifted his head, which swiveled first towards his still oblivious friend, then over to Caroline and back again.
"Darce?"
"Hmm?" Darcy enquired, still focused on his paper.
"I say, Darce, I think you need to read this."
Seeing that his friend pointed to something in the gossip section, Darcy heaved a deep, meaningful sigh. After neatly folding his own section and setting it down, he relieved Bingley of his sheet and started to read the indicated paragraph. The fact that Caroline seemed almost hyper vigilant in gauging that man's reaction, also went unnoticed by her breakfast companions. Her vigilance however was soon amply rewarded, and the outcome seemed, at least on initial observation, to be going exactly as she hoped it would.
Aside from turning quite pale, Darcy appeared to be handling the news rather well. Though shock was writ large on his features, missing was any indication of anger or disgust. This was a good sign! Even better was the absence of what Caroline had feared most of all - an immediate and vehement expression of denial. Yes, this was encouraging indeed!
"Is there something of particular interest in the paper this morning?" she casually asked of the room in general.
"I take it that you have not yet read the paper."
"Of course not, Charles, don't be a numbskull. I have only just come down, and had been hoping to read it after you."
Caroline's eyes were bright as she glanced back and forth between her brother and Darcy, who now sat stock still, staring straight ahead seemingly at nothing at all. Bingley reached over, plucked the gossip sheet from his friend's hands, and rose so abruptly from the table that he almost unsettled his chair.
"Caroline, I require a moment of your time. In my study. This instant if you please."
What sounded like a request was far from being one, and Caroline was hard pressed to keep up with her brother as he swiftly made his way down the hall and to his study. After closing the door behind them, he took a seat behind his desk and motioned for his sister to occupy the chair placed in front of it. Bingley hardly knew where to begin, although looking over and seeing his sister's smug expression provided him with all the inspiration he needed.
"Well, sister, I must admit to being greatly surprised! I had no idea that you had made such a conquest."
"Pshaw, Charles! Whatever are you going on about?"
"Lead article," Bingley replied, dropping the broadsheet on the desk in front of his sister as though it singed his fingers. "To be quite honest, I never imagined that any sister of mine would fancy a clergyman, much less this one."
Incredulous, Caroline snatched up the paper and quickly perused the contents. Certain her eyes must be deceiving her, she blinked several times and read it again. And again! Yet, no matter the number of re-readings, the contents remained unchanged. Her original missive, so carefully crafted, now began thusly:
'Friends of somebody's consecrated cousin, one WC of HP in K, were overjoyed to hear him declare his intentions towards a Miss CB, some red-headed lady currently residing with her brother Mr. CB at N in H. All parties will benefit greatly from the arrangement. Everyone is very happy… '
It went further sideways from there.
'In that same neighborhood, but a somewhat different sort of circle, friends of Miss EB of L, which borders N, cannot help but notice the very marked attentions being paid to her by a Mr. FD of P in D, who is said to be rather happy about the whole thing. Their mutual friends are very happy too…
Caroline's head jerked up in shock, only to be met by her brother's stony countenance. Unthinking, she blurted out, "But… but this isn't what I wro…"
Hoist on her own petard! Caroline's face, already an interesting shade of puce, became a study in abject horror.
Bingley chucked softly to himself, "It seems, dear sister, that I must wish you joy."
"Surely Charles, this is all just some horrible mistake! You cannot hold me to such a ridiculous notion."
"That much is true, Caroline. You have already reached your majority and I am not inclined to force you to do anything. What I can and shall do, however, is inform you of something which will help you to make your decision.
"You do remember Mr. Adolphus Drummond, do you not?"
"How could I not, Charles. Don't be foolish."
"Then you will also remember him being one of father's oldest business associates as well as a dear family friend, and that our father wished to further the man's connection to our family by having him marry you! You will also remember that you initially agreed to the arrangement."
"Really Charles, I was not even of age! And who could fault me for breaking the engagement? The man was older than our father by a decade and literally reeked of his trade, carrying the stench of his metalworks with him wherever he went. It would have been untenable!"
"Be that as it may Caroline, our father's wealth would have increased three-fold by the connection, with all of our portions increasing accordingly. And what an ironic twist that Mr. Drummond should suddenly pop off a mere three months after what would have been your wedding day, leaving the young woman he did go on to marry – the daughter of our father's fiercest competitor, by the way! - a merry young widow indeed! It should come as no surprise that our father never forgot or forgave you for your capriciousness."
"Need I remind you," Caroline scoffed, "that such a connection would have linked us irrevocably to trade! Let me assure you that my eventual marriage will elevate our family in far more valuable ways."
"Ah, still thinking of Darcy I see," Bingley let out an exasperated sigh as he rubbed the back of his neck, "While I can only guess at the original contents of your woe-begotten letter, let me assure you of one thing, Caroline. There are not enough words in the King's English for you to string together, that would ever induce Darcy to marry you. There are, however, a few written words that I'd like to share with you.
"Here…" Bingley continued, as he unlocked the top drawer of his desk, drew out an official looking, tightly rolled document which he unfurled to lay flat, "Right here. A little something our father added to his will."
As Bingley read the codicil, Caroline's face gradually took on every shade of the rainbow.
"In short, Caroline, your next jilt will leave you penniless."
"But surely, Charles…!"
"Enough!" Bingley cut her off with a chopping motion of his hand. This garnered Caroline's undivided attention. These were not the words and actions of her normally tractable brother, who now rounded his desk to stand directly in front of her.
"You have two choices before you, sister. Either you marry Mr. Collins and benefit from his annual income – currently from his living, presumptively from Longbourn – further augmented by the interest from your dowery, or you live out your life as a penniless companion to some one or another of our unfortunate relatives. More likely than not, this unlucky soul will be Aunt Daisy in Scarborough. Hurst can't stand the sight of you, and I highly doubt you will have Louisa's sympathy once she hears of what was lost because of you. You most certainly shall not have mine.
"Aunt Daisy has probably forgiven your latest slight by now," Bingley's brow raised provocatively. "Shall I write to her?"
~~o~O~o~~
Upon exiting Charles' study, Caroline ran upstairs to her room and slammed the door, the better to weep, wail and gnash her teeth in the presence of her only sympathetic audience - herself. Meanwhile Charles' countenance assumed a much more cheerful aspect. He would soon be rid of his most disagreeable sister! Add that to the fact that removing Caroline from the picture would smooth the way towards a future with Jane Bennet. And considering how Mr. Collins had lately been dogging Elizabeth Bennet's every step, removing him from the picture would likely make Jane's favorite sister happy as well. Three birds, one stone!
Not to mention another possible source of happiness for Miss Elizabeth…
Immediately following his sister's dramatic exit, Bingley left his study to go find his friend, for the two of them had important matters to discuss. As he reentered the breakfast room, Bingley was surprised to find that Darcy had not moved an inch from where he had left him. Still seated before his untouched meal, Bingley watched as the poor man's expression shifted between incredulity, uncertainty, and determination, all while muttering softly to himself, something to do with 'raised expectations' and 'gentlemanly duty'…
Perhaps Bingley's task would not be so difficult after all.
~~o~O~o~~
Epilogue
And what, you might ask, was the result of Caroline's scheming machinations, laid to such waste by an untied shoelace and a set of two left feet? It may come as a surprise that things turned out rather well for the most part, resulting in some measure of happiness for almost everyone involved.
Few were happier than the owner of those two left feet, our young apprentice Jamie Monroe. His Uncle Teller, though always involved in setting the type for his beloved gossip sheet, would hardly ever take the time to read the finished product. To do so would be redundant! Hence, he never learned of his nephew's great blunder. Indeed, his continued ignorance was further assured by the absence of those dreaded Letters of Retraction, all this to Jamie's great relief.
Mr. Darcy and Miss Elizabeth?
In the wake of The Times' insinuation, Mrs. Bennet thought the worst. Leading the battle cry, she complained to all and sundry of the ill-usage she suffered due to the actions of her least favorite child and a certain so-called gentleman, their apparent 'tawdry trysts' having been conducted, alternately, 'right under my own nose' and 'behind my own back'. In no time at all, the neighborhood rang loud with lurid tales of assignations and compromise, leaving the entire Bennet family teetering on the brink of ruin! Mr. Darcy, however, put a stop to these malicious falsehoods by engaging himself to Miss Elizabeth Bennet without delay, this done with such alacrity that one might almost have thought he desired it! Indeed, within five days Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy and Miss Elizabeth Bennet were wed by common license.
It will please everyone to know that after working their way through a very rough patch, the couple was eventually able to set aside their unregulated pride and mutual prejudices, and in time discover that they were ideally suited for one another. Indeed, within their first year as husband and wife, nothing short of 'incandescently happy' could accurately be used to describe them!
What of Mr. Collins?
Due to the violence of his affection towards his dear cousin Elizabeth, some initial disappointment was to be expected. Upon reflection however, Mr. Collins found significant consolation in having a twenty-thousand-pound bird well in hand. Even greater comfort was to be had after Charles Bingley, in commemoration of the loss of his sisterly albatross, supplemented her dowry with an additional ten thousand pounds in the marriage settlements! With such inducements as these, William Collins could finally put 'paid' to disappointment and consider his future with some degree of equanimity.
Although initially unsettled to learn that his bride had been 'brought up far too high' for Lady Catherine's liking, Mr. Collins resolved to make it his life's work to mold her into the sort of wife who could meet her ladyship's exacting standards. The thought of such a purposeful life filled him with happiness, and Lady Catherine's relentless assistance in this matter was enough to make him swoon!
And what of Mrs. Collins? Was she able to find happiness as well?
Not so much. Although she did, at the ripe age of 96, finally outlive her husband.
~~o~O~o~~
Finis
