"Miss Parkenson, please stay a moment after class." Severus called out as students were packing their things. She nodded and leaned back in her seat as the students all filed out.
"That was a most impressive display, Miss." He said once they were alone. "Do you think it helped?"
"Yes, I do. As far as making up for past mistakes, well... it has to start somewhere. Better now than when she finds out. I don't want her thinking I only changed because of who she is. I doubt that would accomplish anything."
"You're right. You're general will be happy to see the improvement you're making in tactical decision making and forethought."
Pansy smiled at him. "Speaking of, she'll have to learn occlumency before we can tell her anything. When do you plan to introduce the lineage potion to the class?"
"After those buffoons quit staring at her relentlessly. Even I wanted to walk out of the room, I mean really. Despicable. It will do no good if she can't stay through the lesson. You're right though. She'll need lessons straight away. I refuse to go to the headmaster with this just to get him to approve her lessons. Do you think you can get her to agree to them on her own?"
"I think so. I'm going to meet with her tonight, to help her through her missed assignments. I'm ashamed to say I'd never noticed how many lessons we had together, and this year they're doubled! Now that the lessons for our year and higher are sorted by career paths and not houses. This is a very good thing. It means I can stay close to her and try to help her come to terms with the summer, and build a bond, or at least the foundation for one."
"She's lucky to have you as a sister. She is a strong witch, which means that in hard times she needs someone stronger than herself to lean on. Witch's stronger than she are rare and far between. She's lucky indeed."
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"I just want to know when the staring will stop so I can return to my life."
"It doesn't matter," Pansy said to her unknowing sister in the pale light of the lanterns in the far corner of the library. "the life you return to isn't the same one you left. And the staring never stops, not completely. You just notice it less."
It had just been getting dark when Pansy snatched Hermione into a dark corridor on her way to attempt eating dinner in the great hall. Hermione was startled at first, but then grateful as the heavy doors to the familiar land of books came into view.
"How do you do it?" Hermione asked.
Pansy smirked as she responded, "It's easier for me because they stare at me for a different reason now. I'll tell you a secret." She leaned across the table and beckoned for Hermione to reach over to her. She whispered, "I stopped giving a shiite about who thought they were better than me. I started worrying more about being better than my old self." She leaned back and giggled. "Have you ever seen Draco so buggered in all our years?!"
Hermione grinned. "He has seemed rather edgy lately."
"I told him over the summer after my parents died that I'd not be at his beck and call any more." She rolled her eyes. "Oh he was so mad, and drunk!" She laughed again.
"Did you call it off because you found out who your parents really were?"
Pansy thought for a moment. "That- and because of the birth right they'd left me with."
"May I ask what that was?"
"I'm sorry, no. Not yet."
Hermione looked confused. "Do you know about Occlumency, Hermione?"
"I do, yes. Harry," She grated "had to learn. He started to give us the general idea of it and of course I tried to figure it out for myself, but even though I practice relentlessly, I've never been tested at it. I've no idea if I've been doing it correctly." She admitted.
"You do know then, who could help you?"
"Yes. Professor Snape. While I'm surprised and grateful for his behavior toward me today, I don't think he'd help me." Hermione frowned.
"You know he's sort of like my uncle. If I got him to agree, would you learn? Then I could tell you. There's so much I have to protect now. I know you have the sort of character that would defend goodness to your dying breath, if the information was stolen away from your mind, it'd all be lost to me. If you learn occlumency, I'll...I'll show you my mother's journals. I know you love to read and study."
Hermione raised her eyebrows. The thought was indeed extremely tempting.
"Only myself, my mother, and my uncle has ever seen what's in those pages. They are rather intriguing..." Pansy teased. " Family secrets... all laid bare.. you could learn what only I and her own brother now know, who she and my father really were, what made them tick..what made them make the decisions they made, why they hid it all..."
Hermione was fully sporting a silly grin now. "Isn't it a bit twisted to dangle your family secrets in front of me like that."
"I suppose we're both a bit twisted now. Besides, it will be nice to have someone share this burden with me. My uncle is great but...he isn't here."
Hermione nodded. "I'll learn if he'll teach me. But you have to do something for me. Help me deal with the staring?" She nearly whined.
Pansy laughed. "Okay, deal. I'd hate for you to miss another day of school."
"Don't tease! An education is extremely important in these trying times!"
Where did you get that, a stay in school pamphlet?" Pansy and Hermione shared a laugh.
"It's true though. The things I learned here have saved my neck more than a few times. Some one could write a book, I swear."
"Not just your own neck if the rumors were ever true. Why do you tolerate them?"
"Harry and Ron?" Pansy nodded. "I don't. Not anymore and never again."
Hermione looked away, feeling bitter again.
"Is it the staring that bothers you, or is it their staring that bothers you?"
"Both, really. But for it to come from them... I can't forgive it."
"Does it remind you of how useless they were.. when they stare like that?"
"Yes." Hermione whispered with her eyes full of unshed tears. "It makes me hate them. It fills me with blinding rage and I just- I have to look at something else. I have to not be around them. They all make me feel so hateful."
"I know. I do know that bit."
"What do you mean?"
"I-" Pansy sighed. "I've seen it. I was the one who found you in the divination tower. I was a little impressed to be honest." She admitted quietly.
"Is that why you did what you did today?"
"No. I started trying to make amends over the summer. The first time I found mother's journals actually. I promise you, Hermione," She leaned forward again. "I'm not just trying to change people's opinion of me, I really want to change me. Will you help me?"
"Why me?"
"When it comes to being a good person, you're the best teacher I can think of."
"Really?" Hermione snorted. "Most people would ask Harry potter."
"Most people wouldn't ask. And Potter wouldn't know the first thing about actively being a good person. While he might run head on into danger for some great cause, he would do it expecting a miracle or relying on the help of someone who didn't even ask to be a part of the battle. You on the other hand would never stand idly by and if you couldn't be there yourself, you'd make sure who ever would be there knew what they were doing. It's a rather long drawn out metaphor, and I think I actually lost myself somewhere in the middle there, but the point is, Potter can suck an egg!"
Hermione laughed at this. "Okay, okay, deal! Just please promise me you'll tell him to suck an egg to his face the next time the two of you 'exchange words'!"
"It would give me great pleasure to tell him that! And then I'll work on being a good person!"
Hermione was laughing so hard by the end of their conversation that she of all people had gotten them thrown out of the library. Pansy was very proud, and Hermione began feeling like she could finally begin to heal.
