Chapter Ten: Arguments and Realization

Never give up; Never lose hope. Always have faith, it allows you to cope. Trying times will pass as they always do. Just have patience, your dreams will come true. So put on a smile, you will live through your pain. Know it will pass, and strength you will gain.

-Bel Claveria Carig Martinez

I can't believe what just happened.

I stand by the road, hoping against all odds for Peeta's car to turn back, for him to apologize and let me explain myself. But it doesn't. Our conversation in the car keeps replaying in my head, how I'd told him that Gale and I sleep together… of course he'd come to the wrong conclusion! He doesn't know Gale; he doesn't know what I meant by it or why we'd be sleeping in the same bed to begin with.

Still, I never expected Peeta to be so abrupt. He wasn't trying to be mean, I know that. He was concerned about me, I guess. Regardless, he was a little harsh with his words when he left and extremely rude for not giving me a chance to explain. How dare he assume that I "sleep around" or that I would have Prim in the vicinity if I did! It makes me angry that he'd think that way about me. Then again, he doesn't really know me well enough to think otherwise, does he?

In the short time I've been around him, he's only had kind things to say to me. I guess I was sort of starting to like it. He made me feel… different. Normal. Like I mattered. Like I was slightly important, or at least important enough to acknowledge. And now, who knows what he thinks. I usually don't care at all about the rude things people say and assume about me. So why does this matter? Why does he matter?

He doesn't matter. And I shouldn't care.

But I do care. And he does matter. And I feel absolutely horrible.

Besides all of that, I seriously need this job and I know things are probably going to be really awkward and uncomfortable between us now. Oh god… what if he tells his dad that I slept on the job? I wouldn't be surprised, since he believes the only reason I was tired was because I was having sex all night with Gale. I don't even want to think about it. The very thought makes me sick to my stomach, and I hate that Peeta even had the thought in his head at all.

I only hope that he lets me explain. I don't know how I will, but I have to. Only… how do I explain why we sleep in the same bed anyway? I know that any way I explain it, it'll sound odd.

I still feel so tired.

I can't think straight and I feel like I'm going to explode at any second. I'm beyond frustrated with everything and I don't know how I'm going to fix anything at all. On top of that, I still have to go home and face Snow.

I really just want to find a hole somewhere, crawl into it, and never come out ever again.

I walk into Gale's house without even knocking. I know I'm not the only one at fault here. He has some things to answer for, whether he likes it or not. He knows better than to talk about certain things in public, and if it wasn't for his big mouth I wouldn't have had this misunderstanding with Peeta in the first place!

I knock on Gale's door loudly, repeatedly, until he finally opens it. I can tell I just woke him up. He looks at me, his eyes half open and groggy scowl on his face. Without a word, I angrily push him back and enter his room. He closes the door and turns to me, looking annoyed.

"What's your problem?!"

"You!" My hands are balled into fists and my body is surging with adrenaline. "What the hell was that, Gale? How dare you come into the bakery and say those things right in front of Peeta!"

"What things?" Gale replies a little too calmly, rolling his eyes. "You're being a drama queen—"

"Like hell I am! Do you know what he thinks?"

"No, but I have a feeling I'm about to find out," Gale replies dryly. He closes his eyes and rubs them with his fingers as if he's already bored.

"He thinks we're sleeping together!"

"So? We do, technically." He shrugs and looks at me as if I'm making no sense. He knows what I mean though; I've known him for years and I can tell when he's guilty. And he's totally guilty right now.

"Okay, maybe I should be more specific," I retort scathingly, yet quietly so no one else can hear. "He thinks we're having... casual sex.

I look away, feeling disgusted and mortified.

Gale begins to laugh as if I just told him a hilarious joke. Okay, he's really pissing me off now. There is nothing even slightly funny about this at all. Besides that, I feel like he's making fun of me; as if the idea of being with me is laughable, and I resent him for it.

"What exactly is so funny about that?" I hastily pick something up from the floor to throw at him, which happens to be an old VHS tape, but it misses and hits the wall behind him. This seems to stop his amusement and gets his attention in an instant.

"What the hell, Katniss? Calm the fuck down! It's not that big of a deal; you don't have to get violent!"

"Apparently, I do! And yes, it's a really big deal! Now Peeta thinks I'm some sort of sex crazed whore, all because of you and your stupid mouth!" I'm so overwhelmed, so agitated, that a tear slips from my eye and down my cheek, which I instantly regret. I wipe it away quickly, but it's too late. Gale's already seen it.

"Don't be such a damn crybaby!" He looks angry now. "Why does it matter so much to you what that prick thinks anyway?"

"Don't insult him!" I reply heatedly. My heart is thumping wildly against my ribs and blood is rushing to my cheeks. "He never did anything wrong to you! And it matters because he's a friend and I have to work almost every day with him! Do you know how weird it's going to be now? You know how important this job is for me!"

"A friend, huh?" Gale snorts derisively. "Tell me, Katniss. Just how upset did he get when he thought we were hooking up?" He raises his eyebrows to make a point, and I feel like punching him in the face for even insinuating what I think he is, or that he so casually speaks about us "hooking up" as if it's some ordinary thing to say.

"What exactly are you implying?"

"God, you're so damn dense sometimes!" Gale shakes his head in frustration. "I'm implying that he has the hots for you! It's so fucking obvious!"

"He does not! You're being ridiculous!"

"Oh, am I?" Gale gives me a sarcastic smile. "Then why was he so quick to ask if I was your boyfriend tonight when I came in and asked to see you? And why, then, when I told him it wasn't any of his damned business, did he try to lie and say you weren't around? He seemed really bothered by me being there, you should have seen the look on his face—"

"You didn't really say that to him, did you?" I ask, feeling horrified and embarrassed that Gale spoke like that to Peeta. "Gale, I swear if you—"

"I did! And I'd do it again, the rich little twerp—"

"What is wrong with you?" I ask him quietly, tears stinging my eyes again. I feel betrayed and hurt, like I've just lost a friend. I feel like I've lost two friends, actually.

"You," he answers coldly. "And him. I can tell you like him, Katniss! You're more obvious than you realize. He's all you ever talk about anymore. All the time! Peeta this, Peeta that. Peeta, Peeta, Peeta! Screw him and get it over with, okay? Stop talking to me about him. I don't give a shit!"

I'm about to defend myself and tell him that I don't like Peeta in that way, but then my stomach fills with instant dread and realization. Oh god, no. My eyes widen with shock before narrowing at Gale as I ask, "Are you jealous?"

"Don't flatter yourself!" He seems really agitated and won't meet my eyes. "I just don't want to be the one that has to pick up the pieces when pretty boy breaks your heart. In case you haven't noticed already, he's not like us. The only reason he'd be interested in you is because he knows you're poor and he thinks you're easy."

I know he's wrong. If that were the case, Peeta wouldn't have seemed so disappointed in me when he thought I was 'sleeping around'. Gale's just trying to hurt me, and I don't want to hear it anymore. He'll just keep at it if I stay. I move past him and open the door.

"No he doesn't, but apparently you do. I don't know what your problem is, Gale, but until you figure it out, leave me the hell alone. And stay away from the bakery!"

Before he can reply, I walk out and slam the door behind me. "Prim!" I holler. "We're leaving! Now!"

I walk outside and wait for her to make an appearance; it doesn't take long. She runs to me with a surprised, concerned look on her face.

"What's going on?" she asks quietly as she jogs to keep up with me. I'm making fast and angry strides to put as much distance between me and Gale as possible.

"Nothing."

"I heard you and Gale arguing—"

"I don't want to talk about it!" I snap, staring straight ahead as I walk. "I heard him talking about Peeta—"

"Shut up!"

Prim goes silent as we walk along the dark gravel road towards home. I start to slow down when I can't see Gale's house anymore. Only then do I let the tears that have been stinging my eyes fall. I just feel so angry, betrayed, embarrassed, and confused… and I have no other way to vent, and no one at all to talk to besides a child who shouldn't bear my burdens.

I've always known that I had no one who really cared about me, but now I truly and fully feel it. I feel alone. I feel hopeless and horrible, and I'm just… so tired. I'm tired physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally… I just want to sleep and never wake up again.

Who knows, maybe Snow will make that happen tonight.

Suddenly, Prim stops me as she wraps her arms around my waist and squeezes me tightly with a hug.

"I love you. I'm sorry for whatever happened…."

I hug her back, feeling whatever resolve I had vanish completely into the darkness around us. Suddenly I'm crying like I haven't in years. It feels good, and I know Prim won't tell anyone.

"I love you, too, Prim. I'll be okay," I reply in a shaky voice. I take a few gulps of air and wipe the wetness from my cheeks, trying to gain control of myself again. This is silly. I shouldn't be crying like a big baby. I've taken horrible beatings and never let one tear fall… so why am I now? It makes no sense at all.

We start to walk again, hand in hand.

After a few minutes, Prim whispers, "I know something that might cheer you up…."

"What?" I ask, yet knowing that nothing can make me feel any better.

"I was right," she replies. I can see her glance at me from the corner of my eye, but I keep staring ahead. "About Peeta and what I told you yesterday."

"What about Peeta?"

"He does like you." Prim shrugs. "He told me so."

I feel the blood drain from my cheeks. I stop and look at her with a deep frown. "You're lying."

"No, I'm not. I swear!" Prim looks at me sincerely. "We were decorating a cake, and I asked him, 'Do you like my sister?' and he said, 'Am I that obvious?' and I said 'Kind of' and he said 'Well, not to her' and—"

My ears are ringing and I feel like my whole world is crashing down around me. I don't know what to think of what she's telling me. I don't know whether to believe it. Because believing her would change everything, and it'd also mean Gale was right about what he was saying.

Maybe he was right about everything.