Defy Destiny


2404

"Kathryn," I said as my former captain stepped into my offered embrace.

She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed firmly. "It's so good to see you, Talia." Releasing the hold, she stepped back to look me over. Straight white hair bobbed around her chin and made her blue eyes look even sharper than they did when we were on Voyager together. "How long has it been?"

I smiled. "Too long."

"It always seems to be."

Just then, a familiar face stepped out of the runabout and walked up to us. I gasped, my smile widening until it threatened to split my face. "Miral!"

She, too, gave me a tight hug. "Hey, Yani."

It was my turn to step back and look her over. With short dark-brown hair, olive skin, and ridges arching across her forehead, she looked so much like B'Elanna had when I first met her. Yet something about the way her facial features were mapped spoke more of Tom.

I smiled. "If we'd known you were coming, I'm sure B'Elanna would have found a way to come home early. She's still on Qo'noS for the next few days."

"I know. I talked to her last night. But I'm not here for leave. I'm on duty."

I shot a frown at her superior.

"I'm convincing her to change over to command," Kathryn explained.

"Ah, of course you are." Turning back to Miral, I said, "You know, if the admiral had her way, I'd be in a red uniform instead of a blue one."

Miral sighed. "I know. You've told me this story."

I kissed her cheek. "And I'll tell it again if it helps you make up your mind about where you want to be."

She smiled. "I'm going to take our things and get settled. Is Dad here?"

"No. He's at the house neck-deep in his next holonovel. You should comm him, make him come to the station for lunch. It'd be good for him to break away from his work for a bit. He misses you."

Miral nodded. "I miss him, too."

Giving her shoulder a squeeze, I pointed her to the aide who had accompanied me. "Mister Jensen will show you to your quarters."

"See ya later." She glanced at Kathryn and nodded. "Admiral."

Kathryn smiled and nodded back. "Thank you, Ensign."

Miral shouldered her and Kathryn's bags, then followed Jensen out of the landing bay.

I turned to Kathryn, giving her a sly smile. "You never give up on luring young, innocent officers into command, do you?"

She shrugged. "It worked when her grandfather did it for me."

"She's a good engineer."

"She'd also be a good captain."

I ticked an eyebrow. "Perhaps, if you can wear down those sharp edges."

"Yes," Kathryn said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and guiding us towards the door. "Rather like a few people I once had the pleasure of commanding."

"Point taken. Unfortunately for Starfleet command, I stuck with psychology, B'Elanna wasn't interested in becoming an officer, and Tom resigned."

"I intend to win this one over."

I laughed. "Well, in that case, I concede. When Kathryn Janeway sets her mind to something, it's already as good as done."

Kathryn responded with a throaty chuckle. As we turned into the corridor, she let her arm drop to her side. "How is everyone?"

"Doing well."

"I know Harry just left for a tour on the barrier. I expected Tom would be with you."

"He's 'in the zone—'" I emphasized Tom's words in air quotes— "with his holonovel. Besides, I'm kind of looking forward to having the bed to myself. I can't remember the last time I did. Although, with Miral here, I'm sure he'll come up."

Kathryn frowned slightly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I should have let you know I was bringing Miral."

"It's fine," I assured her. "Better, actually. It's been too long since we've seen her. It gets depressing out here on the border, and we could all use more pleasant surprises. I think that's why Tom likes living planet-side. He can forget about what's on the other side of our solar system."

"I can't say that I blame him. Twenty years of cold war with the Borg is something I'd rather forget."

"Yeah," I breathed. "Me, too."

"I apologize if my surprise has interfered with your alone time."

I touched her arm. "You really, honestly don't need to apologize. I'm glad you brought Miral. And I'll be glad to see someone pull Tom away from that damn novel."

Kathryn shook her head. "I don't know how you do it. I couldn't even handle one spouse, yet somehow you manage three."

"It isn't quite the same. We're a family. It's a group effort, and it certainly doesn't come easy. No relationship ever does."

She snorted. "You can say that again."

"Have you spoken with Chakotay recently?"

"No, but I did get a letter from your other daughter telling me all about her new assignment as his aide. She is quite excited."

I smiled. "Yes, I told her to write you. Unlike Miral, Peldara never needed convincing to go into command. I'm afraid she's far too much like Harry for her own good."

Kathryn chuckled. "She'll do well with Chakotay. She'll have her own command before you know it."

"Un'Bentel," I cursed, "don't say that. I still can't believe she's out of school already." I sighed. "They both grew up so fast."

Kathryn grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "You all did."


2375

Before entering the region of space known as "the void," we had sent an early transmission through the Turei comm net to Starfleet. We wanted to alert them to the possibility that it could keep us out of communications range for two to three years. When we emerged after only four months, the Devore prevented us from sending any coms for another six weeks as we traveled through their space. Once we did manage to get a signal out, no one was on the other end to receive it—meaning at least a month's time before it reached the nearest subspace transceiver.

Finally, after nine months without word from home, we got our first transmission from Starfleet. It came about an hour before senior staff meeting, so most of us gathered in the briefing room to find out what developments had come out of the war.

After our heart-to-heart in sickbay, Tom and I had largely avoided one another. It was at my own request, as I knew I needed time and space to get over my feelings for him, and he'd been careful to respect my wishes. But when he gave me a PADD with one hand and gripped my shoulder with the other, I knew that I was in for bad news.

Just as it had with past transmissions, bad news came in the form of a casualty list. Tom had already scrolled down to the name he knew I would recognize—Lieutenant Commander Jadzia Dax.

"I'm so sorry, Tal," he murmured.

I closed my eyes and grit my teeth.

A different hand touched my other shoulder, and Harry's voice pushed into my awareness. "Who was it?"

"Jadzia Dax, my academy girlfriend. We'd been writing to each other before the void, catching up. She was a good friend, and a good officer."

"Dax?" Harry asked. "As in—"

My eyes snapped open, locking onto Tom's steady blue gaze. "The symbiont... did they—"

"Survived," Tom assured me. "They're now Lieutenant Ezri Dax, a counselor at Deep Space Nine."

I let out a breath. Jadzia wasn't completely gone, then.

"She wrote to you," he added. "Ezri."

My mouth opened, but I didn't make a sound. It was a lot to take in, and I wasn't sure how to process it right then. Close your mouth, my mind ordered, and I obeyed. Then I offered Tom what was probably a terrible excuse for a smile. "Thank you."

He nodded, holding my gaze for an extra moment before releasing my shoulder and turning away.

Tapping on Jadzia's name brought up more information about her. There was very little in the way of details about her death, but what I found was strange. The record indicated that she was killed by Dukat in the temple on Deep Space Nine. But what was she doing in a Bajoran temple alone? And why was Cardassia's disgraced former leader there? And why only kill her?

I needed more information.


As I reviewed an update from astrometrics, the door to my office chimed.

"Come in."

To my surprise, it was B'Elanna who stepped inside. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" she asked, voice small and tight as if she was anxious.

I powered down my console's screen and pushed it aside. "Of course."

She slipped into the seat across from me. "I'm, uh... I'm sorry about your friend."

"Thank you. She was a good person. She deserved better than that."

"I know the feeling." B'Elanna shifted uneasily. "Look, I was wondering if I could talk to you sometime this week. Like, for counseling."

The surprise I felt was undoubtedly written all over my face. "You want to talk to me ?"

"Yeah, well, I'm kinda stuck on... something, and I need to work on it. I know we have Elentia's brother here for a few days and all, but I want someone who's gonna stick around, you know?"

"If this is about Tom, I really can't—"

She shook her head. "It's not about Tom."

"Even so, aren't you worried that what I say might be affected by my history with him?"

Her spine straightened and she let out a sharp breath. "Honestly? No, I'm not worried. I mean, I know it might affect your perspective, but I also know you won't bullshit me."

I smiled. "That may be the best compliment I've ever received."

"Okay, well, that was bullshit. But, you'll be honest when it counts, right?"

I laughed. "That wasn't bullshit. I really do take that as a compliment. And yes, I will be honest with you. So here's me being honest. It's not exactly appropriate for me to counsel you given... everything."

"Because of Tom."

It wasn't just Tom. B'Elanna and I were friends and comrades. Her best friend was my husband, and my best friend was her ex—her ex that I'd slept with and briefly been in love with. And as much as she denied it, I'd been the impetus for her heartbreak… and, by extension, Tom's.

My stomach twisted, everything in me hating what I was saying—having to turn her away.

"Who the hell else am I supposed to talk to?" she asked, the silence having stretched on for too long.

"Sinta might be willing to—"

"I told you, I don't want to talk to him."

"Even if you could arrange to communicate over the comm net?"

She scoffed. "You mean the network that's constantly monitored by Zahl and Turei intelligence agencies? Fuck no."

"I have friends in high places. They might be able to arrange something."

B'Elanna crossed her arms. "Not with the Turei."

No. She was right. Queen Nessav could visit the Turei homeworld herself and they'd just laugh her out of the room. I was grasping at ends that simply weren't there.

Not once in the last four years had B'Elanna ever voiced a desire to seek counseling. She wasn't one to ask for help, period, when it came to her thoughts and feelings. The mere fact that she'd come to me at all said a lot about her need to resolve whatever difficulty she was facing. For all I knew, she could be in crisis.

If I sent her to sickbay for a crisis assessment, would she go?

I ran a hand over my face. "Sit down."

She shot me a strange look but did as I asked.

"Is it okay if I ask you a few questions? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"I guess so."

"In the past two weeks, have you lost interest in things you used to enjoy, or been unable to experience pleasure while doing those things?"

She looked at her lap. "Kind of."

"On a scale of one to ten—one being you still love doing things you enjoy and ten being you haven't had any interest or enjoyment of those things at all—how would you rate yourself?"

"Maybe a six."

"In the last two weeks, have you been feeling down, depressed, or hopeless?"

"Sometimes."

"Have you noticed changes in your sleeping patterns, like being unable to fall asleep or sleeping a lot more than you used to?"

She looked up and shrugged. "I've had a little insomnia, and I'm pretty tired after shifts, but it's nothing I can't handle."

"Have you had thoughts about hurting yourself?"

Her spine straightened. "What?"

"Have you had any thoughts about hurting yourself?" I repeated. "Any desire to end your life or even just to inflict pain on yourself?"

She scoffed. "No, I don't want to hurt myself, and I'm not suicidal. I just want to get past this thing I have about relationships, and I thought that's what you were here for."

I nodded. "That's part of my job. But here's the thing. You and I have a complicated relationship, especially over the past year."

"I told you, I don't care about that shit. I just need help."

"And I will help you, B'Elanna," I said, leaning over the desk. "I will always help you. But you have to understand that what you're asking for is different. Therapy is different. It isn't like being friends. And all those complications in our relationship will make it impossible for me to be what I need to be for someone I'm doing therapy with."

"So how exactly are you planning to help me?"

"First, by suggesting that you go to sickbay and have Schmullis or Kes assess you for depression."

The look on her face said that was exactly what she'd been trying to avoid, but she didn't protest.

"Second, by giving you some resources on techniques you can use on your own to at least start getting things un-fucked for yourself."

"Will that work?"

"It might if you're willing to work at it and give yourself time to relearn how to think."

She took a breath and nodded. "I guess I can give it a try."

"Good," I said, smiling and pulling an empty PADD out of my desk.

"Was there something else?"

Setting the PADD down next to my console, I leveled my gaze on hers. "Yes, but I don't want you to feel any pressure to do anything about this last one. It isn't coming from me as a therapist, and it isn't professional advice."

"Okay…"

"I can't work with you as a counselor, but I can be a friend. If you want someone to talk things out with, you can always come to me. Or you can talk to Harry, or someone else. I just…" I pursed my lips. "I don't want you to think you have to go through this alone."

Her face softened, lips curling up into a slight smile. "I'll keep that in mind."


2404

After sharing lunch with Tom, Kathryn, and Miral on the promenade, Kathryn and I headed to one of the medical labs that Julian and I used for our research on the Borg. On the biobed laid a body—presumably the body of a drone—covered by a white sheet.

Shortly after Kathryn and I arrived, Dr. Schmullis joined us. He greeted Julian with a familiar handshake before turning to Kathryn. "Hello, Admiral," he said with a nod, offering her his hand.

"Always so formal, Doctor," she quipped with a smile. Schmullis' expression grew nervous in the few seconds that Kathryn allowed to pass before she took his hand and shook it.

I had to stifle a laugh.

"It's good to see you, old friend," she told him.

His face relaxed into a smile. "And you, Admiral."

I was not so formal. As soon as he turned to me, I wrapped him up in a tight hug.

He hesitated, but only for a second, before returning the gesture.

Releasing my hold and stepping away, I smiled up at him. "How was the honeymoon?"

He smiled back. "Well, truth be told, I wasn't entirely certain that I would enjoy Risa the way everyone else seems to. But they really do go out of their way to serve everyone there. I quite enjoyed it."

I waited for more, but he added nothing. "And Lana?"

"Oh, well, yes, of course. She enjoyed it, too."

I shook my head and chuckled.

With a whoosh, the doors slid open, admitting the commanding officer of the Bajoran sector. Admiral Kira Nerys was a petite Bajoran woman from an artisan family in the Dahkur Province—and she was certainly an artist of war. Only slightly younger than me, her long hair still held its auburn color despite the wrinkles forming around sharp lips and brown eyes. Her affect could vacillate between compassionate and unyielding a hundred times in any given day. At the moment, she held a stern expression that hinted at formative years spent in the Bajoran Resistance and—after the occupation's end— the Bajoran militia.

She had served on Deep Space Nine for as long as it had been called "Deep Space Nine." In fact, she was in ops on the very day my mother entered Ashalla and recruited me into the Maquis. It was something she and I laughed at when we realized our unwitting connection.

Following behind Admiral Kira was a changeling from the Gamma Quadrant named Odo, who served as the Federation's ambassador to what remained of the Dominion. The Borg had long ago wiped out all of those subject to the changelings' authority—the white-blue-scaled Jem'Hadar who had been their soldiers, and the devious Vorta who had once commanded their legions of genetically-engineered forces. All Odo and his people had left was their biological link, a tenuous alliance with the Federation, and the barriers they had helped design to keep the Borg from encroaching any further into either of our peoples' space.

"Good afternoon Admiral Janeway, Dr. Schmullis," Kira said brusquely. "I hope your trips to Deep Space Nine were pleasant."

"Very much so," Schmullis replied.

"Good. I know you've both already met Ambassador Odo."

"Yes," Kathryn said, nodding to Odo. "Good to see you again, Ambassador."

Odo dipped his head. "Admiral."

"Now that we've all been reintroduced," Julian said, "shall we get this show on the road?"

"By all means, Doctor," Kira said. "Odo?"

"Thank you, Admiral," Odo said, his gravelly voice not betraying the depth of love shared between him and Kira in their off-duty hours. He concealed his passion effortlessly, but I knew that it was the driving force behind an alliance that had saved us all from destruction.

Even so, Odo remained formal to a fault.

He turned towards Kathryn, Schmullis, and me. "Under this sheet is the corpse of a Borg drone that was pulled from a debris field in the Gamma Quadrant seven days ago. I must warn you, the identity of the drone will come as a shock."

Perhaps I could have taken him more seriously. Perhaps not.

I thought I was prepared. I thought that, after all I'd seen, I was ready to face anything. But nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when Julian peeled the white sheet back from the drone's body. My knees damn near buckled beneath me as one word escaped on the breath from my lips.

"Marnah."