Previously, on Balancing the Scales…
"You're back!" said Yuzu's father, Principal Hiiragi. "Are you here to stay this time, or do you need to turn around all over again? It's great that you finally managed to travel to the Link Dimension physically, but was it really necessary after you already defeated the enemy leader?"
"We had to help 4 young female warriors return to their home dimension," said Reiji. "But don't worry. This time, we're not going anywhere… What the…?"
A red button had randomly appeared directly under Reiji's foot.
"Ding, dong!"
The next thing the Lancers knew, they were in a school courtyard, surrounded by a diverse assortment of humans, demi-humans, demons, skeletons, and military soldiers, all of whom were in the middle of gym class.
"What perfect tiiiiiming!" said Roswaal. "Welcome to Isekai Quartet Graaaaade School!"
"Please, we're the original Isekai Quartet!" said Sawatari.
"All the more reason to welcome you with open aaaaarms!" said Roswaal.
"No offense," said Reiji, "but we weren't planning to transfer anywhere. We're just trying to get home to our families."
"That's okaaaaay," said Roswaal. "If one of you can beat me a card game, I'll deeeeefinitely send your group home!"
"Definitely?" repeated Kazuma. "Roswaal never says that!"
"If they beat you," said Subaru, "then can the rest of us finally go home as well?"
"Maaaaaybe," said Roswaal.
"That's a definite no," said Tanya.
"I'll duel," said Yuzu, drawing 5 cards.
"I'll take the first mooooove," said Roswaal, also drawing 5 cards. "I activate the Quick-Play Speeeeel Card, Plot Deviiiiice. This card gives me 3 different effects in seeeeequence. First, I gain 100 miiiiilion life points. " His life points increased to 100,008,000. "Then I Special Summon a token with 100 million attack and defeeeeense points."
That might be an unfair advantage against most duelists, thought Yuzu, but my Bloom Diva can easily destroy that token AND bring his life points back down to 9,000.
"The final effect declares me the wiiiiiner," said Roswaal.
"THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE FIRST 2 EFFECTS?" screamed Yuzu.
Later, in Class 2…
"Time for the new students to introduuuuuce themselves!" said Roswaal.
"I'm Sawatari Shingo. I'm the top student at Leo Duel School, and my father is a powerful politician back home in the Pendulum Dimension, formerly known as the Standard Dimension. So if you mess with me, then my father will… um… be completely powerless across the gap between dimensions, I guess. Crap."
"I'm Akaba Reiji. Despite my young age, I'm the headmaster of Leo Duel School in the Pendulum Dimension, having mastered four different summoning methods: Fusion, Synchro, Xyz and Pendulum. I'm also the leader of the Lancers, the group of duelists you see here. Only one of them is a student at LDS (the school, not the church), because the other students at said school weren't quite strong enough to make the cut. In other words, my top student is the weakest Lancer."
"Ow, my ego!" said Sawatari.
"Schmy schmame is… schmexcuse me, I schmeem to have schmomething schmuck in my schmask," said a Ninja sitting next to Reiji. He slipped his hand under his mask to find whatever was making him schmalk like schmis. "Sorry about that. My name is Tsukikage. I studied both Duel Monsters and Ninjutsu at the Fuma Duel School in the Pendulum Dimension."
"I'm Gongenzaka Noboru, from the Gongenzaka Duel Dojo in the Pendulum Dimension. My dueling style is immovable, with Superheavy Samurai monsters and no spell or trap cards whatsoever."
"These Lancers seem to be burying the lede with the rules to that card game they played with Roswaal," said Major Tanya. "I've never heard of it before today."
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" said Yuya. "I'm Sakaki Yuya, the pioneer of Pendulum Summoning from You-Show Duel School, another school in the Pendulum Dimension. I also share my body with 3 other minds. We used to be 4 separate guys with 4 separate bodies, but then some weird stuff happened involving 4 dragons and 4 different worlds, so now we share a body."
"So that's what Sawatari meant by 'the original Isekai Quartet,'" said Ains Ool Gown.
"I guess I should introduce my other 3 personalities, Yuto, Yugo and Yuri," said Yuya.
"Or we could introduce ourselves," said another of Yuya's personalities. "I'm Ute from the Xyz Dimension. It's spelled U-T-silent-E. It only sounds like 'Yuto' if you say it with a Japanese accent. Are terminal consonants really that hard?"
Author's note: If you doubt the spelling of Yuya's alter-egos' names, watch the music video for the 6th opening title sequence of Yu-Gi-Oh! Arc-V in the original Japanese dub. You'll see their names appear on-screen exactly as the Japanese writers intended them to be spelled, so that should clear things up pretty quickly. Just because the writers are Japanese doesn't mean all the characters are. Jack Atlas and Crow Hogan definitely aren't, and nobody insists their names to be spelled "Jaku Atorasu" and "Kuro Hogan" (although Crow's last name is coincidentally the easiest to transliterate).
"I'm `Yugo from the Synchro Dimension," said Yuya's 3rd personality. "It's spelled H-U-G-O."
Author's note: Yeah, I don't get it either. "Hyu" is well within the bounds of the kana syllabry. Okay, I'm done inserting author's notes between every single paragraph.
"For some reason, I `ave a `ard time pronouncing the letter H," continued Hugo. "Even though I `ave trouble pronouncing my own name, everyone else's pronunciation is even worse. I `ate it when people call me Yūgō instead of `Yūgo. The second syllable is supposed to be shorter than the first!"
"Really? That's your pet peeve?" said Kazuma incredulously. "You'd think a completely missing consonant would be a bigger deal than a vowel that's slightly too long."
"They're not mispronouncing your name," said Yuya's 4th personality. "They're saying the Japanese word for Fusion, as in, my home dimension and summoning method. My name is Joeri, by the way. Yuya's pronunciation of my name…" (Yuri) "…was pretty spot-on, but I doubt he knows how to spell it. I'm Dutch, so my name is spelled J-O-E-R-I."
"I'm Hiiragi Yuzu. Like Yuya, I'm also from You-Show Duel School in the Pendulum Dimension, and I also ended up absorbing 3 other girls from the other 3 dimensions."
"My name is Serena," said another one of Yuzu's personalities. "Although I'm this body's only alter-ego from the Fusion Dimension, I'm not the only Fusion Summoner. Yuzu has learned that method surprisingly well, but I'm still better at it than she is."
"Yuzu had a good teacher," said Shiun'in Sora.
"Wait your turn," said Serena, right before switching to her next personality. "I'm Kurosaki Ruri from the Xyz Dimension. I briefly studied Entertainment Dueling under Sakaki Yusho-Sensei, who founded multiple You-Show Duel Schools in multiple dimensions, including the Xyz Dimension."
"I'm Rin from the Synchro Dimension," said Yuzu's final personality. "As orphans, Hugo and I have no idea what our surnames are. I'm not sure what Serena, Ute or Joeri's excuses are."
"I'm Kurosaki Shun from the Xyz Dimension. I'm Ruri's older brother. If you mess with my sister, then you'll feel the wrath of my Raid Raptors monsters. And since my sister is merged with 3 other girls, there's technically 5 of us you don't want to mess with."
"I'm Tenjo Kaito from the Xyz Dimension. I can memorize my opponent's card effects just by seeing them once."
"I'm Shiun'in Sora from the Fusion Dimension," said a short blue-haired boy with a lolipop in his mouth. "I'm the one who taught Yuzu how to Fusion Summon."
"I'm Tenjoin Asuka," said a blonde girl in a blue outfit from among the Lancers. "Although I'm from the Fusion Dimension, I don't Fusion Summon. I prefer to focus on Ritual Summoning monsters from the 'Cyber Angel' archetype. Unlike most Ritual Summons, I can Ritual Summon any Cyber Angel monster using any of the Ritual Spell Cards I draw from my deck, so I never have to worry about a mismatched pair in my hand."
"Still burying the lede," said Tanya.
"I'm Edo Phoenix from the Fusion Dimension. I have a shameful past, but I've worked hard to make amends, particularly in the Xyz Dimension, which I had previously invaded and terrorized. And for the record, I'm not invading this dimension here. I was kidnapped."
"I'm Dennis Macfield. I'm originally from the Fusion Dimension, but I'm fluent in both Fusion Summoning and Xyz Summoning."
"I'm Jack Atlas, the former King of the Synchro Dimension. That throne currently belongs to Sakaki Yuya, even though he's from another dimension."
"I'm Crow Hogan, also from the Synchro Dimension. Despite my name, I only know how to speak Japanese. My parents may have been immigrants, but they both died before they could teach me any other languages, even their own."
"Come to think of it," said Kazuma, "everyone in my party has been speaking fluent Japanese ever since they came to this other other world. Before that, apart from Aqua and myself, the others couldn't even speak a word of Japanese. Aqua, is there something you're not telling me?"
"Someone probably cast a language-downloading spell," said Aqua, the fallen Goddess. "I'm glad nobody's brain went 'poof.'"
"For all I know," argued Kazuma, "Somebody I've never even met could have lost their brain, and we'd never find out because they'd be in a hospital somewhere instead of this school! Now tell the truth. If you cast that spell, then you should remember who you cast it on."
"I'm not the one who cast it this time!" said Aqua. "If I did, then I'd be part of the conspiracy to summon us to this other other world! I was just as lost as you were when we first came here!"
"Good point," conceded Kazuma.
"Now that the new students have finished introduuuuucing themselves," said Roswaal, "and subsequently arguing with each other, it's time to introduce our new teeeeeacher."
"Attention, students!" said the new teacher who wore sunglasses and had a brown haircut that included a single spike of hair sticking upward from his forehead. "My Hair will be teaching you how to play Duel Monsters this semester."
"Excuse me, Sensei's Hair?" said Sawatari.
"Ah, My Hair sees what you did there. Very clever. What's your question?"
"Some of us already know how to play Duel Monsters," said Sawatari. "Can those of us who aren't beginners at least take a different Duel Monsters strategy class that isn't entry level?"
"Rejected!" said Sensei's Hair. "If you think this is tedious, how do you think My Hair feels? My Hair wanted to teach child-grabbing classes, but for some reason, the school board said that My Hair just wasn't qualified for the subject."
"You shouldn't even be allowed to teach that class anyway," said Yuzu, "even if you are qualified."
"Attention, duelists!" said Sensei's Hair. "My Hair's gender identity revolves around My Hair, and therefore My Hair doesn't answer to any other pronouns. Now, the first topic is trigger effects. There are 3 types of trigger effects: mandatory, optional 'if,' and optional 'when.' There are also 3 stages for applying a trigger effect: the stage when the trigger event happens, the stage when the trigger effect activates onto a chain, and the stage when the trigger effect resolves from the chain. Between stages 1 and 2, the trigger event happening and the trigger effect activating, respectively, if the effect is an optional 'when,' then absolutely nothing can happen in between these two stages, or else the effect misses the activation timing. However, for mandatory trigger effects or even optional 'ifs,' any number of things can happen before the next chain starts without preventing the triggered effect from activating in said chain, unless the card with the effect moves from one zone to another, in which case, the effect will also fail to activate. This is not to be confused with the time between the effect activating onto a chain and resolving from it, which are stages 2 and 3, respectively. Multiple optional 'when' effects with the same event, or even simultaneous events, can trigger on top of each other, and any number of chain links can be added that won't prevent card effects from resolving, even if they change zones. The exception to this rule is face-up spell or trap cards on the field, of types that stay on the field after the card itself resolves. Such a card's effect, trigger or otherwise, will be negated after activation but before resolution if a higher chain link removes the card from the field. Any questions?"
"I have a question," said Subaru, who was visibly dizzy at this point. "I thought you said… I mean, I thought Your Hair said that it wouldn't be teaching an advanced placement class."
"Actually," said Sensei's Hair, "My Hair said that those of you who already knew how to play wouldn't be in a separate class from the rest of you."
"What did you expect, Subaru?" said Kazuma. "You've been in this school as long as I have, and nothing about it ever makes sense."
Later, after school hours…
Reiji had a proposition for his classmates on the way to the student dormitories.
"I don't know who gave that man's hair a teaching certificate," said Reiji, "but his curriculum was terrible. Fortunately, I have experience teaching at Leo Duel School. I'm not sure how quickly I can get you up to speed, but I'll try my best."
"One problem," said Tanya. "The dorms are separated by gender, so if you're going to hold your classes there, then you can only teach the boys."
"I'll see what I can do for the girls," said Asuka. "I've always wanted to be a teacher. I don't have a certificate yet, but I'm certain I can do better than Sensei's Hair."
"When you introduced yourself," objected Tanya, "you immediately buried the lede and jumped to the topic of Ritual Summoning. I don't know what that means, but somehow I doubt it's entry level."
"Sorry, old habit," said Asuka. "My peers used to tease me all the time for using Ritual Monsters, which have a bad reputation for being inefficient. They stopped laughing when I beat them with my Cyber Angels. Most of the old-school Ritual Monsters are in fact so inefficient that they're not worth it, for reasons that I'll explain after you've fully grasped the basics."
To be continued…
