A/N: Wow, long enough wait? ;P Thank you all for your patience so far. I want you to know that while I was struggling to gain the ability to get back at this, reading your comments have helped. I have to say though that sometimes life happens, but it isn't abandoned. Thank you. That being said, I made some small changes to the previous chapter, mostly grammar and a couple little additions. I hope you like this chapter! Enjoy!


Chapter Twenty-Five

The driver takes me home first. I can feel the man's eyes on me, despite the attention he should be paying to the treacherous road. My heart hammers in my chest. It is likely to spark the rumours if he speaks of it. I could demand his silence on the matter, but that would fuel the suspicion of the events and my role in them. It is better to not say anything and hope he does the same.

He remains silent on the drive, despite the obvious curiosity at my state. I am grateful once again for the fear and awe my position provides, and yet, I cannot help but wonder that if it was not for my role in Erudite, I would never have met Eric. However, I would also be more susceptible to Jeanine's obsession on Divergents. It seems that regardless of my position, I would not be in a state to win the peace that I desire.

I tell the driver to wait for me before I enter my building. It takes only a few minutes for me to change into something far more clean and acceptable. I tie my hair back into a bun, pinning down the wayward strands before staring at myself in the mirror. My neck is marked with bruises from Eric's mouth. I stare at them for a moment, remembering the way he held me, demanding my submission and acceptance of him. And I had given it to him, but at what cost? I shake the thought from my head. I had left it all behind in Dauntless. There was no place for those memories in my life now.

I pick up the concealer and get to work.


I reach the Erudite building with the driver at my side. He leaves me at the door to the building and I move quickly to the nearest technological station. I should be going instantly to see Jeanine, but the necessity of a tablet takes precedence.

It feels as if all eyes are on me. Despite knowing that I was successful in covering up the evidence of the days I spent in Dauntless, I feel as if my actions somehow show. I take a deep breath, ignoring the way my skin crawls.

"Ms. Elswood!" The man at the desk seems surprised to see me. "What an honour! How can I help you?" I had forgotten how enthusiastic those of my faction were at my presence. Desperate for approval I had no authority to give. I can practically hear Eric's voice, taunting me and calling me Jeanine's pet.

"I require a tablet," I say. He stares at me, as if confused by something and panic flares in my chest. What does he know? Do the marks show? It is impossible. I was meticulous in my application. He smiles suddenly and I can breathe again.

"Of course! We have some in storage. Give me a moment and I will procure it for you."

I nod and watch as he gets up and goes into a room behind his desk. The atmosphere of Erudite is familiar and calming as I hear people walk through the halls behind me. There is a low murmur of voices and I catch words of experiments, trial phases and something shifts in my chest. I feel myself relax. I am back where I belong.

The man comes back with a tablet, talking about upgrades and a faster system than the last. I thank him quickly and leave, heading for Jeanine. I am more likely to find her in her lab than in her office.

The walk to her lab is quick, and I spend the time in the elevator looking over the tablet that I have to reconfigure to my specifications and accounts instead of focusing on the increasing anxiety that I feel. Thankfully, Erudite's systems are well organized and interconnected. Despite the loss of my tablet, it does not take long for all of my data to be transferred to the new one.

I feel a flash of fear as I am scanned by the security features barring the way to the lab. It is a ridiculous notion, but I cannot help but wonder if my recent activities would somehow change the results. It does not and I enter the lab with a tablet that now acts exactly as my previous one. The room is filled with noise, both from Jeanine's voice and the machines I can hear running. I look up to find her in front of a set of screens. As I stop next to her, she doesn't look at me, but speaks.

"What do you see?"

I look up at the screens. There are scans of a brain displayed, as well as various different vital signs spanned over a set of time. It looks to be the results of tests. I focus on the brain and try to find what she wants me to look for. It is utterly familiar, and yet not.

"The hippocampus is large enough to suggest that it is the brain of an Erudite, however there's a difference in the area of the cerebral cortex. Something is larger than usual, displacing the rest of the brain." I look over at her to see almost approval in her eyes. I hide the relief I feel. "I assume that this is a sign of divergence. The area that is also enlarged is the area responsible for the traits of another faction."
She nods. "What you see is the increased size of right supra-marginal gyrus. It's responsible for the presence of empathy in individuals and is often seen in those from Amity."

"Then this is the brain of Vera, the Amity transfer." I wonder what they've done so far with her. If the snowstorm barricaded the roads, it is likely that the power would be conserved. Perhaps they only managed the scans while I was detained.

"Very good." Jeanine turns away from the monitors and walks further into her lab towards one of the doors. I follow. "We proceeded with the tests in your absence. As you can see, they have been gruelling on the subject but we have maintained her health despite her heart failing on us several times during the procedures." Her tone is conversational, so much so that it sounds as if she is discussing her schedule. There is a part of me that wants to believe that despite her claims, they could not do much to the girl.

Jeanine opens the door and ushers me in. My heart stops. I am wrong. Even the events of a storm did nothing to halt Jeanine and her desires. Strapped to the bed in the centre of the room is Vera. Small tubes and wires are attached to her body providing nutrients and monitoring her status.

It was worse that I had ever imagined.

I have to focus on my breathing, to calm myself. My throat feels as if it's closing. I did this. I brought her to this point and while I wasted time in Dauntless, desperate to forget myself, Vera was being hollowed out, a shell of the vibrant transfer I knew.

"We have learned much from the subject," Jeanine says. "But this does not mean we have all the information we need. I want more monitoring on the factions and to continue the tests of the younger members. Understood?"
"Yes, ma'am," I answered automatically. I could not stop staring at Vera.
"In order to fully understand and create a methodology on how we can stop this anomaly, we need a diverse pool of subjects. The next testing phase is fast approaching and I want our systems to be prepared. Send word to the top engineers and technicians. I want to meet with them and strategize a new system that will allow us to further delve into the mind."

I make a note on the tablet in my hand and pause. My father is one of the top engineers of Erudite. I am not sure if I can shelter him from this. I have to try. I have to...I stop my thoughts from going in the direction that my fear is prodding them towards. I am stronger than this.

Her voice pulls me back to attention. "Notify me at once when the meeting is set. Continue monitoring the results from the testing of the factions. Inform Max and Eric of our intentions. You are to ensure that all relevant information is to be brought to me and to take care of anything that does not need my immediate attention." she glances at me. "We need to expand. I want a small group of elite people to work on this project. I expect you to bring me your suggestions by tomorrow."

"Yes, ma'am." Every moment she adds more responsibility and it is beginning to feel as if I am drowning. I cannot seem to breathe. For a second I wish I was back at Dauntless, where my only concern was how to deal with Eric. I am not though, and I cannot tear my eyes away from Vera. I do not know how much longer she can take this. This is not my fault. She should have run at my warning.

Jeanine turns to me suddenly. "Your time at Dauntless, I trust that it was fruitful?"
It takes all of my control not to react to the question. She does not mean it in the manner my mind creates. My heart thuds against my chest under the sudden scrutiny. "Yes," I answer. "It provided...insight, though the compound leaves much to desire. I am relieved to be home."

She watches me for a moment before she nods. "Indeed. We proceed with further testing in the morning. You're dismissed."

I nod and walk out of the room. I do not turn back to look at Vera. Instead, I focus on my breathing, maintaining my calm as I reach my desk. My hands cannot be shaking, despite the tremor I see in my tablet. I refuse to let my emotions get the better of me. I am Erudite. I can do this.


My apartment is silent when I arrive. It is thankfully empty of any other presence and I am left in peace for the first time in days. I eat quickly before slowly starting to gather names of those I feel would be suitable for Jeanine. As I finalize the list, I cannot help but think about Eric. It was only last night that I was in his bed. I pause. What am I doing?

As I further plan for the destruction of others, more to send in Vera's place, I am daydreaming about past events. Events that cannot occur again. I had left myself forget both my responsibility and my fear when in his arms.

I abandoned my sense, demanded that I forget, and while I was doing so, I left Vera with Jeanine. I left her. My chest tightens, a lump rises in my throat and I cannot breathe.

I try to console myself. I have done what I needed to do, but it is still not enough. Not when my father is threatened to become involved. My family must be kept safe and if sacrifices have to be made––my thought stops. I sound like Jeanine. Oh god.

My stomach rolls and I push myself off of the chair, racing to the small washroom of my apartment. I fall to my knees and heave into the toilet.

What have I done? Tears stream down my face and the image of Vera will not leave my mind. I remember her crying, begging for help. I heave again.

There is a rhythm that appears naturally when one feels as if they cannot breathe and yet need to expel the contents of their stomach. It leaves me pained.

As my stomach finally settles, I struggle to my feet and face my reflection in the mirror. The woman staring back at me is paler than normal. Her eyes are haunted. It does not look like me. Instead, another woman has taken my place. One that is capable of the atrocities that ensure my survival.

My entire body aches and yet it feels as if it is not enough. It never will, not for what I've done. For what I know I will do.

[tbc]