A/N: My friends, I am so sorry for the delay. Time has flown by and I honestly had no idea that it has been way over a year since the last update. I'm sorry. If you follow me on tumblr (username asirensrage) you'll know that lot has happened in 2017 (including multiple deaths in the family) and it's left me exhausted. Thank you all so much for your patience. I hope this chapter is worth it. Please note, this chapter is unbeta-ed. If you see any major issues let me know. I just wanted to get it out and shared with you.
p.s you should follow me on tumblr, if only for the oneshots and snippets :P


I feel staggered, still stunned at Vera's death. No one else knows or if they do, they do not care. It was for science. For knowledge. For Jeanine. I have never regretted my choices more than I do now. The days pass by slowly and I move through them automatically. Everything seems synthetic. More so than it ever has before. The guilt continues to eat at me and my control wavers constantly before I gain it back. I cannot help but wonder if I have been blind, or perhaps just willfully ignorant, hoping that it would not affect me. I am weak in that aspect. I am not Erudite enough to ignore it. This faction does not feel like others do, not when there is knowledge to be gained.

I have not seen Riley since the elevator, nor have I heard a word from Eric. It is a relief. One less thing to deal with when I am struggling with the constant fear of "when will it be me?" The threat of being the next experiment in Jeanine's lab lingers above me, as if waiting for the right moment to strike. I am fighting, doing my best to ignore it and ensure that the guillotine never falls, but it is exhausting, and the feeling lingers. If it breaks me, if my mind breaks first from the stress, it will be a small mercy. It would result in a swift execution to ensure the genes for madness are not passed. The guilt of leaving my family is the only thing that grounds me. They would be ostracized.

"Amelia?" I look up at the sound of my name. A woman dressed in plain grey is standing a few feet away from me. I recognize her face instantly.

"Natalie Prior. What brings you to Erudite?" I turn towards her. I have had a few dealings with the woman who usually ran point on many of Abnegation's charity efforts, especially the volunteer organization for the Aptitude tests. Jeanine hates her, though she would never say so out loud. At least not to anyone who could hear. I am often used as the middle man between them.

"I wanted to speak with you about the volunteers for this year's aptitude tests. I received word that volunteers would be from all factions this time?" She looks concerned about it and while my curiosity wants me to press further, I am tired.

"That's correct. The factions all expressed an interest in volunteering their people this time. I did not see a reason to refuse."

"I understand that," Natalie says. The concern has yet to leave her eyes though. "But do you think it is wise that we are getting so close to the time of the tests and these new volunteers aren't trained for reading them?"

"Then train them," I snap. I regret it instantly seeing the surprise on her face. "I will arrange a time with the technicians and send out a notice to all factions. Those who want to volunteer will have to attend a training session here at Erudite." I make a note of it on my tablet, ignoring the way her lips press together in an attempt to hide her irritation.

"Thank you," she finally says. "I was only concerned because both my children will be taking their tests this year. I just want what's best for them." I look up at her and see her smile. "I'm sure you'll understand when you have children." Doubtful. I am not planning to ever have any. I nod instead.

She smiles again and finally leaves. Her concern is unusual and I wonder if it is only attributed to her children being tested. Did all parents have these concerns or were they assured in their children's choices. Unsure, I make a choice. I head to the archives to see my mother.


It takes me a few moments to find her. She is hidden in the back of the room, looking through a file that was clearly taken from the filing cabinet in front of her. She looks up when she hears me coming, takes one look at me before closing the file and the drawer of the filing cabinet. "What happened?" she asks.

As always, she can see through me. For a moment, I wish I could tell her everything. To give her the power to just tell me what to do. I am more lost than I want to admit, and the look on her face grows more concerned in the silence.

"I have a question for you," I finally say. My mother puts the file down and focuses on me, giving me her undivided attention like she has always done when she senses it is serious. "In the time leading up to my aptitude test, how did you feel?" I don't recall any studies done on the reactions of the parents up to and during the aptitude tests and choosing. Her answer could be enlightening in more ways than one.

My mother pauses, clearly thinking through her answer. "Confident," she finally says. She gives me a soft smile, the same one she's given me for years. "You were always so determined to be the best of Erudite. I knew you would achieve it, no matter the obstacles that lay in your way." She looks at me and her smile dims. The sadness I see strikes deep within in. She knows. She's always known.

My throat tightens as I finally understand. The years of my childhood have been built on the foundations she gave me. The ability to hide my emotions and reactions…everything she taught me was to protect me. I nod, untrusting of my voice. I should not be surprised. Research has shown that a mother's intuition is unparalleled.

"You taken yourself far in this faction, Amelia," she says softly. "You have to trust yourself if you want to go further." She turns away from me. "If that is all…."

I nod, before saying "yes, thank you." We are in a public space and no matter where we are in Erudite, the walls have ears. There is nothing else I can say. She smiles at me once again though.

"Then I'll see you at dinner as scheduled."


My own home is silent. And oppressive. But it gives me the space to breathe and not feeling like I am drowning. There is no time for relaxation though. I sit at the table, reading over a message from Althea over the results of the testing. The other factions have been in and out in what feels like a blur. I've gone through the motions with all of them, but after the stress of wondering about Eric and Riley, and the death of Vera, I've barely registered it. I am aware that it is not healthy. That such negligence to my surroundings can leave me vulnerable, but I haven't been able to help it. I am tired.

Althea wishes to meet again, and I reply back with an agreement and a questioning of schedules. If I am careful, I might be able to ensure neither of our schedules coincide.

There is a knock at the door and I stare at it for a moment, tempted to ignore it. The aptitude tests will be starting in the next week, and the volunteers from the factions begin their training at Erudite in the morning. I have to ensure that I am present to lead them in and I don't know what waits on the other side the door. I have no choice but to open the door. I hope that it is not Eric.

"Brighton?" I stare in surprise at the figure of my brother. He never visits. Both of us are busy, him with his schooling and friends, and me with work. But my brother looks as if he has been crying. "Come in!" I open the door further and pull him inside. "What happened?"

His chest is heaving, as if he ran here. "It's…I don't know why I came. I don't know what to do! Amelia, I need help." All of my problems are pushed out of my mind as I sit Brighton down in the chair I was just occupying and kneel before him.

"Explain."

"I was just playing around with my friends, and now Professor Givens is saying I'm going to be held back in this year's evaluations. He's going to keep me back with the kids instead of letting me move on with my peers! All because we called some stiffs a stiff!" Fury rises up in me as he explains. I know what this is. This is not because my brother was a standard youth, this was revenge in a roundabout way.

I flick Brighton in the nose.

"Ow!" he exclaims, holding a hand to his nose.

"First, that's for being cruel. There's no need to call those of other factions names. We do not need to encourage the division between us. I thought our parents would have taught you better." He looks ashamed at my words and I know my point is made. "Second, you won't be held back. This is not your fault. I'll deal with Riley."

Brighton's eyes widen. "You mean…is this because you broke it off?"

"And because I still won't marry him." I watch my brother scowl.

"That—" he stops himself from saying what he wants to say and I smile.

"Come, I'll walk you home and then I'll deal with it. After all, you're the brother to assistant of our Faction's illustrious leader. No one will hold you back unless you actually deserve it." I ignore his arguing that he would never really deserve it as I pick up my tablet and herd him out the door. It was time to put an end to this with Riley.


I adjust my outfit and prep my tablet before knocking on the door. I take a deep breath, reminding myself to calm down for a moment, before he opens it. Riley looks surprised, his face breaking out into a smug smile as he sees me.

"Riley Givens," I say lightly.

"Amelia Elswood," he replies. "What brings you to my door? Have you finally come to your senses?"

I smile, "I had a curious visitor a few minutes ago. Would you believe, that as I was busy working at home, there would be a knock at my door and to my surprise, it was my brother." I step forward and watch as the smile on his face slips. "He told me an intriguing tale. Funny how my brother is apparently going to be held back in evaluations for simply being a child. It is also humorous how none of the other children seemed to have faced the same punishment." I move my foot in-between the door and the frame as I move forward again.

"It is my right, as educator, to punish how I see fit."

"It is," I agree. "As it is my right as Jeanine's right hand woman to ensure that our educators are up to standard. You have failed. You have repeatedly harassed your superiors and now are using your position to undermine the education of our youths." I look to my tablet and press a button, sending off my request to Jeanine for approval. "You'll be reassigned in the morning." I smile again. "Enjoy your evening." I move back, ready to walk away as his face changes to fury. He throws open the door and storms towards me.

"You cannot do that!"

All pleasantry drops from my face. "I can and I did." I take a deep breath. "I did warn you, Riley. Repeatedly."

He grabs my arm and yanks me towards him as he reaches for the tablet with his other hand and throws it against the wall. I hear it crack, and sigh at the thought of another broken tablet, but I did not look away. His grip on my arm tightens. "This is petty, Amelia, even for you. Reverse it."

"Look in the mirror for an example of the pettiness you think you see in me. I warned you Riley," I nearly snarl. "You did this to yourself when you tried to use my family again me."

"You were not seeing sense! We're the best match for each other!" He pushes me against the wall.

"Clearly, I made the right decision," I reply. "Remove your hands from me." He looks are furious as I feel.

"You're making a mistake. Jeanine will never approve the request," he sneers.

"Then one of us will be very surprised in the morning, won't we?" The tablet beeps repeatedly from the floor. I look at Riley. "Excuse me." Riley removes his hand from me and I try not to wince at the sudden changes of pressure. My arm aches from his grip and my back and head are sore from hitting the wall. I refuse to show it.

I kneel down to pick up the tablet. There is a large crack along the screen, making it difficult to read. I close the alert and stand up straight. "If you'll excuse me, Jeanine is calling." I walk off, ignoring the slam of Riley's door. I will have to see how far I can demote him, preferably in a sector that is nowhere near me or my family. I look down at the tablet again and try to breathe out the tightness in my chest that builds at the thought of seeing what Jeanine wants now.


The tightness grows as I sit in a car that is headed to Dauntless. Apparently something has happened in the control room. Something that needs our immediate attention. Jeanine is busy in her research so I am left to find out for myself what is wrong. I am exhausted and it is likely I will not sleep tonight. I do not want to deal with Eric so close after Riley. I have no choice though. Jeanine was clear that our discussion on Riley will only happen after I deal with Dauntless. I just wish I was not alone.

I step out of the car to the familiar back entrance to Dauntless. Eric stands at the door, waiting.

"Amelia," he says, once more as if he owns it. I am immediately on guard. We did not leave things off well. He is in far too much of a good mood.

"Eric," I say curtly. I need to ensure that the boundaries are still set. "What's the problem?"

"You'll have to see for yourself," he says, opening the door to lead me inside. I walk along side him in silence, remembering the way among the twists and turns in the Dauntless tunnels. "You look tired," he says suddenly.

I try not to glare. "That occurs when one is forced from their bed to inspect possible damages."

His hands clasp behind his back, as if he is trying to look casual. "You are always welcome to mine while you're here."

"We spoke about this." I try to be stern. He is still pushing. "It's over." I can see his jaw clench out of the corner of my eye.

"What happened to your tablet?"

I clench my jaw, instantly reminded of what had just passed. Did Eric already know? Was he testing me again?

He stops and grabs my arm to stop me with him. "What happened?"

"Nothing." I stare back at him, determined not to back down. Eric steps closer.

"Something happened, Amelia," he drew out my name. "Or you wouldn't have reacted like that. What was it?" I clench my jaw tight, and watch as he scowls back. "I will find out regardless." And likely take action that could result in Riley's death. I won't have more blood on my hands.

"Riley threatened Brighton. I took care of it."

There is a pleased light in Eric's eyes and he moves closer. His hand touches my waist. "How did you take care of it?"

I push his hand off. "I spoke to Riley and am having him demoted."

Eric smirks. "That all?"

"For now," I say.

He leans forward, his face inches from mine. "I could…speak to him for you. Make sure the point got across."

My heart pounds in my chest. We've been like this before. I am instantly reminded of what it is like to kiss him, to be surrounded by him. "I have it under control. I have no desire to rid my faction of him permanently, and if I did I would have him factionless." I push against his chest, trying to make room between us. He moves, but I am not under the impression that it was due to my strength, or lack thereof. "We have work to do."

He steps back again, motioning for me to lead the way. I try not to roll my eyes and continue on. He is too easily compliant and it is making me nervous. There is a tightness in my chest that I cannot explain.


We make our way towards the control room. Hatch is on duty but he merely motions to us with a wave as we walk by. There is a tension in the room suddenly. Something has happened between the two. I push the thought out of my mind. It is not my problem to deal with. Instead, Eric moves forwards and opens the door to the computer room that we've installed and I stop. My mouth drops in shock at the sight that lays before me. I feel my throat closing up and tears are building before I can stop them.

"You can see why we contacted you. It's more than just…some damages."

The entire room is destroyed.

All of our work. All of our data. The computers are shattered. The hard drives are demolished. Nothing is salvageable. Nothing.

"What…who?" I ask. I cannot look away. All of my work is gone. Jeanine is going to be furious. Riley will not be demoted when I have to explain this. I will have to still deal with him. I will have to spend ages rebuilding.

"The culprits have already been caught and dealt with." Eric moves and suddenly I can feel him against my back. I can feel the tears falling. It's not fair.

"Shh…" Eric says, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me back into him. "We'll fix it. Make it better." I shake my head. That's not the point. I feel his head lower, his mouth next to my ear and his grip tight around my waist. "I told you Amelia," he whispers in my ear. "I always get what I want."

[tbc]