Author's note: Hi - I've just gotten back into this account and decided to relive my old love of fanfiction during this covid 19 lockdown... Please let me know your thoughts/comments.
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1.
Life sucks. I am not in any denial of this. It sucks.
Why does it suck I hear you ask? I have lived my whole life in a tiny town called La Push - the kind of town where everyone knows your business. The perfect example of this was when my parents split up, the whole flipping street seemed to know it was going to happen before 13 year old me found out. I'm 17 years old now and lets just say life is getting repetitive. Everyday seems to just roll into another day that looks exactly the same - over and over again. It's suffocating.
About 3 months ago my mother had cottoned on to the fact I seemed to hate existence at the moment - or be "down in the dumps" as she puts it - so she had started dragging me up to Forks every other week for a therapy session. I was basically fine, I don't know why she seemed to react this way, but I go along to the sessions as it makes her feel better.
"Kim, this isn't okay behaviour" she told me, "You don't have to talk to me about it if you don't want to, but I'm also not going to just let you sink into this. You're depressed, and therefore you're going to see someone who can help you with it". She cared like that. I know lots of teenagers fight with their parents, but I can't fault my mum for how much she always cared.
I think she was just stressed out as I had previously had these kind of issues. A year after my Dad had left and moved to Seattle I had become very frustrated, sad and anxious. I dealt with it for 5 months by cutting myself, until my mum found out and I had to see a therapist and take medication for a year. That wasn't happening again now, I had much better coping skills, but I guess my mum still worried.
Anyway, today seemed to be going well for me. I woke up on time (and managed to actually get up on time), my mum had made eggs for breakfast and as she didn't have work she gave me a lift to school so I didn't have to walk in the rain.
But most importantly… Jared Cameron was back at school today. After a 3 week absence.
I had heard a rumour he was back at lunchtime but it wasn't until last period that I saw it was true. I walked into English and there he was in all his glory. Sitting at our desk at the back in his seat next to mine.
English was by far my favourite subject, not because I actually liked the class but purely because I got to sit so close to Jared I could basically smell him. I know I sound ridiculous, but I have been crushing on Jared since kindergarten and honestly if you saw him you'd understand. He was like a gift from the Gods or something.
The only problem is that I swear he has literally no idea who I am. It doesn't matter how many times I ask to borrow a pen, how many 'partnered activities' we have to do in class - he has never given me more than a glance. That's my problem - I'm not really what you'd consider to be a popular kid, or even an attractive geeky kid. I'm literally just the most average person you'll ever meet, and therefore I'm completely unmemorable to people like Jared.
I role my eyes at my thoughts - if my therapist could hear me thinking right now she would say I was doing the opposite of what she tells me - "Stop always giving yourself such a hard time Kim. Give yourself the break that you'd give to others". Whatever, easier said than done when she doesn't have to look in the mirror and see me staring back.
I walked across the room and sat in my seat. I glanced over at Jared, who as predicted was not looking at me at all, but holy mother of god - this boy has grown. Like grown grown. He was sat in a t-shirt so could see his muscles. Honestly, Jared should get sick more often if this is what it does to him. He looked huge. He was tall, tanned, strong, his dark hair seemed maybe a little bit shorter like he'd had it cut. He was so gorgeous.
He bouncing his knee up and down was focused on the clock on the wall - I guess waiting for the class to start… or like me, waiting for school to be over.
I look my books out and started tapping my pen on the page waiting for the teacher to sort himself out and start the class.
Jared stilled his knee and without looking at me said "Do you mind?" in a sarcastic tone.
"What?" I said.
"Your pencil, the noise is annoying, stop hitting it" he replied and turned to glare at me.
Honestly, even when he glares he's attractive.
I continued to tap my pen and looked up at his eyes - he had been bouncing his knee after all, who gives him the right to ask me to stop?
When I looked at him pen slowed though, he really is just dreamy. His face seemed to soften as he looked back at me, and for once in my life it was like he was actually looking at me, like really seeing me for the first time.
"Hey" he said quietly.
"Uh, hi" I replied.
"Shit, Kim… you look really nice today". Was he joking? Jared never said stuff like this, ever.
"Um…" I didn't know what to say, he'd literally made me speechless, "thanks" I mumbled, blushing. "Are you feeling better?" I asked.
Before he replied, Mr Wilson cleared his throat and said "Right everyone, lets get started". I turned my head to look at him and the motion made my hair fall on my face, hopefully hiding my red cheeks from Jared.
I tried my best to focus on what Mr Wilson was saying, but Jared kept watching me throughout the class - it was slightly odd and made me feel a bit self conscious.
The bell rang and I tried to pack up as quickly as possible. I picked up my bag and went to stand up and this made Jared reach out and touch my arm with hand. It surprised me and I flinched at the warmth touching my skin. He looked a bit hurt by this and pulled his hand back immediately.
"I'll see you tomorrow Kim?" It sounded more of a question than a statement.
"See you tomorrow Jared." I replied. Of course he'd see me tomorrow, I was here every day.
His face seemed to brighten up at this and he stood up, "great!" he replied. Then as if to continue the weirdness of it all he grabbed his backpack and practically ran out the classroom door leaving me stood there looking after him.
