5.
Jared and I had spend as much of English as possible chatting without Mr Wilson noticing our lack of attention to the lesson.
It was heaven.
Jared's now been hanging out with me for about a month and it's been amazing. In my head I had decided that Jared and I would get on perfectly, but the reality of the situation is that we get on even better than that.
We have the same sense of humour, the same taste in TV and films, we like the same foods (although I'm pretty sure Jared likes every food). The list is endless.
I didn't think it was possible for me to fall for Jared any more than I had previously been crushing on him. But, Kim - you just keep on surprising yourself.
I felt like I was floating through this new reality with Jared. Part of me felt like it had to be a big joke, but a bigger part of me was telling myself not to question it and to just go with it while it was making me feel good.
Spending time with Jared was making me feel happy. More to the point it was making me feel something.
I found Jared energising the same way that I often found other things draining.
"Kim… Can I ask you something?" Jared said, looking at me. We were walking from English towards the canteen but seemed to be going the long way around, which involved going outside and around the side of school, just to keep chatting together a bit longer.
"Sure Jared" I said.
"The other day at your house…" he paused, seeming to not know how to phrase what he wanted to ask. So I waited patiently for him to continue. "When your mum came home… She was talking about the doctor and medication you were - or are - on…" He looked at me.
"Kim, are you sick?" he finally asked, looking concerned.
Oh god. What am I meant to say to this? How am I going to stop him from wanting to run a mile from me.
"Err…" I started. I didn't know what to say at all.
"I'm not sick" I finally settled on, good one Kim - really clearing it up for him. "I - I've been having some problems… not like physically if that makes sense", I looked down at my feet. This was so awkward. "I've just been taking some medication to help with that. Not sure if that makes sense but… I'm okay. There's nothing wrong" I said. My mum would accuse me of classically playing things down here… but like.. what else could you say?
"Oh…" Jared said. I couldn't make eye contact with him.
"Kim, I had no idea - I… If you ever need to speak to anyone, or anything - I hope you know that you can speak to me" Jared said. He raised his hand and lifted the my chin so that our eyes met. "I know things can be difficult, and it's hard to reach out but I want you to know that I am here for you. Whenever you need me." He smiled at me - and not a pity smile, or malicious in any way, it was a genuine, honest smile, from someone who actually seemed to really care about me.
"Thanks Jared." I replied, " I really appreciate that. It's not really something that I like to talk about much but I'll let you know if I ever want to talk." I said.
Jared smiled again at that and then stepped forward and pulled me into a hug. He was warm and he smelled of the forest and fresh laundry powder, and it made me feel safe.
"Okay, lets go get some food!" I said.
This week it had become apparent that Embry had now joined our "group". I'm calling it a group now because it seems that every day Jared, Paul, and I - and now Embry too - sit together at a table in the back of the lunch room.
This was odd in itself, because although Jared and Paul were friends before, a few months ago they would have been sat with their old friends. I would have been on a walk or at the library by myself (or sometimes sat with my friends). But Embry, only 3 weeks ago, was inseparable from his two best friends Jacob and Quil - and now for some reason he wasn't sitting with them, and he didn't seem to be having anything to do with them.
I had heard rumours around the school that Sam Uley was recruiting new people to join his "gang". Looking around the table, it seemed I was now sat with said "gang", and it definitely didn't feel like much of a gang. It also didn't really seem like Sam was the kind of person to be in a gang when I met him at the weekend - let alone recruiting for one.
I noticed Jacob and Quil staring at Embry from across the room, but Embry seemed to be making a point of not looking their way.
I had to ask… "Hey Embry? Did you and Jake or Quil have an argument or something?"
His eyes shot up to look at me and Paul turned to look at us too, when previously he had been not so subtly looking at a group of girls sat by the window.
"No we didn't" he replied, the tone of his voice saying that he had nothing left to add.
"Well, do you want them to come and sit with us? I'm happy to go and ask for you?" I replied. Embry's face turned into a frown as I spoke, clearly not comfortable with the idea.
"Em's fine" Paul spoke up, looking between Embry and I. "Just leave it Kim", he said, making me frown.
It seemed like something had definitely happened but no one wanted to say anything about it, and it felt like I would be hitting a nerve by asking any more questions - so I did what Paul asked and just left it.
This was a shorter one but thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think so far? :)
