A/N: Thank you all so much for reading this. I cannot express my gratitude to all of you. Thank you.
Chapter Forty-Seven
The sheet is pulled down, exposing my back to the temperature of the room. I blearily look around, wondering why I am cold. Eric is getting dressed.
"Shit," he says quietly. "I was trying not to wake you."
I watch him for a moment as he pulls on his boots. He is likely off on another task to hunt some other person down. Another innocent. I try not to sigh. It is odd to compare what I know of the man before me. His obsession and inclination to murder contrasted against the odd moments of gentleness and desire that shows during sex.
"The other Dauntless are hiding in Candor. We're going to root them out."
I do not respond.
"Don't fucking do that," he mutters. "Don't hide from me."
"How am I hiding?" I ask, finally speaking up. "I am in plain sight."
"In here," he leans forwards and taps my head. "I'll be back. I left you breakfast on the table." He kisses me quickly before he leaves.
The breakfast Eric left was a couple of muffins. It is not enough to sustain me for longer than a few hours, despite the inclination to not eat. I languish in his bed before I finally dress and attempt to make some use of myself. I finish a book on the question of nature versus nurture before I grow tired. Sleep comes easily but when I wake, I am in the same position. There is nothing to do and for a moment, I feel like one of the lab rats of Erudite. Trapped without proper care for my needs. It is enough to spur me into action. I stare at the door. It swings open into the apartment. I change quickly into the black clothing that Eric has left in the drawer with the few things he had taken from my apartment.
For all that my mother has taught me, she is not my only teacher. I have spent many moments with my father, having him patiently explain the mechanisms of his work to me. It provides me with a solid foundation. One that will serve me well.
It takes me a moment to find something that will work. Thankfully, while Eric does not leave me with utensils, he does have knives hidden throughout his room. As though he did not expect me to look, especially at the top of the bookshelves. One is underneath the bed, tucked into a holster that he has managed to secure on his side.
I expect Eric to open the door as I maneuver the knife under the bottom hinge pin. It would suit the trend of my recent history if he appeared now. I slam the heel of my palm into the butt of the knife. The hinge pops up.
I use the knife as a lever to help force the pin higher before I am able to grab it. It does not come easily. Trying to pull it out with my bare hands hurts, especially when it sticks. Thankfully, one of Eric's shirts provides enough coverage to allow me to yank it out. It feels like a small win. He's provided me with my means of escape.
It takes longer to get the top pin out, merely because of the height of it. I let it fall to the floor with the other. The door is heavier than I expected and I lose my grip on it once I managed to get it out of the frame. It falls with a loud bang.
I glance around quickly. Eric does not come storming in from around the corner. In fact, the hall is oddly quiet. It is unnerving when Dauntless is silent. It's a juxtaposition to the whole faction.
I move slowly down the hall in the direction that I recall Eric brought me in. There is no one in the halls that I pass. I know there are cameras throughout here. If Eric returns and finds me gone, he will be pissed. I need to get out quickly.
I stay close to the walls when the paths suddenly drop on one side. I do not come across anyone before I find myself back at the control room. I turn away instantly. I hate that room. It is a visual representation of everything I have done wrong. I wish I could destroy it like Eric had torn apart the first one, but I do not have the time to spare.
As I walk the familiar way leading out of Dauntless, voices echo through the chamber. I pause. I cannot go down a different path. I do not know the routes of this faction aside from the one I am on. It is my best chance. I just have to hope that the sounds are far enough away that I can escape.
I am dressed as though I am Dauntless. My hair is loose around my shoulders. It has to be enough if I come across them.
I move quickly. I do not know how much time I have. I try to ignore the rising panic. Now that I am close, I have a distinct feeling that something is about to go wrong. I did not expect to ever reach this point. Eric would keep me as a pet and I did not think I would ever get a chance to leave.
"Hey!" A voice calls out behind me. I am running before I am even aware I moved. I am so close. The door is around the corner and once I get outside...I need to try.
A weight hits my back and sends me sprawling forward. I try to scramble back to my feet but whoever hit me grabs me, pulling me back.
"No!" I hit back at my attacker. I cannot go back. Not when I'm almost out. I am no match for any Dauntless.
I am spun to lie on my back, facing them. My hands are quickly pinned to my sides. I stare up at the person holding me, eyes wide as I try to catch my breath.
"Please let me go," I say. "Don't put me back."
The man above me frowns, looking confused. "What?" He peers closely at my face. "Who are you?"
I swallow tightly. What can I tell them? I am Erudite? I am factionless? Or do I tell them that I am Eric's prize, kept locked away until this moment?
"You're not Dauntless, that's for sure. Come on." He stands up and drags me to my feet.
"Please, don't take me back there," I pull at his grip on my wrist. "Don't give me back to Eric."
He laughs slightly. "Yeah, that's not happening." He drags me back into the faction. Every step I take diminishes the hope that I had. I was so close. If I had just been a bit faster...with my feet or the door or something.
The man does not take me back towards Eric's apartment. Instead, he pulls me to a large open area. There are others there. I glance around quickly but I do not see Eric. My throat tightens as he pulls me towards a small group of people.
"Look what I found!" he calls out. "She was heading for the exit."
They all turn to look at me. I try to steady myself, to keep myself from recoiling. I pull on the same strength that held me still every time I faced Jeanine. There was no way out. Not now.
Some of them frown at the sight of me.
"Who is this?" A tall woman with long dark hair asks. "A spy?"
"No," I say quickly. "I'm not that."
"I know you," another speaks up. "You're Erudite."
Murmurs break out around me. It takes everything to keep myself from shuddering.
"I was. I left."
"Why?" the woman asks. She is watching me closely.
"I…" I pause. There was no point to not tell the truth. I had tried to escape. Perhaps my fate was meant to be here, facing the judgement of these people. "I was Jeanine's assistant." There is a loud uproar at that. I try not to flinch. The woman makes a motion and the man next to her yells for quiet. When the crowd falls silent, I continue. "I was her assistant," I repeat. "Until I was told that she gave me to Eric in payment for his cooperation. I broke faction. Eric...he found me. He brought me here."
"Eric's dead," she says.
A laugh bubbles up out of me before I can stop it and I clasp a hand over my mouth. They look at me as if I have lost my mind. I can't help it. All the fear, the wanting, the imprisonment...it's over. Eric is gone. He's gone. I think of his hands, his mouth and the way he possessed me with both. I was his. He knew every part of me and now he's gone. I think about the fact that no one else has touched me since he decided to claim me. If he is dead, does that still make me his?
"Is she okay?" I hear something ask.
My shoulders shake and somehow, the laughter turns to tears. What is to become of me now? Eric had said he would protect me, even if he could not from himself. I have only myself now and I am acutely aware of what I deserve.
I straighten my shoulders and wipe my face. I have been set free and yet remain imprisoned. There truly is no escape. From any of it.
"Put her in a cell. We're not Jeanine. She can stand trial like the rest of them."
"What if she finds out that we have her assistant?" someone asks.
"She put an order for my death," I inform them. I fear a trial by Candor, but I will face their justice. I will just ask that my family not be informed. Let them think I died some other way. Or escaped.
The woman nods. "A cell. We'll deal with her after."
The man who caught me drags me back. This time, others follow, as if ensuring that I cannot escape. I do not have anywhere to go. I had just wanted a release from Eric. I obtained that, though not in any form that I expected.
They do not speak. I am brought down a path that I do not recognize. There are doors along one side and they finally pause. A button is pushed before I am motioned to enter. The room is small.
"You'll stay here 'til the trial. Don't bother trying to get out. You won't manage it." The door closes. I am left in the dark.
I feel my way to the cot that lays against a wall. I sit down and pull my knees to my chest. A trial is more than I deserve. For once, I am not tired and my mind roams through everything that has brought me here. I made my choices. They simply did not serve me well. Or anyone else.
Eric is dead.
It is hard to believe. The man I knew seemed invincible. He had been so determined to have his way. I expected he would survive everything simply out of spite. I remember his words though, the hope that we enjoyed what time we had left. He knew we were destined to this. No matter what he had tried. We have too much blood on our hands to ever be granted some semblance of peace.
I close my eyes. I had the opportunity to do more. I could have at least tried to save them but I didn't. I am not Abnegation. I have only ever been selfish. I have only ever wanted to be able to live in peace. I have not known the feeling since the Abnegation woman at my test looked at me with fear in her eyes and I demanded the truth. I should have stayed willfully ignorant.
There is no point in thinking about the things I should have done. I cannot go back in time. I cannot change this. I just...I just wish I had that peace I had dreamed of. I wish I could see my family once more. I just want to tell them I'm sorry. I want to tell them that I tried.
I do not know how much time passes. Someone stops by occasionally, bringing me something to eat. It is almost as though I am an afterthought, but if they are ensuring Jeanine's downfall, I will not complain. The woman should be subjected to her own tests.
I think of Vera. Of all those I have done wrong, her face still appears to me clearly. She was a child, full of hope for her new home. I think of Catherine, who only wanted the best position she could achieve. I should have given it to her when it was first offered to me. I cannot count how many times I have done wrong, but they sit on my chest, holding their threat to see me drowned in remorse.
I even consider Eric, with his obsession and desire to possess me. Somehow even he was clear in his affection. He was right though. We're fucked up.
The door opens, blinding me for a moment with the light. I blink, allowing my eyes to adjust before I look to see who is there. It is a woman I do not recognize. She wears the clothes of the factionless and there is something in her gaze...it reminds me of Jeanine. So much so that I am on my feet before I can stop myself.
"You're the assistant."
"I was," I reply.
She nods for a moment and the light in the room turns on. The door closes behind her. "They say you were Jeanine's right hand." I frown slightly. That term was mainly used in Erudite. "There are more than a few factionless from Erudite. They know all about you."
"They would," I say softly.
"I am told you said Jeanine sold you."
"She made a deal with Eric, one of the old Dauntless leaders. They said that he's dead."
"He is," the woman confirms. "My son killed him. He was executed for his crimes. Jeanine is dead too."
It is clear, suddenly, why she is here. It's not for an interrogation. The knowledge settles in me and I stare at her for a moment. This was always a possibility. If I ran the numbers, the statistics for this outcome are high. I have done too much in the name of my own safety for anything else.
"You are to be tried for your crimes," she says.
"You've already decided, haven't you?" I meet her eyes. There is not an ounce of sympathy in them. "It does not matter what I say. You think I'm guilty."
"You're responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people."
"I know." I pause for a second before I make a request. "My family had no idea what I did. Tell them that I'm sorry. Please."
I watch as she pulls the gun out from behind her. I stare at it. I expected to be more scared, to try to find a way out. Truthfully, I am tired and I know what I deserve.
This is it. My family is gone, hopefully safe. They will recover. Eric and Jeanine are dead and I am going to join them. There really is no escape, not from them.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. So be it.
