Innocent civilians flee from the scene of the car crash while armed mercenaries approach the scene, machine guns in hand. They hide behind vehicles, waiting for Deadpool to enact his plan. Deadpool then slowly rolls down the car window before popping his head out. "Hey." The bad guys begin firing at him, causing him to yelp and quickly duck back into the car.
A few of the mercenaries, curious to see if he's dead, approach the vehicle. Deadpool then lifts his arms out of the vehicle. They're about to fire when he stops them. "Wait!" You may be wondering, 'Why the red suit?' Well that's so bad guys can't see me bleed. This guy's got the right idea. He wore the brown pants." Offended, the goon in the brown pants, whose name tag reads, 'Chet', shoots at him, causing him to put his arms back into the car. "Fine. I only have twelve bullets, so you're gonna have the share." He then speaks to the audience. "Let's count 'em down."
Deadpool then leaps out of the vehicle and does a corkscrew, firing two shots in the process. The bottoms of the shell casings read '12' and '11'. The shots go right through the heads of Chet and one of the other goons. The other goon's name tag reads, 'Lorenzo'. After those two are dead, the rest begin shooting. A third motorcyclist begins riding towards Deadpool's location and fires at him, managing to hit him in the arm. The motorcyclist then begins to circle back. Deadpool checks the damage and sticks his finger through his bullet wound.
"Shit." However, the wound begins to heal. But through the wound, Deadpool sees the motorcyclist approaching. "Motherfucker! 10!" Fires a bullet, but the motorcyclist dodges it. "Shit. 9." Fires another bullet, but the motorcyclist dodges again. "Fuck." The motorcyclist fires at Deadpool. "Eight." Fires another bullet, but he misses. "Shit – fuck." Jumps over the vehicle and aims his weapon at the motorcyclist, but he's too far out of range. "Bad Deadpool." Deadpool then notices a goon, whose name tag reads, 'Max', looking behind the vehicle, not realizing the crazy, armed mercenary is standing right behind him. "Seven." Fires a bullet, which goes through the Max's head. "Good Deadpool."
The goons continue firing, but Deadpool manages to avoid each shot. One goon, whose name tag reads, 'Lightning', tries his damndest to hit him, but Deadpool corkscrews over a vehicle before hiding behind another vehicle. Lightning then hides on the other side of the same vehicle and begins reloading. Deadpool, hearing silence, looks through the car window. Lightning finishes reloading and aims his weapon. Deadpool ducks as Lightning fires at him. Lightning then climbs onto the hood of the car and aims his gun at Deadpool, who's in a nonchalant position. He's about to fire, but there's one major oversight… he's out of ammo.
"Someone's not counting." Deadpool fires a bullet into Lightning's skull. "Six." Two goons, whose name tags read, 'Rock and Spud', then hide behind a vehicle not too far from Deadpool's location. Deadpool peers behind the vehicle to see what they have planned. Rock pulls out a grenade and removes the safety pin, preparing to launch it at Deadpool. In slow-motion, Deadpool emerges from behind the vehicle and holds out his weapon. He fires a bullet, the bottom of the shell casing reading '5', which hits the grenade, causing it to explode, resulting in it killing both Rock and Spud. Deadpool then does a minor celebratory dance. "Mucha cinco."
Another goon then fires his weapon, with one of the bullets hitting Deadpool right in, or rather through, the asshole. Deadpool falls the ground, seemingly defeated. The goon, whose name tag reads, 'Beardo', approaches him cautiously. "Four," Deadpool said weakly, before firing a bullet through Beardo's forehead. "Gotcha." Deadpool grunts in agony as he gets up. "Right up main street." He then fires to more bullets into Beardo's corpse. "Three, two! Stupid! Worth it."
The remaining goons, whose name tags read, 'Pete, Jacques, and Jo', continue to fire at Deadpool, resulting in him taking cover behind a car. Jo approaches the vehicle Deadpool's hiding behind, and motions for the other two to follow "him". They approach the area and are about to go behind the vehicle, but Deadpool jumps onto the hood before doing yet another corkscrew. By the time the goons notice him, he's already firing a bullet, which goes through Jacques and Pete's heads and onto Jo's forehead. The final shell casing drops to the ground, the bottom of which reads '1'.
Deadpool then smells the gun smoke before breathing it out with great enthusiasm. "I'm touching myself tonight." He then approaches one of the goon's vehicles. "Al! Al." Looks in the backseat of the vehicle and finds… no one. "What the shit-biscuit! Where you at, Al?" Behind him, Jo begins standing up. Apparently, the bullet was dented just enough as to not go through "his" skull, but to momentarily disorient "him".
Deadpool hears "him" getting up and groans loudly as he turns around the face "him". "You're not Al. You're not even a male" Jo, who turns out to be a female, pulls the bullet off her forehead before turning towards Deadpool. She then begins to roll up her sleeves. "Really? Rolling up the sleeves?" Jo then pulls out two knives, which she has great skill over, and begins approaching Deadpool. She's about the strike when Deadpool pulls out his twin katanas, which he also has great skill over, and shoves them straight through Jo's abdomen. He then lifts Jo over his head, and a freeze frame occurs.
Deadpool then begins speaking through a voiceover. "You're probably thinking, 'My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie, but that guy in the red suit just turned that girl into a fucking kabab!' Well, I may be super, but I'm no hero. And yeah, technically, this is a murder. But some of the best love stories start with a murder. And that's exactly what this is… a love story. And to tell it right, I gotta take you back to long before. I squeezed this ass into red spandex." We get a close up of his ass.
