We cut back to Deadpool being thrown sideways into a car in slow motion. He begins talking through voiceover.
"Okay. Let's pro-con this superhero thing." Time resumes back to normal, and we see Deadpool land right into the car and fall to the ground in pain. "Pro: They pull down a gaggle of ass. Local dry-cleaning discounts. Lucrative film deals, both origin stories, and larger ensemble team movies. Con…" Deadpool begins speaking to the audience. "They're all lame-ass teacher's pets."
"You know, I can hear you, right?" Colossus said.
"Wasn't talking to you. I was talking to them." Points at the audience as he begins to get up.
Colossus stares menacingly at Al. "Stay right here." He begins approaching Deadpool. "You've been warned before, Deadpool. This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers. You will both be coming with us."
"Look, DJ, I don't have time for the goody two-shoes bullshit right now!" Notices Negasonic Teenage Warhead standing next to Colossus. "And you are?"
Gwen looks at him cynically, before stoically answering his question. "Negasonic Teenage Warhead."
"Negasonic Teenage… What the shit? That's the coolest name ever!" Negasonic Teenage Warhead shrugs. "So, what, you're like, uh, his sidekick?"
"No," Colossus said. "Trainee."
"Let me guess: X-Men left you behind on what? Shit detail?"
Negasonic Teenage Warhead sits on the hood of a car. "What does that make you?" Negasonic Teenage Warhead asked Deadpool.
"Pretending you're not here, Negasonic Teenage Warhead. Can we trade names?" Punches Al in the face.
"Can we go?" Negasonic Teenage Warhead asked Colossus.
Deadpool then begins to act like a stereotypical moody teenage girl. "Look, I'm a teenage girl. I'd rather be anywhere than here. I'm all about long sullen silences, followed by mean comments, followed by more silences." He goes back to his usual persona. "So what's it gonna be, huh? Long sullen silence, or mean comment? Go on."
Gwen is sullenly silent for a while before giving an answer. "You got me in a box here."
"Aha!" Deadpool cheers in triumph.
"We can't allow this, Deadpool," Colossus said. "Please, come quietly."
"You big chrome cock-gobbler!"
"That's not nice."
"You're really gonna fuck this up for me? Trust me." Points angrily at Al. "That wheezing bag of dick-tips has it coming. He's pure evil. Besides… Nobody's getting hurt." Leonard's corpse falls from the street sign onto the top of a car. Everyone momentarily turns their attention towards it before they resume their conversation. "That guy was already up there when I got here."
"Duncan, you are better than this," Colossus said. "Join us. Use your powers for good."
Deadpool throws a hubcap at Al's head. "Heads up."
"Be a superhero."
"Listen! The day I decide to become a crime-fighting shit-swizzler, who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners…" Al secretly begins removing Deadpool's katana from his shoulder. "At the Neverland mansion of some creepy, old, bald, Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker… On that day… I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request. But until then, I'mma do what I came here to do. Either that, or slap the bitch outta you!"
Negasonic Teenage Warhead notices Al has escaped. "Hey."
Deadpool looks menacingly at NTW. "Zit it, Sinéad."
"Hey, Douche-pool!"
Deadpool turns around the face Al. "And I hope you're watching." Sees that his katana's snapped in half and that Al has escaped on his motorcycle. Deadpool gives an exasperated gasp and a shocked facial expression under his mask before turning towards Colossus.
"Quite unfortunate."
Deadpool turns his head back and forth between the area where Al was and Colossus, dumbfounded that his big opportunity was blown by Colossus. This leads to Deadpool getting mad.
"That does it!" He jumps in the air and proceeds to try and punch Colossus in the face. However, given the fact that he's made of metal, all it does is break his hand. Deadpool begins yelling in pain. "Canada!" Moves his broken hand around. "That's not good."
"Duncan, please," Colossus said, trying to defuse the situation.
Deadpool then speaks in falsetto. "Cock shot!" Tries to hit Colossus where it hurts the most. However, his dick is also metal, causing Deadpool to break his other hand. "Oh, your poor wife."
"You really should stop."
Deadpool groans as his broken hands sway back and forth. "All the dinosaurs feared the T-Rex." He then does a corkscrew maneuver, intending to kick Colossus in the face. And once more, it's metal, so he breaks his leg, causing him to scream in pain. However, Negasonic Teenage Warhead is enjoying every moment of this. "I promise this gets worse for you, big boy!"
"This is embarrassing," Colossus said. "Please, stay down." However, Deadpool doesn't listen and gets back up, hoping on one leg.
"You ever hear of the on-legged man in the ass-kicking contest?"
"Do you have off switch?"
"Yeah, it's right next to the prostate. Or is that the on switch?"
"Enough!" Colossus knocks Deadpool into a car window, much to Negasonic Teenage Warhead's enjoyment. Deadpool groans in pain as Colossus places the cuffs on him and begins dragging him to the jet. "Let us go talk to the Professor."
"Don or Xavier? This crossover is so confusing. 'Dead or alive, you're coming with me!'
"You will recover, Duncan. You always do."
Deadpool's hand heals and snaps back into place. He then takes a knife out of its holder. He then turns towards the audience.
"You ever see 127 hours?" He asked the audience. "Spoiler alert." He then begins cutting off his own hand.
As they're approaching the jet, Negasonic Teenage Warhead hears something and turns her attention towards Deadpool and sees what he's doing, gaining a look of disgust on her face. "Oh my god. Nasty."
Colossus holds Deadpool up and sees what he's doing. A portion of the blood hits Colossus in the face, causing him to vomit in his mouth.
"Oh, there's the money shot, baby. Are you there God? It's me, Margaret." Deadpool then uses Colossus as leverage and completely cuts off his hand, falling off the bridge into the back of a dump truck. Colossus then notices Deadpool's separated hand is flipping him off, much to his annoyance.
We then cut to Deadpool wallowing in self-pity as he begins speaking through voiceover.
"Rock, meet bottom. And when life ends up breathtakingly fucked, you can generally trace it back to one big, bad decision."
