Chapter 41 Changes - GOOD HEAVENS! Part VI GOD SAVE THE QUEEN! (English)
For the next several days Layton and Melanie both seemed to do an admirable job of avoiding each other. Melanie had even stopped sleeping at the cabin, opting to stay with Bennett instead. Not that he complained much.
But she still needed to stop by their quarters to shower and change cloths. Thankfully, for those several days, she never ran into Layton. Though she doubted it had much to do with luck. Every time she stopped by, she noted that nothing in their quarters seemed to change. The bed never looked like it was slept in, there were no cloths left on the floor, or dirty dishes, or any sign she could tell he ever showered there. Everything was always just the way it had been the day before.
Sometimes the realization left a deep pain in her chest.
Where was he staying?
Was he safe?
Had he left?
Was he ever coming back?
She would check the closet. But his clothes were still there. And the few things he had were still scattered about the cabin, like his books and his tattered old suitcase.
That would ease the pain a little.
But the fear remained that she would come back one day and the quarters would be solely her's again. That his cloths, his personal items, even the tattered old suitcase, would all be gone.
But even that fear was swept away one night when she had to venture back to their quarters unexpectedly. She was pulling the nightshift at the helm and wanted to work on a few notes she had left in the cabin. It wasn't too late yet, and so thankfully the outer room, while cold, hadn't reached it's lowest temperature for the night yet. Quietly opening the door as she always did, the first thing that greeted her in the darkness of the cabin was a small amount of light peeping out from under the door to the bedroom.
Quietly creeping into the quarters, guided by the small light shining under the doorway, she followed it to the bedroom.
As that there was a light on on the other side of the door, Melanie wasn't sure what to expect. But she steeled herself up for whatever she was going to be facing as she pressed the button next to the door and it slid open with just the smallest sound of a hiss.
But she quickly let out the breath she suddenly realized she was holding.
Laying in the bed, wrapped up in the covers, was Layton, fast asleep by the sound of things.
Melanie stood in the doorway for a few moments just watching him. He had apparently fallen asleep while reading. The book laying on his chest. Though she hadn't seen him in more days than she remembered, he looked mostly the same. A little more worn. But she was sure so did she.
She had spent a large part of her waking hours worried about him these past few days. While she suspected, as always, Miss Audrey took him in, she hadn't ventured down to the Night Car to ask, afraid she might inadvertently run into him there.
But what had changed? Why was he back now? Had Audrey tossed him out for some reason? Was he staying somewhere else where the space he slept in suddenly became unavailable?
Despite her questions, Melanie smiled slightly as she noted he had wasted no time in moving all but one pillow over to his side, where he had them circled around him. But one sole pillow remained on her side, as though he fully expected, or hoped, she would come back that night. That he wanted her to have at least one of her pillows to sleep on.
Melanie crept silently over to her side of the bed and quickly retrieved her notes, then headed back out without waking him. But reaching the table in the main room, she suddenly stopped and pulled out a blank sheet of paper. She quickly scribbled a note and left it for him on the table before she left.
'I'm glad you're back. I didn't want to wake you.'
Not to sappy, she contended, but it still conveyed how she felt. That she had been happy to see him back sleeping at the cabin, and now maybe they could just let things go back to normal.
The next day she didn't go through the same rigorous moves of avoiding him as before. But she still didn't run into him that day either, which she actually found herself feeling a bit of regret over. But she sternly reminded herself that he had a job to do also. It wasn't like he could just stop by the engine room and see if she wanted to have lunch with him.
To occupy her time as she tried to catch a little sleep after working all night, she thought out something to cook that night, planning to surprise him with a hot cooked meal when he showed up that evening back at the cabin.
When she returned to their quarters, sure he would be there, she found them empty again. But to her surprise, her note was gone and a new sheet of paper was on the table, on which he had answered her.
'We need to talk.'
Melanie stared at the carefully written out letters. Just from the handwriting, she could imagine how the sentence would sound if he had been standing in front of her saying it instead.
They weren't angry. But they were still rigid. It wasn't anything like the notes they sometimes left each other in passing. Each letter in this note was etched with purpose.
Melanie frowned slightly at the note. She didn't see it as his offering her a suggestion.
She wasn't sure what to answer him. But she wanted him to know she had seen the note. So instead she simply took the paper and folded it in half, turning the side he had written on face down and leaving the blank lower half face up. That, she felt, conveyed a solid answer to his 'suggestion'.
For the next two days she avoided their quarters, giving plenty of time for him to see her 'answer'. Bennett was starting to get suspicious something was going on between the two, but he never pressed her. Layton never interfered in his relationship with Melanie, and he always returned the favor. And since they usually worked rotating shifts with Javi, it wasn't like she spent every night in his cabin anyway. In addition, as soon as they realized she was putting in longer than usual hours and pulling some late shift work, the apprentice horde had surprise adopted her (aka kidnapped) several of those nights for study groups in their cabins.
But on the third day, she did venture back. Opening the door, she quickly scanned the room. But not getting the sense anyone was present, she let her gaze drift over to the table.
She could tell immediately the note had been moved. She had left it blank side up. But someone had turned the note over again.
She slowly walked over to it and silently stared down at the words.
'We need to talk.'
She picked the paper up, intending to simply turn it over again. But when she did so, she realized he hadn't simply turned the paper over. He had written the same message on her side of it.
For some reason the note irritated her. Didn't he understand? She didn't want to talk about it. It was a mistake. An aberration. Better left to become a forgotten memory.
Holding up the paper, she turned it over and folded the paper once more, leaving a blank half page facing up again. That should get her message across.
Laying it back on the table, she left once more.
She didn't have the patience to wait more than a day for his answer. The next morning she went back to their quarters. Opening the door, she went through the same ritual of checking out the quarters first before turning her attention to the paper.
She had hoped to see the same blank page laying there. Although she conceded that wouldn't prove he had actually been there. She had no idea when he came by the cabin, or how often.
But the page wasn't blank. And the single word written on it in flowing, elegant letters left a solid lump in her throat. And no escape for her this time.
'Please.'
To refuse his request now would likely put their relationship in more jeopardy than she felt it already was.
She didn't want to lose the relationship. Of that she was sure.
But she didn't want it to change either. It suited her. She was comfortable with him the way things were.
Maybe he was right. Maybe ignoring this wasn't going to fix anything.
Maybe they did need to talk.
But she wasn't going into it blind. And first, she felt maybe she needed to get some advice. Emotions and feelings weren't her thing any more than she felt they were Layton's. She had spent the last seven years burying her's. And sometimes she thought he didn't handle them much better. On those occasions she saw him more as a bull in a china shop where emotions were concerned.
But that wasn't going to work any better than her method of burying everything so deep it never saw the light of day again.
What they needed was a mediator. Someone more experienced to set them back on the right track.
"Well, well, well." Audrey started as Melanie came up to the bar. "I was wondering when you were going to show up. You and Mr. Layton still playing that little cat and mouse game of yours?"
It was still early, so the Night Car wasn't particularly crowded. Mostly just staff setting up for the evening crowd. And although all the stools around the bar were empty, Melanie still didn't take the first seat she approached. Instead she stepped to the side and took one two chairs down from it. She wasn't sure why. The other stool just seemed to suit her better. Maybe it was the vantage point.
"It's not a game, Audrey." Melanie stated in a low, level tone. She had come for help. Not a lecture.
"Then you should stop treating it like one."
Melanie just fixed a hard stare on her. This wasn't off to a great start in her opinion.
Audrey caught the stare and decided to choose a different path. "Odd that you would choose that particular seat." She commented casually.
"Why?"
"Because that's the exact same seat your counterpart has been warming every night for the past several nights...in a row. Honestly, Melanie, you throw him out and he has NO-where else to go?"
"I didn't throw him out."
Audrey shrugged her comment off. "I suppose that's true. You had a disagreement and, as per usual, neither one of you has the capacity to handle the fallout afterwards. I do swear, Melanie, can't you two settle even the simplest matter between yourselves in this...relationship of yours?"
"It wasn't a...disagreement." Melanie replied, turning her attention to the bar. "Things between us are just...complicated right now."
Audrey leaned across the bar at her, giving her a halfway stern look. "Only because your both making it that way."
Melanie frowned at her. "Do you even know what any of this is about, Audrey?"
"When your...ally...has been sitting there...night after night...after NIGHT, drinking half of my stock while he rambles away, what do you think?"
Melanie's expression shifted to one of caution. The fact Audrey had referred to Layton only as her 'ally' and not as 'friend' spoke volumes to her about what the other woman knew regarding her relationship with Layton. "He's been drinking? AND talking?"
Audrey went about setting up the bar for the early evening. "Not a good combination, I know." She gave Melanie a knowing smile. "But I've always found its the best way to get to the bottom of things."
"Then you should understand why its not simple, Audrey." Melanie repeated.
"No." The woman refuted. "I understand why it IS simple."
Melanie sighed to herself. This was not going the way she wanted it to. It was time to try and drag the conversation back on the right track.
"Audrey..."
But the woman quickly cut her off, though still giving her what she wanted. "So you kissed him. So what?" She asked in a blatantly casual manner as she set a bottle of something purple colored on the shelf behind her.
"I didn't..."
But Audrey turned back to her in a snap, leaning over the bar at her once again. "You kissed him. He kissed you. You played a little apocalyptic slap and tickle." The woman threw her arms up. "It happens." Audrey leaned over the bar at her again. "It's called 'stress', Melanie. I thought you'd be better acquainted with it."
"Audrey...," Melanie began. But she stopped just as quickly, then tried again. "Afterwards...things aren't the same now. This...this thing...it changed everything between us. Now he hates me..."
"Who told you that?" The Night Car owner quickly cut her off.
"He did!"
"When?"
"Audrey, he is doing due diligence to avoid me. I haven't seen him in..."
"Have you tried? Or are you playing the exact same game? In which case, you get the exact same result."
Melanie answered her this time in a frustrated tone. "I just want things back the way they used to be between us."
Audrey suddenly glanced up as though looking behind her. "Oh look! That boat has set sail and everyone on the dock is standing there waving goodbye." Audrey stated before turning another slightly stern look to Melanie. "Because that's how the past is for you two, my girl. Things are never going to be the same between you again. But that's what a relationship is." She went on, hoping to make her friend see that change wasn't always bad. "It's always changing. Always growing. Evolving. Sometimes for the good. Sometimes...for the not so good. So, which is it for you and Andre?"
All Melanie gave as a answer was a worried stare.
Audrey sighed as she pulled back. "I swear you are the toughest nut to crack some times. OK. We'll make this simpler for you." She stated bluntly. "Melanie, do you love Andre?"
Melanie only paused for a second. "I love him as...a close ally."
"And that's not what I ask." Audrey pointed out firmly. "I ask 'Do you love ANDRE?"
"We're ALLIES!" Melanie emphasized the last word.
Audrey sighed as she reached under the bar. Pulling out a tall bottle of amber liquid and a shot glass, she placed them both on the bar in front of Melanie.
"Here." She stated. "Start with this. When you run out, or you can answer the question PROPERLY..., I'll be back."
Melanie watched her start to walk off, a small panic building in her. She had come to Audrey for help, but it seemed the woman was just treating the whole thing in a far too casual manner.
"No!" Melanie suddenly called after her.
Audrey slowly turned back to her.
"I...I'm not IN love with him."
Audrey waved her hands in exasperation and kept walking.
"What do you want me to say?" Melanie ask with the same exasperation.
Audrey turned on her heel and marched back over to the bar. Slamming her hands down on the top with enough force to make the shot glass jump.
"I want you to answer the question!" She stated.
"I have!"
"You've done everything but!"
Melanie sat stock still, staring back at her.
Audrey let out a small sigh. "One more time then." She stated in a low, controlled voice. "Melanie, do you love Andre?"
Melanie got as far as to open her mouth, but the answer stopped before she could put voice to it. Slowly she lowered her head. "I don't know." She finally whispered.
Audrey stood watching her, waiting for her to say something more. Finally they were getting somewhere.
"I've never had a relationship like the one I have with Layton." She went on in the same, quiet tone. "Sometimes it just plain scares me, Audrey. There are times I can't imagine him not in my life. Like now. When I go back to the cabin...and he's not there, I check for his clothes, his things...just to make sure he is still there. That's he's still in my life. Because that is where I feel I so desperately need him to be. And then there are times I swear he can get on the last nerve I have left that day. Then just as easily, he can turn it around and make me laugh at some silly, stupid thing he does."
"Sounds a little confused, but pretty normal to me for two people who aren't just...looking for a good time."
Melanie looked up at her with a questioning stare.
"You're still figuring each other out, Melanie. Be it for a friendship, a relationship, or...whatever you want to call it." Audrey offered in a softer tone. "And believe me, he's just as confused and uncertain as you are right now. You went from bitter enemies, literally trying to kill each other..., to looking to each other for help, safety, and comfort...all in a very short time. Then this other thing happened, and it just made everything even more complex. Maybe what you both need to do is...take a step back. Let your feelings catch up with your actions."
"I don't want him as my lover, Audrey." Melanie said softly. "I need him as my friend."
"Oooooooh!" Audrey teasingly replied with raised eyebrows. "'Friend' now, is it? That's a pretty big step right there for you, Melanie."
Melanie simply stared back her past the same worried expression.
"Well," Audrey went on, "friend, ally, whatever you want to call him, has anyone ever told you you can't...as they say, 'Have your cake and eat it too?'?"
Melanie look shifted to a questioning stare.
"Just in case this...doesn't go as you hope...or does go...its kind of hard to tell with you right now," Audrey told her, "I just wonder if you're acquainted with the term...'Friends with benefits'?"
Melanie frowned at her. "I know what it means, Audrey."
Audrey gave her a knowing smile. "Seems like the perfect solution to your problem to me."
Melanie frowned again. "It's just so...seedy."
Audrey tightened her smile slightly. "'Beneath you' is what you mean." She commented. "And I'm not suggesting you pull out the PA system and start with, 'Attention Passengers..., guess what?!', Melanie. It's just...a suggestion. But for now," she added in a softer, more casual tone as she removed the bottle and the glass off the bar, "what the two of you need to do more than anything else, is to talk. Stop running from him, Melanie. That isn't going to solve anything. It just makes it worse."
Melanie gave her a small nod, but remained where she was.
"So what are you afraid of?" Audrey urged her. "Go talk to him."
But Melanie remained firmly planted in her seat.
The other woman studied her friend for a few moments, her expressing slipping to one of concern. "Surely you're not afraid of him?" Audrey ask quietly. "Melanie, you know Andre would never hurt you."
Melanie laughed slightly at the comment. "This about a man who once held a scalpel to my throat and said he was going to kill me?"
Audrey sighed. "And I swear, the two of you do your best communicating when you're fighting."
Melanie managed a small smile for her.
"Now why are you still sitting there?" Audrey ask, shooing her off the stool. "Fix this, Melanie! Go talk to your 'friend'."
