The screen continues to be black. Then, we hear the sound of someone moving rubble. We see Colossus lifting up some rubble and Negasonic Teenage Warhead helping Courtney out of the machine. She's a little weirded out by the two, but is grateful to them.
"Thanks." She gets out of there, still slightly injured.
"Just take it slow," Colossus said. Once she's out of the hole, he lets the rubble fall.
"Yoo-hoo!" Deadpool said, off screen. They look up and see him a top the rubble, completely unharmed. "Oh, my God! That was so awe-" He's cut off when Al tackles him, sending them both falling down all the layers of rubble. Al still tries to battle Deadpool, but he's too weakened, allowing for Deadpool to easily pin him down. Deadpool then punches him repeatedly and breaks both his arms. Al then begins laughing as Deadpool looks at him angrily. "There are no words! Me and you are headed to fix this face."
"What?" Al asked, confused. That's when he remembers what he told Deadpool and begins chuckling. "You stupid fucking idiota. Did you really think there was a cure… for that?"
Duncan looks incredulous. "What?"
"You heard me."
"No. No!" Al continues to laugh. "So, you mean to say, after all this, you can't fix me?"
"It sounds even stupider when you say it."
"Like the kind of stupid who admits he can't do the one thing I'm keeping him alive for?" Deadpool then pulls out a pistol and points it at Al's head. "Any last words?"
Al resigns to his fate and pushes his head up against the barrel. "What's my name?"
Duncan cocks the gun. "Who fucking cares?" He's about to fire when Colossus stops him.
"Duncan! Four or five moments."
"I'm sorry?" Duncan said, not understanding what Colossus means.
"Four or five moments, that's all it takes."
"To…?"
"Be a hero." Al groans, knowing he'll have to sit through a boring monologue. "Everyone thinks it's a full-time job. Wake up a hero, brush your teeth a hero, go to work a hero. Not true. Over a lifetime, there are only four or five moments that really matter. Moments when you're offered a choice. To make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend… spare an enemy." Deadpool looks down at Al, knowing that Colossus is signifying him, and that this is one of those moments. "In these moments, everything else falls away. The way the world sees us. The way we…" Deadpool then puts a bullet in Al's skull, causing DJ to vomit. "Why?"
"You were droning on. Sure, I may be stuck looking like pepperoni flatbread, but at least fuckface won't heal from that. If wearing superhero tights means sparing psychopaths, then maybe I wasn't meant to wear 'em. Not everyone monitors a hall like you."
"Just promise…"
"Yeah, yeah, I'll be on the lookout for the next four moments." He then remembers something. "Oh, shit," he whispers under his breath. He then turns towards Colossus and speaks in a normal voice. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm just a boy, about to stand in front of a girl… and tell her…" He then secretly speaks to Colossus in a shrill voice. "What the fuck am I gonna tell her?"
"Well, you'd better figure it out." He walks away as Duncan turns to face Courtney, who looks angry.
"I can't even tell you…" Courtney punches him in the face. "I deserved that." Courtney punches him in the face again. "That, too." She's about to kick him in the balls when he stops him. "No, no, no, maybe not the nethers."
"Start talking!" Courtney says, tears in her eyes. Duncan waits for a moment before speaking.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For everything, I'm for sorry leaving… I'm sorry for not cowboying up sooner. It's been a rough couple of years."
"Rough?" Courtney asked, nonplussed. She takes a step back. Duncan has a look of regret under his mask.
"I live in a crack house. With a family of 12. Every night we spoon for warmth. Everybody fights for Noelle. She's the fattest. There's nothing that we don't share. Floor space, dental floss, even condoms."
Courtney looks down in sadness. "So, you live in a house." She looks back up at Duncan, tears in her eyes.
Duncan then walks up to her. "I should have come and found you sooner. But, baby, the guy under this mask, he ain't the same one that you remember."
"You mean this mask?" She's about to take it off when Duncan takes a step back, trying to avoid having his mask be removed. She then comforts him, and he allows her to remove his mask. She takes it off and sees he's wearing a paper cutout of Ryan Reynolds's face from the cover of the Sexiest Man Alive magazine.
"And this one. In case the other fell off." Courtney proceeds to grab that mask, which she notices is stapled onto Duncan's face. "Like a band-aid, just rip it off." She tries to rip it off, but fails to do so. "Ow, times 2,007." She tries to take it off when Duncan stops her. "Wait. Are you sure?"
Courtney nods. "I'm sure." She removes the paper cutout and sees Duncan's face. She is slightly unnerved by his appearance. "Wow."
Duncan anticipated this. "Yeah." He looks down, thinking this is the end of him and Courtney.
"Hey." She removes the staples from his face. "After a brief adjustment period, and a bunch of drinks, it's a face I'd be happy to sit on." Duncan looks surprised. She then raises her pinky, which he happily takes.
"I'm not the same underneath this suit, either. No. Super-penis." Courtney looks intrigued.
"Come on, Duncan. Language," Colossus said off screen. We then see him and Negasonic Teenage Warhead onscreen, with Negasonic Teenage Warhead having a look of disgust on her face. "Young one is present."
Duncan turns towards them in annoyance. "What are you still doing? Get out of here. Go make yourself useful!" To Colossus. "You, go be a really big brother to someone. Tell Beast to stop shitting on my lawn." To Gwen. "And you, chicken noodle… Nothing compares to you. Sinead O'Connor, 1990. Sorry."
"That's all right," She said. "You're cool."
Duncan gasps in shock. "What in the ass? That was not mean. I'm proud of you!"
"We will make an X-Man out of you yet, Duncan," Colossus said, as he and Gwen began to leave.
"For a second there, it felt like we were three min-lion robots coming together to form one super robot."
"There's a stupid," Gwen said. She then mouths to DJ, "I love him." She and Colossus left, leaving the area to Duncan and Courtney.
Duncan then turns his attention back to Courtney. "And now, for the moment I've all been waiting for." Duncan and Courtney then proceed to kiss, embracing each other. Courtney then hears music and sees Duncan has pulled up Green Day's "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" on his phone, causing Courtney to laugh. "Green Day. As promised." They go back to kissing as they song continues to play in the background. Duncan then began speaking through voiceover.
"See? You don't need to be a superhero to get the girl. The right girl will bring out the hero in you. Now, let's finish this epic wide shot. Pull out. There we go, that looks nice. That's gonna be about the only thing that's pulling out tonight. Who doesn't love a happy ending, huh? Til next time, this is your friendly neighborhood pool guy sayin', 'Hasta la vista, baby'."
