Chapter 207: Do You Want to See Bella, Jake?

I was staring the behind of Sam as he left the house. I still wasn't sure how I feel about him kissing me on the cheek, but Sam seemed..pretty tame so far? But I know, it won't be long before he tries to do anything else with me. I try not get gloomy from that thought, so I glanced at Jacob. For some reason, he looked very forlorn and sad.

He gave a small smile and said, "want me to warm you up food to eat?"

I nodded as he heated up food from Kim and gave it to me in a tray. It was so nice to finally eat solid food after eating soup the past two days. I ate in silence while Jacob was watching T.V. Okay, how do I convince Jacob to take me to my place? Ah, we are part of the in the story where Sam was prohibiting Jacob from seeing Bella.

Hmm.

I said, "hey, Jacob.."

He said without turning his head, "what's up?"

I said, "do..you want to see Bella?"

He sighed, "Yeah..but Sam won't let me. As a newly phased shifter, I am too much of a danger to be around another human, but here I am with you. Then again, you are his mate. My wolf spirit knows better than to phase around you, so I am able to control myself around you.."

Then, he started growling lowly, "even when we found out that Bella is what that red-headed leech wants, he still doesn't want me to be near Bella nor bring Bella into the secret. Bella already knows about the Cullens, so I know she can handle it. She may know more about how to handle the red-headed leech, but Sam argues that he and his wolf spirit don't trust Bella and we don't need her. We have your precognition."

Well, I don't blame Sam from not trusting Bella. She does become a vampire at the end of the series, but ..Bella does have the right to know about her situation. If I remember correctly, Bella at this point in the story, she is scared out of her mind. She is waiting for Victoria to come after her, and she is scared that Charlie is going to get himself killed because of Victoria. She is already stressed from being separated from Edward and knowing that Victoria is after her, she is pushed even more into depression and anxiety. Not only that, but she is also no longer attached to Jacob, so her nightmares came back again.

Should I help Jacob to get back with Bella? I don't want Jacob to be anywhere near Bella because Bella has a very unhealthy attachment with Jacob. Jacob was her crutch during New Moon due to her very low sense of self and low self-esteem. She knew she was taking advantage of Jacob, but she still leeched onto him because she couldn't stand on her own. She didn't need Jacob. She needed professional help. That was one thing that I was angry with Charlie. I get that Charlie understood where she was coming from since he himself experienced abandonment from loved ones when Renee took Bella away from him, but Bella was not coping well at all.

Even though Bella did care deeply for Jacob eventually, it still didn't justify the fact that she had used him in so many ways in New Moon to Breaking Dawn. She immediately took Edward back with open arms without any consequences. She knew Jacob's feelings toward her, but she still kept going hot and cold with him. She wants him around, but she doesn't want his feelings get in a way. That was just torturing Jacob. She knew she was hurting Jacob by keeping him around when she was with Edward, but she didn't care. She couldn't imagine to be without Jacob. Without her 'sun'.

It was still Jacob's fault for pushing himself onto her by forcibly kissing her basically in attempted rape/ sexual assault, but at that point in the story, Jacob and Bella became toxic for each other. Sigh.

I thought long and hard before saying, "..I can help you to meet Bella and to get around Sam's alpha command to tell Bella the secret."

He turned his head, finally looked at me and said with a hopeful smile, "Really?"

I nodded slowly, "Yes, but ..there are some things that I need to tell you about Bella."

His smile faded a little, and he said, "yeah?"

I sucked in a huge breath and said, "Bella.. is not going to be with you Jacob. I am not saying your feelings are not strong enough, that your effort is wasted, or it won't be as strong compared to imprinting, but it is..just destiny. No matter what you do, it is going to push Bella to be in someone else's arms Jacob…"

He had a heartbroken expression then it turned to pure agony, "Why? Who is 'meant' to be with her?"

I said, "I..don't have the answer for you Jacob, spirits knows..but you know who, so I don't need to spell it out to you.…I want to let you know that what you have been doing for her these past few months are not wasted. You have been the greatest friend that anyone can ask for, but..you need to stop your feelings from growing or else.."

He said angrily, "or else..what?"

I said softly, "these feelings you have toward Bella will change you into a person that you don't want to become…You'll become someone that many people would like to avoid because the feelings that you had for Bella transformed in a twisted way due to the suffering and hardships that you dealt for continuously loving Bella despite of her constantly telling you that she doesn't want you that way…Please..don't go to this path."

He snorted, "Was it really that?"

I said, "uh, yeah? You sexually assaulted someone, Jacob. If that isn't enough indication that you became a really foul person, then I don't know what."

He stayed quiet for a long time, so I continued, "love..suppose to help you become a better person. If it makes you become a terrible person, then..that love has become twisted and you need to let that person go for your mental sake and for the sake of others who are worried about you…"

I asked, "You don't want to be that kind of person, right?"

He shook his head lifelessly. He sighed before saying, "if..you don't want me to go to this path, then why help me see Bella?"

I said softly, "so, both of you can have closure. Right now, Bella is scared out of her mind because of Victoria. Then with you disappearing on her, she has fallen back into her catatonic phase. She has extreme abandonment issues, and she needs to know that you didn't abandon her because you wanted to…"

He stood quiet again, and with tears running down in his face, he asked, "what does Cullen have that I don't have? Is it money? Looks?"

I shook my head, and I said gently, "you know Bella isn't about that..Just because Bella chose Edward Cullen, it doesn't make you inferior, Jacob. She simply just chose him….You know how stubborn Bella can be, Jacob. It won't be pretty if you come strongly forward to her."

He laughed slightly, "yeah..she can be stubborn.."

He had his head down for a very long time. I wasn't sure if I did the right thing to tell him that, but..he needs to know. I didn't like the type of person that Jacob became after New Moon, and I hoping that I can prevent that as much as I can. I adored the pre-shapeshifter Jacob, but not the shapeshifter Jacob. I hope I can save his character, but I don't know if it was too late.

I said, "there is something else about Bella that you need to know."

He frowned slightly, "what is it?"

I said, "Bella…when she first came to you, she didn't come to you with great intentions. Even though she developed a deep friendship with you afterwards, it is still affecting her to this day.."

He said confusingly, "okay, but I sort of already knew that when she first came to me with the motorcycles. She wanted me to fix them for her?"

I swallowed thickly, "Yeah, but it's more than that. Bella..whenever she does reckless and dangerous things, she sees a hallucination of Edward. That is why it looks like she became an adrenaline junkie. She bought those bikes and brought them to you. She knew the real Edward would not approve of her riding those bikes and she knew that Edward would consider them dangerous. That is why when she was taking those riding lessons and fell off the bike, she was so eager to go on it again because she literally saw a hallucination of Edward telling her to get off from the bike. That is also why in the meadow..when Laurent was about to kill her, she heard a hallucination Edward telling her to lie because she was in dangerous moment. When you first spoke about cliff diving, that is why she seemed so interested…"

He looked so taken aback and hurt that I immediately regretted telling him this, but …he deserved to know. I think Bella never told him in the books, but he needs to know that Bella isn't much of a saint that he thinks she is.

He said stutteringly, "that-that makes sense. Sometimes..I see her mumbling to herself, but..but all this time, she was talking to a hallucination of that Cullen?"

Now he starting to look angry, so he said, "is she that obsessed with fucking leech that she is willing to kill herself to see an image of him?"

I nodded sadly, "yes…"

It is pretty sad to think about it..Some people would think that is romantic, but I think not.

He exhaled a breath, and he had his arms to his chest while he was saying, "wow.."

I said, "yeah.."

I continued, "if you want to meet Bella and get around Sam's alpha command. I can write a letter to Bella, explaining the secret, what you guys know and what she needs to know."

He nodded slowly, "okay, I can do that…since you told me all of this, I assumed you want something from me right?"

I gave a small sheepish smile, " Yes, but..I do worry about you Jacob, and you deserved to know."

He nodded sadly, "I know..Thanks. The guys have been telling me rudely to give up on Bella, but you gave me the reasons and validated my feelings for her.."

I nodded, so I said, "Would you mind taking me to my house? There is something that I need to pick up. I would still be in the reservation, so I wouldn't be in danger and while the guys are away, you can take my car to drive to Bella house. They won't smell you because you would be driving in my car, and you just need to get back before Sam's patrol ends. How does that plan sound?"

He said with a smile, "it sounds great, but how do we get to your house?"

I pondered, "hm..you can carry me?"

I remembered that he carried Bella all over the mountain before the newborn army, so carrying someone else shouldn't be too much of a task for him. Even though I am more thicker than Bella, I was still worried if it was too much for him. H

He thought about it and said, "okay, I can do that, but we gotta go now. It is going to take a bit of a drive for me to get to Bella's place and back to the reservation!"

I nodded. I told Jacob to go grab my keys and my crutch from my bedroom while I was writing a letter for Bella to read, so Bella can learn the secrets without confronting Sam nor Paul. Seeing how animalistic this version of Sam is, I don't want to take any chances. I don't know if this Sam would be as protective toward Bella to tell Bella to move out the way, and I don't want to take any chances for Bella to get hurt by Paul. Once Jacob brought them, it took a minute to figure out he is going to carry my crutch and me at the same time. He gently picked me up and carried my crutch with one arm with me holding the letter in a small envelope. I closed my eyes tightly as he speedily jogged by the road to my house, so I won't get dizzy from the movement. Once we got to the front door of my place, Jacob slowly put me down, I passed him the envelope while I leaned on to his shoulder and he asked worriedly, "are you okay?"

I said with a pale expression, "yeah, just give me a minute."

I took a deep breath, and I was happy to finally be able to get on my feet. I haven't really stand in days, so this is all new to me. I slowly brought my keys out to unlock the door with Jacob holding me from my waist as we walked inside the house.

I was immediately overwhelmed with emotions and some memories from Alegria's. There was a strong attachment to this house, but it was mostly negative emotions than positive. I felt strongly of loneliness, despair, anger, and sadness.

"Why abuela (grandma)?" Alegria screamed with tears on her face. She was on the ground, crying loudly with an envelope tightly wrapped to her chest. Her hair was disheveled as if she was crying for a long time. She eventually got up to turn aggressively the hallway table over, crashing a vase and a picture frame of her and her grandmother shattering to pieces on the ground.

When she saw what she did, she fell back into the ground and cried some more. She wept, "perdoname abuela (forgive me grandma) . Porque fuiste asi? (why did you go like that?) Perdi mis padres y ahora tengo que perderte tambien? ( I lost my parents, and now I have to lose you too?) Tu sabias que estoy muy sola (You knew that I am very alone). No tengo la fuerza abuela para..seguir( I don't have strength grandma..to go on)?

I put my hand to my chest, trying to calm my racing breath before I have a panic attack.

Jacob asked quickly, "hey, are you okay? We can go if this is too much."

I shook my head fervently, "No, its fine..its fine. I'll..be fine."

I said encouragingly with a weak smile, "you can go, Jacob. I'll be fine."

He looked at me with weary eyes before sighing, "okay..I hope I don't regret leaving you like this.."

I said encouragingly, "it's fine, Jake. Go..this might be your only chance to see Bella."

He had a motivated look in his expression, so with a grateful smile, he said, "thanks, Ale."

He grabbed my car keys that were by the door, got on to my car, and drove off. Now, I was the only one in the eerily quiet house. I got the crutch, tested my strength before taking my first step with the crutch, and I stepped forward more into the house. Oof. It is actually a lot harder than I thought. As I was walking around the house, I looked back at the first memory that came to mind when I first stepped into this house. It was so tragically sad that even I was brought to tears. I felt Alegria's despair intensely of how she felt when she found out that her grandmother died due to her breast cancer, and she is living alone in the big house without her grandmother. Grandma Eva was the last member of her family. She lost her dad and her mother. Who would be able to move forward after experiencing so much grief like Alegria in such a short period of time?

I..can't imagine how I would respond if I was in her shoes….Then, what about that envelope that she was clutching tightly to her chest? What was said in that envelope?

I wonder..