Chapter 209: I'm Still Here

I don't understand. I thought she wanted me to kill myself. Isn't that why she told me to find the envelope?

I said, "I don't understand."

She said exasperatedly, "I told you about the envelope to show you that I can't come back to my life, and for you to live your life in this reality with my body."

I asked incredibly, "you want me to take your place?"

She sighed, "it is because I killed myself that is why..the spirits found someone like you to take my place."

I asked, "um, why?"

She said, "I wasn't meant to die. I was supposed to be the Alpha's mate, but since I went against the wishes of the spirits, I am now supposed to watch you live the life that I was supposed to have. It is only until they deemed me ready to leave the between world and cross over to the spirit world so I can see my family again. Honestly, I don't care."

I said, "oh….you aren't bothered that I am living your life?"

She shook her head, "no. My life ended, and I am okay with that."

Okay..I asked hesitantly, "..why did you end your live, Alegria?"

She looked away with arms wrapped around herself, she said, "..it was hard to keep going when I had to escape Houston. I was only able to keep going was because I had abuela Eva, then when she died, I only kept going to keep my promise to her to finish school. It was what both my mom and Eva wanted. I..didn't lived such a impoverished life like you did Ale. I was given many things and I experienced many things in life even though it came at a price of my mother. ..Nevertheless, I don't think there is much to seek in life. I lived as much as I wanted, so I wanted to be with my family again in the spirit world. Thus, I made the decision to die."

I nodded slowly. I could see where she was coming from. In her mind, she strongly believes that there is nothing else to seek in life and she lived as much she can according to her given situation, but I think it was strongly influenced by her grief and loneliness that she committed suicide.

I asked, "why..the spirits chose me?"

She said with a sigh, "because you have more will to 'live' compared to me, and you died in your reality."

I said with a gasp, "I died?"

She nodded sadly, "Yeah..you died from a hit and run."

Then, I was immediately shown of my memory. It was early May of 2021. I was going to get groceries. I forgot about my wallet, so I ran out of H-E-B toward my car. It was raining that day. I got my wallet from my car. I walked away from my car in the parking lot when I heard loud screeching sound. When I turned around, I saw the side of a white dodge heading straight to me. It seemed like the driver didn't see a car coming out of their parking spot, and the driver steered so violently that he lost control. I was immediately hit by the car. I was thrown few feet from the impact, and I was slammed against the pavement. From the memory, I was immediately knocked out and the car kept on going until I crushed bellow me.

I was shocked when I was shown this memory. I died just.. like that?

Alegria said sadly, "it..really is sad to see how you died, Ale. That is why the spirits are giving you another chance at life since you died in a pathetic way…So, go and live, Ale. I know..it'll be hard for awhile as you adjust, but..be happy."

I looked at her. I still couldn't understand how she wanted me to be happy especially coming from her, but it sounded sincere, so I don't know how to respond to that sincerity.

I woke up with beeping from the distance. I felt something very warm on my back and my hand. I opened my eyes and blinked confusingly.

I'm still alive? How…that should've killed me…

I saw there was a monitor on my right. I looked around, and it seemed like I was in a hospital this time. Maybe Forks Hospital? I looked down. I saw I was wearing a hospital gown, and I was in Sam's lap in the hospital bed again.

Sigh.

I also saw Sam sleeping. His back was leaned against the bed. He was very much deep in his sleep because he was snoring softly despite of having dark bags under his eyes. He was holding my left hand which explains the warmth that I was feeling. Seeing Sam in this state, I was feeling a bit guilty…

It's not easy for someone to see their loved one committing suicide and finding them in that state. That type of stuff will last forever, and they will never forget that memory. Many times, loved ones of people who committed suicide, they always feel like they didn't do enough, there was something that they could've done, and etc. They would focus on themselves, but honestly, many times it wasn't their fault. They did everything that they can at times, but it is still up to the person to decide whether to commit suicide or not.

I looked away as I kept thinking to myself. Man, do I have a plot armor or something. This body went through so much in few days and yet I am still here. What I should do now?

I..I can't go back to my reality because I am …already… dead. I..have no life to turn back to. Alegria won't be able to pass over to the spirit world if I don't make an effort to live in her stead in this reality, but..do I want to?

Do I want to live on behalf of Alegria? It's not my life, but I was given this life, so I guess…I do need to claim it as my own, but..how?

I am not Alegria. She has no family here. Well, that could be easy on me, so I won't be caught of being the fake Alegria, but I don't have my family and friends here. I am literally alone and stuck.

I am permanently stuck in Twilight

I didn't realize that I started crying, but when I started crying, my throat started to hurt with tears dripping down on my throat. Maybe it was because I was forced to throw up and most likely the hospital had to pump everything that was out of my stomach. Good thing, I don't have the pipe inside of me anymore. My jaw aches slightly as well from the intrusion of the pipe.

I felt Sam's grip on me got tighter, so I looked up, and I saw that he was wide awake. He was looking straight ahead, and he had a hard expression. He turned his head to me, and he looked straight to me. His eyes were red from exhaustion and tears, but his pupils..The rim of his pupil was blazing gold, but in the inside, it was pitch black. His lips were shaped in a tight line. When I looked into his eyes, he looked upset and angry.

He asked, "how do you feel?"

I said wincing from the pain in my throat, "th-throat hurts, and my-my back, stomach..hurts..but okay"

He nodded solemnly, and he asked with the same expression, "why?"

I looked away. I didn't want to tell him, but..I was still upset that I survived, so tears continued to fall from my eyes.

He sighed, "…is it something that I did?"

I shook my head fervently. I mean I was a little upset that one time in the bathtub, but it wasn't pushed to this. I..I just..wanted to go home..and…I didn't want to use Alegria's body if she doesn't want to live. It just feels wrong to use someone else's body for my own convenience, but I guess she doesn't care..so I guess its fine?

I don't know man. I am still so confused with everything..Where do I go from here? How do..I process all of this? My life has been ripped from me, and now I have to live someone's life as compensation?Sure, I feel honored or something, but I wish.. I was given the choice if I wanted to be here or not instead of thrown into it and expected to follow along with it. …

Sigh. Do I even want to tell Sam that I am not the real Alegria? Conveniently the reservation and the pack never interacted with her, so it won't be hard to convince them that I am the real one, but do I want to live my whole life this way? Am I capable of doing that? I don't know.

He gently nudged my chin to look at him directly in the eye and said with a low growl, "never ever do that again."

I frowned slightly, but he said with a lifeless tone and a desperate expression, "don't you know that I felt you die? Not once, but many times… It was the worst experience of my life. I heard your heart stopped beating two times with me..the guys and I had to drag you to the back of the truck. They drove as I was desperately keeping your heart beating until we reached to tribal clinic. Due to severity of your situation, on their clinic emergency car, they took you to Forks Hospital…"

He trailed off as if the next thing that he is going to say would be difficult for him.

He said thick with emotion, "when..I got to the hospital, they told me that I-I had to stay back and let the doctors work on you. Because you were dying on me, my wolf spirit went berserk in the hospital. We didn't want to leave you alone, but we had to. The guys had to physical drag me away before Charlie come over and complicate the situation even more. I went on a rampage in the forest as my wolf spirit and I were losing our mind from experiencing the lost of our imprint. Even when you were in the hospital, we felt you die again. I lost my mind, and I somehow broke out of the pack mind because the severity of the emotional loss from losing our mate.. I don't know how I was still Alpha..then in my wolf form, I ripped the forest part and we fought our way back to the hospital, but the guys they tried to tire me down. They fought with their claws and teeth to get me to stay in the forest…"

He continued, "…this was worse than when I first phased. I actually lost my mind for a good while, and it took another half of day to calm down and produce one coherent thought. That is when I was able to come back to the pack mind. The guys..they were absolutely terrified..However, because of my episode, Victoria almost got close to Bella if it wasn't for Jacob was still close to her house.."

Shit. I didn't think it would get this bad for Sam…There has been many theories of what would happen when a spirit warrior loses their imprint/mate. Some say the wolf would immediately die with them. Others say it would make the wolf go mad and eventually they will die out of grief. It seems like it was the latter. I feel pretty guilty now. My face was sullen, but..I do admit I was pretty hasty with my decision.

I apologized hoarsely, "I'm..sorry"

I looked up to him apologetically. Even though Sam was very forward with me and can be too hard-headed for my liking, he didn't deserve to see me like that. He looked at me tiredly before kissing on top of my head. He stayed in that position until I started feeling wetness on top of my head, and his shoulder started to tremble.

My guilt meter went up rapidly. I sighed internally, and I twisted my waist around to give him a hug. He immediately embraces me back in a tight hug and he started sobbing lightly. I laid my face to his chest, and I pat him awkwardly in the back. It's weird that for someone who attempted suicide to be comforting someone else because I honestly feel a little dead in the inside, and it is kind of scaring me.

There was a knock. Dr. River came and he bowed quickly to Sam. He said stutteringly, "I-I need to ask you to leave, Alpha. I am really sorry..but protocol is that we need to put on those who attempted suicide on a 36 hour watch before we discharge them. The most I can do for you is to help you be with Miss. Alegria in the afternoon because that is when everyone goes for lunch.."

A weary looking Jared, Paul, and a ruffled looking Jacob was behind Dr. River. Sam growled in frustration before saying, "fine, but I will be close by."

Dr. River said quickly, "of course. Thank you for accommodating."

The guys sighed in relief as Sam reluctantly got off from the bed and followed quietly behind them. Dr. River relaxed his shoulders, and he walked next to me and asked, "how are you?"

I shrugged in an apathic manner, "my throat..hurts and stomach and back too."

He nodded slowly, "yeah, it is because..Alpha Sam was desperate to keep you alive, so he lost control of his strength a bit.."

He added, "the bruises will be gone in few days, and you are on an all liquid diet for the next two days as your stomach goes back to functioning again. We had to pump everything from your system out…However, it is truly the miracle of the spirits that you are still here. I don't know..if it is because you are the Alpha's mate, but in a normal situation like yours, you wouldn't be able to make it".

I nodded in understanding. It got awkward, so he apologizes, "I am sorry, due to protocol. I need to strap you to the bed, and I have the remote by your side, so if you need anything, you can call us."

He proceeds to strap my hands and waist to the bed, and it only made me feel more worse about myself. I feel like a mental ward patient in a strap jacket. Then, he looked up kindly and said, "Sue is going to come by tomorrow morning to do some counseling with you, Miss. Alergia. Since…she is a nurse and she knows the secret, I..well the council and I thought that it would be more comfortable for you to talk to her to help you adjust..with everything that has happened to you."

Sigh. This is going to be awkward. I don't know if I am ready to talk to somebody. I am barely trying to wrap my mind with all of this, so I simply nodded silently. Dr. River saw my expression, and he didn't say anything else. He bid me farewell before leaving the room. Since he was gone, I was able to exhale in relief and relax. I feel like shit. Not just physically, but emotionally too. I can't die as I please, and now I am forced to live..How..am I gonna come without seeing my family and friends ever again?

I can't go back to my reality..I can't believe I died so pathetically from a hit and run. I still can't believe that I actually experienced death twice. One from my actual body, and again in this body.

I had so many plans to do with the rest of my life in my reality, but now its out the door….I'll never see my friends..I came from a different reality..How am I going to interact with people around me? I know the time difference is less than 20 years, so it's not too big of a generation gap, but still..

Well…at least I am loaded..I guess Alegria wouldn't mind me using her money, but I still feel very hesitant to use it. It's not really mine, but it is mine now. I feel so undeserving for Grandma Eva. All her hard work to help Alegria to be okay after she dies, now it is all passed to me. Would Grandma Eva be okay with that? Is she and Lali are okay with me using Alegria's body like this?

I don't know…

Then it hit me, if the real Alegria died when she hanged herself, then the one Sam imprinted on…was me. He imprinted on me….so his wolf spirit never got the chance to meet her. Does this mean it's okay for me ..to be with Sam and live here? I mean, Alegria already gave me permission, but it still feels all surreal. I laid there pondering on that thought until I drifted to sleep.

Author's Note:

I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. You'll see Ale going back and forth for awhile. Just a warning, and no smut for a while just fyi.

As always, reviews are very much appreciated.