Chapter 212: What is an Alpha Female?

Ale's POV:

Sam said warmly, "Morning, Ale."

I gave him a soft smile in return. He nods his head both to Sue and Harry. Harry sighed, got up on his feet, and he said with a small smile, "it was a pleasure meeting you, Ale..Thank you for your insight."

He walked away with Sue looking back with a tearful smile, "thank you."

As they both left the room, Sam went and gently picked me up, so that I once again will be between him as he wrapped his arms around me. He placed his nose to my neck and took a deep breath. Typically, I would be put off from Sam going behind me without asking, but I got a little happy when I saw him. Having him next to me felt somehow comforting. Maybe it is because of the realization that I had earlier? I guess. He is the only one I could get to close to. Hm, is it from the imprinting? I don't know. I won't be surprised if it is from the constant skin to skin contact that I keep having with Sam. It looks like he needs it while I-I maybe need it because I am emotionally vulnerable? What I do know is that I feel like I need to have him close to me. He gives me a vibe of familiarity despite of him being a complete stranger.

Wait, am I doing the same thing that Bella was doing with Jacob back in New Moon? Am I trying to feed off from Sam like Bella because I am not able to stand on my own? Oh, no. I need to stop. I don't want to be like her.

I wasn't sure what to say, and he said, "..I'm happy for you."

I waited for him to continue, and he said, "I only heard the end, but to see that you are already standing up for your pack, and you are accepting your role..it makes us very happy.."

I said quietly, "I don't know. I felt like I had to say it for Harry to listen to me, and..I feel very strongly about how..the pack have been dealt with.."

He asked, "..is it from your precognition that you know that the council haven't been telling the pack before they phase?"

I said, "..yeah."

He nodded, and he gave me a kiss on my temple. He muttered, "wow, you really are the Alpha Female."

I asked, "..what is that role, anyway? I don't think I heard about it before. Is it different from being the Alpha's mate? From what I know, I don't think the previous pack had one."

I heard him say, "you're right. The previous pack didn't have one because the previous pack was only three men. According to legends, the Alpha Female appears with the Alpha mate when the pack is large that Alpha Female is needed to help the Alpha maintain the pack. Since there are times where the Alpha's mate has gifts to help the Alpha and this pack is the biggest since the times of Taha Aki, the council and I assumed you are the Alpha Female."

Huh. That's new. I asked, "but besides my precognition, I don't have any other gifts to manage the pack. I don't have the Alpha command like you do. I don't really feel the power as the 'Alpha Female'."

He was quiet for a moment. He then said, "true. You may not have the Alpha command like I do, but you do have your way with the pack."

I frowned, "how?"

He replied, "you got through Jacob in ways that I couldn't… You didn't command him, but you have your way with talking to him. I saw them through his memories."

I stated, "oh.."

Now it reminds me, what happened to Jacob? I hope..he didn't get punished because..of what I did. I remember seeing him for a moment yesterday, and he looked pretty beat up. Did Sam do that?

I asked hesitantly, "..what happened to Jacob?"

I felt him tense, and he said darkly, "he got what he deserves."

I felt a chill running down to my back, so I said, "..it's my fault too , you know. I told him to leave me alone at the house. It was my idea, and I convinced him."

He growled lowly, "yes, but he left you unprotected. You are the Alpha's mate. How dare him to leave you alone when that bitch red-headed leech is still around and then you…."

He trailed off and then asked slowly, "was this planned? Did you plan to..go there alone and do that?"

I shook my head, "no.. All I wanted was to go grab some things in the house while he went to go see Bella..it was sudden and spontaneous.."

He asked, "..what made you decide to do that?"

I sighed. Since I am going to be living with him, I need to make more an effort to connect with him, so I said, "..Going to Grandma Eva's room, I ..realized.. I'm alone."

There is no one would be able to understand what it is like to be ripped away from their life just to live someone else's life without a choice. I said mindlessly, "I …alone.."

Sam got quiet for a very long time. It got awkward, so I turned around to look at him. He was looking down, and he was trembling. When I bent my head to look under, his eyes were vibrant with gold around his pupils. He saw that I was looking at me and with the same eyes, he said desperately, "you'll never be alone. I am here. I'll remind you how much I love you, care for you, and how much I want you, so ..you won't ever think about taking your life ever again..also..also I-I won't be able to let you go. I can't let you go, and I just found you."

I looked deeply to his eyes, and I said with a sorrowful smile, "I'm…broken, Sam. I lost so much..I don't know how to keep going Sam...I'll..just wear you down over time.. and I..won't be able to be the mate you want and need me to be.."

Sam said desperately, "you don't have to figure all of this out now. You can figure it out day by day and see how it goes. You don't have to go through…this grief alone, Ale. We here for you from the good and the bad times we have together. Do you trust me?"

I sighed, "Maybe..I don't know. I just met you Sam…I know being your mate, you'll do what you can to make me happy" I kind of don't like how imprinting make it sound like the wolf is a slave to the imprint, but from what I am seeing from Sam. Maybe it is not exactly the case. Maybe they are just compelled like a compulsion to be a good wolf to their imprint? I don't know. Sam is different since he is Alpha. I see him being very forward with me, so I don't know.. ".but what can I offer to you? I..shouldn't be in any relationship whatsoever with the state that I am now..and..I can't-can't ask you to do that for me. It's not right, Sam..What if…all I bring is pain and suffering? You..wouldn't be able to Alpha when you gotta worry about me to not let me go off with myself."

His expression got somber from how I talked about myself. I think I was a little too harsh. He said, "I'm confident that..we will be okay. You'll be okay. If not, then why the spirits paired me with you?"

He turned me around more so that he can give me a hug. He pulled me closer, and I laid my head on his chest as he rubbed my back gently since it is still a bit sore from him smacking my back to throw up earlier.

He said thickly, "I hope..soon you'll be able to feel how much we love you. I know..it's hard to understand, but I cant seem myself without you Ale.

I don't want Sam to feel like he needs to 'fix' me because I am his imprint. It is my responsibility to help myself. Since I can't die and I will be living here, I'll need to start making effort, but I don't know if I want to. It's just so hard….I don't know how to explain this deep emptiness, sorrow, pain that I am feeling..

All I said was "okay.."

There was a soft knock. Sam looked up, and I heard Dr. River saying, "Hi, Alpha..I am sorry. I need you to leave. Lunch is about to end for the staff, so you need to go. You'll see Miss. Alegria this evening when we release her."

Sam sighed deeply. Sam picked me up easily, slid off the hospital bed, and he put me back in the bed. He looked at me, and he said, "I'll pick you up with the guys tonight. Bye, hon."

I said, "bye."

He walked away grudgingly. I couldn't help but give a half smile. He looked like a toddler that was told no and he is grudgingly obeying his mom. Dr. River released a sigh of breath once Sam left the room, and he asked kindly, "how was the talk with Sue?"

I said slowly, "it..was a bit better than I anticipated. I honestly thought it would be really bad.. It's still hard, but I think I have an idea of where to go..now."

He nodded that's good. He got closer to me, and he said, "I-I need to check on your bruises. Do you mind lifting your gown?"

I followed instructions, and he asked me to put it down. He said, "Okay, it looks a bit scary when you see them in the mirrors, but they will go away over time."

I nodded, and he said, "did having Sam over helped you?"

I said slowly, "it did..I didn't think I wanted to be around him, but I guess I do."

He smiled slowly, "you are feeling the mating/imprinting pull. That's a good thing..Keep trusting that pull and your feelings toward, Sam. He is what you need even if you don't know it yourself, so trust yourself too okay?"

I said awkwardly, "okay.." I didn't expect Dr. River to give me a little pep talk. He apologizes and strapped me back to the bed uncomfortably. He excused himself out of the room, and I was left alone with my thoughts.

I realized Sam sort of purposely changed the direction of the conversation away about Jacob..Hmm..Maybe he didn't want to argue about it or want me to find out how Jacob has been treated? Or, maybe Sam is being jealous?

I don't know. I'll figure out later. I drifted back to sleep. It was emotionally a long day. I am not sure how things going to be from now on.

Author's Note:

Enjoy!