Chapter 216: The Meeting with the Pack Part 1
Disclaimer: Any discussion about suicide, depression, and anxiety. They all are personal experiences, so even though I experienced them myself, it doesn't mean I know EVERYTHING about them. Just letting you.
I was facing Jared, Paul, Jacob, and Embry. Jared was carrying trays of what I presumed to be chocolate cookies that Kim made. I saw Kim in the corner of my vision sitting down in the living room. Embry gave a small wave to me.
Jared smiled, "Hey Ale" with Paul saying simultaneously, "hey, Ale. Watcha cookin? It smells pretty good."
I said timidly, "Hey... I, uhm, am making beef stew, white rice, and some desserts."
Paul groaned, "spirits, does that smell delicious."
Jared begged as he dramatically flickered his eyes like he trying to be cute, "can I have a taste, pretty please? I am starving here!"
I raised an eyebrow and I asked, "did Kim let you take a cookie?"
He shook his pitifully with a sad puppy look, "no…"
I responded knowingly, "Then I won't let you take a bite either. Go have the meeting with Sam, guys. First meeting, then food."
Shit. Did I use the premack principle on them? Haha. I don't think they noticed that I threw an ABA therapy technique on them.
Jared whined, "fine."
Paul huffed along with him. They both left with Embry following behind them quietly. I glanced at Jacob, and I noticed that he was more closed off than usual. Ah, it got to do with Sam..It was probably what happened when ..I attempted suicide, and he didn't want the others to hear our conversation. I went back to finishing preparing dinner for all of the pack. Sam and the pack had their meeting in the dining room, and I was in my own little world as I cooked.
Wow. When was the last time that I cooked? It has been so long. ..I guess I am slowly adapting to this world if I am cooking again. I don't know. It is still hard, but not as hard when I first came. I guess..with time I would be able to adapt. I remembered when I was overwhelmed that I wouldn't be able to adapt. Maybe it was good thing I stayed in a little bubble that Sam created for me until I was ready to face this reality.
I started working on the brownies, and I felt very nostalgic and sentimental. This..recipe . It wasn't my own. I learned it from my friend from college Lucia. She taught me this recipe whenever we would have a girl's night on Fridays. We would stuff ourselves with brownies and watch romcoms even if we have assignments to do that weekend. We still did it for some mental selfcare, then we would immediately get back to work. Thinking about her, my heart felt heavy because I know..I wouldn't be able to see her ever again. I started thinking more about how she is doing now. Is she depressed that I died tragically? She was the emotional friend out of my group of friends. I wonder how she is coping with my death.
I didn't..get the chance to say goodbye to her.
I shook my head from such depressing thoughts and continued to finish putting four trays of brownies in the oven. I felt very accomplished and proud of myself. I pat myself in the back.
Good job, me. This is the most productive that I have been in days that I was beaming with joy.
I left the kitchen to check on Kim. I was surprised that she hadn't come into the kitchen. When I met Kim in the living room, I saw that she was sleeping in the couch. I went to the closet, took out a blanket and I gently laid it on Kim . I turned around to check on the beef stew, and I jumped in fright when I saw Sam leaning against the doorway looking at me with a half-smile.
I half-shouted, "ay, coño! (oh, fuck)"
He put his finger on his lip and glanced at Kim. I immediately covered my mouth and turned around slowly to check on Kim. She was still snoozing away, so I relaxed. I turned back to look at Sam, and he whispered, "the guys were getting hungry. Can we know how much more time to see if we can continue the meeting or pause for dinner?"
I whispered, "Ah, let me go check. I'll come out and let you know."
He nodded as I went back to the kitchen.
I told Sam, "I think they are pretty much done. But, let me set up the counter for them to serve themselves."
He smiled and kissed me at my cheek. He whispered, "thanks, hon. I am going to go out and do a quick perimeter run around the reservation to make sure she isn't around, and I will be back, okay?"
I nodded. When he walked away, I placed my hand on the cheek that he kissed. Other times I wasn't bothered, and I didn't care. I was honestly too depressed to care. For some reason, I feel self-conscious this time. I felt my face blushing feverishly. I slapped my cheeks.
Get over yourself! No, don't act like a schoolgirl now. I scolded myself as I set up the counter. Immediately I heard a chorus of different responses in the kitchen.
"Damn, I can't wait to eat it."
"I wonder if it is going to be spicy."
"Fuck. I didn't know she had her womanly touch in the kitchen. Sam got himself a fine ass cooker."
Oh, hell nah. I immediately looked up to see who said that, and it was Paul. When he saw my expression, he looked at me in confusion. I stared directly to his eyes, and I asked slowly, "what did you say?"
Everyone got eerily quiet. He looked taken aback with his expression loudly showing his thoughts. He asked stubbornly, "why are you getting defensive for? You can't take a damn compliment now?"
With my jaw clenching, I said coldly, "that wasn't a fucking compliment, Paul. I 'have a womanly touch in the kitchen'? Are you kidding me? I cook because I wanted to not because I am a woman. I am feeding y'all not because I have to or I should as a woman but I wanted to. Now, grab your food and sit your ass down. I don't tolerate that kind of talk in this kitchen."
His jaw clenched, he looked away and mumbled, "yes, ma'am."
I exhaled, and I said with eyes closed, "sorry, I…..nevermind, hope you guys enjoy the food. Imma…step outside to calm down a bit."
I grabbed one of Sam's beer out of the cooler, and I stepped outside of the porch. As I walked outside, I heard a loud smack and Jacob growling at Paul, "you couldn't keep your thoughts to yourself, Paul? Really?"
I stepped outside, and I sat down on the little steps. I popped the bottle, and I took a huge chug from it. Ugh, I am not a fan of beer, but a beer will do. Sigh. Why the fuck did I blow up like that? Couldn't I have just let it go, and not bother me, but it did…
Fuck. My parents were very traditional in their mindsets. Woman should know how to cook, clean, and take care of children in order to please their husband. I was pressured to do well as a 'woman' because my mom was afraid that 'la suegra (mother-in-law)' would pick on me if I don't excel as a Hispanic woman like how her suegra did to her. I get where she was coming from, but it doesn't mean that it was okay to place all these expectations on me. Not all mother-in-laws are like that, and if they did, then I don't give a damn. If my husband is okay with me not being the 'ideal' Hispanic housewife and he is on my side, then I don't give a damn if I fall short with my mother-in-law's standards.
Yet, my parents also pressured me to go to college and excel, so there was this double standard placed against me. I was not 'feminine' like how my Hispanic family wanted me to when I was young. I was stubborn and I refused to fall into their expectations, so I was a bit tomboyish and geeky. Then, I left home for college to do my own thing, and of course, I learned how to be self-sufficient since I was living on my own. Knowing how to cook, clean is what everyone needs to learn, not just for women.
Man, I hate…feeling like this. Paul didn't deserve that emotional outburst. Even though what he said wasn't right, it doesn't mean he deserved that treatment either. Sigh. I need to stop running away. I need to get my ass in there and apologize before this escalate. Before I got the chance to get up, I saw Sam emerging in his wolf form. His massive black wolf head with his golden pupils looking straight at me. When he saw what I was holding in my hand, his eyes narrowed slightly, and he growled lowly. He phased in front of me, but I was in awe. The movies did not do justice of how amazing phasing looks. It wasn't just a blur, but because phasing is done so quickly, it looks like a blur, but it wasn't. His literal body was being morphed in the process, and it looked so magical to witness.
Sam immediately phased and ran in front of me without a care of his nudity. He said growling lowly, "what happened?"
I stuttered, "I, uh, got offended by a comment someone made, so I went outside to clear my mind. I was aboutta go inside and clear the atmosphere up."
His expression got darkened, "who made you upset?"
I opened my mouth and decided to close it back. Then, Sam's head jerked inside, and he said with gritted teeth, "nevermind, I already know."
He was stomping his way to the house, and I reached out to grab Sam by the arm.
I said desperately, "Sam, its okay. I-I already gave him a talk down. It's fine. He already knows his lesson."
His shoulder tensed up, and he said growling lowly, "it may be so, but it is more than that. He offended my mate."
I let go his arm after I noticed the change of tone. I think his wolf spirit is pretty pissed off, so..I need to let them sort this out as wolves instead of humans. The man understands, but the wolf doesn't and wants to deal with this problem in a wolf-like way. I followed behind him timidly.
I heard Sam yelled out, "Paul. Out. Now"
I saw Paul immediately leaving the dining room with the look of regret on his expression. His eyes were looking downward, avoiding both me and Sam with his neck barred as he passed Sam. Sam barred his teeth, growling intimidatingly to Paul when Paul passed by him. Paul ran out and phase as Sam ran after him and phased as well. I was about to go outside and watch when Jacob came in front of me and blocked me. I looked at him confusingly, and he said softly, "I think..it'll be best if you don't watch. It'll make his wolf spirit angsty."
I sighed, "okay, if you say so, Jacob."
He nodded and he gave me a warm smile even though I could hear loud snarling and growling outside. I tried not to pay attention to it, and trust Sam with it. He said, "Well, aren't you going to try your own cooking?"
I gave a half-smile. I couldn't hear the snarling anymore, so they probably went deeper into the forest. I went to the kitchen to serve myself, but a plate was already served for me.
I looked at it curiously, and Jacob said, "Paul felt pretty bad, but don't tell him that I told you, so he served you and waited for you to come back. Honestly..we all waited for you to come back. It didn't felt right to eat without you, so we ate all of Kim's cookies in the meantime."
Oh, isn't that sweet. I got more upset with myself because I now see that Paul was sincere. I got myself a plate and went to the dining room. I was met with two desperate looking spirit warriors with their mouth salivating. The table in the dining hall was a long table. There were twelve chairs. Four chairs across from each other, and two each on the other side. The guys were at one side and Kim was in the other. Kim saw me and she gave me a happy smile. She gestured to one of the two empty seats at the front of the table.
She said, "Come here, girl. I'm hungry."
I chuckled lowly and sat at the chair. I guess the chair next to me is for Sam. Since I am his mate, I sit next to him. It makes sense that Jacob sits next to him, since Jacob is his Beta. I find that interesting. Jacob sat down, and I glanced at everyone. I said, "uh..bon appetit?"
Jacob chuckled, and the guys wolfed it down. Kim ate eagerly as well. I ate in peace, but it was still hard to concentrate on eating as I was waiting for Sam and Paul to come back. I noticed that they were aboutta finish their plate.
I said casually, "you can grab more if you like.."
Embry's face lit up, then it changed when he said with anticipation, "that-that's okay?"
I said with a small smile, "of course, go ahead."
Not even a second later, he jumped out of the chair and headed toward the kitchen. Jared followed joyfully as he whistled his way to the kitchen. I glanced at Kim, and she rolled her eyes playfully, "they all big bad wolves until we take away their food, then they are under our mercy."
I said lightly, "oh, yeah?"
She nodded and she started telling me a whole story of a time that Jared had a rough day at patrolling. He was easily irritated, and he was only speaking in one-word responses until she brought up that she made food. Then, he became like a child desperate for a candy.
Jared came back in the dining room, and he lightly bantered, "I surely did not!"
Jacob was snickering while Embry was cracking a smile. Kim responded, "oh, yeah? Then, go out and phase and get the guys to look into your head."
Jared mouth snapped closed immediately. Jacob started laughing loudly, and Jared simply glared at Jacob. He then focused on finishing his plate. Embry with a very amused expression was watching the whole interaction as he continued to gulp down the food.
I finally asked, "so, what made you guys to wait for me?"
Jared cleared his throat and look at me hesitantly, "well, since our alpha was away, and you were here. It didn't feel right to dine when our alpha's mate didn't get the chance to eat. It is like etiquette in a wolf's pack. Also, in our tribe. The women gets to eat first, so it is not right for us to eat when all imprints aren't here."
I said in understanding, "Ah..I see. How come no one went outside to get me? I'm sorry, I didn't know.."
Jared shook his head, "No, don't be sorry. You didn't know, and …we wanted to give you space."
I nodded, and I said apologetically as I looked at all of their faces one by one, "I am sorry..I lost my cool with Paul like that. It was..a simple comment. I let it get to me, and I blew up like that."
Jacob said immediately, "no, Ale. You have nothing to apologize for."
Embry said softly, "yeah."
I said frowning, "but-"
Kim cut me off, and said, "no buts. Paul..He..is usually very opinionated, and he doesn't think before he speaks. As a wolf, the pack are used to hearing all of their thoughts all the time, so sometimes he forgets that he is a human, and he can't say everything outloud all the time."
Jared added, "yeah..and..Paul is very protective of us..We are his family, and he didn't grew up good examples of how to deal with women..so.."
I echoed, "so..?"
He gulped nervously, "…Paul noticed how things been going with Sam lately, and he is upset but not at you! Spirits, no. He is upset at the situation because he cares for his pack brothers including Sam. Sam is like an older brother that he never had, so Paul respects and cares for Sam in his own way."
I see. I said slowly, "I understand..but I do need to hear this from his mouth..but now that he is going to get punished by his alpha..I-I don't know how sincere his apology are going to be.."
Jacob said, "no, ale. Paul at first was pissed, but once he sat down. He was quiet. Even though he didn't say anything, we all knew he regretted saying it. We didn't pressure him because knowing him, it just gonna piss him off. He doesn't like to be patronized. I knew he wanted to apologize until Paul heard Sam asking you who made you upset outside, so he owned it up and told Sam."
Ah, so that is how Sam found out. I nodded, and I looked shyly to all of them, "So..do you guys want to try out my brownies?"
Kim nodded proudly at me, and the guys' eyes lit up as we all got up except Kim to go to the kitchen. When I got to the oven, I was stopped by Embry. I looked at him curiously, and he smiled warmly.
He said confidently, "I got it. You fed us. At least let us help you a little."
Huh. Okay. That is very sweet of Embry like I imagined him to be from the books. Sadly, we didn't see much of him in the movies, but I liked Embry. His shy and thoughtful self, who wouldn't want an Embry?
I said with a shy smile, "alright."
He gave me a beaming smile and gestured me to wait by the counter. I went by the counter with the guys crowding behind me. They were goofing off, bantering as if what is happening with Paul and Sam is like another day in the park or something. I don't get it, but..it seems nice to see how familiar they are to each other. Embry brought the trays of brownies, and I could smell it very powerfully. I was about to go get the small plates and forks when Jared stopped me. He winked at me, "I got this."
I raised an eyebrow at him, and hand gesture him to the kitchen. He actually found them and put them next to Embry. He looked at me smugly. I gave him a look and asked, "hmm..were you expecting a praise?"
He blinked at me, and I chuckled lowly. I patted him on the shoulder and said with a light tease, "good job."
He gave a toothy grin and gave an exaggerated bow. I rolled my eyes playfully at him. Jacob growled lowly and said, "would you hurry it up. Smelling these in front of me and not able to take one bite of it, is painful."
Jared barked, "Fine!"
Jared and Embry both cut the brownies and served them on the small plates to everyone. The guys had a small tower of them in each plate. When it was my turn to be served, I said, "one, please."
Both Embry and Jared looked at each other and they said in unison, "No."
Jared said, "Sam will have our heads if we only let you eat only one slice of your own brownie. Here take four pieces."
Okay, then. Lol. We all were by the kitchen, eating our brownies. All of the guys were moaning in delight and inhaling the brownies. I was taking my time eating my brownies, and I couldn't help but feel nostalgic as I ate them. It brought me happiness to see the guys including Kim enjoying them like I did before I came here. Unfortunately, they'll never be able to meet Lucia nor I, but I am glad that I was able to bring some aspects of my old life to this new life. I sat down on the kitchen stool by the counter, and I ate in silence.
I was honestly bit overwhelmed with the amount of people interaction that I had today, and yet it felt very refreshing. I knew factually that the pack was a big ole family, but it was different from experiencing it.
It really was amazing, and yet, all of this could've been Alegria's..
Nevertheless, I was grateful that I was able to experience this..bond with the pack. I was the only child in my family, and even if I went to family gatherings. It wasn't as welcoming like the pack.
So, the trays of brownies were about to be gone when I had to smack the guys' hands away to leave some for Paul and Sam. They grudgingly obeyed, but they were still pretty obedient. The guys were still talking among themselves until they got absolutely quiet, and they all turned their heads to the door.
I knew then, they came back.
Author's Note:
If anyone is wondering why Ale out of nowhere gets an emotional outburst. Well, from my experience and the people I know who attempted, their emotions are all over the place. One moment, they are fine, then something small, triggers them to be more depressed or get angry. I was trying to give a little realistic look of what it would be for this OC to feel after her attempt.
How do you guys like her and the pack's interaction? I tried to get her bond with the pack, a little, but of course, who can hate them! They are so chaotically fun.
Enjoy!
