(Theme Thirty-Five) A Dangerous Activity (or of Sleazy Azula, Sword Swallowing Ty Lee and their first date)

(as prompted by) illegalsweaters

"I'm bored, Azula," whines Ty Lee loudly, kicking her feet twice on the cold stone floor.

Azula looks up from her work, narrowing her eyes briefly at her friend. They have only been in the Fire Nation for a week after their excursion in Ba Sing Se, and Ty Lee is already whining about her boredom. She genuinely can only be happy while punching things or having sex with things and Azula finds it enticing. And grating.

"Would you like me to get you a coloring book?" Azula replies sharply and icily, congratulating herself mentally for how brutal her remark is.

Ty Lee frowns.

"You don't have to be so mean to her, Azula," Mai sighs, opening her eyes. She has been curled in a ball sleeping for the good part of an hour, her head resting on Azula's far-too-pointy hip.

"I'm going to go get an activity," Ty Lee interrupts loudly, demanding that they focus on her. "If you want to join me, Azula."

"I really have no desire to do an activity with you," Azula says sharply, once more genuinely pleased with herself. She can feel the applause of her internal psyche.

Ty Lee kicks the floor again and disappears into the palace. Mai groans.

They have been pretending not to be dating each other for exactly three weeks. It is going very well as long as Ty Lee is not trying to convince Azula to go on actual dates with her. Making out in dark rooms is pleasant; being caught in a secret affair while royalty is... not so pleasant.

"I thought you wanted her to have sex with you," Mai inquires quietly, hoping Ty Lee is out of earshot.

"What do you think I'm doing?" Azula sets down her stack of boring papers and Mai realizes she means business. Her ears involuntarily perk up. "The more I knock her down, the more she seeks to validate herself in my eyes. It's the only guaranteed way to sleep with her."

Mai opens her mouth to protest, but simply sighs. Terrible. Azula never ceases to amaze with her levels of terrible. Torturing Kyoshi Warriors and giving speeches about the machine of the Earth Kingdom threatening the Fire Nation's liberty and now... whatever this is with Ty Lee. She is a horrible, despicable human being but Mai has absolutely no desire to change that.

"Or," oh agni Mai is trying, "you could compliment her and flatter her."

"No, no, you don't understand at all. She would see right through that," Azula explains, knowing very well that when she is flattering someone who knows her well they generally look very frightened and presume she wants something from them. Which is usually the case.

"She's not exactly the brightest candle in the bunch." Mai shrugs.

"Hmph." But Ty Lee is back before Azula and Mai can argue further.

"Look!" Ty Lee declares shrilly and Azula and Mai both flinch. She is clutching a shimmering steel, perfectly straight and incredibly expensive sword. "I took this from one of those guard guys."

"If you kill me you will die a horrible death," Azula says fiercely as Mai inconspicuously slips slightly behind the princess.

"I'm not killing you. I don't know how to swordfight. Just watch!" Ty Lee says happily and Azula does not realize what she is doing until it is too late.

There are no possible words to describe it as Azula's lips are parted in surprise. She can barely register the fact that Ty Lee has just carefully put a sword down her throat and Mai is digging her arms into herself with a pained and aghast expression Azula did not think her neutral face could make.

"How do you do that?" Azula asks, leaning forward.

"She can't talk. She has a sword in her mouth," Mai says slowly, finally loosening her posture. She then smirks, examining the bizarre sight and adds snidely, "So that's why you're so popular with all of the boys, Ty Lee."

Ty Lee removes the sword slowly and is disappointed that they do not clap enthusiastically like her previous audiences. She coughs forcibly and watches Azula's eyes flash with a moment of concern, looking for blood. It takes effort to suppress her smile when she sees that Azula was worried about her.

"Very funny," Ty Lee belatedly replies to Mai and Azula simply crosses her arms.

"I could do that," she says and Mai sighs loudly, deciding to go back to sleep.

"It takes a lot of practice," Ty Lee says softly, suddenly looking uncomfortable.

"You wanted to do an activity together; teach me how to do... that," Azula says, turning a palm up with a cocked eyebrow.

Ty Lee has no proper defense. She simply shrugs, decides this is a very strange first date and says, "Do you have any coat hangers?"