Chapter 1.
POV: Ahsoka Tano
It is without doubt that the galaxy has many mysteries and with it colludes the grey that binds the force to us. It moves to guide us but only if we choose to listen to it. Focus, closely. Most of the teachings from the Grey Jedi still grab at the warmth within me urging me to delve back into the calm, soothing whispers. A presence follows me now, soothing and justified, it is familiar to me, a convor? The Daughter of Mortis, her presence radiates from the convor. It guides me and somehow keeps me calm now that Anakin and I have separated.
It feels surreal to be away from him. For the first time in years, Anakin isn't privy to my thoughts, his presence does not envelop me and his warmth doesn't restrain me. Ever since I became his padawan it was all that sustained me and trained every decision I made. I feel relieved yet more restricted than ever before. The Force is trilling, an immediate gesture of unbalance, no stability like myself, and then there is Katooni. Training her is the only thing keeping me grounded and Lux…with his gracious words and unwavering empathy, the luscious lace of his voice. I can feel myself being hypnotised by the sweet nectar that radiates from him and it ebbs away at me. My skin captures his presence and makes my whole-body sway with his demeanour, his eyes smiling with adoration. Everything stills and the hurricane freezes, a momentary tranquil solitude. Lux.
The wind was blissful as it passed, courageously stirring the playful battle between myself and Katooni amongst Lux's garden at his senatorial residence. Lux was out for the day attending to matters in the Senate, pushing the bill for the two biggest governments in the galaxy to reunite. Despite the jedi having been disbanded, training Katooni to be safe and to use the force for good was still taking priority. She wishes to join the Onderon militia after meeting Saw Gerrera and the others from the clone wars. I have refused to let her join thus far. I keep telling her to focus on becoming the best version of herself before making the big decisions. She argues that she could make her future up as she goes which has some truth bestowed within it but the force leads me to guide her down a different path.
Much alike myself she has extended her lightsabre fighting forms into ataru with flourishes of makashi, a deadly combination. I smirked as I slipped letting Katooni win temporarily before summoning the force, using it to point my discarded lightsabre ignited at her back. Katooni skilfully rolled out of it as we reset our stances and began again.
"Ahsoka?"
My stomach turned violently, my hands beginning to tremor as I stowed my lightsabres.
"You shouldn't be here," Katooni's voice was firm and tenacious as she stepped around me.
I tentatively turned and saw him dressed in casual clothing juxtaposing his combatant armour.
"Mr. Skywalker," grandiose footsteps approached from the house to my left, Lux's gaze quickly reading my own before he continued, "please if you wouldn't mind coming back later, Lady Tano and I have business to attend to elsewhere".
He quickly flashed him a smile and offered his hand to me that I gratefully took as he gestured to Katooni. She nodded and began escorting Anakin outside.
"Lady Tano?" Anakin uttered, "just wait a minute, Ahsoka!"
I paused at the doorway, "His royal highness has granted me residence as a Knight of Onderon". I took my leave, sighing deeply as I melted into the plush leather of Lux's speeder.
Blank emotions reflect in my eyes as I breathed away the overwhelming memories of Anakin. Lux didn't say a word as he began to guide us away from his residence, his hand finding my leg, comforting me. It was some time before I came to the realisation of the day's events as Lux finally powered down the speeder. He offered his hand to me as I reluctantly plopped out of the speeder, my boots colliding with the dusty overhang towering above the City of Iziz.
"You can't avoid him forever 'Soka," he sighed as he embraced me tightly, the familiar scent of his cologne invading my nostrils.
I nodded sighing heavily, "I know. It's been over three months since I last saw him... Did they call a recess?"
"No but they will. Some troubling new evidence has risen. There are those among the Senate who still wish to feed the little conflict left in the galaxy. Pierre is there at the moment in my place and it was Saw who alerted me to Anakin's arrival".
I let go of Lux and sat myself down on the dusty, sandy rock. We sat there for a while just enjoying each other's company, his arm wrapped around my shoulders and my montrals spinning with dread. Everything had been so controlled and peaceful up until now. The force is pushing me back to Anakin, prodding me gently back into his clutches. I nuzzled my head deeper into the crook of Lux's neck, his forehead softly touching mine until our noses touched. I closed my eyes enjoying the moment allowing myself to connect with just Lux. His hand brushed against the side of my face triggering me to open my eyes and look directly into his. I couldn't help but smile as he brought his fingers to my chin before placing a single heartfelt kiss on my lips. It was welcomed with great intensity as I returned his affection, slowly but passionately, tantalising desire.
Katooni informed me of Anakin's whereabouts and I agreed to meet with him in town. Lux gave me reassurance as well as a tender embrace, trusting me to make the right decision for myself regardless of the outcome. Ever since Raxus, myself and Lux had kept in contact. There has only been one time when he didn't return my messages and that's how we ended up on Carlac.
I watched Anakin approach from afar a vivid smile spread across his face. My eyes met his and I couldn't help but feel a deep, protruding chill propagate like an allergic reaction all over my entire being. I wanted this to be a happy moment. It should've been a happy moment but it wasn't… the love of my l- former love of my life. How did we get it so wrong? A mountain began to grow in my chest trying to breach free. I stayed fixated on the wall next to the water fountain, fear encapsulating my motor functions. The mountain erupted as Anakin stopped in front of me, his arms outstretched in a welcoming hug. I waved his hug down, shaking my head and exhaling loudly. No more tears would be wasted on him.
"Ahsoka, I'm sorry".
I was incapable of giving him a sensible response and just stared at the blank words that left his lips. The same lips that have touched my own so many times before. I suddenly felt itchy all over, the cold harsh chill was replaced by a tingling rash.
"I know," my voice was void of emotion, "why did you come here?"
I wanted to scream at him, fight him, hurt him for everything he had put me through. How he left me for another woman, the same woman he renounced right to my face. He didn't come after me. He stayed by her side when he should've been at mine. I can tell that he still loves me but now that he has a family and Padme they take priority. He will not let his family down. To be selfless he has to be selfish. But he will try…
"You deserve an explanation, 'Soka," he said, "as much as I love you, I have a family now and Padme needs me".
"If you loved me you would've left her. If you loved me, you'd know that she has 3PO and Obi wan, her own family and countless others that could help her!"
"You don't understand how hard it is for me to leave her," Anakin cried.
I told him that it isn't. Anakin managed to leave me okay. I told him that he could still be a father to his children without being attached to Padme.
"What's Obi wan doing these days?"
Anakin frowned at the question almost as if he was in pain, "he's helping Padme…"
To fathom that I still loved Anakin was immeasurable as I left him in the plaza. I called Lux and asked him to pick me up. Pulling the hood over my head as I walked through town, the citizens of Isis began to recognise me and I had to force a smile and a wave. It'd surely somehow reach local media that, 'the Lady Tano was seen walking through town last night with tears in her eyes'.
Chapter 2- Preview
Lux held me close as I came back down. My eyes glazed over with intense emotion as I clung to his skin. Chest to chest. Heart to heart. I could feel it pulsate through my body.
