Chapter 8 – The Friends

The door to the small cabin of Blaine's boat flew open and two guys Blaine's age barged in. Suddenly the space Kurt had shared so intimately with Blaine was crowded and Kurt became paralyzed for a second, not knowing what to do or how to react. He looked at Blaine, searching for answers in his face, but Blaine pointedly refused to look at him.

They don't know that I'm gay.

The words were on a loop in Kurt's head, playing over and over again.

They don't know that I'm gay.

How was it possible?

Kurt's heart was beating staccato in his chest, his mind trying to wrap around the words to make sense of them. Blaine who had come on so strong to him already the first night wasn't out to his friends? Blaine who took the initiative, who got down on his knees without hesitation, who was so comfortable in his body around Kurt, wasn't out?

"Blaine!" one of the guys said, his voice happy and carefree. He was tall and his skin dark. "Why didn't you come to Joe's? We're all waiting for you."

"I, uhm…" Blaine stuttered, eyes flickering between the floor and his friends.

That's when the other guy noticed Kurt. "Oh! You have company," he said. He was shorter, had brown hair and wore a surprised look on his face.

"Uhm… yes," Blaine answered, recovering from unexpectedly finding his friends on his boat. "This is Kurt. We were just joining you guys at Joe's. Kurt, this is David and Nick."

"Oh, hi, Kurt," David said and reached out his hand. "Nice to meet you."

Kurt remained seated on the bed, unable to get up and shake David's hand. He was uncomfortably hard and if he uncrossed his legs it would be obvious to everyone there. Instead he waived awkwardly from his sitting position on the bed. "Nice to meet you, too."

David and Nick waived back hesitantly. They exchanged curious looks and shot questioning Blaine's way. Looks which Blaine ignored.

"So, shall we go?" Blaine said to his friends, eager to get out of the crowded cabin. He still ignored Kurt's eyes on him even though Kurt was sure Blaine must feel them.

Kurt was stunned by the transformation in Blaine, from being so sweet and confessing how he felt about him to practically ignoring his existence. Was this what Blaine meant when he said his life was complicated, that he wasn't boyfriend material or fit for a relationship, that he couldn't give Kurt what he wanted?

Blaine wasn't out to his friends.

Why hadn't Blaine just told him? It wouldn't have been a big deal if Blaine had just told him. Kurt hadn't always been out to his friends and he knew it wasn't an easy thing to tell the people you cared most about. He would have understood. He would have accepted it, of course he would have. Now it was sprung on him and Kurt had no opportunity to react or talk to Blaine about it. Now he had to pretend in front of Blaine's friends, pretend they weren't just about to have sex.

A cold lump formed in Kurt's belly. What if his friends had arrived ten minutes later? What if they'd been naked? Could David and Nick tell they'd just been all over each other? Blaine's lips were still a little red and kiss-swollen, but could they see that in the dim light? Did his own lips also look like that? How did his hair look? Kurt felt lingering touches of Blaine's fingers in his hair. Was it a mess? Did he look a mess? Kurt looked at Blaine, needing something, some kind of reassurance from him, but Blaine still refused to look at him.

"Yes, let's go!" David answered and Blaine hurried out through the cabin door like he couldn't get out of there fast enough, away from the questioning looks. Away from Kurt. David followed right behind leaving Kurt alone with Nick.

"Are you coming too, Kurt?" Nick asked.

Kurt nodded, felt like Blaine had left him no choice, though he'd rather go home than play pretend in front of Blaine's friends. How would he even do that? He wasn't very good at acting.

Kurt stood up, his erection gone, and followed Nick outside. Blaine and David already walked down the slip, and once Kurt and Nick had jumped off the boat, they did the same. Kurt tried to tell himself to be okay with the situation. Blaine had said he couldn't promise Kurt anything and Kurt had agreed to Blaine's conditions. But Blaine hadn't been honest with what those conditions entailed. Not knowing where Blaine's head was at or how he felt was unnerving. He couldn't get Blaine's last words, or the terrified look in his eyes, out of his mind.

From in front of him, Kurt heard muffled conversations between Blaine and David.

"Who is Kurt?" David whispered. "I've never seen him before."

Kurt didn't hear Blaine's answer because right then Nick asked the same question.

"So, how do you know Blaine?"

What had Blaine answered David? Kurt didn't know how he'd present himself. As a friend? A distant relative? A passing acquaintance? Something resembling panic and anger simmered under Kurt's skin. Why hadn't Blaine told him? Why hadn't he given him a chance to go home instead of saying they were both about to head over to Joe's?

Kurt took a mental deep breath to steel himself for the lies he knew he'd had to tell tonight and decided to stay as close to the truth as possible without outing Blaine.

"We just met. Blaine stopped by the diner where I work," Kurt said and gestured to the work outfit he was still wearing as proof, "and we started talking."

"Okay. Cool," Nick said. "Typical Blaine. How did you end up on Blaine's boat?"

"Ehm… I used to have the exact same boat growing up, well not me but my parents, and I thought it would be cool to have a look." Okay, that part was a lie that could easily backfire if Blaine told David something else but what was he supposed to say? He'd never been any good at thinking on his feet in stressful situations. "Blaine was cool with it, so that's how we ended up here."

"Okay."

Kurt couldn't tell if Nick believed him or not, but he didn't ask further. "How long have you known Blaine?" Kurt asked to shift focus from himself.

"Since high school," Nick answered. "Me, Blaine, David and a bunch of other guys you're soon about to meet went to the same school."

"So you've known Blaine since he was fourteen?" That was seven years Blaine had known Nick and his other friends. Kurt wondered why he hadn't told them. Seven years was a long time and somewhere along those seven years Blaine probably figured out he was gay if he hadn't already.

Joe's was a bar on the pier at the end of the boardwalk. It was a surf styled bar with surfboards for tables, wooden stools, lots of colors, and strings of lights hanging almost everywhere. On the walls were wooden signs with surf quotes and in the middle of the room was a pole with signs naming different famous surf beaches and the distances to get there, all written in bright colors. The music flowing out of the loudspeakers was mellow and reggae inspired. Kurt felt completely out of place.

There were a handful of other guys at the bar waiting for David and Nick to return with Blaine. Kurt was introduced to all of them, not by Blaine but by Nick, but couldn't remember any of their names by the end of the introduction round. It was obvious by their loud voices and wide gestures that they'd been there a while.

Kurt smiled and pretended he was happy to be there. Pretended he didn't feel like the chaos in his head would soon make him cry.

As the night continued Kurt found himself in conversation with Blaine's friends but with no involvement from Blaine. Nick and the others were nothing but nice to Kurt, but this wasn't how he wanted to spend his night. He wished Blaine would at least acknowledge his presence, Blaine was the reason he was there, but Blaine hadn't said a word to him since he revealed his friends didn't know he was gay.

"Kurt!" one of the guys shouted over the music. He had dark hair like Nick but was slightly taller. "You don't have a beer in your hand. Can I get you one?"

"No, thanks, I'm driving," Kurt answered, glad he had insisted on driving there on his own. Now he could leave whenever he wanted to, which was very soon if Blaine didn't give him a reason to stay.

Kurt spent most of his time talking to Nick and two guys called Thad and Wes. They were curious and friendly, asked Kurt again how he knew Blaine, and Kurt told them the same story he'd told Nick. Every now and then he shot a few glances in Blaine's direction, hoping to make eye contact, to exchange some kind of communication or try to figure out Blaine's state of mind, but Blaine was too busy talking to David and another guy and only once looked in Kurt's direction. Blaine immediately looked away, took a sip of his beer bottle, and continued his conversations.

That was the point Kurt decided to leave, there was no reason to stay any longer. Blaine's friends might be easy and fun to talk to and the night might have been great if Blaine hadn't pretended Kurt didn't exist, but Kurt couldn't ignore the feeling of feeling ignored. He was angry and sad and disappointed, and the fun and excitement of the night was gone. He said his goodbyes to Nick, Thad and Wes and left without looking in Blaine's direction.

Nick followed him outside. "Why are you leaving so soon? Aren't we good company?"

"You've been very kind to me, but I have work tomorrow so I better get home." His work didn't start until the afternoon but there was no need to tell Nick that.

"It has nothing to do with the fact that Blaine hasn't said a word to you since me and David showed up?"

Okay, so Nick was a perceptive guy… "No, I barely know Blaine," Kurt deflected. "It was nice of him to invite me, but he has no obligations towards me."

"I think he's been acting odd towards you."

Kurt shrugged to suggest he didn't care if Blaine had been odd or not. Right then he didn't know what to feel. He could understand if Blaine didn't want his feelings to be obvious - feelings for guys in general and Kurt in particular - but he wasn't someone who Blaine could toss aside and pretend didn't exist. Walking away was the only solution.

"It was nice meeting you, Nick. I'm just gonna go out to Blaine's boat and fetch my sweater, so..." Kurt had no sweater and wasn't sure why he wanted to return to Blaine's boat, but he did.

"There's no way I can convince you to stay?" Nick asked. "Just because Blaine doesn't care about your company doesn't mean that I, I mean we, do," Nick corrected himself and gestured towards the guys inside the bar. "We had a great time getting to know you."

"Thank you, but I have an early morning and I only came to check out the boat, so no." Kurt smiled apologetically even if he had nothing to apologize for. Nick was acting a little strange and Kurt didn't understand why he wanted him to stay.

"Let me walk with you to the boat," Nick said then, almost insisting.

"No really, you don't have to. Stay here with your friends, drink some more and enjoy the night," Kurt insisted in return. He couldn't have Nick with him when he went back to Blaine's boat. He would ask questions about the sweater that didn't exist, and Kurt would have no answers. He needed some time alone to collect his thoughts.

There was also a small part of him that hoped Blaine would come after him.

"Okay, then," Nick said. "It was nice meeting you, Kurt. Maybe we'll meet again."

"Maybe we will." But I doubt it.

Nick went back inside, and Kurt drew a breath of relief. On his way back to the boat Kurt's thoughts inevitably went to Blaine. He had never dated someone who wasn't out, but he was sure they could have figured it out. If Blaine had only told him. If Blaine hadn't spent the last part of the night ignoring him.

It didn't matter now though. Blaine had chosen his friends over Kurt. Being ignored wasn't something Kurt took lightly on. He'd been ignored too many times in his life, and he'd promised himself to never let that feeling move into his chest again.

Kurt stepped onboard the boat and sat down on one of the chairs on deck. He thought about leaving Blaine a note but why should he. Why would he want to put himself in a position where he knew he would only get hurt? If Blaine couldn't even look at him when his friends were around how could they possibly have the future Kurt wanted?

Anger sparked in Kurt. Anger with Blaine but mostly anger with himself for letting himself get carried away with thoughts of a future when Blaine had said he couldn't promise anything. They had only met a few times and Kurt had already made up future scenarios in his head. How stupid was he? What was he even doing on Blaine's boat waiting for Blaine to come after him? Blaine wouldn't come. He wouldn't leave the bar so soon after Kurt had left. Not if it meant the risk of his friends raising suspicions. Not even to save what little existed between him and Kurt.

The nighttime air was still unbearably warm, but a cool breeze from the ocean blew across Kurt's skin as he jumped off the boat, making him shudder. With thoughts whirling in his head, he hurried down the slip and then the boardwalk, ready to go home.

He was a fool for thinking he meant something to Blaine.

"Hey, Kurt! Wait up!"

Blaine's voice sounded behind him, shouting gently as if not to draw too much attention to it. Kurt didn't stop, didn't turn around because he wanted Blaine to know he wasn't someone Blaine could treat whichever way suited him. He heard footsteps thud against the ground, as Blaine ran after him. Kurt's heart raced in his chest and his hands felt clammy.

Blaine panted softly when his hand gripped Kurt's elbow, stopping him. "Hey, are you leaving?"

"Yes," Kurt answered, shaking Blaine's hand off. Anger simmered under his skin, burning hot and white. Blaine wanting to talk now was a little too late.

"Are you mad?" Blaine asked, stepping in front of Kurt.

"Yes." Kurt's voice was clipped and short.

"Why?"

"Why?" Kurt asked incredulously, staring at Blaine, but Blaine only looked confused. "I came here to see you, but you haven't looked at me once since your friends showed up."

"Shit, Kurt," Blaine said, obviously not sober any longer. "It's just so fucking complicated…"

Kurt sighed. The broken look on Blaine's face affected him more than it should. More than he should let it do. It was fucking complicated…

"Blaine." Kurt paused and breathed in to not start shouting his frustration at Blaine. "I don't know your reasons for not telling your friends and frankly the 'why' isn't important, but that doesn't mean you can ignore me. Talk to me, treat me like a friend, but don't act like I don't exist."

"Fuck…!" Blaine cursed silently to himself. "I'm sorry, Kurt... I don't know how to do this. Please stay. Don't leave." Blaine's black t-shirt clung to his torso, the damp heat making everything stick to his body. There was a dark spot of spilled beer in the middle of his chest and Kurt focused his eyes there.

"I can't." If Kurt looked into Blaine's eyes, he would probably not be able to walk away, and that was what he needed to do. But the pleading, fragile Blaine found his way into the soft spot of Kurt's heart no matter how much he tried to shut him out.

"Blue-eyes…" Blaine lifted his hand as if to touch Kurt or take his hand, but his hand fell to his side again before it reached Kurt.

Of course Blaine wouldn't take Kurt's hand. Not there with his friends so close by, someone might see them. Kurt understood but still it irritated him, and anger took over again.

"Goodbye, Blaine." Kurt started walking again, leaving Blaine behind. This time 'blue-eyes' wouldn't save Blaine.

"No, Kurt, wait."

"Don't make this harder than it needs to be." Kurt spit out the words as he continued down the boardwalk.

"So I've blown it then? You don't want me if I'm not out?" Blaine's voice was colder now, resigned and a little harsh.

Kurt stopped and turned around. "That's not it, Blaine! That has nothing to do with this. This is about you treating me like I don't matter to you. Which I probably don't since we've only just met."

"You do matter to me! I told you I have never felt this way about anyone."

"Well, you have a funny way of showing it."

Blaine cursed silently again. "I wasn't prepared… I'm not good at this stuff, Kurt, I told you that too and you said you were okay with that."

Kurt closed his eyes, hung his head, and exhaled slowly. Blaine had warned him, but in that moment Kurt would have agreed to practically anything at the prospect of having a shot with Blaine. But Blaine hadn't been completely honest with him. "What was your plan here? Keeping me a secret part of your life, hiding me from your friends forever?"

"I don't know! I haven't thought about everything." Blaine took a step closer, his words coming out soft and gentle now. "I haven't been able to think about anything but you."

The words didn't affect Kurt as much this time, he was too angry to let this slide that easily. He needed more time. "How do you see this playing out then? This thing between you and me?"

"I don't know… We said no expectations. To see what happens."

"Yeah, well, I have expectations," Kurt said, his voice getting louder as his frustration grew. He was very well aware that Blaine had said no expectations, but Kurt still had them. "I'm sorry I can't just be cool about this and pretend I don't feel the way I feel about you. I can't go on and just let this be about sex because I feel too much for that."

"I feel too, Kurt! But I don't know how to do this in another way. I can't change my life for you."

Kurt didn't want Blaine to change his life, just make Kurt a part of it somehow, or at least be willing to try. But Blaine only wanted Kurt in secret when it suited him. Kurt's heart sank. He couldn't do this anymore. There were too many emotions floating around in his system and he needed time to sort them out. It was late, he was tired, and he just needed space and time away from Blaine.

"I'm leaving. I can't do this."

"I knew this was a bad idea…" Blaine said, voice dejected and resigned. When Kurt said nothing, Blaine lifted his face to the sky and shouted. "Fuck!"

It scared Kurt, that frustrated, angry, desperate cry. There was nothing more he could do though, besides leave.

-x-x-x-

Notes: These boys never seem to be able catch a break, right?