Chapter 219: A Talk with Bella
I heard Kim sobbing softly in the distance. I walked by her side sat down next to her and rubbed her back to comfort her. I said trying to be helpful, "think of this as another day of patrol for them. For all we know, she may not show up, and they have to call it a day and try tomorrow."
She was wiping her tears away, and she said as she was weeping, "I-I know, but my hormones make things worse for me. I trust your plan because it's the best they have come up in months. I know that it'll work. I just can't help but worry that..I'll have to raise this baby on my own."
I nodded in understanding. I replied emphatically, "I can see where you are coming from. Because he has you and his baby on the way, I know he'll be more strategic, so that he'll come back to you in one piece and also take down Victoria. He won't be as reckless, I feel. "
She was looking at me as she wiped her tears away. She slowly stopped sobbing, and she said, "that's-that's true..He'll be back."
I nodded with a small smile. I glanced at Bella, and she was trembling in fear and looking pale. She was staring off in the distance, and I can feel a wave of anxiousness was coming off from her. I know she is worried about Jacob, but..I still have mixed feeling about her.
I said, "So..In the meantime, do you guys want to cook for the pack?It'll help us take our mind off from them. "
Bella nodded mutely, and Kim said apologetically, "I am sorry, Ale. I-I don't think I can. I have been feeling my Braxton-hicks this morning. They are still hours apart, but I didn't get much sleep. Can I rest for a bit?"
I waved my hand, "don't worry about it, Kim. I understand. How about you rest in the guest room while we cook? Holler if you need anything, okay?"
She nodded, and I helped her get up from the couch, and she walked toward the guest room to rest. I glanced back at Bella, and she was looking at me with hesitant eyes.
I said softly, "we didn't get to introduce each other. I'm Alegria Lopez. I go by Ale for short. I'm Sam's imprint. I guess you probably know that…I heard you are an awesome cook, would you mind helping me?"
She said quietly, "nice to meet you, ale..uh, I would be honored."
I frowned slightly from the last part that she said. Is she being sarcastic, or she is saying that because of my status in the pack?
Hmm.
We walked to do kitchen, and she followed after me obediently. She had her hands together as she looked around the kitchen in curiosity.
I said, "I am going to make things simple. I am thinking to make spaghetti with meat sauce. I'll leave you in charge with cutting onions, garlic, tomatoes, and cilantro. They are at the bottom of the fridge. Is that fine?"
She nodded, "I can do that."
I got started on boiling four huge pots of spaghetti, and I took out pounds of ground beef to defrost with cold running water on top of it. As I waited for the boiling water get to the boiling temperature to throw in the spaghetti in it, I went to cabinets to take out Ragu, and bowls so Bella can place diced vegetables on them.
While I was stirring the spaghetti, Bella finally spoke up, "Uh-Uh Ale?"
"hm?"
"uhm, I heard you-you got precognition? Is it like a gift of knowing the future?"
"You mean if it is like Alice's? No, not exactly. I know some things from the future, but I don't see every future every time a person's change their mind. I am not that omnipotent like her…I was also given knowledge about things in the past too…to help me accommodate to being the mate of an Alpha."
"I-I, see."
"…is there something you want to ask?"
"….do you..know why he-he l-left?"
I responded without looking at her, "he left..because he loves you, Bella. That was his way of showing you how much he loves you. He..wanted you to have a normal human life without any intervention from the vampire world. I..don't agree with how he ended things with you because it was a dick move on his part. No one should be treated or be broken off in that manner, but he thought you were going to keep being in danger if you stayed in his world..after the birthday party accident, so he thought by erasing every trace of him in your life, your life would go back normally."
She gasped with eyes building up her eyes as her shoulder trembled, and he continued to cut the vegetables with a shaky hand.
I continued, "..I think you know or else why would you keep seeing and hear the hallucination of Edward whenever you are danger? It is because deep down, you know he loves you, but…it's your insecurity, low self-esteem and the feeling of abandonment from him that prevents you from understanding that."
I glanced back at her, and I saw that she put the knife down, and she put her arms cross her chest tightly. Like she was desperately trying hold onto herself before she 'breaks. She started wincing from the looks of her expression like she was in severe pain. abandonment from Edward caused her to experience psychosomatic symptoms as if she is literally in physical pain when majority of it is in the mind. She stood in that position for a while until she was able to relax and continued to cut the vegetables. I was worried that she was going to cut herself from how clumsy she is, so I watched her cautiously.
She gasped tearfully, "how-how can you say that? It hasn't been easy on me."
I finished stirring the pots of spaghetti. They were done, so I picked them up, and drained them on the kitchen sink. I put running cold water and stirring them , so they won't start clumping together.
I sighed, "I know it hasn't Bella, but you are acting as if he died... He left you behind by choice Bella. I am sorry. It hurts and how he left you was very dickish of him, but it doesn't mean you continue to let him impact you, Bella. It has been many months now. You need to start standing on your own. "
I could tell she is desperately trying to deny what I am telling her because it was too much for her to handle. She said in a shaky breath, "..but he left me..I gave him my everything, Ale. I don't think you know what it likes to be in loved."
I paused, and I said softly, "true. I don't understand it completely…I am still new in my relationship with Sam, but I do know Edward wasn't your everything. You are your still own person as he was your own person. You lived your life well before you met him. You had dreams, wishes, desires, and aspirations long before he came around. You didn't need him when you were growing up, and you did just okay without him. How now is any different? Sure, you tasted what it is like to be in love, but it's not if you are never going to experience that again…"
She argued, "but-but…you said he loves me..that is why he left..But, how can you leave someone you love behind? that-that's not right."
I stayed silent. I continued, "perhaps..I can't speak for everyone but it depends on every person's case. For someone, it was necessary in order for their loved on to survive, but for others, it was because they didn't love them enough to stay..However, I don't think that was the case for you. I think it was the former."
From what I remember, Edward had a difficult time when he left Bella. He was supposedly hunting down Victoria, but in his grief with leaving Bella, he just wandered aimlessly all the way down to Brazil. He would rarely check in with the Cullen family, even though they were concerned with him. However, he just wanted to grieve alone and be left alone..I don't think that was right what Edward did to his family. They were worried about him, and they wanted to help him, but he denied their help due to his grief. Since Edward is an adult, they respected his decision. So, what the Cullen family could do? If they had forced their way into Edward's life, then they would've really lose him.
Grief is a difficult experience. You can't deal with grief on your own. You need people; Your loved ones to be by your side to cope. Even though they may not understand what you are feeling, they can help you to not feel alone at least. You can't deal with grief in total isolation. Maybe some people had, but not everyone can do that. You would get stuck in your own thinking and stuck in that traumatic grief. Not saying you need people or that you can't stand on your own due to grief. But your loved ones help you to slowly realize that life moves on. Even though something tragic happened in your life, you need to keep moving on for yourself because you deserve to live.
She repeated herself tearfully, "but…he left me."
I got to work with draining the other pots of spaghetti. I placed the cooled down spaghetti in a aluminum tray.
I responded slowly, "..yeah."
Bella started grilling the vegetables while I was seasoning the pounds of ground beef.
She added, "..Jake left me too."
I frowned, "not by choice, Bella. He still came back for you."
She shook her head sadly with tears in her eyes ".. its not the same before he phased.. He-he's still around, but it's not like before. He has closed off from me.."
Ohh. Did he now? Good for him. I am glad he is able to build boundaries. He can still be a decent friend to Bella, but he learned to keep his distance to get too attached to her.
I looked back to her apathetically. She said with an accusing tone, "..he told me that you told him about my-my visions of 'h-him'."
I stated firmly, "what did u expect, Bella? I knew what you were doing, so I had to tell him. He deserves the truth.. you expected me to continue seeing him being pulled around by you and keep using him like that when he himself is struggling too?"
She sucked in a breath and said loudly. "but that wasn't for you to decide. It was me who had to tell him."
I said sharply, "Bella, honestly. Would you have tell him?"
She paused and looked away. She mumbled in embarrassment, "n-no.."
I said, "I thought so. You never told him, and things got worse for the both of you, so I had to tell him for his mental sake."
She said, "I know..I'm hurting him but..I need him. I am getting better the more I spend time with him. He helps me to not focus on the pain…"
I sighed, "I know. Jacob..is very sweet, kind and loveable. Who wouldn't try to be his friend? But Bella, you don't need him. What you needed was professional help like Charlie had told you one time to visit. You can't live off of other people to stand on your own. They can help you and support you, but they can't do the standing up only you can. They can't do that work for you, Bella."
She was sobbing lightly, and she said, "..You say you know and Jacob and the pack says you know due to your 'gift'… but you really don't know what I am going through…"
I didn't respond that. Sigh. Teenager angst. What can I do against that? There isn't anything else I can say to her.
She added in a condescending tone, "..but aren't you doing the same thing?"
I said sharply, "what do you mean?"
She said in a condescending tone, "..Jacob mentioned you are having a rough time..but aren't you feeding off from Sam too?"
I froze, I walked up to her to dump the ground beef on the vegetables. She was looking at me a bit smugly. I didn't like that, however…
I said quietly to her as I stirred the meat and slowly adding the Ragu to make into the meat sauce, "maybe I am..I don't know, but..…unlike you, I am making an effort to not do that to Sam..I have seen what it would be like for Jacob if he had kept on trying to help you stand on your own. Because you wanted to feel loved and you were aware of Jacob's feelings for you, you were hot and cold with him. It only hurt him very deeply because you would be clear with him one moment but also allow him to cross the boundaries with you other times too. Either you be his friend only or more. You can't have both, Bella. No one deserves that hot and cold attitude, so I am trying to stay on my own two feet even when I know how Sam feels about me..."
She got quiet, and we finished the rest of the cooking in silence. We both had a lot in our minds. I know she was chewing what I told her, and I was also reflecting on what I told Sam before he left. It does sound very much that I need him to survive here.
…Am I being a hypocrite?
We finished preparing the food, and we were placing them on the dining table. I was about to go grab the lid to keep them warm until I heard Kim screaming bloody murder from the guest room.
I shouted at Bella, "Fix these. I go check on her."
She looked at me with wide eyes and nodded frantically.
