A/N: This one is the backstory for the drabbles where Azula and Ty Lee are on arranged dates. The prompt fit it incredibly well, and I've always wanted to write Zuko hiring Ty Lee to chi-block Azula in order to give her some freedom, but also control her. And so, well, this oneshot was born.
(Theme Forty-Three) Pimps Don't Cry
(As Prompted By) FanfictionVillainess
"So, Ty Lee, I heard you were looking for a job in the Fire Nation," Zuko says carefully, hoping he is not poking any nerves. But Ty Lee simply smiles at him.
"Yes, I am. Do you have any ideas?" Ty Lee replies sweetly, completely oblivious to the fact that Zuko is offering her a job.
They are sitting in a teashop, Ty Lee quite enjoying being out with the Fire Lord. It makes her feel incredibly special, and, if there is anything she likes, it is feeling special. The fact that Zuko asked her to tea when they do not speak often unless Zuko is visiting the Kyoshi Warriors is a little strange, but she is enjoying it anyway.
Mai is reclining beside Zuko, her eyes glittering with knowledge that Ty Lee is made slightly anxious by. She is glad that Mai and Zuko are dating again, but it is kind of weird that they invited her on one of their dates. They definitely have ulterior motives, therefore, Ty Lee finds playing dumb as the best course of action.
"Well, I have a lot of money for paying people," Zuko says, already feeling awkward. "And I was thinking that, uh, well, I don't want to phrase this weirdly. You know that my sister is living with me now?"
"Mhm," Ty Lee says, nodding. She then feels guilty that she has evaded visiting Azula this entire time. They did not leave off very well, and Ty Lee is honestly too afraid to confront her.
"And you know how she used to date you?" Zuko asks and Ty Lee is starting to get nervous. If Azula sent Zuko to ask her out for her, Ty Lee is going to be livid.
"Mhm..." Ty Lee says, filling her mouth with white tea.
"Well, I was thinking I would pay you to be friends with her again."
"Uh." Ty Lee scratches her nose as Mai snickers. "I'm not a prostitute, Zuko."
Zuko's face turns bright red as he realizes what he has just said. Mai is laughing harder now and people in the shop are starting to stare.
"No, I'm not asking you to have sex with her!" Zuko exclaims and now everyone is staring. Mai licks her lips and bites them to keep back her laughter. Zuko then lowers his voice and leans closer to Ty Lee, "I'm not asking you to have sex with her. Or even to be friends with her. Well, it would be good if she thought you were friends with her. I'm paying you to be a bodyguard."
"Azula needs a bodyguard?" Ty Lee asks, surprised. She wonders what happened to the princess to make her weak enough to require protection.
"Not a bodyguard for her. A bodyguard for the people around her," Zuko says and Ty Lee's eyes flicker.
"How much are you paying?" Ty Lee asks, knowing her training as a soldier has not helped out her resume in retail. But chi-blocking is definitely a commodity in the stopping Azula from going on a blood fucking rampage line of work.
"You want salary or hourly wage?" Zuko asks, examining his tea.
"Salary."
"Twenty thousand gold pieces a year."
"Forty thousand gold pieces a year and I'll be her bodyguard. For ten thousand more I'll play along with your little lie that I want to be her friend again. Plus, full royal amenities and I never want to walk where I have to go ever again," Ty Lee says brightly and Zuko has to set down his tea.
Where she learned to bargain like that, Zuko has no idea. But compared to the average property damage of one of Azula's outbursts, it's a fair deal.
"Deal," Zuko says, holding out his hand and shaking hers.
Mai just slowly shakes her head. "I'm going to watch this explode like fireworks at a festival." She pauses. "Pop, pop, pop," she punctuates with small hand motions.
"Just believe in me, please," Zuko sighs to his girlfriend.
"Pop."
"Pay me," Ty Lee demands coolly as they stand in the hallway leading towards Azula and Zuko's bedrooms.
The hallway is dimly lit and mostly abandoned. Zuko's room is pristine, glistening and smells of citrus, the doorknob golden and polished, but none of the servants delve into Azula's allotted side of the living quarters. They are all too frightened, and Zuko does not blame them. So it is dusty, grungy, and feels like walking into a haunted house. It all smells like her perfume: Eau De Zuko's Nightmares.
"Now?" Zuko asks feebly, sighing as she waves her fingers.
He has not informed her that this is the thousandth attempt to find a way to keep Azula in check. Ty Lee does not need to know that Zuko is reaching the end of his rope, and already has enough on his plate as Fire Lord and keeper of peace alongside the Avatar. And now, after his sister decided to go on a bloody rampage, he has to find some way to contain her while still allowing her enough freedom to be able to sleep at night without guilt.
"Oh, Zuko, you should've known better than to show flexibility and weakness to the daughter of the Fire Nation's wealthiest businessman," Mai commentates flatly with her amber eyes sparkling.
"Okay, fine, I'll pay you some good faith money," Zuko assents, handing her a coin purse he had in his streetclothes.
Ty Lee weighs it in the palm of her hand for a drawn out amount of time for effect. "Alright. It'll do."
She walks through the dusty hall, coughing, and knocks on Azula's door. There is silence and Ty Lee feels anxious, until there is finally motion behind the door. Azula opens the door and hesitates, narrowing her eyes at her brother, his girlfriend and her ex-girlfriend.
"What do you want?" Azula demands sharply. Zuko is crossing his fingers that this will somehow work out.
"I think I'm allowed to visit you if I want to," Ty Lee says sweetly and Zuko grimaces.
"You haven't made an effort before," Azula replies, leaning on the arch of the door. Ty Lee is not intimidated by her power positions. Mostly because she is wearing a nightgown and has her eyeliner smeared on her forehead from sleeping face down.
Ty Lee pauses with her plump lips pursed. "Your brother is paying me."
Zuko chokes; that was not part of the bargain. Mai's shoulders shake with silent giggles.
"He's... he's what? One moment." Azula shoves Ty Lee out of her way, the acrobat shrieking in surprise as Azula walks out of her bedroom to face her brother.
He shrugs, smiling faintly at her.
"I know it's hard to tell, but she isn't a prostitute," Azula snarls, pointing at Ty Lee with one clawed finger. Ty Lee sets her hand on her chest with her lips tightly sealed, as if she wants to shout but is restraining herself.
"It's not! I'm not paying her to have sex with anybody! Why do you keep assuming that?" Zuko exclaims in utter exasperation. He has been trying to find a way to contain his sister, and he finally thought he had it, but of course it did not work.
Azula pauses, narrowing her eyes. Her gaze pierces into him, vivisecting him for the truth.
"I don't need you to pay people to have sex with me, be friends with me or protect me. I am capable of doing all of those things on my own," Azula says and Mai's laughter is no longer silent.
"Yeah, Zuko, she can be her own girlfriend... unlikely with fingernails like that, but nothing is impossible for Princess Azula," Mai comments and Zuko groans.
"He paid me," Ty Lee says, brushing herself off, "to protect the people around you. So that you could leave the palace or something."
"I have no desire to leave the palace. I have no desire to be your friend." She is backing into her bedroom slowly. "I am going to lock this door, and you are going to go find yourself another job. Perhaps as an actual prostitute; I hear it pays well."
Ty Lee lunges at the door and blocks it with her foot as Azula slams it. Zuko and Mai both cringe but Ty Lee does not even wince.
"The only reason I'm not killing all of you right now as because she's going to stop me," Azula snarls.
"That's why I hired her," Zuko says, turning his palms up.
"I will consider your offer," Azula lies, pulling the door back and slamming it on Ty Lee's foot again. Mai recoils and Ty Lee remains stony-faced.
"Azula," Ty Lee says sweetly, like poison mixed into honey tea, "we are going to be best friends and you are going to like it."
"I refuse." Another slam. Another slam, harder this time. "Zuko, you can't make me do this! You're not my real dad!"
"I am not moving. Azula, I can do this all day," Ty Lee says, grinning wickedly.
"I'd like to see you try. You don't have the best attention span," Azula says coldly, but she does not slam the door again. "Alright, let's see if you can do this all day. If you outlast me, I'll allow you to be my chi-blocking prostitute. If I outlast you, I never have to see you again."
"Deal," Ty Lee says instantly, before Azula can change her mind.
"I would rather be watching paint dry." Mai is lying on the floor of the hallway as she complains dryly. Zuko is slumped next to her with his feet resting on her abdomen. "How long has it been? Do we have to stay for this?"
"It has been one minute since you last asked one minute ago," Zuko groans. "So, seven hours."
"Azula, just give up!" Mai shouts before sighing and trying to melt into the floor.
"I once stood on broken glass for four hours every morning for two months straight. I am not giving in," Azula breathes viciously with a life in her Zuko has not seen since she surrendered herself four years ago.
"My mom made me hold ice cubes in my hands when I failed tests. Which was often!" Ty Lee says brightly, her eyes wide and glittering like a feral cat. Neither of them sound remotely tired, despite the sweat glistening on their skin and their racing hearts.
"My father made me─"
"For the love of Agni, Zuko and I are leaving! You two have fun," Mai interrupts loudly, not wanting to listen to another round of this. She grabs Zuko's arm and abandons them both.
Azula narrows her eyes.
Ty Lee grits her teeth and steadies her feet.
"Who do you think won?" Mai asks with a small yawn as she wakes up on the sofa. Her back hurts, but Zuko, who is cramped under her, is even more sore and crooked.
"I don't want to know. They're probably still going. Or maybe one of them is dead," Zuko sighs, rubbing his eyes and deciding he no longer cares.
Mai gets up off of Zuko and walks towards the living quarters. He cracks all of his bones with a noise that makes Mai gag, and they both feel both curious and terrified.
"It's like on my birthday, my parents would fill the downstairs with gifts, and I would just stay up all night, and then I would stop before I went downstairs because I felt kind of like I'd throw up," Mai whispers and Zuko can only shake his head. "That's how I feel right now."
"Ty Lee left. Fuck," Zuko remarks, shrugging. He genuinely does not care anymore, after everything he has done to try to control Azula. Ty Lee was his absolute best option, and it seemed like fate intended for her to do this when she decided to move back to the Fire Nation. But the Universe just loves messing with Fire Lord Zuko.
"And you paid her like a whole coin purse of gold pieces too. So... what now? Have we given up on Azula? Should we just set her free and see what happens?" Pause. Mai crosses her arms and a tiny smirk creeps onto her pale lips. "I like that idea."
"Mai, go in and talk to her," Zuko pleads, rubbing his head. It aches with a splitting migraine, somehow as painful as his bent limbs.
"Why me?" Mai is no longer enjoying the Azula and Zuko dance as much as she thought she would be.
"Because she likes you sometimes. And also she might not be wearing clothes."
"Okay," Mai says, simply wanting to get this over with and escape. She twists open Azula's door and shuts herself inside.
Zuko waits for several hearbeats, gazing at his bedroom longingly. What he would give to just go to sleep and wake up with all of his problems wiped away. Mai steps out like she has just been assaulted and Zuko says, "What happened? Are you okay?"
"Ty Lee didn't leave."
