Chapter 15 – The Confrontation
The Monday afternoon was slow, only a few patrons sat at their usual tables. Kurt spent his time restocking sugar shakers and staring out the window at nothing at all. He was numb and detached, having felt so much over the weekend there were no feelings left in him. Rain was pouring down, which was probably the reason for the few guests, but Kurt didn't notice. His mind was somewhere else, still trying to piece together the Blaine that he knew with the Blaine that he saw combined with what Nick had told him.
Ethel was back after her illness which was a blessing because then Kurt didn't have to explain or answer any of Santana's questions. She had been calling and texting him several times yesterday. She was worried about him and she wanted to understand what had happened between him and Blaine. Kurt hadn't answered any of her attempts to reach out.
He hadn't answered any of Blaine's either.
When Kurt woke up, he had been alone in bed. He hadn't been when he fell asleep. Nick had soundlessly left his apartment sometime in the early hours and Kurt was grateful he hadn't had to face Nick that morning. Kurt didn't have a clear memory of what happened after they arrived at his apartment, but he knew they ended up in bed together, there were traces of their 'activity' left on the sheets.
There had been a throbbing, dull pain in his head and a queasy feeling in his stomach when he woke up. His mouth had been dry, and his tongue had felt like he'd been licking sandpaper. Kurt couldn't remember drinking that much, but he couldn't remember how many drinks he'd had either. Everything before he saw Blaine getting into that car and after Nick told him Blaine was a prostitute was kind of a blur.
Nick had left him a text, too, the only text Kurt answered the previous day.
Nick
I hope we can agree last night was a mistake that will never happen again. We were both drunk and worried and not ourselves. We can never tell Blaine, he won't forgive either of us, but we should talk to him. Together.
Kurt's answer was short.
Kurt
Last night was a mistake, I'm glad we agree on this, but I will never speak to Blaine again.
Kurt had no feelings for Nick, Nick just happened to be there when Kurt's heart was breaking and he needed something, someone, to numb the pain. He'd wanted to get back at Blaine, wanted to hurt him, and Nick had conveniently been there. Kurt regretted it the way you regret one-night stands with someone you meet just before the club closes and you feel lonely and desperate for someone to make you feel less desperate and lonely. Nick wasn't who Kurt spent his thoughts on yesterday or why he couldn't get out of bed.
Blaine had always been an enigma and Kurt had sensed he had secrets, that he wasn't telling him everything, but he could never have imagined it was this. Santana had playfully suggested it along with a bunch of other ridiculous alternatives to why Blaine had said his life was complicated and that Kurt didn't want to be with him, but Kurt had scoffed at the idea and discarded it immediately without a second thought.
Blaine had sex for money. That knowledge had made Kurt nauseous and disgusted yesterday, today he felt nothing. The betrayal Kurt felt had been so intense it physically hurt. Blaine was supposed to be his boyfriend, how could he go out and have sex with other guys? Why had he let Kurt fall for him? He claimed to have fallen for Kurt so why hadn't he stopped? Why was he still meeting other men after they had started dating?
There were so many questions but no answers because Kurt refused to answer any of Blaine's calls or texts. What could Blaine possibly have to say that Kurt would want to listen to?
First the texts had been about if he'd had fun last night, if he stayed sixty feet from every guy out there. Then the tone had shifted, and Blaine had asked if he was okay, if something had happened, and why weren't he answering because Blaine was getting worried. Then there was one text asking if Kurt had met someone else followed by an apology for the previous text and a plea for Kurt to call him back. Kurt turned off his phone after that. He couldn't deal with Blaine's worry or with seeing his name on the screen every time he picked it up.
Kurt had stayed in bed, unable to move, letting the ache in his chest and the throbbing in his head consume him. He didn't want to think about it, but it was all he could think about. He tried watching a movie, tried reading a book, tried to let his writing distract him, but his mind kept wandering back to Blaine in that car with that man.
Now he was at work, numb and unable to feel anything but the dull pain that had moved into his heart. He didn't hear the bell above the door chime, didn't notice someone entering the diner until that someone sat down on the stool on the other side of the counter from where Kurt was standing.
"You're a hard man to get hold off, Kurt Hummel. Ever heard of picking up your phone? Like a normal person? No, instead you're forcing me out into this rain so I could find you. Look what you're doing to my hair!"
"I didn't force you to come here. I would actually have preferred if you stayed away," Kurt bit off. He closed his eyes and steeled himself for the questions he knew were coming.
"And not find out what actually happened the other night? No, that's not an option."
Santana shrugged out of her red raincoat and hung it over the stool next to her. Kurt sighed, he didn't feel like talking to her, not today, maybe not ever if she wanted to talk about Saturday night.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Well, I want to know," Santana answered with the same stubborn tone Kurt had used on her, only there was a hint of amusement there too. "I'm here now so it looks like you don't have a choice."
"I'm working," Kurt protested. "I can't sit here and chat with you."
"Yes, because you look really busy today." Santana looked around the diner and then back to Kurt. "Ethel!" she called to the kitchen.
"Yes?" Ethel popped her head out through the opening in the swing doors to the kitchen.
"Kurt's taking a fifteen-minute break, is that okay?" Santana asked her, smiling sweetly.
"Sure, dear. Not much to do on a day like this," Ethel answered and walked out into the space behind the counter. "You go ahead, Kurt, I'll hold down the fort here."
"Looks like you do have time to chat with me," Santana said and bopped Kurt's nose. "Be a doll and bring me some coffee, will you."
Kurt sighed but did as Santana asked. She wouldn't leave without answers, Kurt knew that much about her, and as there was no getting out of this conversation he might as well have Santana in a good mood and bring her her coffee. That did not, however, mean he was in any hurry to pour the coffee or take it to the table where Santana had seated herself. Talking would bring out memories and feelings Kurt didn't want to remember or feel.
"Okay," Santana said when Kurt finally, after as much stalling as possible, placed the two mugs of coffee on the table and sat down opposite of her. "Let me recap what I gathered from Saturday night. You are still pining for that hobbit, for God knows what reason because he is apparently into older guys and doesn't reciprocate your feelings, which you can't understand, so instead you're screwing Nick hoping Blaine will notice and take interest."
Kurt hung his head. If the situation didn't hurt so much, he'd laugh, but instead he slowly shook his head. "No. It's not like that. I'm… It's… It's complicated," Kurt said using the word he had started to loath.
"I know it's not like that," Santana answered, her voice softer now. "I was just trying to make you smile. You look so sad, Kurt. Will you tell me what actually happened?"
Kurt thought about it. He had no one else he could talk to about this, not after he'd slept with Nick and blown that possibility. He'd be avoiding Nick for a foreseeable future, so not proud of how he'd taken advantage of Nick's feelings for him.
"After you told me to forget about Blaine," Kurt started, deciding that Santana was his only chance to try to make sense of the situation. She might not be able to help him feel less hollow or less of a fool, but maybe wording his emotions to someone would stop the worst ache in his heart. "I went back to talk to Blaine. I wanted to understand and I wanted to listen to what he had to say. When I drove home that night, I had a boyfriend. He told me the most incredibly sweet things. He told me he had fallen for me, completely and helplessly. And I have fallen for him, too. I think I'm in love, Santana."
"I know you are. That utterly shocked look in your eyes when you saw him kiss that man told me that." Santana reached out and placed her hand around the one Kurt was hugging the coffee mug in front of him with.
Kurt groaned and closed his eyes in a vain attempt to block the images constantly reappearing before his eyes. He wished he didn't still feel that way but there was no magical switch to turn off his feelings because of what he'd seen.
"But I don't want to be. I hate him!" Kurt started then, removing his hand from Santana's touch as anger came back to him. It did every time he thought about Blaine with that man. With other men just like him. "He claims that he's never felt the way he feels about me with anyone before, that I'm special, and the next second he goes out and prostitutes himself."
"Excuse me? Prostitute?" Santana's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "What?"
"Nick says he's seen Blaine with other older men before."
"That doesn't make him a prostitute," Santana said, trying to be the reasonable one. "He might have a weird thing for older men, but to make the assumptions that he's selling sex is kind of harsh."
"Blaine's parents died three years ago, left him with nothing but the boat he lives on and the motorcycle that used to be his dad's. He doesn't have a job, and basically he doesn't have any money. Or he shouldn't have, but still he has so much money hidden away on his boat. I can't see any other explanation."
"Okay, I'm not gonna ask how you found out about the money, but there might be other, more logical, explanations for that money. They don't make him a prostitute."
"Like what?" Kurt asked harshly, but when Santana failed to come up with an answer fast enough, he continued. "Why would he meet up with this guy when he's my boyfriend? When he's fought to be with me when it would have been so much easier for him to walk away? And don't tell me he's with the mob because the mob simply doesn't exist!"
"It does and I have proof of that, but that's not what's important here. Have you talked to Blaine, heard what he's got to say about Nick allegations?"
"No. I don't want to talk to him, and I don't want to see him ever again," Kurt said. He was done with Blaine. How could they be something after what Kurt saw? "Even if Nick isn't right, I still saw Blaine kissing someone else. That was real, you saw it, too."
"Yeah… You're right," Santana said pensively.
Kurt realized then that was the core to the ache and the numbness. It wasn't that Blaine might be selling sex, it was that he had seen Blaine kissing someone else. The man Kurt was in love with had kissed someone else.
Kurt wiped away the single tear falling down his cheek with the back of his hand as a big, aching emptiness filled him. No matter how he turned that fact around there was no getting around it and Kurt felt like a fool for believing Blaine when he had said that Kurt was special.
"You need to talk to him," Santana said, serious now. "He has to explain himself."
"There's nothing to explain. He played me and I believed him." Kurt didn't have the energy to fight Blaine.
"Come on, Kurt. You can't be like that. He cheated on you, you have to confront him about it."
Kurt shrugged. "What good will that do?" It wouldn't change the fact that Blaine had broken his heart. It wouldn't make him unsee what he had seen.
"Now you're just acting like a sulky fourteen-year-old. Stop with that and grow up."
Kurt could tell Santana was getting frustrated and frankly a bit disappointed with him. Kurt knew that he had to talk to Blaine, it was just… "I don't know how I will be able to look at him without breaking apart." His words were barely louder than a whisper. How could he ever look at Blaine again and think he would survive it with his heart intact?
"You will. Do you know how I know that? Because we just do. We put up our walls and we act as if we're not falling apart inside. And then we cry and then we move on. You're not the first person who's gotten their heart broken in an ugly way, but we bounce back, stronger and wiser because of…"
Santana stopped talking in the middle of the sentence and Kurt saw her eyes flick behind him. Her mouth turned into a small 'o' in the same moment Kurt felt a hand in his shoulder.
"Hi, I hope I'm not interrupting but could I-"
Kurt's insides turned to ice, the voice all too familiar. His body reacted instinctively and shrugged away from Blaine's touch like it had burned him.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Blaine said with a little laugh, misreading why Kurt flinched. "I just need a minute of your time if you can spare it."
"Don't touch me," Kurt spitted out through gritted teeth. He stood up and without looking at Blaine walked right past him.
"Kurt?" Blaine said confused.
"He doesn't want to talk to you, but I do. Have a seat," Kurt heard Santana say before he escaped through the swing door into the kitchen.
The kitchen was hot, too hot, and stank of fried food. Kurt staggered to the back of the room and leaned against a wall. He tried to control his breathing and take deep breaths so as not to start hyperventilating. He felt nauseated and closed his eyes to keep everything out. Hearing Blaine's voice, so uncomprehending and so soft, Kurt wasn't prepared. His wounds were freshly opened from talking to Santana and he'd foolishly let down his walls allowing Blaine's voice to affect him so much he could barely breathe.
Kurt slowly slid to the floor and hugged his legs, leaning his head against the wall. The sizzling noise from whatever Earl was frying on the stove helped keep Kurt grounded in the presence, but it didn't stop Blaine's voice from playing on a loop in Kurt's head. He closed his eyes. Why was Blaine there? And more importantly, why hadn't he foreseen that Blaine would show up at the diner? He should have realized, should have been prepared. He clearly wasn't.
"Are you okay back there?" Earl asked from behind the frying station.
"M-hm." Kurt gave Earl a thumbs up but didn't look up. He was anything but okay.
Fuck! He needed to get a grip. He couldn't become a broken mess at just the sound of Blaine's voice. He was stronger than that. Blaine wasn't the first guy to break his heart, probably not the last one either. He'd only known Blaine for a couple of weeks, it wasn't like they had dated for months or years.
Kurt took one final deep breath and stood up. He wasn't going to go back out into the diner until he knew Blaine had left but he wasn't going to stay curled up on the floor either. He noticed then that Ethel was in the kitchen as well, standing next to Earl, both looking at him with worry.
"What did that boy do to you?" Ethel asked motherly.
"Nothing I can't handle," Kurt answered.
"Are you sure, sweetie?"
Kurt smiled at her. "Yes, it's just a little dent to my heart. I'll get over it." He would. With time.
The swing door to the kitchen was forcefully pushed open and for a second Kurt's heart was in his throat, but it was only Santana joining the group of employees in the kitchen.
"He's gone and he won't be coming back," Santana declared. She joined Ethel and Earl by the frying station and now Kurt had three sets of eyes looking at him.
"What did you tell him?" Kurt asked. Knowing Santana, she could have said just about anything to Blaine, and he wasn't sure he wanted her to be the one to confront Blaine. Sure, he had fled the moment Blaine arrived, but he just needed more time to digest it all before he talked to Blaine.
"Nothing much, just that you know what he is now and that he'd do best to stay the hell away from you. For his own sake. He looked absolutely confused, which was quite a funny look, and asked me what I meant. I told him that his conscience should give him all the answers he needed."
"And?"
"He said I made no sense at all, but I could see his mind spinning. Then he left without saying another word, so I guess he felt guilty and realized he did best to leave. I told him to never show his hobbit face here again," Santana concluded.
Kurt deflated a little, relieved Blaine had left without making a scene. Not that Kurt expected him to, Blaine was too much in the closet for that, but at the same time Kurt felt a sting of disappointment that Blaine hadn't made a scene. That he hadn't stormed into the kitchen or demanded to talk to Kurt. But maybe it was just as well.
-x-x-x-
The rest of the day went by uneventfully. The rain kept pouring and the guests were sparse leaving Kurt to make conversation with Ethel all evening after Santana had left. It kept his mind distracted, at least for a little bit. They cleaned and closed the diner on routine, Kurt punching in the alarm code and locking the back door. He put up his umbrella and said goodbye to Ethel and Earl, who headed in the opposite direction from Kurt's parked car.
Kurt scurried across the parking lot, doing his best to avoid puddles, and keeping his shoes dry. It was pouring down and there was a faint sound of thunder in the distance. Kurt couldn't wait to get home, take a hot shower, curl up in bed and watch a movie on his iPad. He needed to figure out how to deal with Blaine, but that could wait until tomorrow. Procrastination was sometimes necessary.
Just as Kurt reached his car, he heard a voice call out his name over the downpour. As he turned in the direction of the sound, he saw Blaine standing next to his bike under a tree barely shielding him from the rain. His hair and clothes were wet, and as Kurt turned back to his car he wondered how long Blaine had been standing there.
"Kurt, please," Blaine called when Kurt ignored him. "What's going on? Why won't you talk to me?"
Kurt stood frozen to the ground, frantically trying to find the words to say as Blaine's voice came closer. He still didn't know what he wanted to say, how to confront Blaine.
"Blue-eyes?"
"I can't do this now," Kurt said, still facing the car. He couldn't let Blaine's nickname for him affect him.
"Did I do something? Because I don't underst-"
"I saw you," Kurt snapped, cutting Blaine off. "I know what you are."
"Saw what? Know what?" Blaine was right next to him now, bewildered and still with such gentleness in his voice.
"I saw you kissing another man, Blaine," Kurt said, turning to look at Blaine. "What the hell?!" Blaine was dressed in black, as always, rain pouring down his face, making his dark curls stick to his forehead.
"No. I did… you didn't…No, I wasn't..." Blaine was faltering, his face growing paler by the second, while Kurt was getting angrier for each denying syllable that came out of Blaine's mouth.
"I saw you get in a car with a middle-aged man! I saw you kiss him, and I saw you bend down to blow him!
Blaine was silent. Shocked.
"Say something!" Kurt demanded. "Tell me I'm wrong." Kurt desperately wanted to be wrong, for Blaine to tell him it was a mistake, that he must have seen someone else, but Kurt knew he wasn't.
"It's not what you think," Blaine said quietly, barely audible over the rain pattering on the car roof.
"You kissed another man! You had sex with him! You're supposed to be my boyfriend and you do that with someone else?! I can't believe you're standing here telling me it's not what I think. I know what I saw!" Kurt continued in the same hard voice, not giving Blaine a chance to explain. "Nick says he's seen you with older men before, he believes you're selling sex. Is that true?! And don't lie to me."
Kurt saw Blaine flinch at that, saw something dark flash in his eyes.
"You talked to Nick before you talked to me?!" Blaine was the angry one now.
"He called me just as I saw you and I was so shocked and devastated by what I saw, it just came out," Kurt defended himself, but then realized he wasn't the one needing to explain himself to Blaine. "But that's besides the point. Is it true?"
"You outed me to Nick?!"
"He already knew!"
"I can't believe you!"
"You can't believe me?! I can't believe you! You fooled me!"
"You told my friend after I confided in you why I didn't want them to know!"
"You cheated on me!" Kurt yelled. It was like they were having two separate conversations. The shouting was exhausting and not at all how Kurt wanted to have this conversation, but he couldn't stop himself. "Are you a prostitute?!"
"No!"
"Don't lie to me! I've seen the money you've stashed away in your cabinet! You say you don't have a job or any money, so where the hell are they from?!"
"You've been going through my stuff?!" Blaine's face was red now. "You had no right to, that's private!"
"Just tell me what's going on, Blaine! Why do you hook up with other people? Why do you have so much money? I deserve to know!"
Kurt stared at Blaine and Blaine stared back, both breathing heavily. Rain was pouring down on Blaine, who, unlike Kurt, had no umbrella to shield himself. The thunder was coming closer, louder, but neither the rain nor the thunder could drown out the silence between them. It hurt to fight with Blaine. It hurt to look at him. Kurt's heart, which was nowhere near mended from the weekend, broke into pieces all over again.
Blaine's figure was almost soaked as he just stood there, shivering, unable to say anything.
"Oh, for the love of…" Kurt muttered and took a step closer so his umbrella covered both him and Blaine. It was too late, of course, but Kurt couldn't just stand there and watch as Blaine got drenched, no matter how angry and hurt he was. There was still a small part of him that loved Blaine, that wanted to understand. "You're going to catch a fever," he continued in the same tone. "Let's get you into my car."
Kurt found a blanket to wrap around Blaine's wet, frozen body and Blaine accepted it without protest. The car was cold, but Kurt started the engine and turned the heat up to max. He didn't drive anywhere, just sat there waiting for Blaine to start talking and hopefully give him some answers.
Blaine stared out the front window, still shivering slightly. Water dripped from his hair down his forehead and cheeks, and he looked like a drenched cat. A silent, drenched cat.
"It's true," Blaine started when he finally spoke. "I accept money in exchange for sexual favors."
"Why?" Kurt wanted to know because he couldn't figure out why Blaine would do that. All the heat from the argument outside was gone from Kurt's voice and replaced by a somber seriousness.
Blaine shrugged. "An opportunity was presented to me and I needed the money."
"There are other, safer, ways to make money," Kurt said. It pained him that Blaine had chosen this path.
"Not for someone like me."
"You could get a normal job," Kurt suggested, not really understanding what Blaine meant by 'someone like me'.
"No one wants to hire someone without a High school degree and without an address. Or without references. Believe me, I've tried. If I had any other option… but I don't."
Kurt didn't want to believe it to be true. There must be someone out there willing to hire Blaine, he just hadn't tried hard enough. But he didn't want to start an argument with Blaine again.
"So your plan is to sell yourself for money. What are you going to do with the money?" Blaine didn't seem to spend a lot of that money, at least not on himself. At the diner Blaine had always ordered coffee and fries, the cheapest things on the menu, and paid with spare change so he must be saving the money for something. Or did he feel the money was dirty and therefore he couldn't spend it?
"I'm getting out of here."
"What?" The unexpected answer confused Kurt and quite frankly shocked him. Blaine was leaving?
"I hate it here. I'm leaving as soon as I have enough money."
Kurt sat silent for a while, processing. Blaine's plan was to leave the city, leave it all and never look back by the sound of it. "What about me?" Kurt dared to ask.
"You were never part of my plan," Blaine said. "You were just supposed to be a hookup, a treat to myself because I found you attractive."
"Well, that's just great!" Kurt said, feeling used and unimportant, like he had never meant anything to Blaine. "Why did you let me get involved with you if your plan was to leave all along?"
"I tried to stay away, I told you that, but I fell in love with you that first night on the beach and I just needed something good in my life. It was selfish and I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess, but you came on strong, too, you wouldn't take no for an answer even if I told you my life was complicated."
"I thought you meant you not being out to your friends was what was complicated, not this!" Kurt was raising his voice again. He felt cheated, deceived, and he didn't like those feelings or what they did to his heart.
"It was easier to let you believe that," Blaine admitted. "I never meant for you to find out."
"No, you just meant for me live on in oblivion, fall in love with you, until you decided it was enough and left. Why couldn't you just have let me be? Saved me the trouble of getting my heart broken?"
"Y-you've fallen in love with me?"
"No, but I would have eventually," Kurt lied, killing the hope in Blaine's eyes immediately. "Now I feel disgusted just thinking that you've been with other men all the time I've known you, thinking that we shared something special, something beautiful, when it's all been a lie. I can't believe you're doing this to yourself…"
Blaine blinked. "So it's over then?" he asked, rather harshly.
Kurt scrunched his nose and forehead. "Of course it is." Did Blaine really think they could continue this sham of a relationship? "I can't be with you if you're out there having sex with other men! You won't even have sex with me!"
"That's because you are special, don't you see that?"
Kurt huffed. He sure as hell didn't feel very special. But somehow the words still found a way around the protective walls he put up around his heart.
"Stop what you're doing then! Be with me." Kurt couldn't really believe he was giving Blaine this chance, not after the lies and the deceit, but his heart still yearned for Blaine and sitting there next to him, seeing him, while listening to his story was just torture. He was in love with Blaine, simple as that, and it pained him so much to know Blaine was doing this to himself. He didn't know how they'd move on from this but he knew Blaine needed to stop.
"I can't."
Kurt's heart sank right down to the floor. "Why not? D-do you enjoy it?"
"Of course not! That's a stupid question."
"Then why are you doing it?"
"Because I have to!" Blaine bit out. "You don't know my life! You don't know what I've had to deal with, so don't sit there and judge me or try to tell me how to live! If I had any other option, believe me I would choose it, but I don't!" Blaine shrugged out of the blanket and threw it at Kurt. "Here." He opened the car door, jumped out and slammed it shut behind him.
"Blaine," Kurt tried before the door closed, but it was too late. Blaine was out in the rain, getting soaked again. Kurt followed him outside. "Blaine!" he called over the drumming rain and mad thunder just above them. "Blaine!"
But Blaine didn't look back, didn't even show a sign of hearing Kurt. He went straight to his bike, jumped on it and then all Kurt heard was the roar of the engine when Blaine started the bike, and the sound of screeching tires as Blaine sped away as quickly as if he was chased by fire. Too fast, Blaine was going too fast, and it was raining too much. It was the recipe for a terrible accident. But all Kurt could do was just to stand there and watch as the red taillights disappeared down the street.
-x-x-x-
Notes: We're officially halfway through the story and we're also at the lowest, darkest point. Which means it can only get better from here. Not saying it will be a straight, smooth way ahead, but at least all secrets are out.
