There was much to be done. There was no doubt that Sidney would have to go to London. He was the best placed of the Parkers to approach banks and potential investors. He would meet his accountant and his solicitor, and with their help, see what he could do to salvage the situation and the family.
But before they could decide anything, before they could make any plans on how to proceed, they had one most important task to deal with.
They had no choice; Lady Denham had to be told the terrible news.
It was a most unpleasant conversation.
"You have betrayed me! You have betrayed us all!" Lady Denham raged at Tom, who now at least had the grace to look properly ashamed as he, Mary, Sidney, and Charlotte stood in her drawing room at Sanditon House. "I will see you in the debtors' prison! I will see you in the poorhouse! Where are your promises now, Mr. Parker? Dust and ashes! You might as well have lost my money at the gaming tables! You despicable man!"
"Lady Denham!" Mary protested, but was cut off, for the older lady's ire was too much to be contained.
"I am very sorry for you, Mrs Parker, but some things can never be forgiven!"
"Lady Denham," Charlotte intervened, her calm voice soothing amidst the frayed tempers, "If you pursue the debt now, you may be robbing yourself. We can rebuild the terrace, bigger and better than before."
"Give us a fortnight's grace at least," Sidney added, sensing that there would be no more help from that quarter, understandably so.
"A fortnight?!" Lady Denham scoffed. She looked like she'd rather send all the Parkers to the Clink right away, and Charlotte too. Her anger still nowhere near mollified, she gave a sniff. "One week," she pronounced, glaring at Tom like she rather hoped that he wouldn't be able to come up with a solution.
She turned and sailed out of her drawing room like a galleon, leaving her liveried footman to show them out.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Seated across from Sidney in the carriage on the way back to Trafalgar House, Charlotte took the chance to surreptitiously study her fiancé. Sidney's gaze was fixed, unseeing, somewhere outside the window, but she could tell from the deep furrow between his eyebrows that his mind was occupied. No doubt he was trying to think of the people he could contact in London, and the resources he could utilise to get the Parker family out of this predicament. His eyes met hers once, and he sent her a tight smile that seemed more like a grimace, before turning to look out of the window again, the tense set of his shoulders revealing the burden of his worry.
Tall and broad-shouldered, and with his powerful bearing, Sidney always gave the impression of being strong and steady, like a rock, capable of dealing with any obstacle or weathering any adversity. It was not just his physical strength, which Charlotte knew from personal experience was considerable — he had so easily dispatched the man who had assaulted her in the alley in London — but also his confidence and strength of will. It worried her now to see how the responsibility of Tom's debt weighed heavier on him with each passing moment.
As for Tom, she had always known he was a bit single-minded and ridiculous when it came to Sanditon, and she had still been fond of him. But any admiration she had for the man was fading fast after the scene she had witnessed earlier at Trafalgar House. It was shocking to see how he'd tried to shrug off the blame and absolve himself of the responsibility of his own mistakes, trying his best to put it on someone else.
It was a sobering eye-opener to the kind of person Tom Parker really was, and how different Sidney was to his brother. Where one was unreliable, the other was steadfast and dependable. No wonder the whole Parker family looked to Sidney to bail him out of their troubles, though no one had said it in as many words.
Charlotte dearly wished she could go to London with Sidney; she knew he would welcome her support, as he had done (albeit grudgingly at first) during their search and rescue of Georgiana. But she was aware that could not happen. This situation was far too different from last time, and engaged or not, they would not be allowed to hare off by themselves while still unmarried.
She tried to wrack her mind for some way she could help. But being from rural Willingden and having neither money nor connections, the only solution she could think of was to ask Lady Susan Worcester for help. She was sure Susan would not mind. Despite having become friends only a few days ago, Susan seemed to genuinely care for Charlotte; her arrival at the regatta solely to spend time with Charlotte was testament enough, as she'd told Tom herself. Charlotte decided to suggest it to Sidney and Mary, and contact her friend in London if they consented.
When they disembarked from the carriage in front of Trafalgar House, Sidney cleared his throat. "Miss Heywood, might I have a word?"
Charlotte looked at him, surprised, then glanced at Mary, not exactly for permission but she was unsure what the rules were now that she and Sidney were engaged.
Mary nodded, a little worried by Sidney's demeanour; he looked unusually tense and grim. She nudged a curious Tom inside as she watched the young couple walk away, hoping that what had happened would not mar their newfound happiness in any way.
Sidney and Charlotte walked down to the shore in silence. They didn't go as far as the cliffs or the cove where Sidney liked to go swimming, but just up to the dunes, far enough that no one would hear their conversation.
Charlotte was a little surprised and concerned that Sidney wanted to speak with her alone right now. Not that she had any complaints about spending time with him, but she rather thought the urgency of the situation meant he would have to rush to London directly now that they had spoken to Lady Denham. A week was hardly any time after all, and the sooner he reached the capital the better.
But maybe he wanted to talk to her for that very reason – because he was leaving. Perhaps he had something important to say to her, like asking her to look after Mary and Tom and the rest of his family. Mary was still furious with Tom, no matter how unwavering her support for her husband before Lady Denham. Charlotte vowed to do everything she could for the Parkers, regardless of Sidney what asked of her. She had already come to regard them as family, and soon enough, they were to be her family in truth too.
As they walked on, Charlotte, usually so observant of and attentive to everyone around her, was so caught up with her own thoughts that she was unaware of the turmoil raging inside her fiancé.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
For the entire duration of walk to the dunes, Sidney felt like nothing other than a condemned man on his way to the gallows. Never before had he felt such frustration and anger and despair, and even fear.
On the way to Sanditon House, he had thought hard about how to bring up the subject of their engagement with Charlotte, how to tell her she could withdraw from it if she wished. His difficulty in finding the right words had more to do with his own ardent feelings for her – he had no wish to let her go. But he loved her, and intended to respect her decision if she did wish to be freed, no matter how much it killed him to do so. The best he could hope for was to ask her to wait for him, if she was willing, until this mess was sorted and the Parkers were on their feet again.
But after the conversation with Lady Denham – and the fact that Sanditon's patroness had given them just one week to find the money – the sheer enormity of Tom's debt had broken over him once again like a wave when he went swimming in the sea. His family was looking to him for a way out, he knew this. Tom simply did not have the connections or the business sense and besides, his name was mud with all the banks. Sidney could not disregard his family's peril.
With each passing moment, as the depth of the Parkers' dire straits made themselves clearer and clearer, he knew breaking off the engagement was not a choice anymore. It had to be done. For Charlotte.
She did not deserve to become a casualty of Tom's ill-thought-out schemes, to be dragged down with the Parkers. He couldn't let Charlotte be tainted by his misfortune; he loved her too much to inflict such ignominy on her. She would eventually grow to hate him, and he didn't think he could bear that.
He wanted her to be safe and happy, even if it was without him, no matter how utterly unbearable the thought of giving her up was.
No, Charlotte deserved so much better, and Sidney had to do this for her sake.
But the knowledge that he was doing this for her own good did not lessen his agony in any way. In his increasing despair and panic, his bleak thoughts spiralled out of control.
When it came to love and happiness, it appeared he was doomed. Twice he had given his heart, and now it seemed that for the second time too, he was fated to lose the woman he loved.
Last time, he had been devastated. Now, knowing that his infatuation with Eliza ten years ago was nothing compared to the love he felt for Charlotte now, the thought of having to give her up pierced him to the soul.
Falling in love with Charlotte had given him his first true happiness in a decade; he had felt such incandescent joy to know she loved him back. He had allowed himself to dream, to imagine their future together – marriage, a home of their own, children, a family. But it had lasted barely a handful of hours, before his joy was reduced to ashes along with Tom's blasted uninsured terrace. Sidney barely stopped himself from moaning out loud; the pain he felt was almost physical.
The quiet walk to the dunes reminded him of their walk to the cliffs, when he'd been equally nervous and at a loss for how to start a conversation with her. But his nervousness then had been paired with hope – hope that Charlotte returned his feelings, hope that she wanted to be with him, to have a life with him the way he wanted to with her.
Today, he felt like he was walking to his own execution. How could he say the words? How could he hurt Charlotte like this? What would she think of him? Would she be relieved that he was giving her a way out? Or would she think him a cad, for trifling with her feelings and casting her aside? Would she understand why he had to do this? To break both their hearts in the process?
They reached the dunes, and for a moment stood quietly staring out over the vast blue expanse. Despite the clear skies, the sea was a bit rough this morning. There were no swimmers. The waves pounded the shore with a little extra force and there was an unexpected nip in the summer air.
The sea seemed agitated, reflecting Sidney's mood, and for a mad moment, he was tempted to forget everything and throw himself in it. It was only the thought, the presence of the woman next to him that kept him where he was.
Charlotte turned to Sidney, and her face changed from its usual calm and open countenance to alarm in a second. "Sidney!" she exclaimed. "Are you alright? You look unwell!"
He certainly felt like he was about to be violently sick.
She stepped closer and he finally raised his eyes to hers, feeling wretched.
Charlotte stopped. Sidney looked beyond merely upset or agitated, as he had done in the carriage. In fact, he looked utterly tormented, almost grief-stricken, and she knew at once that whatever was bothering him was not to do with finding the money to pay Tom's debts. Her prickle of unease turned into a spike of fear. "What is it?"
Sidney's mouth was dry, his chest felt tight, and his heart was pounding hard as he battled to keep himself together and not fall apart. Every single fibre of his being rebelled at what he was about to do. It felt like he was committing the most horrible betrayal.
He did not know how to begin. This was the hardest conversation he had to force himself into having. He wished he could take Charlotte's hands in his, as much to hold her as to steady himself, but he did not dare touch her. He was afraid that once he did, he might never want to let go, and would falter from his purpose.
"Charlotte…" Sidney swallowed the lump in his throat. His cravat felt like it was suffocating him, a tight noose around his neck. He tugged at it, to no avail. "With everything that has happened– I uh– that is to say–"
He could not bring himself to say it, could not condemn himself to a life without her. But he forced himself to speak, to choke the words out.
"With everything that has happened, with the safety and reputation, the entire future of the Parker family in danger, I think we should call off the engagement."
Thanks for reading! Leave a review, let me know what you think! :)
And wherever you are, I hope you and your family and friends are doing alright in these strange and crazy times. Stay safe, everyone!
