Chapter 227: The Talk with Sam Part 1

I dropped my head. He needs to know. He won't be able to let go of this guilt if I don't tell him the full truth. There is no way around this, so I said, "I…thought it would be better if I just die…so life can go on as it supposed to…like I wasn't meant to be here nor imprinted on you, so I thought it would be best to give you back to the right person...But..when I saw that I was able to come back to ..this life, I realized I can't run from living and I am now meant to be with you... This is my new life, so I need to embrace it instead of run from it like I have these past few days emotionally…I know this does not make any sense whatsoever, so…"

I let go of my grasp on Sam. I gulped anxiously and when I glanced to see his reaction. Sam looked bewildered as I thought he would be. I could tell his mind is going through so many thoughts which I don't blame him for. I am being too vague again. Okay, I need to be blunter. Stop beating around the bush, so I said cautiously, "..I..think it's time for me to tell you the full truth about me…remember what I said earlier that ..if you come to know, you and everyone will come to hate me..?"

He answered slowly, "yes.." like he is trying to understand what I am trying to tell him but at the same time confused. I unconsciously scooted myself away from him to give him space between him and me. The more I kept talking, the more I felt my anxiety building up like this heavy weight in my chest. I could even my hands starting to shake, so I started rubbing my hands together to soothe myself, but instead, it only edged me on even more.

Shit. This is not going as well like I want to be. Fuck. I shook my head from this building anxiety inside of me to concentrate on the task of telling the truth to Sam.

Focus.

I gulped thickly and said, "I'm..not the Alegria that you and this world know."

I said it. I finally said it. Omigosh. What is Sam going to think now? I didn't dare to look at Sam because if I did, I would immediately lose my focus on revealing the truth to Sam and most likely try to get out of the car to avoid going into a panic attack.

I felt Sam placed his hand over my hand, and he asked curiously, "what do you mean by 'this' world?"

I bit my lip, so I said, "I'm..not this reality's Alegria Ripples Lopez. My real name is Alegria Maria Lopez, and I am from another reality. It's like I am a different version of her..….. Let me start from the beginning. When I woke up in the meadow, I was confused, lost. I-I didn't know where I was or why I was here. But, the more I listened to Laurent and Bella's conversation, the more I realized where I was and who everyone else was especially when I met you in your wolf form. It clicked to me where I was, but it didn't make sense to me of why and how I was here. Then, the most surprising thing happened to me was when we imprinted….."

I paused to breathe a little again, and Sam was silent the whole time. He didn't make a peep, so I continued, "…when I passed out in your arms, I fell into a deep sleep. I was shown..this version of Alegria's life through her memories. Not all, but I have a good summary of who she is, and I also met..this version of Alegria…"

I was still not looking at Sam, but I was slowly becoming emotional as I started approaching with talking about this reality's Alegria unlike the intense fear and agitation that I felt when I first revealed the truth to Sam. With her, I just can't help but feel tremendous sorry of how much she suffered because her story truly is sad. I also feel sorry that because she made that choice, she lost the opportunity to find a family in the pack and be treasured by Sam himself. Even though she herself said she is okay with the choice that she made, there is always that 'what if' in the back of my mind. It's not like I am not grateful for having a second chance in life. I just wish that I didn't take away someone else's life in the process. I know I felt more guilty in the beginning when I first got here, but as I continued to develop my life with Sam, the less and less I feel guilty and the more I started focusing my future with Sam.

Does that make me selfish for losing that guilt and living Alegria's life as my own? I don't know. I then explained to him of how I was emotionally on the first day with him and the intimate time we had in the bathroom. I told him about the dream that I had with the first appearance of the 'real' Alegria. When I explained of how I was apologizing to Alegria for letting Sam do that to her body, from the corner of my eye I could see that Sam winced for a moment. I explained to him of how nonchalant she was, and she asked me to go to her house in order to understand more about her once she gave me a warning about the severe pain that I went through those few days. I told him that most likely I went through that pain was because my body was trying to adjust my spirit since I am not the original spirit to this body.

I heard Sam saying, "I see" in understanding.

I continued explaining that once I recovered, I was happy that Jacob was left to watch me as Sam and the pack went out to track down Victoria.

I stated, "this is the real reason of why I told Jacob to leave me at her house and go on to meet Bella. I swear Sam. I didn't manipulate Jacob just to get what I wanted. I do care about Jacob and the pack. At that time, my mentality was that I can help..the pack and this world as much as I can before I go back to my reality..so I thought by going to my house despite of the risk that I was putting myself in, I thought it was worth it and it was like killing two birds with one stone in a sense.."

I didn't dare to look at Sam about that. I try to keep my voice steady despite of my feelings, so I said "once I arrived at her house, because this is her body, I was shown in memories to this reality's Alegria…Once I went to Grandma Eva's room, I saw her will and Alegria's suicide note. I was shown a vision of what really happened to this reality's Alegria. She...committed suicide in the forest by hanging herself. She..passed away at the moment, but her rope broke and fell down. That was when I saw my spirit enter her body. Then, Laurent was passing by, and he found..her body. He was about to feed..me when he smelled Bella and ran toward that direction…you know the rest what happened in the meadow….."

I trailed off, and I finally looked up to Sam. He had a serious, calculating expression, so I recognized this expression. This expression that he has whenever he goes on his 'Alpha' mode. Is he doing that to conceal his true emotions, or he wants to give me a chance to hear me out before expressing himself? I hope it is the latter.

I said unsteadily, "so now..I am going to tell you why I tried to commit suicide…When I saw Alegria's suicide note and the vision. I realized..this girl..she wanted to die, so why live a life of someone who doesn't want to live? I thought..by dying, I would respect this reality's Alegria wishes and I could go back to my reality, my life. That is all I wanted.."

I started sobbing softly as tears were falling down on my cheek, "I-I really missed my old life. I just wanted to go home, so I-I wasn't really thinking about you when I did that..I-I am so sorry, Sam. When I learned how hard it was for you to see me in that state, I come to regret it immediately..I am so sorry, Sam..I-I thought that maybe you-you would imprint on who I suppose to be"

Sam stated in matter of fact, "like Emily?"

I responded sincerely, "Yes…"

His stoic expression finally cracked, and he asked with a hint of suspicion, "and your 'foresight'. Was..that a cover up for something?"

I gave a big sigh and said, "I don't think you would like how I know…it might..question everything you come to know and understand."

Sam rubbed his face roughly. He turned away, placed his head on top of the wheel, and gave a huge, deep sigh. He stayed in that position for few painful seconds before saying without lifting his head up, 'I..don't know, honestly. I have been trying to wrap my mind that there is even multiple realities and that you are not even from..this reality..But, the spirit world..is much bigger and mysterious than any man can comprehend. It is probably why..we have been warned through our stories from the past to not go too deep into the spirit world, or else we would loose our connection to the physical world..Maybe that warning was to protect us from slipping into other realities by mistake…But, for now, I will trust what you have to say, and maybe I ask you later on….But I want to hear more of your..time here, Ale"

This is the first time he called me Ale since I started telling him the truth. I nodded, so I continued to tell him about the rebuke from Alegria. I told him about what Alegria told me of how she was punished by the spirits for taking her own life. Alegria is watching over me to see the life that she is missing for taking her own life until the spirits let her to stop being in the in between from the physical and spirit world, then she will be able to cross over to the spirit world and finally be with her family in the afterlife. I told him of finding out of how I died. I choked when I explained about how I died, but the spirits gave me this second chance of life since I had more will to live compared to Alegria. I told him how thankful that he gave me space these past few days to basically mourn over my death and able to slowly transition to this new life slowly.

Once I was done telling him everything, I asked hesitantly, "so..you believe me?"

Sam looked up, turn his head toward me nodded slowly. His stoic expression was finally broken. He looked so worn from part of my story that I gave him so far. He gave me a sad smile, and said "Yeah….Even though…this is a lot for me to understand, but the whole time you spoke, I never felt or sense deceit coming from you, so I know you are being sincere and truthful to me…"

I felt touched from his words that I exclaimed, "so..you don't think like I am like a body snatcher?"

He frowned slightly, "why would you think that?"

I said, "Well…..the story of how Taha Aki became a spirit wolf..How Yaha Uta stole his body and pretend to be Taha Aki until Taha Aki merged with a wolf to show the Quileutes that the spirit that inside Taha Aki's body is not Taha Aki. I-I was scared that…you guys might see me as a evil spirit or a fake. I don't know..I-I was just so scared…terrified of how you guys were going to react..I was scared that you'll see me as a liar."

Tears were building up again, and Sam said simply, "but you're my imprint, my mate Ale. I imprinted on you Ale, not Alegria. Even though you are using her body…, but my wolf spirit and I know the one I imprinted is you Ale not Alegria. I..never knew Alegria unfortunately, so I am..sad that I never got to know her, but I think that is a blessing. I have nothing to compare you to because the Alegria that I knew and lived with all this time is you Ale."

I started sobbing lightly, and he gently pulled me close to his chest. I simply cried in his embrace. I was making his chest all wet from tears, but I don't think he cared. He was purring lightly and patting me gently in the back. He was murmuring something under his breathe, but I couldn't make out the words from my loud cries. Nevertheless, I knew he was trying to comfort me.

I..finally was able to let go my guard and wall around Sam. I can..truly be vulnerable to him.

I cried, "even though I miss my old life..my friends..I grew to care deeply for you Sam these past few days. If-If you weren't by my side through these painful hard days as I was trying to adjust to this new life, I don't think I wouldn't made it out. I-I actually want to start a future for both of us Sam, a-and I didn't want to keep you in the dark anymore, Sam. You don't deserve that Sam, and I-I want to be better for you and for me."

He whispered, "thank you..Ale. I have been waiting for you to finally open up to me. I can actually be there for you, now."

I cried, "I'm sorry that-that I took so long to finally open up to you. Even though time and time again you kept expressing that I can trust you and how much you love me, I couldn't because I let my fears get the best of me. I just didn't trust you enough to be vulnerable to you."

Sam whispered, "..it did hurt me, but I am so glad I waited. I am able to really know you, Ale."

He pulled away to caress my cheek with his thumb and wipe my tears with his other hand. He was looking at me tenderly with glassy bright golden eyes. I understood then that his wolf spirit was very present. Sam continued to put my frizzy curly hair behind my hair, and his attempt to make me look presentable. I laughed a little, and Sam smiled.

The next thing he did, it surprised me. He leaned forward to kiss me gently on the lips, then he started kissing me all over my face. As he was giving me kisses, he would say in between kisses, "you're mine, you're my mate."

I responded softly, "yes..I'm yours. You're my mate. My Alpha. I..won't hand you over to Alegria..no matter how sorry I feel toward her."

He smiled tenderly and kiss me passionately in the lips, so I responded in eagerness as well. After I told everything to Sam, I feel this great burden has been lifted from my shoulder. Even though my chest still aches from..losing my life in my reality, it doesn't hurt as much when I first came here. It probably due to the imprinting bond and Sam, but I also made some efforts to live, so that probably help as well.

I actually feel hopeful. Like a sun is finally starting to come throw this heavy storm in my life.

Maybe this is a new beginning for me, now that I am on an equal footing with Sam. We can proceed forward more comfortably without me pulling back nor making Sam to wait for me. I honestly feel excited of how my future is going to be like with Sam. How much my life is going to change from this point on? How much I am going to change together with Sam to be me and be the mate to Sam as Sam will adjust to be who I need as well? I don't know, but I feel more hopeful with our future.

Author's Note:

A lot of angst and tears in their conversation, so I am splitting this chapter into two. However, things are going to start getting better from this point on. I know the story been a bit depressing for a long time, but I will start adding some fluff to the MC and Sam's life.

Thank you for the kind comments. I am glad to see that there are people who do see how much I am trying to make the relationship between MC and Sam more realistic instead like an instant HEA. Nothing wrong with HEA. I enjoy HEA myself too, but sometimes, it would be nice to see an occasional relationship that mirrors to reality, so that is why I created this story.

MC is still going to struggle with some depression and anxiety. Their talk didn't 'cure' it ( mental health is an ongoing battle), but it will help the MC to manage it better with more support from Sam.

I am not sure what I am going to do Bella and Jacob's relationship, tbh. Bella needs some mental help, and the Cullens will come back, so I don't want to create angst between Bella and Jacob with Bella eventually getting back to Edward. I won't do that to Jacob. Even though Jacob has a soft spot in my heart, and I loved reading fanfiction between Jacob and Bella. I don't know..I felt Bella always meant to be with Edward. I am not particularly a fan of how Meyers portrayed Bella. She is a bit self-centered in my opinion.. I didn't like how Jacob and Bella treated each other in the series. I loved them in New Moon, but after Jacob became a wolf and Bella got back with Edward, I didn't like how their relationship turned out... I want Jacob to be more mentally strong/mature (not stubborn. There is a difference), so I am going to give him some character growth. However, it will cost his infatuation with Bella to diminish and to keep his distance from Bella to grow to be a better individual. I'm not sure what I am going to do with Bella until the Cullens come back. This story isn't about her. It is mostly the MC and the wolf pack and MC with the Cullens.

I hope you guys are okay with that, but if not, then I appreciate that you guys give my story a chance!

Enjoy!