Chapter 228: The Talk with Sam Part 2
Reminder: This is fanfiction, so anything regarding the Quileutes are not a representation of their culture and people in real life.
Sam pulled away to embrace me a little more tightly and he sighed in contentment. He was slowly rubbing me in the back, so I closed my eyes and let myself be comforted by him. I was emotionally spent from all the crying and everything. I honestly don't know if I want to see Jared in this current state. It would bring a lot of questions that I don't think I am ready to answer.
Now that I told Sam, do I tell the pack and the council? It would be the most logical thing to do. I don't think Sam would be able to not tell the pack about me. It would be hard for him to conceal those thoughts from the pack when he is phased.
For this reason, I asked, "so what now?"
Sam said, "hmm?"
I wiped the dried tears from my eyes with my hand, and I said, "I..dont know how to tell this to the pack. I know..it would be difficult for you to keep this information from them whenever you guys are phased, so it would be best to tell the pack eventually. I don't know if I want to tell the council. Is it necessary?"
Sam got quiet for a moment and said carefully, "..only if you want me to tell them and ready to tell them. Ale. I am able to keep things to myself when I am phased as Alpha. As in for the council, it would be best to tell them, so they can better help you and be more mindful of our situation."
I responded, "I..do want to tell them eventually, so that we can keep harmony in the pack. I..don't want to isolate you from your pack brothers in order to keep my secret. I don't want the rest of the pack to start feeling like they can't be trusted nor unable to get close to you. I know as Alpha, there is some distance between y'all due to the pack hierarchy, but I don't want to make that distance bigger."
He responded, "yeah..I agree. I'll tell them after the bonfire once Jared recover.."
He added with a low growl, "But, if anyone has a problem with it, then I will put them in their place."
I stayed quiet. I don't like that he reprimands the others, but it is something that I need to learn to tolerate. I guess I am just too much of a softie. But, there is one thing that I need to know from Sam.
"Sam?"
"Yes?"
"..so are you okay with the fact that I am basically a 'replacement' for Alegria since she was supposed to be your mate? Are..you okay that I am using someone's else life and body to be here?"
"..it's hard to digest that the one I was supposed to be with chose to die than to live a future with me in it. However, she never met me, nor I met her, so it's like I don't know what I had missed. I feel sorry for her, but she didn't know what she was missing out.. I never got the chance to meet her, but it was probably the best that I didn't…I don't think I would be able to..cope knowing that she chose death over me like I thought you did when you attempted suicide..…But…"
"..but?"
"The fact that the spirits truly believed that I needed a "Alegria" no matter which version of "Alegria" it is, it shows me that only a "Alegria" can truly be my mate. So..even if..you had died, it tells me that I would never imprint on anyone else as long as I live."
"oh…"
"yeah.. I also pity Alegria, but not as her potential mate."
"oh..how so?"
"For Quileutes, suicide is a big offense besides murder and abuse for the spirits."
"oh, really? Is that why..she got punished?"
"Yes…Uhm, I know all of this in Quileute language, so I will try to explain this in English as much as I can."
"okay."
"Nature is in a.. constant flow of ..energy. If that makes sense. No energy is wasted. Every death is taken, every life is born. So, for us to take our own life, we disrupt that cycle. We disrupt the natural laws of nature, so there will be consequences for our actions. We are given free will, but there are also a way of life that we need to follow..So, in other words, suicide is like a slap to the face for the spirits.."
"oh.." I am not sure of how I feel about that explanation. Suicide is a bit of a controversial subject, so I am not going to go deep into it.
"Yes..this is why she is in a in-between space and unable to cross over to the spirit world. However, it was the council's fault for not intervening any sooner to educate her and help her as the granddaughter of Eva Ripples. This is also another reason why the council immediately intervened when..you attempted suicide. It is a bad omen for the pack and the tribe if the mate of the Alpha disrupts the natural laws of nature by committing suicide."
"oh..so that is why I had that talk with Sue."
"Yes..this is another reason of why I have been meetings with the council. I was updating them briefly of how you are doing. They were looking deeply into the archives to see if anything like this has occurred in history, and whether your suicide attempt is a warning for something worse to come. We then trusted Old Quil to communicate with the spirits to determine whether the spirits are trying to speak to us...When you told me that you have the gift of 'foresight'..The council and I assumed that your attempted suicide was a catalyst for you to receive a grand gift from the spirits by experiencing death once. Or else, Grandma Eva would've told us that you have a gift, so we concluded that it was due to the attempted suicide that you received the gift."
Oh. If Old Quil has been communicating with the spirits, then does that mean he knows who I really am? What if he ran into the 'real' Alegria? I feel uneasy, but I don't want to start worrying about Old Quil.
I am too tired to deal with this.
Sam added, "I know you feel uneasy with the council and regarding Old Quil. However, I don't think he knows, or he does know but chooses to keep it quiet for… reasons. I can go talk to Old Quil personally to check if he knows something and whether he is going to tell the council..I want you to tell them when you want to tell them instead of being exposed by Old Quil. Or else…this will get much more complicated.."
I said wearily, "yeah..I'm sorry."
Sam nuzzled me gently and said, "don't worry about it. You're my mate. I am willing to put with anything for you."
I frowned and lifted my head to look at him. I said worriedly, "However, it doesn't mean you should, Sam."
Sam purred, leaned forward, and kissed me gently on the cheek. He said, "it makes me and my wolf spirit happy that you worry for us, but I will be okay."
I responded softly, "okay..if you say so."
Sam was nuzzling me at my cheek, so I said, "I don't know how long we have been talking here, but I think we need to get going.."
Sam said absentmindedly, "Yeah.."
That sounds suspicious, so I asked, "what's wrong?"
He said sheepishly, "We have been talking for almost like three hours, and I saw Paul and Embry passing by. They noticed that we were talking and hand signaled me that we don't have to visit Jared if you don't want to.."
Oh, that's awkward. I guess they saw that I was crying and stuff. Sigh. Maybe it be best for Sam to tell them later on tonight, then personally tell Jared or else there might be rumors going around.
I asked shyly, "Can we visit Jared tomorrow morning? I am emotionally spent. I want to go home, eat, shower, and rest."
I feel a bit guilty that we came all the way to the Clearwaters just to go back home without seeing Jared. Sam nodded, "we can do that. Let me go check on the pack and Jared, then we can go home. Jared will understand and be cool with that."
I nodded in understanding as Sam slipped out of the truck. I used this time to stretch and put my seat belt on again. I leaned against the window and drifted off to a deep sleep. I was woken by someone carrying me, and I knew instantly that it was Sam. With his hot body temperature, he feels like a constant personal heater. I feel like I don't want to get out of his embrace, but my stomach is grumbling. I could also hear his grumbling as well.
I heard Sam said, "you can stay in my arms if you want. Do you just wanna order takeouts for today?"
I said sleepily, "that sounds lovely.."
I yawned, "Kim?"
Sam replied, "she is asleep. Seth cooked a small meal for her and himself earlier. Jared is healing pretty well. He will most likely be up in his feet in two days."
I replied, "okay."
Sam gently laid me down on the couch. I stretched and sit straight in order to wake myself up. Sam went to go pick up pizza, and I took this time to take a nice bath. Before I undressed, I noticed in the mirror that my eyes were very puffy from crying so much earlier. I went to the kitchen, and I placed two spoons in the freezer. I went to take a bath, dressed in my pajamas and took out the spoons from the freezer. I sat down on the couch and placed the cold spoons in ym eyes to reduce the inflammation. Hopefully this would work out.
Eventually, Sam came back, and we ate dinner in a comfortable silence. I didn't have any energy to talk more, and I could tell that Sam was still digesting everything that I have said to him, so I let him be. Later on, I went to bed as Sam went out to check on the pack.
The conversation with Sam turned out better than I thought, and I am glad I finally opened up to him.
Author's Note:
Enjoy!
