(Theme Forty-Seven) Classy Museum Thieves

(As prompted by) ILearneditatShakespeareCamp

"Do we have to go to this?" Ty Lee whines as if she were a child. She bats her eyelashes and Azula averts her gilded eyes.

Azula hesitates. She is sitting on the window seat of her room, dressed elaborately and having spent the entire day being readied. Ty Lee was completely fine with being decorated by servants for seven hours, but when it comes time to put on her shoes and go out, she decides to anchor herself to their bed.

"It won't be bad. You keep telling me to leave the palace more," Azula says, turning up a palm. Ty Lee closes her eyes and sighs.

"I hate museums. They're boring and gross," Ty Lee replies and Azula shrugs.

Azula picks at her freshly polished fingernails and tries to think of a good way to get Ty Lee to budge. "Well, it's a One Hundred Year War museum. And we can go on a tour of all of the things that impacted our relationship. Like a soul mate tour, directed by the most charming curator in Fire Nation history. Me."

Ty Lee smiles and blushes light pink. Azula knows she has won and silently basks in victory.

"Alright. But only if you promise to do that instead of making me talk to icky people. Or learn anything. If I learn something, Azula, I will be forced to hurt you," Ty Lee says, pointing a finger directly at her wife.

"I will shield your eyes from anything educational. I promise," Azula says, standing up and touching her lips to Ty Lee's. "Now let's go get this over with."

Azula grabs Ty Lee's hand and pulls her off of the bed. Ty Lee slips into her shoes in one motion as they walk into the entrance hall of the palace. Of course, there is the Avatar and Water Tribe, and Zuko and Mai.

"Look, I am as unenthused as you are," Zuko is murmuring to Mai as Water Tribe is licking her thumb and rubbing dirt off of the Avatar's neck. Azula feels significantly less embarrassed about she and Ty Lee.

"I find that hard to believe, Zuko," Mai sighs, picking at her bra. It is new and digs into her ribs.

Zuko shrugs in response. "I think you may be surprised."


"We can escape. We're not locked in," Azula reassures Ty Lee, who keeps glancing at the door to the museum. "Stop looking so panicky. People are getting suspicious."

The museum is quite beautiful. Azula must admit it is well done, with tall windows that let the moonlight pour in, and ornate golden chandeliers that burn a dim orange shade. It is entirely packed with people in a sea of different colors, instead of the constant red Azula is used to. All Four Nations are present, if you include the Avatar, and it is a night meant to be historic.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Ty Lee sighs, breaking free of Azula and dancing through the crowd without colliding into anyone. Azula stares after her, silently cursing her for leaving her alone with Zuko and his friends.

"Katara, do you want to─?"

"No," Katara interrupts Zuko as soon as his golden eyes land on Azula. "No, I do not want to talk to your sister to make her feel less uncomfortable."

Zuko purses his lips, recoiling slightly. "Okay," he says softly, his eyebrows loosening after having shot up.

"I am going to get a glass of wine, seeing as Aang has gone... somewhere," Katara says before walking away.

"This place is terrible," Mai says, examining Zuko closely.

"I'm sure the renovated factory that's opening next week will be more interesting. Do you want to be my date?" Zuko offers, turning one palm up.

"I'm busy that night," Mai says and Zuko squints at her.

"With what?"

"Not wanting to go to it." Mai pats Zuko on the shoulder and disappears into the crowd.

Zuko glances at Azula and she stares at him for a moment. "I think we're on our own."

"Evidently," Azula says. "Let's go up those stairs before people try to talk to us."

Fire Lord Zuko pauses, knowing he should be somewhere where people can converse with him, but Aang seems to have it covered, so he nods sharply and he and Azula slink through the shadowy corners of the museum entrance hall and creep up the stairs.

"It's pretty nice up here," Zuko says, looking around. "Oh, hey, there's some of Ba Sing Se's wall."

Azula walks to it, stepping over a rope blocking off the museum itself. Of course the party is cramped into a room with only extravagant displays, and the actual bulk of the exhibits are closed off for the night. But 'closed off' and 'restricted' are words Zuko and Azula do not understand.

"That's nice," Azula says, walking up to the glass. "The Earth Kingdom let us have that?"

Zuko rubs his neck. "A Fire Nation soldier brought it home with him as a souvenir. I don't think if I got on my knees and begged the Earth King would let me have some of Ba Sing Se's wall for a museum."

"This is all boring. Where's the part about me?" Azula says, running a finger along the glass and leaving smudges. Zuko tries to rub some off with the sleeve of his formal clothes but does not manage.

Zuko follows her through the freshly constructed and painted halls of the museum, knowing he should not be doing this, and then hears her say, "This, this is interesting."

"You found the part about you?" Zuko asks, catching up to her. They are on a balcony above a square room below with a tundra tank on a platform, aesthetically positioned.

"No. Our girlfriends," Azula whispers, pointing down below. "And your friends."

"So, we've moved on from exploring the museum we're supposed to be hosting the opening of, to eavesdropping. Are we five?"

Azula just shrugs and sits down with one hand wrapped around the bars of the balcony. Zuko stands beside her, leaning off of the side. If she pushes him...

"Who's he?" Azula jabs Zuko and he barely contains a yelp.

"War Minister Tao," Zuko replies, squinting.

Downstairs, unaware of Zuko and Azula above, Mai is moments away from just simply ending it. Not the party: her life. This is terrible. When she used to make lists of why she promised never to get back together with Zuko, the top of the list was, social events.

She evades another conversation and walks to Ty Lee, who is locked in dialogue with War Minister Tao. Might as well be called Peace Minister Tao because his job mainly consists of war reparations and stopping people from doing warlike things. It casually disgusts Mai.

"... I wish I could just hire you to follow me around all day," Ty Lee is crooning and Mai suppresses a sigh.

"I would throw away my years of political training to do that for you," War Minister Tao says and Mai's eyes flutter with the sheer cringeworthyness. "It would be any man's dream job to follow you everywhere and give you compliments all day. And you look almost as lovely from behind as in front."

"You're pretty easy on the eyes yourself." Ty Lee touches his arm and something hits her back. "Ouch."

"What is it?" War Minister Tao asks, looking as if he can be a hero.

"Something hit me," Ty Lee says, rubbing her neck. "Ouch. Mai, did you see what hit me?"

"No," Mai says, remembering fondly her first date with Zuko. He made her look all over him because he thought there was a spider-fly on him. There was not. She pretended to flick one off of him so she would not have to deal with the awkward moment.

"I have to go. It will be my pleasure to see you aga─ouch." He drops Ty Lee's hand, which he was about to kiss, as something has just hit the side of his face. It smarts wickedly, and he excuses himself. Clearly one of the chandeliers is crumbling, or the ceiling is about to fall down. The Fire Nation is good at building things quickly, but with low quality.

"Mai, help. Is the ceiling breaking?" Ty Lee whispers, glancing around wildly. "Hot wax from those candles?"

Mai looks up, searching for the dripping candle, and then her eyes fall on Zuko. "Come on."

Ty Lee is seized by the arm and dragged out of the small room. And Ty Lee says, "Mai, we're not allowed to be back here," as she is guided up a dusty set of closed off stairs and up to the museum.

"Boo," Mai says as she and Ty Lee reach the room directly above the one they were hiding from the Avatar and his friends in.

Zuko barely catches himself with a hand of fire. "You could've killed me."

"I didn't," Mai replies with a shrug.

Azula stands up. "How did you find us?" she inquires, walking to Ty Lee and kissing her. Zuko stops short of kissing Mai; he does not think she will take kindly to it.

"I followed the little pieces of rock hitting Ty Lee and the guy flirting with her."

"I don't see any little pieces of rock, Mai," Azula purrs, Ty Lee holding her hand tightly. "Perhaps those candles are melting."

She pointedly kicks a crumbling piece of Ba Sing Se's wall off the side of the balcony while Ty Lee is distracted by ruby jewelry in a case.

"Of course," Mai replies flatly, not wanting to get into this. The level of fucks she gives about this party is monumentally low. And she gives even less about Azula's jealous guarding of Ty Lee.

They wander down the halls, glancing into all of the displays.

Mai stops at the small Kyoshi Warrior exhibit. "Those fans are actually bladed on the inside. I still have the ones I picked out of the useless fan part."

"You should probably return them," mumbles Zuko but Mai ignores him.

"Wait, they're bladed?" Ty Lee exclaims before pressing her nose against the glass. Her doey brown eyes reflect with the green images of the warriors. "I never noticed that."

"You were a Kyoshi Warrior for almost ten years," Mai breathes, cocking an eyebrow. "They never told you?"

"Hmm. They might have. I don't always pay attention so well." Ty Lee squints, still unable to see the blades. Ty Lee moves on to the next exhibit. "Waaaait."

"What?" Azula asks, looking up from her examination of an Earth Kingdom weapon she is debating liberating from the case.

"This whole section is about when we conquered Ba Sing Se."

"Sometimes I worry about you," Azula says, feigning an expression of concern. Ty Lee glares at her. "It has been for the past five minutes. I like this museum, Zuko. It portrays me in a really flattering light. Now give me that sword. I want it."

"I don't have the power to give you that sword," Zuko says earnestly. Even as Fire Lord he has his limits.

"You are Fire Lord. You can do whatever you want," Azula sighs, wanting to claw her own face off. Zuko's abiding by rules and refusing to abuse power sickens her.

"Here," Ty Lee says blithely. The hilt of a sword is thrust into Azula's hands and Zuko sighs.

"Okay, this party just got so much more interesting," Mai says honestly, her eyes lighting up. "Are we museum thieves now? That's classy. Zuko, get me that painting. I want to hang it in my house to commemorate my noble conquest of the Earth Kingdom."

"No," Zuko says forcefully and Mai grits her teeth. Azula laughs before her lips are occupied by her girlfriend.

"Ty Lee got Azula that sword. Get me that painting. This is exactly like that carnival where you said you would get me a million stuffed animals and you got me no stuffed animals. I want that painting. Or at least that fan. The old blades are getting dull."

"I will get you a million Kyoshi Warrior fans, Mai. I promise. That I can legally do," Zuko says and Mai narrows her eyes.

"I want a billion."

"That... would be ridiculous."

"Two million."

"Okay, okay."

Ty Lee interrupts, "Azula, now I want that fan."

"Hm," Azula says, contemplating it.

"Azula. I want it so Mai and Zuko can't have it," Ty Lee says as she crosses her arms. "You promised me a romance tour, and where did we lose our virginity? It was two nights before the coup and there was a thunderstorm and I crawled into your bed all scared and─"

Mai snickers as Azula fiercely interrupts, "If you do not tell that story to my brother, I will get you that fan."

She walks over to the case and slides the sword into the free space and starts to pry it open.

"That's impressive thievery. Where did you learn that?" Mai asks as Zuko is trying to erase the image of his sister losing her virginity from his mind. "Also, Zuko, you're letting them win. Start stealing. They're already two priceless artifacts ahead of us."

"I am not going to start stealing. I have an image of myself I have to portray," Zuko says, rubbing his temples. This is slowly becoming the worst party in the history of terrible parties, and Zuko must have been to a hundred.

Azula grabs the fan and welds shut the glass as if it were never opened with a fingertip of cerulean fire. Ty Lee holds her hand out and Azula gives it to her.

"Mai is right," Azula says, swinging her sword and stopping it just short of Zuko, who does not even flinch. "This is exactly like that carnival. Ty Lee and I are the superior couple. Watch as we expertly pull off a museum heist. And you two can make nice with dignitaries."

Ty Lee grabs Azula's hand and they disappear into a museum.

Mai shrugs and says, "Can you use the insanity defense for theft, Zuko?"

"I heard that!" Azula shouts, and then she and Ty Lee are gone.

Zuko glances at another wall chunk, this one with names signed on it. It has nothing but red rope around it, and Zuko picks it up and hands it to Mai.

"Oh, wow, Zuko," Mai says flatly and he rolls his eyes. "Azula got a priceless sword. I get a rock. Maybe I'll name it and put it on a leash."

"I try," Zuko says and Mai melts ever so slightly.

"I know. I would rather drown myself than date Azula or Ty Lee. I hope you know that." She pecks him on the cheek and he blushes like they are still teenagers and not in their twenties.


As the sun has nearly risen and everyone is home from the painful gala, Azula is swinging her sword in the ways she has seen Zuko do it, not that she would admit that. And Ty Lee is half asleep on the sofa. Both of them are in the living quarters and both still abuzz from their miniature heist.

"I could learn to swordfight," Azula says, still playing with her stolen goods. Ty Lee fans herself dramatically as she was not allowed to do on Kyoshi Island. "I'm pretty good right now."

"You're going to chop one of your appendages off." Ty Lee yawns.

Zuko stumbles in and Ty Lee croons, "Ooooo. Who just came home from his girlfriend's house?"

"Not me," Zuko says and Ty Lee scowls. "I had to help the Avatar track down stolen items from the gala. We decided to write them off and that we have more important things to do."

"Swordfight me," Azula says, completely missing her brother's chastising of her. "Right now."

"You will die," Zuko replies and Azula steps forward.

"That's talent," she says with a swing, "that's grace," she adds with a dramatic move she has seen in displays in the Royal Plaza, "that's naturally gifted," and she swings it at Zuko, who takes two steps out of the way.

"That's my girlfriend," Ty Lee sighs, fanning herself and tilting her head at Zuko.