Chapter 22 - The Thanksgiving Day

The house smelled deliciously of turkey and pumpkin pie in the making. The radio playing an old country song on low volume and voices talking softly slipped out from the kitchen. Kurt put down his bag on the floor, unlaced his boots and hung his coat on the coat rack. Burt yelled a 'hello' to announce their presence and Carole answered with a 'we're in here'.

Burt went ahead of Kurt who took a minute to look at himself in the mirror and take a deep breath. Why was he so nervous? It was only Carole and Blaine in there. But that was exactly why. It wasn't only Blaine. It was Blaine whom he was in love with but also Blaine that wasn't supposed to talk to him for some reason.

Kurt run a hand through his hair, a last-minute adjustment, before he followed his dad into the kitchen. He stopped by the doorframe and leaned against it. Burt had seated himself by the kitchen table, but Kurt barely noticed, his eyes only saw Blaine. Blaine was peeling potatoes next to Carole, chit chatting with her as if Kurt and Burt hadn't just arrived. It was such an unreal sight - Blaine in the kitchen he'd spent countless hours in just a few years ago, right there next to Carole cooking together with her.

Blaine was dressed in black as always, black t-shirt and black jeans. His back was against Kurt and it gave Kurt a moment to study him. His back and shoulders were less scrawny than when Kurt last saw him, his waist too. Eating real food and not having to live on fries and coffee had done that Kurt assumed. It looked good on him. His hair was still curly but somewhat more styled than before and Kurt guessed Carole had taken him to a hairdresser.

"Kurt!" Carole exclaimed and brought him back from his thoughts. "Welcome home! It's so lovely to have you back." She dried her hands on a kitchen towel, crossed the kitchen, and enveloped him in a warm embrace.

"It's good to be home," Kurt said and hugged her back. His eyes peeked in Blaine's direction, curious to know if Carole's exuberant greeting would make him react.

It did.

Blaine glanced back at him, their eyes meeting for a fleeting second before Kurt looked away. His nerves came back, though they probably never went away, and his legs felt weak. Just one look from Blaine made his heart race. But this was the moment he'd been waiting for, to see Blaine again, so why look away?

Kurt's eyes looked up again. Blaine had stopped peeling potatoes and was leaning against the counter, looking back at Kurt and Carole. Kurt couldn't tell if Blaine was happy to see him or not, his face was unreadable. But one thing was sure, Blaine was just as beautiful as the first time Kurt looked at him. Moving to Ohio had not only filled out his shoulders and waist, but it had changed something in Blaine's face too. He looked healthier. But just as gorgeous and Kurt's breath caught in his throat. Kurt just wanted to walk up to him and hug him.

Instead he was hugging Carole. Things were still undefined between him and Blaine and Kurt wasn't even sure Blaine would talk to him.

Carole let go of Kurt and took a step back to look at him. "You don't eat enough," she said with an eye on his waist. "Luckily, Blaine and I are preparing a feast for today."

"I don't doubt that," Kurt said and smiled at her before moving his eyes back to Blaine. "Hi, Blaine."

"Hello, Kurt," Blaine said, his voice neutral.

It felt forced and unnatural and Kurt wished his dad and Carole were somewhere else. The moment was strange enough without an audience. Kurt felt uncomfortable and didn't know what to say, especially not with his dad there. Blaine seemed to share Kurt's feelings and returned to peeling the potatoes.

Burt picked up a conversation with Carole, seemingly unaware of the tension in the room, or perhaps it was his way to take away the tension. Kurt smiled and pretended everything was fine. When Burt and Carole had finished talking Kurt offered to help with the dinner. Carole said she and Blaine had it under control and he could just relax and rest from his travels. Since his help wasn't needed, Kurt decided to go upstairs, unpack and take a shower.

When he was alone, Kurt let himself feel a sting of disappointment. He didn't know what he had expected, he hadn't really thought about how Blaine would behave the moment they first met again, but he hadn't expected it to be this stilted. Would Blaine not talk to him now either? Kurt didn't know how far the 'no contact' that Blaine's therapist had ordered went. Did it apply to when they were in the same room too? In that case this would be a very long Thanksgiving weekend.

In the shower Kurt's thoughts were all over the place. Maybe Blaine was just as nervous as he was. Maybe Blaine didn't care. Maybe he had gotten over Kurt in the way Kurt hadn't been able to get over Blaine. Maybe that Alex guy was more his type of guy. But, Kurt reminded himself, he didn't come home for Thanksgiving because of Blaine, mainly he was home to see his dad and Carole. Blaine was just a bonus and if Blaine didn't want to talk to him, Kurt would still enjoy his time there and not let Blaine make him feel uncomfortable in his own home. At some point this weekend he would try to find a moment alone with Blaine to figure out where they stood.

Kurt put on a pair of slim, black slack pants, a dark plum colored shirt with a matching, few nuances lighter, plum scarf tied around his neck. As a final touch he added a small, golden leaf shaped brooch that used to be his mom's. He coiffed his hair, giving it a lot of height and shine. Dressing up for Thanksgiving dinner was traditional and had nothing to do with that Kurt wanted to awe Blaine.

When Kurt returned to the kitchen time seemed to have stood still since he left. Carole and Blaine were still by the kitchen counter and Burt was still sitting by the table. Kurt appointed himself responsible for setting the table in the living room. He went back and forth between the kitchen and the living room to collect the things he needed and set them out. He decorated the table with two candelabras and went out to the garden and picked some of the last fall-colored leaves to decorate the table with. Kurt chit chatted with his dad and Carole, hummed to the radio, laughed at some joke his dad made and everything was just as it always was.

Except for the quiet, black figure in the corner.

Once or twice Kurt thought he saw Blaine glancing at him, but he wasn't sure because every time Kurt looked back, Blaine's back was against him and he was concentrating on the thing he was chopping or mixing. Carole chatted away with Blaine as if she didn't notice the tension in the room whenever Kurt was there. But maybe Kurt was the only one that felt that tension.

When they sat down to eat, with Burt next to Kurt and Blaine across from him, they were all dressed up, all but Blaine who was still in his black jeans and black t-shirt. Kurt felt a bit sorry for him, either no one had told Blaine about their tradition or he had nothing else to wear. Burt carved the turkey and Kurt asked about the morning's Macy's Thanksgiving parade. He'd been on his flight and missed the parade for the first time ever. Carole filled him in and then the conversation continued.

Burt, Kurt and Carole did most of the talking, Blaine only answered when someone asked him a question, which Burt and Carole did as often as they could to include him. Kurt wanted to say something, too, to Blaine but couldn't figure out what to say without it sounding shallow or contrived. He should be able to talk to Blaine, he always had no matter how difficult the situation was, but he felt so unsure in Blaine's presence now. What made it worse was how easy Carole and his dad included Blaine in the conversation, it was like they knew him better than Kurt did.

"This was absolutely delicious," Kurt said when he couldn't eat a single bite more. By now they had eaten everything from turkey, gravy and mashed potatoes to green bean casserole to pumpkin pie.

"I agree, you two have really outdone yourselves," Burt added and pointed between Carole and Blaine with his fork.

"There's something different about the pumpkin pie," Kurt said and noticed Blaine looking up at him. "Something in the flavoring. What is it?"

"We'll, thank you," Carole smiled. "I couldn't have done this without Blaine's help. And the pie is actually us trying to recreate the pumpkin pie Blaine's mother used to make for Thanksgiving."

"Really?" Kurt said and looked at Blaine and for the first time since Kurt arrived home, he and Blaine actually looked at each other without either of them looking away. "I liked it very much."

"Thank you," Blaine said.

"Did she like to cook?" Kurt asked.

"She loved being in the kitchen and always spoiled us with the most amazing dinners."

Kurt realized that in the time they spent together, Blaine hadn't talked much about his parents, especially not his mom. "I wish I could have met her," Kurt said softly.

Blaine nodded and lowered his eyes to his empty plate, his face shadowed by sorrow.

"I think this is a good time to share what we are grateful for this year," Burt said.

"Oh, yes, that's perfect, Burt," Carole agreed.

Kurt only heard fragments of what his dad and Carole said. Blaine had lowered a wall and opened up a little bit to him and Kurt felt some kind of hope growing. But Kurt's mind was also filled with the sadness he saw in Blaine's face. He always got sad when he talked about his parents, but today it was worse somehow. Being in Ohio meant that Blaine couldn't visit his parents grave and perhaps that became more palpable on a day like today.

"I'd like to go next, if that's okay," Blaine said when Carole had finished and suddenly Kurt's attention was back in the present, listening intently to Blaine.

"Of course, dear," Carole said.

Blaine took a sip of water and cleared his throat before he started. "I'm grateful for you, Burt and Carole, for opening your home to me and for giving me a chance at a new start," Blaine started. "Thank you. You don't know how much it means to me to be here, to have somewhere that feels like home again, and to have an actual job. It's more than I ever know how to repay you for."

"Having you here has been a joy for both Carole and I," Burt said. "The house has been a bit empty since Kurt moved out and it's nice to have a little more noise around. Granted, you don't make nearly as much noise as Kurt." Burt chuckled and Blaine and Carole smiled. Kurt was too in awe with the exchange to protest that he wasn't very loud at all.

"And I'm grateful for you, Kurt," Blaine continued and turned his head away from Burt and Carole and looked at Kurt again. Kurt found himself holding his breath. "You were there for me even when I pushed you away and didn't realize how much I needed you."

Blaine's words were so unexpected, Kurt only sat there and looked back at Blaine, speechless. Was that how Blaine felt? Because Kurt felt like Blaine didn't need him anymore, that he was a burden and someone who only reminded Blaine of the bad things in his life. Those were the reasons Blaine didn't talk to him anymore. At least those were the reasons in Kurt's mind. But now Blaine said this, and Kurt suddenly wasn't sure how Blaine felt about him.

Blaine's words wrapped around Kurt's heart like a warm blanket and he felt moved by them. Maybe Blaine was glad to see him again after all?

Burt cleared his throat then and Kurt realized it was his turn to say something.

"Ehm… Okay. I'm grateful for," Kurt began and brought up the things he was grateful for the past year: his dad and Carole for being loving and understanding parents, his old and new friends, the chilly falls and cold winters of Ohio, and the things that had brought them together.

"I'm grateful I missed the application date for my internship and found a job at the diner instead," Kurt concluded with his eyes on Blaine. "If I hadn't, I wouldn't have met you, Blaine, and we wouldn't have gotten to know you. I think I speak for all of us when I say we're all happy to have you in our lives and that we feel blessed to know you."

Blaine looked back at Kurt with the same kind of speechlessness and surprise Kurt felt minutes ago. If things had been different between them Kurt would have reached out his hand to Blaine, linked them together to make sure Blaine knew how true it was. Now he could only hope Blaine understood and believed him.

Time seemed to stand still for a little while when they looked into each other's eyes. Blaine's were the same warm hazel and, not for the first time, they made Kurt's heart start to thump with anticipation and hope. But the moment only lasted a few seconds before Blaine looked away.

"What are your plans for tomorrow, Kurt?" Carole asked casually as if the moment between him and Blaine had only happened in his head.

"Oh, I'm going shopping of course," Kurt smiled and felt excited about the bargains he might find. "I'm meeting Tina and Rachel early at the mall."

"Some things will always stay the same no matter how old you get," Burt chuckled.

"It's a Thanksgiving tradition," Kurt said. "It's meant to stay the same. But," he added and gathered some inner courage, "this year I wanted to ask you, Blaine, if you want to come along."

The look on Blaine's face told Kurt that he was caught off guard by the question.

"Yes, it's crowded and crazy but also a lot of fun," Kurt quickly added because, though he hadn't planned to ask Blaine, now he really wanted him to come along. It would give them a chance to hang out without Burt or Carole but still with other people around. Hopefully that would make Blaine relax a little bit.

"I have to work tomorrow," Blaine said quietly, and Kurt couldn't tell if he was relieved or disappointed by that.

Kurt looked at his dad with pleading eyes.

"Sorry, Kurt. I need Blaine at the shop, I've already given some of the older guys the day off to spend with their family, I can't spare Blaine too. It's only me, Blaine, Alex and Jason tomorrow."

It was just a whim, but Kurt still felt that sting of disappointment. But the weekend had more days and at least Blaine seemed to be opening up, or that was what Kurt was hoping.

"Okay," Carole said, "I think it's time to clear the table and then maybe take a walk and walk some of this food off."

"Not me," Burt answered. "I'm going to watch what's left of the game."

"Let me take care of the dishes," Kurt said, "and then I'll join you for that walk. I need to get rid of that too-warm-for-fall floridan air from my lungs and replace it with some crisp Lima air."

"Perfect," Carole said. "How about you, Blaine? What do you say to a walk around the neighborhood?"

Kurt tried to act as if he wasn't listening very intently to Blaine's answer when he started to gather the plates and glasses.

"I'm taking my bike out for a ride," Blaine answered. "There might not be many chances left before winter and snow makes it impossible, so Alex and I thought we'd go out for a while." Blaine stood up. "Thank you for a delicious meal, Carole."

"Thank you," Carole smiled. "You did half of it. Say hi to Alex from us."

And then Blaine was gone and Kurt was left with more disappointment and a new wave of worry started to gnaw in him. Blaine preferred Alex's company to his, what did that mean? Once again Kurt had to pull himself together while doing the dishes and tell himself to stop obsessing over Blaine. Blaine had made no promises to him and though Kurt couldn't let go of the memories of Blaine asking him to hold him when they lay on his bed, or when Blaine hugged him and said 'I don't want to let go', a lot of time had passed since that day. Blaine's life had changed dramatically, and it was quite possible he didn't need Kurt now the way he'd needed him then.

The air outside was fresh and lovely. And cold. Kurt had pulled out his winter coat and scarf from his closet, where he'd stored it since last winter. He loved how the wind was icy against his cheeks and that his scarf and mittens helped to keep him warm. The sun was setting in the horizon as he strolled down the street alongside Carole.

"How's Blaine doing?" Kurt asked casually when they'd walked a while. He'd mostly talked to his dad about Blaine these past weeks, but Carole was more perceptive than Burt and noticed the little things where his dad saw the bigger picture.

"He's doing good," Carole answered. "It's been a big transition for him but he's adjusting, we all are, and we're finding new routines that work for everyone. I think having a sense of belonging and someone who believes in him and expects good things from him has been good for him, perhaps vital. And Burt is really happy with what he's doing at the shop. He's an easy and eager learner. He had a bit of a problem and an attitude towards the older guys in the beginning, but I think that's better now."

"What kind of attitude?" Kurt asked. His dad hadn't mentioned this to him before.

"I guess the kind he was used to having around older men in his life before he moved here," Carole said vaguely, but Kurt understood. "But Burt set him straight so it's much better now, though I think Blaine still prefers to hang out with the younger guys. Alex has become a good friend and that's been helping him too."

"So they spend a lot of time together?" Kurt asked, trying to act as if the question wasn't bugging him.

"They take their bikes out together most weekends. I don't know where they go but Blaine seems happier when he gets back. Alex is a good friend, just like you."

"Only Blaine isn't talking to me." Alex was making Blaine happy while Kurt could barely get two sentences out of Blaine. Kurt drew his own conclusions from that.

"I think he's nervous about you being home, he's usually much more talkative than he's been today," Carole smiled. "And he's been a bit absentminded all week."

"But why? Am I making him uncomfortable."

"No, sweetie, not at all," was Carole's only answer. Her smile was motherly as she patted his shoulder and then they continued down the street.

Once they returned home, with rosy cheeks and tired legs, they joined Burt in front of the TV. Blaine still wasn't back and Kurt enjoyed a peaceful evening with his dad and Carole. In one way he was more relaxed when Blaine wasn't around, but at the same time he couldn't stop wondering what Blaine and Alex were doing.

They lit a fire in the old fireplace, talked and played cards and made the most of the time they shared together. When Blaine returned he joined them in the living room. He didn't say much, but he was there, and it was kind of nice to have him around even if he was quiet.

They ate some leftovers even though none of them were particularly hungry, and when the clock struck ten, Burt announced that it was time for him to go to bed since it was a working day tomorrow. Carole agreed and perhaps Blaine felt obligated to do the same. Perhaps he just didn't want to spend time alone with Kurt. Either way he said goodnight and left too.

Kurt wasn't tired, didn't feel like going to bed yet, so he stayed in the living room when the others retreated to their bedrooms. He added a log to the fire, made some tea, fetched his laptop and sat down in one of the two armchairs placed in front of the fireplace. This had always been a favorite place to sit and write during the colder months. He opened the document of the latest novel he was writing and started writing on an idea that had been in the back of his head most of the day but that he hadn't had the time to put down on paper before.

When Kurt got into his writing, he usually didn't notice things happening around him: like time moving, or the fire almost dying out, or his tea standing ignored by his side getting cold. Or Blaine standing in the doorway.

"Are you writing on a new story?"

Kurt jumped at the sudden sound in the otherwise quiet house. His heart started thumping immediately because he knew who the voice belonged to even if he had to turn around to see him.

"Yes," Kurt answered. "It's another school assignment that needs to be handed in before Christmas."

"Am I interrupting? I can leave if-"

"No. Not at all," Kurt said before Blaine finished his sentence. He didn't want Blaine to leave. He closed his laptop to show Blaine that he was finished writing for tonight, even if he was in the middle of a sentence and probably wouldn't remember the rest of it the next time he picked it up again. "Do you want to join me?" Kurt asked and pointed at the second armchair in front of the fireplace.

Blaine nodded. "Sure." Before sitting down, he added a new log to the fire. The wood crackled as the fire came alive again and lit up the room with a warm, orange glowing light.

Kurt glanced at Blaine as he sat down. He was wearing sweatpants that were more gray than black and a black t-shirt. He was barefoot and pulled his feet up on the armchair. Kurt didn't dare to look at Blaine's face.

"I thought you'd be sleeping by now," Kurt said.

"I should be, but I couldn't fall asleep," Blaine answered. "I think I ate too much today. I came down to get a glass of water."

Kurt noticed that Blaine didn't have a glass of water with him.

"That's what you do on Thanksgiving - eat too much," Kurt said with a small chuckle. "And then you regret it for several hours afterwards."

"True," Blaine said with fondness. "But I've sort of forgotten. I didn't really celebrate Thanksgiving the last few years. Didn't feel I had much to be thankful for."

"I'm sorry about that, Blaine," Kurt said and thought about the thanksgivings Blaine had spent on his own after his parents were killed in the car accident. How Thanksgiving wouldn't be a holiday Blaine felt like celebrating.

"This year it was different. Better," Blaine deflected.

Kurt nodded slowly. He looked at the fire and didn't know what to say. He was having a conversation with Blaine and he didn't want it to end, but at the same time they hadn't talked for weeks and a part of him felt like he didn't know Blaine anymore. They weren't strangers but they weren't friends either.

"I like your brooch," Blaine said and pointed towards Kurt's chest.

Kurt's hand went up to touch the brooch and he glanced down at the golden leaf before looking back at Blaine. "Thanks, it used to be my mom's."

Blaine nodded and the exchange was followed by another silent pause.

"Is it uncomfortable for you that I'm here?" Blaine asked. "In your home."

Kurt thought for a moment before he answered. "No, not uncomfortable. A little different, or unusual maybe," he said truthfully. "How do you feel about being here?"

Blaine thought about his answer for a few seconds. "It's still a bit unreal. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I have to turn on the light to see that it's not a dream, that I'm actually here. But being here is the right thing for me right now, it's where I want to be. There are some things, some people, I miss from Florida, and living here isn't always a bed of roses, but Burt and Carole have been very supportive and patient with me and that makes it easier."

"Good, I hope they are. I know I'm biased, but they really are very good parents," Kurt said with a smile.

"They remind me a bit of my parents."

The crackle from the fire was a calming sound when the conversation between them fell silent again. Kurt didn't know what to say when Blaine brought up his parents. During dinner Blaine had become downhearted talking about his mom and Kurt didn't want that to happen again. So he changed the subject to something he knew made Blaine happy.

"Did you enjoy the ride on your bike today?"

A smile spread across Blaine's lips. "You know me, I love the speed and the feeling of freedom I get when riding it. It's the best way to clear your head or not think about anything at all. Actually Alex was the one needing that today. He's got a complicated situation with his family and he asked me before if I wanted to go with him. He's been there for me several times these past months so I wanted to be there for him too."

"So you two are good friends?" Kurt asked casually. At least that's how he hoped his question sounded, but he was far from sure.

"I don't know a lot of people here, but Alex and I hit it off from the start. He was nice and friendly to me when I started in the tire shop and was terrified to make mistakes. We're about the same age and share the same interests," Blaine answered.

Interest in each other? Kurt thought to himself at the same time a small knot formed in his belly, but his outside revealed nothing.

"So, yes, he's a good friend."

"That's great," Kurt said with just a tad bit too much enthusiasm to keep that casual tone he was going for. "I'm glad you've made a friend here."

"It's been nice to start over with a clean sheet and meet someone who won't judge me for the things I've done, but I miss my old friends, too. Miss having a sense of belonging."

Kurt wondered if he was included in those 'old friends' or where he actually stood with Blaine, but there was another question that came out of Kurt's mouth instead.

"Does Alex know of… ehm… your past?"

"It's okay to say it, Kurt. I had sex for money, we both know that. There's no need to tiptoe around it." Blaine looked at Kurt with something warm in his eyes and it seemed that Blaine had worked hard with how he felt about himself and what he used to do. Kurt felt himself blush. They had been tiptoeing around the subject after Blaine moved away from Florida, mainly because Blaine never wanted to talk about it. But things seemed to have changed in the weeks they hadn't talked to each other.

"Alex knows," Blaine continued. "He wondered why I suddenly moved in with Burt and Carole and started to work in the shop. I shared it with him when I felt ready. He'd shared a lot about his family problems, and I felt that I could trust him. My therapist also thought it might be good for me to start talking about it with people I trust to de-traumatize it or something."

"But she didn't think it was a good thing for you to talk to me?" The words slipped out before Kurt could stop himself. It just felt unfair that it was okay for Blaine to talk to Alex about what had happened, but it wasn't okay for Blaine to talk to him, someone who had actually been there when it happened.

"Ehm… well… no," Blaine said and scratched the back of his head. He glanced at the fireplace and went up to put another log on the fire even though it was burning nice and steadily.

"Is it okay for you to talk to me now or are you doing something you shouldn't be doing?"

"Of course it's okay." Blaine sat down again, his eyes still on the fire. "We can't exactly avoid each other when you're here."

"I don't know," Kurt said while studying Blaine. "You've been kind of quiet today… and I didn't really understand why we couldn't talk in the first place."

Blaine sat quiet and fidgeted with the fabric on the armrest.

"But it doesn't matter," Kurt said because maybe he was the one being unfair now. All he wanted was to reconnect with Blaine. "I'm glad we don't have to avoid each other." He paused and watched as Blaine nodded thoughtfully. "I've missed talking to you."

Blaine glanced in Kurt's direction. "I've missed talking to you, too. And I've been quiet because there's so much I want to say to you, but I don't know how to with Burt and Carole around."

"They're not here now."

Blaine smiled a small smile. "I really should be going to bed." He stood up, yawned and stretched his arms above his head, exposing a thin slice of skin between his black t-shirt and the hem of his sweatpants. Kurt couldn't help but stare at the bare skin with a sense of wanting to touch. "It's late and I have to get up in like five hours."

"Okay, yeah. I probably should get to bed as well," Kurt said with a sting of disappointment that Blaine chose now to retire, just as they were getting close to actually talking. Kurt made no effort to stand up though.

"Good night." Blaine hesitated for a few moments, and just stood looking at Kurt, before he made an attempt to leave the room.

"Good night," Kurt returned.

In the doorway, Blaine stopped and turned around. "Maybe we can talk more tomorrow?"

Kurt smiled to himself. "I'd like that."

"Okay then, good night," Blaine said again and left the room.

"Don't forget that glass of water," Kurt called after him when he was halfway up the stairs, suspecting that thirst wasn't the reason Blaine came down in the first place.

-x-x-x-

Notes: At least it's a start…