Chapter 23 - The Black Friday

"Are you okay, Kurt? You've barely looked at anything so far. I have ten shopping bags and you only have one, that's not like you."

Kurt, Rachel and Tina had taken a break in their Black Friday shopping at the Lima mall. They were sitting at a café, having a cup of coffee. The mall was filled with people, everyone walking around with more bags than they should be able to carry. Christmas decorations hung from the ceilings and were wrapped around pillars all around the mall, and Christmas music played from the mall surround system. People were generally happy and excited, but Kurt was mostly tired.

His alarm had gone off at 5.30 am and he hadn't fallen asleep until well after midnight even though he went to bed before the clock struck twelve. The grande non-fat mocha with a dash of Cinnamon on top was well needed and he gulped down almost half of it before they had sat down. Tina's concerned look had him sitting back in his chair and he looked at the small bag by his feet. He had a lot on his mind, and in combination with the few hours of sleep, his heart wasn't in it today.

"I'm just a bit tired," Kurt excused himself.

"Too tired for shopping? Something's definitely wrong," Tina said.

"It's Blaine, isn't it?" Rachel said. "How was it meeting him again yesterday? You haven't said a word about it. Does that mean it was good or bad?"

Kurt took another sip of his coffee, a slow sip this time, giving him a few extra seconds to figure out how to put his feelings into words. "It was just so strange seeing him again. I don't know if he was nervous, or if it was only me, but he barely looked at me when I walked into the room, and he spoke maybe two sentences to me during dinner. Then he went on a motorcycle ride with his new friend Alex."

"Friend as in friend or as in friend?" Rachel asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't know," Kurt sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "They seem close, and they have that whole riding a bike thing in common."

"That doesn't necessarily mean anything," Tina said. "That's something friends can do." She was trying to make him feel better and Kurt appreciated her effort. "So you guys didn't talk at all?"

"We did. After he came back from the motorcycle ride he was just as quiet as he'd been all day. But when everyone went to bed because they had to work today, I stayed up and started to write a little bit because I wasn't tired. Blaine then came back down to talk to me. Well, technically he came down to get a glass of water, but I think he came down to talk to me."

"And?" Both Tina and Rachel asked.

"And we talked a little and it was nice and all, but we mostly talked about Alex." Kurt sighed. It wasn't only the Alex thing that had him in doubts. "Blaine has changed. He used to keep his private life private, didn't want people to know he was gay and things like that, but he has told Alex about his life before he moved here. And… I don't know… I just get the feeling that they're more than friends and it bothers me. Because I really like him."

"Aww, Kurt…" Tina said gently. "Does Blaine know that?"

"I don't know." Kurt leaned both elbows on the table and leaned his head in his hands and sighed. "We never talked about us after he moved here and then he stopped talking to me altogether."

"But you talked last night, that's a first step."

"I guess," Kurt said. "He did say that he'd missed talking to me and that he had a lot that he wanted to say to me."

"Like what?" Both Rachel and Tina leaned forward.

Kurt leaned back in his chair. "He said he wanted to talk more today."

"That sounds promising!" Rachel chirped.

"That depends on what he wants to tell me." What if Blaine wanted to tell him he was dating Alex? Kurt had felt hopeful the night before, but the longer he had laid sleepless, the more convinced he had gotten that he only fooled himself with those hopeful feelings.

"You should tell him how you feel," Rachel said.

"I can't."

"Why not? You want to be with him, right. How can you be with him if you don't tell him how you feel? Even if he's with that Alex guy. He needs to know you're still an option," Rachel continued.

Kurt didn't know if he could tell Blaine, but what if Rachel was right? What if he told Blaine? But the situation was more intricate than an ordinary break up.

"Maybe you'll find out he likes you, too. He said he missed talking to you."

"I don't know… Our history is complicated. I mean, I was the one who broke up with him, but I also told him I still had feelings for him even though he had betrayed me. He wanted me back until I told him about Nick, then he hated me and couldn't stand to look at me. But that last day in Florida… he held me so tight and didn't want to let go and…" Kurt shook his head. "But that was a long time ago and I honestly don't know how he feels about me now or if it's even possible for us to be together after everything that's happened."

"You won't know unless you talk to him about it," Tina said and allied with Rachel in the matter. The girls did a high five under the table and Kurt shook his head at them. It wasn't the first time they ganged up on him. It probably wouldn't be the last. "The worst thing that can happen is that you leave Ohio as single as when you came, but at least Blaine will know how you feel about him."

"And you will know you tried," Rachel filled in.

His girls had a point. He had nothing to lose really. Blaine hadn't talked to him for weeks prior to coming home and worst-case Blaine didn't want to talk to him after he left either. It was a scenario Kurt definitely didn't want to happen, but not telling Blaine and knowing he didn't try to work things out between them was worse.

But deciding he wanted to tell Blaine how he felt and having the courage to actually do it were two different things. Kurt would let Blaine take the lead in their talk. He was after all the one who said he had things to say. Depending on where they ended up, Kurt would try to find a way to tell Blaine.

"You're probably right," Kurt said and offered a weak smile to his friends.

"We're always right," Rachel said and this time they did a proper high five.

Suddenly Kurt missed High School. When they could see each other all day, every day. When they knew everything going on in each other's lives and one look was all it took for the others to know how you felt. He only wished Mercedes could have been there, too. "I love you girls, you know that, right? I don't know what I would do without you."

"I don't know how you survived a whole year down there in Florida without us," Tina teased and squeezed his hand.

"I want to buy him something," Kurt said, his shopping spirit returning now that he had vented his thoughts. "He's always wearing black. I want to get him something colorful."

"Then you're at the right place with the right people!" Rachel cheered.

"Let the shopping begin!" Tina said.

They finished their coffee and then hit the stores again. By the time they left the mall, four hours later, Kurt's hands were full of bags. One of them containing a gift to Blaine.

Tina dropped Kurt off at his house. He wrapped his scarf around his neck, buttoned up his coat, hugged her goodbye and took all of his bags and stepped out of the car. The air was crisp and chilly, like it was about to snow, but there were no signs of any snow filled clouds yet. Kurt went inside with the only plans to take a shower to wash the mall smell away and then take a nap before the others came home from work. He was exhausted and wanted to feel refreshed in case maybe, hopefully, Blaine would want to stay up late and talk to him.

Kurt's plans changed, however, when he stepped inside the door and heard noises in the kitchen. Instead of turning left and head upstairs, Kurt turned right and entered the kitchen. Blaine was in there, preparing sandwiches while whistling a tune. He stood with his back towards Kurt and Kurt took a second to look at him before he made his presence known. God, he wished he could go up and hug him. It had been so long and every time he saw him now his heart made a funny little skip to remind him of how he felt about Blaine and that those feelings weren't going to go anywhere anytime soon. On the contrary, being in Blaine's presence only made them stronger.

"You're home early," Kurt said. "Shouldn't you still be at the shop?"

Blaine jumped at the sound of Kurt's voice. He turned around with his hand on his heart. "Jeez, Kurt, you scared me." A smile broke out on his face when he met Kurt's gaze. "Burt sent me home."

Kurt scrunched his nose "Why?" Hadn't his dad said he needed Blaine at the shop because they were short on people?

"He claimed I was too unfocused and that I should go and be where my head was at. Looks like you had a successful Black Friday," Blaine diverted and nodded towards the bags in Kurt's hands.

"Yes, me and my girls had a good day." Kurt smiled back, the flutter in his belly ten folding when Blaine smiled at him like that. But neither Blaine's smile nor his attempt to switch the subject could stop Kurt from wondering what his dad meant when he'd told Blaine that. "Why were you unfocused? Having a bad day?" Maybe him being here brought up a lot of bad memories for Blaine?

"No, I was just… Burt was right, my mind was somewhere else, and I kept making mistakes and dropping things and… so here I am wondering if you wanted to take a ride with me on the bike? I was preparing some snacks for us and I know Lima is your hometown but there's a place I'd like to show you. If you're up for it of course. Maybe you have other plans or-"

"Yes. I'll go with you," Kurt cut him off. No matter how tired he was, there was no chance he was letting the opportunity to spend the afternoon with Blaine on his bike slip him by.

"Yeah?" Blaine said, sounding surprised.

"Of course. I've been wanting to spend more time with you."

"Great. Me too." Blaine bit his lower lip and maybe there was a slight blush on his cheeks? "So, uhm… I'm just going to finish up here and then we can go."

"Great. I'm going to put my bags away and then I'm ready to go. Do you want any help?"

"No, I got this. But thank you."

The desire to hug Blaine returned. Blaine was everything he wanted, with his flaws and his baggage, and he had planned an excursion for them!

"I got you something at the mall," Kurt said and put the bags on the kitchen table. He picked up the one holding the gift he selected for Blaine.

"You got something for me?" Blaine looked at the bag, sounding both surprised and moved. "Why? Kurt, you didn't have to do that."

"I know, but I wanted to," Kurt answered and this time it was his turn to blush. "It's nothing special," he added as he handed the bag to Blaine. God, he hoped Blaine liked it and didn't take it the wrong way.

Blaine looked into the bag and pulled out a red polo shirt.

"You only wear black for some reason, and I wanted to give you something colorful. Not that there's anything wrong with wearing black. I figured it's soon Christmas and red is a Christmas color and I thought it would look good on you. But if you don't like red there were other colors and I can take it back and change it," Kurt rambled.

"I love it," Blaine reassured. "Thank you, Kurt."

Kurt had been too nervous and too self-conscious about his gift to see that Blaine was smiling. There was just something about being in Blaine's presence that made him feel like he was fifteen again and standing in front of the first boy he ever fell in love with.

"You do? I wasn't sure since your wardrobe is all black."

"I do," Blaine confirmed and held up the shirt in front of him.

Just changing the color of his shirt from black to red gave Blaine a different appearance, a more soft and warm one. More in line with how Kurt saw him.

"Why is it that you only wear black?"

"I don't know," Blaine shrugged. "I guess I started wearing black when my parents died. It felt appropriate for a while, and then I started noticing how people treated me differently. They assumed I was a 'bad guy' because of how I dressed and because of the bike and I guess I liked that. It was much easier to show that side than the pain I was feeling inside. Now it's just become a part of who I am, I don't really think about it. But I like this shirt a lot. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Kurt's eyes met Blaine's across the room and for a brief moment time stood still. Blaine smiled shyly before averting his gaze.

"I should get this ready," he said and pointed towards the sandwiches.

"Yeah, right," Kurt said and stood up. "I should put these away." He picked up his bags from the table. "I'm also gonna take a quick shower."

Kurt hurried up to his room with his heart still pulsing in his ears. How his heart would survive sitting behind Blaine on his bike once again he didn't know.

A shower and a change of clothes later, Kurt was ready to go. He'd put on a pair of jeans and a dark grey cable knitted turtleneck sweater, styled his hair even though he knew the helmet would destroy all the efforts he'd made, and added a little bit of cologne.

Blaine was ready and waiting for him when Kurt got downstairs again. He handed Kurt a helmet he said he'd borrowed from Alex. That dented Kurt's heart a little bit. He still felt unsure about what was going on between them, but at least Blaine must have mentioned that he was taking Kurt out for a ride when he borrowed the helmet.

"Ready?" Blaine asked when Kurt was sitting behind him on the bike.

"Yes." Kurt was more than ready.

"Hold on."

Kurt was already sneaking his arms around Blaine's waist and now held on tight as Blaine drove away down the street. Kurt didn't pay attention to their surroundings, his whole focus was on feeling Blaine against his body again. Blaine's thighs between his, his back against Kurt's chest, and his stomach beneath Kurt's hands. it was almost as exciting as that first time Kurt sat behind Blaine on his bike, though the circumstances were much different.

When Blaine stopped Kurt wished the ride could have continued for much longer. He had no idea how long they had been driving and when he looked around, he didn't recognize the place. They were at some kind of nature spot, a forested hill or something similar. The gravel road Blaine had driven on ended there and a smaller path seemed to lead deeper into the forest, or up the hill, Kurt couldn't tell which from where they were standing. Reluctantly he let go of Blaine and removed his helmet.

"Where are we?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know the name," Blaine admitted, "but somewhere east of town. I found this place once when I was out driving around."

"Is that a thing you do, drive around aimlessly until you find places you like?" Kurt asked, remembering Blaine telling him he found the beach he'd taken Kurt to that first night when he was out biking as a kid. "And then take me there?"

Blaine laughed at that. "Apparently it is a thing I do."

"I wonder where you will take me next." Kurt batted his eyelashes teasingly. Being on the back of Blaine's bike, holding on to him, had made Kurt relax in Blaine's presence.

"I guess you'll have to wait and see."

The place was nothing special, just a road and some trees, and Kurt didn't quite understand why Blaine had taken him there. He said nothing about it though, because it didn't matter to him where they were if it meant he got to spend time with Blaine.

"Come, let's follow the path to the top," Blaine said and started walking towards the small path Kurt had noticed earlier.

Kurt followed as Blaine took him deeper into the forest. He was glad for the hat, gloves and scarf he'd brought because the sun was setting, and it was cold and damp in the forest. They made small talk as they walked, mostly about the bargains Kurt had made at the mall and about it soon being Christmas.

The forest was dark with tall pine trees shielding the sky. The path took them higher and higher, and the forest gradually opened up, letting in more light, until there were no more trees, and they were standing at the top of a hill. Kurt looked around and took in the view. Below them were pine trees, climbing up the hill, and in the distance Kurt saw Lima's silhouette against the setting sun.

"Wow," was all Kurt could say.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Blaine asked.

"I never knew Lima could look like this." Kurt used to think of Lima as a small, insignificant town in the north west corner of Ohio, but seeing it like this put it in a different perspective.

"We're probably not the only ones thinking that. There's a bench over there where we can sit."

Kurt had been too in awe of the view and hadn't notice the bench until the moment Blaine pointed it out, but now he saw that it was perfectly situated if one wanted to sit down and take in the view.

"Are you hungry?" Blaine asked as they sat down on the blanket he'd laid out on the bench for them. He started to unpack the backpack he'd made Kurt wear on the bike ride. Kurt hadn't protested too much, he'd rather wear it than have it between him and Blaine preventing him from really holding onto Blaine the way he'd wanted to.

"Starving." Kurt had only had a smoothie on the go for lunch as he had been too busy catching up on the shopping he'd missed earlier in the morning.

"I have hot chocolate, too," Blaine said and pulled out a thermos and two mugs.

"Is this a date?" Kurt teased. "Cause it kind of feels like it with everything you have prepared."

Blaine smiled back at him and shook his head. "I just figured we'd be cold after the bike ride up here."

"And you were right about that. Hot chocolate sounds just about heavenly right now."

It was strange how comfortable Kurt felt around Blaine today. He had so many unanswered questions that he was hoping to have answers to, but being alone with Blaine and with Blaine being so thoughtful and at ease too, it made Kurt let go of the worries he was carrying around.

Blaine poured the hot chocolate and handed a mug and a sandwich to Kurt. The chocolate warmed Kurt from the inside and the sandwich slowed some of the remaining butterflies in his belly.

"Thank you for taking me here and showing me this place. I had no idea this place existed," Kurt said after a few bites on his sandwich.

"You're welcome. I wasn't sure if you'd been here before, but I'm glad I got to show you a new piece of your hometown," Blaine said. "But I didn't bring you here so you could admire the view, not only anyway. I also wanted to talk to you."

"I was hoping that was part of the reason for this trip." Honestly, it was exactly what Kurt had been hoping for.

Blaine, who wasn't wearing a hat, ran a hand through his hair and looked straight ahead, at the city below them. "I don't know where to start, there's a lot I want to say." He drank some of his hot chocolate. "Okay. I guess I can start with this."

Blaine seemed nervous now, but Kurt tried to stay calm. Whatever it was Blaine wanted to tell him, he could handle it. He hoped.

"I want to thank you for bringing your parents into my life. It changed everything for me, and I will never be able to thank them for so unselfishly welcoming me into their home," Blaine started. "I told you how badly I wanted to escape and leave that city behind me, but I never expected to find a place to call home. I always figured I'd be a vagabond, driving from small town to small town doing different kinds of seasonal work where no skills or experience were required, never growing roots anywhere. But you and Burt and Carole all changed that for me."

"It's dad and Carole you should thank. I could never have done what they did. I only told them your story," Kurt answered truthfully. He had felt desperate and powerless and so, so small knowing he wanted to help Blaine but not knowing how to because Blaine wouldn't listen or accept the help Kurt was trying to offer.

"No, Nick was right that day. I was lucky to have met you. You didn't give up on me even if I didn't want you there. You fought for me and you saved me. But it's not only that." Blaine breathed in slowly before he continued. "You showed me that being with someone, being close to someone, can be something beautiful and special. You showed me that it's okay to let someone in, to trust them, and to let down your walls. You showed me what love is, and I'm grateful for that experience."

It was hard to look at Blaine after he'd said those words. It was hard to take them in and accept them, but Kurt still did. The words were powerful and he believed Blaine meant them. Kurt had had an impact on Blaine's life beyond helping him to get away from the horrible way he was living. Blaine had changed Kurt's life, too. Some things he wished he hadn't had to experience, and sometimes he thought about how uncomplicated his life would be if he hadn't met Blaine, but what was life if not a little complicated and full of hurdles to overcome.

Blaine looked down at his mug as a small smile spread across his lips. "And you also taught me how to kiss," he added with a soft chuckle.

Kurt couldn't help but smile back at Blaine. "Our first kiss is a memorable one," he said, remembering it all over again.

"That's a nice way to say a bad one," Blaine said and looked up at Kurt.

Kurt was the one who chuckled now. "But it became better."

"I had a good teacher." Blaine looked straight into Kurt's eyes and didn't avert his gaze. Kurt felt like he was drowning.

He wanted nothing more than to kiss Blaine, to be Blaine's again and taste the hot chocolate on his tongue. Blaine kept looking into his eyes. Did he want it too? Was that why he had brought up the kiss? Should he go for it, take a chance? Kurt tried to read Blaine through his eyes to find an answer, but he found nothing but beauty there. Hazel eyes looking back at him, charging the air between them.

Kurt's heart pounded against his ribcage. Should he try? This must be what Blaine wanted too. Why else would he have brought up that kiss? And all those words Blaine said about him, they meant something, right? But what if he was reading it all wrong and broke the trust he felt Blaine was rebuilding for him?

Kurt hesitated, waited for a sign from Blaine. Blaine kept looking at Kurt, biting his lower lip. Then suddenly a bird flew over their heads, cawing as it passed them. Blaine looked up at the bird in the sky, followed it as it flew above the treetops and into the forest. Kurt looked at the bird, too, as he tried to calm his racing heart. It was a big bird, an eagle or a hawk, spreading its wings as it sailed across the sky.

When Kurt looked at Blaine again, Blaine's eyes were on the horizon, his gaze distant. Whatever it was that just happened, the moment was broken.

-x-x-x-

Notes: I know some of you expected a deeper conversation between them, and it will come, but this is my writing in a nutshell - having too many ideas and wanting to add all of them into the story. It means a longer story, but hopefully also a more rich one. The conversation you're waiting for will start in the next chapter.