Notes: It's another short Blaine chapter!
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Chapter 27 - The Turning Point
Blaine stood grounded on the spot where Kurt had left him and watched Kurt's back as he moved with the line, passed the security control, and then as he disappeared into the terminal. He stood there even when Kurt was no longer visible. Stood there hoping Kurt would turn around, come running back, anything to ease the pain he felt.
He knew it would hurt to say goodbye, but it was ridiculous how much it hurt, how physical the pain felt. It felt like torture to stand there and watch him leave. Blaine's heart was screaming at him what an idiot he was. Kurt had been right there, reaching out his hand, wanting Blaine to take it. Why hadn't he let Kurt kiss him? Blaine could still feel Kurt's lips gracing his, so soft and warm, still feel his scent in his nostrils, still sense his arms around him. Why had he let him go?
Kurt was wise, he knew the right things to say, when to push and when to hold back. Kurt was the most amazing person Blaine had ever met and Blaine couldn't let him go even if that was what he should do. He had tried, more than once, to give Kurt the opportunity to walk away, but Kurt refused to leave and now Blaine had given up on pushing Kurt away.
Blaine loved Kurt, more than he'd ever loved anyone. He belonged with Kurt. Kurt was his saving angel, his soulmate. Kurt made him feel better, made him feel complete and as though there was a possible future where everything wasn't dark and miserable. Kurt was the sunshine that pushed the storm clouds away. Blaine was sure of all these things, but it was exactly why he couldn't be with Kurt. Not yet.
He wanted to be able to push away the storm clouds on his own. He had to heal without Kurt and make sure he would be okay even on days when Kurt wasn't around. He couldn't be dependent on Kurt, couldn't build his happiness around him because one day Kurt might not be there. Kurt might not be there when Blaine was ready to move forward, no matter the promises he'd made now, but it was a risk he'd had to take. For himself and for Kurt.
Blaine knew what he had to do. Knew the dark, stuffed away, memories he'd had to bring to the surface and start working through. It scared him because he didn't know how he'd react or how painful it would be. The bruces may no longer be visible on his skin, but they were still there in his heart. But it would be worth it. To free himself of these men and what they'd done to him. To heal and feel stronger, to rebuild his self-worth. That's what he hoped for at least. He was eager to get started, that's why he'd made an appointment already the next day. He didn't want to wait years or even months to be with Kurt. He'd spend all the money he'd made, all the dirty money, on therapy hours to get better.
"Excuses me, are you alright?" A concerned female voice brought Blaine back to reality. A lady in her fifties was standing in front of him, looking with worried eyes at him.
"Yes," Blaine smiled. "I'm okay."
"You looked a little lost and as if you were about to cry," the lady explained. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes," Blaine assured. "I just said goodbye to the man I love. I'm gay." Blaine didn't know why he told her that, she hadn't asked for that information, but he simply felt like saying it. It was the first time he'd told someone he was gay, at least someone who didn't already know. He hadn't had to tell Kurt, he'd shown him instead. Nick had figured it out on his own, and he had been the one to tell their friends. He'd told Alex only after Alex had told him he was gay and Blaine was pretty sure Burt had already mentioned it to Alex. But this lady was a stranger who didn't know, and Blaine had just told her without a second thought, because he wanted to. Because that's who he was.
"Good for you," the lady smiled back at him. "I hope it wasn't goodbye forever then."
"No, just for now. He'll be back for Christmas."
"I admire people who manage to do long distance relationships, it must be hard."
Blaine didn't tell her that he and Kurt weren't in a relationship, it would be too complicated to explain. Instead he smiled and nodded before saying goodbye to her.
As Blaine walked towards the exit, he thought about the next time he would meet Kurt. Christmas wasn't that far away, and he probably wouldn't have resolved all of his issues by then, but he would be on his way. And maybe that was enough…
The cold, winter air hit his face as the sliding doors opened before him. He would never get used to this weather and he couldn't understand why people choose to live in places like this when there were places like Florida or California where the warmth was always present.
He wrapped the scarf that was hanging over his shoulders, around his neck. It was the same scarf Kurt had lent him the other day when they had been at the hill and it had started snowing. Kurt hadn't asked for it back and Blaine considered it his now. It was warm and cosy and still smelled of Kurt. Blaine then zipped his jacket, pulled the hood up over his head and hurried to where he had parked Burt's car.
Once in the car, Blaine turned on the engine and turned the heat up to max. He hoped winters didn't get any colder than this, if they did, he'd have to buy a whole new wardrobe and he was saving the salary Burt paid him every month to find a place of his own. He was grateful Burt and Carole had opened their home to him, but he couldn't keep staying there rent free and take up their time. Blaine planned to stay in Lima for a while and go back to high school to get his diploma. After that he didn't know, but he was okay with that. He'd take it one step at the time.
An incoming text made Blaine's phone vibrate and he fished it out of his pocket. He smiled when he saw that it was from Kurt and his whole body filled with warmth and joy. His heart started to beat a little faster when he opened his text message app.
The message was actually two photos. One was of him looking up at the sky, catching snowflakes on his face. His hair and clothes were dotted white and he looked happy. His first encounter with snow and Kurt had captured it with his camera. Blaine hadn't even realized it, but now he was forever grateful for it. He had been truly happy in this moment, seeing snow and being with Kurt, realizing Kurt was still in love with him. It had given him hope even if he tried to not let himself feel that hope. He'd still believed he was too broken for Kurt and that Kurt could have a better future without him. But Kurt was stubborn and refused to listen to Blaine's arguments, and now Blaine believed in that hope.
The second picture Blaine remembered Kurt taking. It was from the day he'd spent in Kurt's apartment. They had spent the whole day on Kurt's couch, just being close together, and at one point Kurt had pulled out his phone to capture them together. In the photo, Kurt was smiling into the camera and Blaine was kissing Kurt's cheek. Another moment of happiness and believing in a future that didn't seem to exist.
Blaine smiled stupidly at his phone. Kurt was one of a kind and he was lucky to have met him. He would be a fool to let him go and he promised himself to never try to push Kurt away again.
A new text made his phone vibrate again. Blaine looked at the message and his smile grew even bigger.
Boarding now. Miss you already.
Blaine's fingers fumbled on the letters as he quickly typed his message.
Miss you too.
He ended the text with a heart emoji and almost instantly Kurt replied with a heart too. Blaine couldn't help but swoon a little. Six months ago, he never could have dreamed his life would become this - that he would fall in love, be out, and be free of the nightmare he was living in. Well, he wasn't free quite yet but at least none of the men had tried to contact him after he left and changed his number. It had been his biggest fear in the beginning, but fortunately most of them still had one foot in the closet and were too scared of their families finding out.
Blaine shook the memories of these men out of his head. He'd face them tomorrow when he met his therapist, but today he had another thing he needed to fix. There was a long overdue phone call he wanted to make, an apology that needed to be spoken (or two if one counted that punch), and hopefully an explanation he could accept. It was time to forgive and move on, accept the things he couldn't change.
Blaine backed out of the parking space and headed home. Home. Sometimes it still felt like something out of a movie, that Burt and Carole's house in Lima, Ohio, was his home now. At least for a little while longer. He'd had to tell them soon about his plans, but the thought frightened him. He didn't want to seem ungrateful for everything they had done for him. It would be a conversation for another day though.
Back at the house, Blaine parked in the driveway, used his keys to unlock the front door and went inside. Carole was in the kitchen preparing dinner and Burt was in the living room watching TV. Blaine could see Kurt in every room, a different memory from the weekend in each one of them. It made him miss Kurt even more but it also made him happy. Happy that they'd had this weekend to create those memories.
Blaine exchanged a few words with Burt and Carole and then retreated to his room. He had a phone call to make and even though he dreaded it, he also looked forward to it.
"Blaine?" a familiar voice answered, sounding surprised. "Hi! How are you?" He sounded happy to realize it was Blaine and Blaine let out the breath he was holding.
"Hi, Nick," Blaine answered.
