Chapter 244: Goodbye Harry Part 2
Disclaimer: Smut, Angst
I was at Grandma Eva's house. The house has been cleared out, and I was just getting the important documents when I got the call from Sue. Seth heard the conversation with his supernatural ears. He was staring at me with big, frightened eyes.
He stammered frantically, "I-I need to go."
I told Sue over the phone, "Seth's coming over, Sue."
Sue wept in response, "yes. I need him here at the hospital."
Seth quickly got up from the dining table, shoved everything he can in the backpack, and walked out the front door. I was following behind him and I stopped by the door just to see him out when Seth sighed just as he was stepping down the front doorsteps.
Seth turned around, looked up to me with tears on his eyes, "I.. can't leave you but.." as he said the last word with eyes begging me to let him go.
How could I? Seth has to go.
I shook my head, "it's okay, Seth. Go, I'll call Sam right now to pick me up."
With tears falling down on his face, he simply nodded. He ran off towards the side of the road and I watchd him go until I could no longer see him. I sighed and sat down on the rocking chair that was at the front porch.
I gave a call to Sam, and Sam answered immediately, "what happened?"
I sniffed, "Harry's..dead, Sam. Sue called, and Seth left to go meet her at the hospital."
Sam paused for a moment before saying, "stay right there. I be there in 5 minutes."
I muffled, "kay" before hanging up the phone call.
I sat there in daze. I thought..I prevented his death. All I did was simply pushed back for a little longer. Is..this premonition of everything that I have done? I tried to prevent the Cullens from coming back to Forks, but maybe all I did was to stall some more time.
Sigh.
In comparison how Harry died in the novels, this is.. much better. Still terrible, but better. Leah didn't phase in front of him nor Seth. They couldn't go to the funeral due to being new wolves and under extreme distress. This time, Seth phased a little before Harry died, so Seth could possibly keep it together during the funeral. Leah wouldn't have to live life with guilt that she was a factor of Harry dying, but this time, she might live with guilt that she wasn't there for her dad because she was away in college.
Instead of having guilt of one thing, she is going to live with a different guilt. Man. Is Leah destined to suffer one way or another? Why Leah? What did she do that no matter what happens, she is going to suffer so much?
I was getting really negative when I heard Sam pull up his truck. I saw Sam was approaching me, and when I glanced at his face, his eyes were red and puffy. There were no tears, but even without feeling him through the bond, I can easily see that he is very distressed. I instinctively got up and walked toward him. I stretched my arms and Sam easily wrapped me with his arms.
We stood there, hugging each other silently. I gently pat him in the back in comfort, and I could hear Sam was breathing heavily above my head. It sounded like he is trying really hard not to cry, but why is he holding back?
Sam finally said, "sorry..I.. phased and told the guys. You know how we share memories and feelings. I felt their feelings. Everyone's mind was chaotic. It is like I am feeling their feelings, so it's hard..to discern which ones are really mind and which ones were there..It got too much even for me today and..It's a lot for everyone...Harry..is someone we all grew up and knew as kids…so to hear that he is just gone.."
I responded softly, "yeah.."
Sam said, "it's going to be hard on Sue to take care of Seth all alone with Leah away for college."
I said again, "yeah.."
I didn't know what else to say. I don't know Harry like the others do, so his death doesn't affect me as much. I still am sad that Harry wasn't able to live more and see Seth and Leah grow. My heart does hurt for Sam, Seth, Leah, Sue, and the pack.
I continued, "We'll…get through this one way or another. We have each other, so we won't struggle alone.."
Sam said softly, "yeah.."
I pull my head out of his embrace to see his expression. His eyes were still red. He gave me a sad smile and said, "I'm glad that I have you..."
I nodded. Sam said, "let's go..I,,got a lot to do.."
He helped me bring my personal documents and get onto his truck. Once we drove towards to our house, I held Sam's hand the whole way back home. Occasionally, I would try to rub my thumb in circular motion to his hand for support. I could feel him feeling a little less distress compared to earlier. This small gesture gave him some comfort.
Sam dropped me back home, and he left to go check on the council and the pack. I took this time to prepare dinner. It helped me not to think about what's going on, and I think it helped to keep Sam grounded. When he came home, his face was very sullen and down casted. When he looked up and saw that I was laying down our dinner on the dining table in my apron, his expression softened. He looked relieved to see me. he gave me a quick kiss on the lips and sat down in the dining table.
I took my apron off and sat down across from Sam. We ate in silence. For dinner, I made some enchiladas with refried beans, homemade corn tortillas, and rice. I was the first one to finish, and I simply watched Sam as he ate. Looking at him, I realize even more how much of a huge responsibility it is to be Alpha. He is carrying so much on his back, and now, he needs to help pull the pack together, so they don't fall apart. It is so essential to keep the pack sane due or else they might become a danger to themselves or others even without intent . Sigh. That's what Alphas do. When they see their pack is hurting, they do what they can to help them keep their heads up.
But what about the Alphas themselves? Who helps them keep their head up?
Ahh.. this is where the Alpha's mate comes in. Alphas tend to keep a tight lid of their emotions and a mask on. She comes in to help them take off the mask of being the Alpha. What can I do to help Sam?Am I helping them because I'm actually worried for Sam , or.. to make myself useful? Am I doing this for my own benefit ? But, it's also the role entrusted to me. If..I want to keep living here, I need to fulfill what I need to do. I guess this is the price I make for gaining a second chance at life.
I got up to go wash the dishes. Once I was done, I went behind Sam and wrapped my arms around his neck.
Sam purred, "hmm. I'm not complaining, but I'm curious…"
I chuckled and said softly, "I feel like you might need some physical affection right now because of everything..."
He was silent and stayed that way until he finished his meal. He placed his hand on his leg and pat it gently as an gesture to sit down, so I went around and sat down on his lap, facing him. He pulled me closer and laid his head on my shoulder.
He mumbled, "thank you. I need this."
I said softly, "whatever you need.. I'm here."
He said, "We are going to arrange the funeral tomorrow. Seth called Leah and called her personally. She is going to come right after her morning classes and come straight to La Push..thankfully, Charlie and Billy are with Sue right now. Seth phased right after he saw his dad. It got too much for him.."
I said softly, "I don't blame him either. He is taking this better than any kid.."
Sam sighed, "yeah. Seth is strong and he'll pull through, but he is just a pup.."
I agreed softly, "yeah.."
I went through his hair, and I pulled backward to get a better look of his face. He was looking at me with a confused expression, and I kissed him all over his face.
I said, "I'm here. I'll do whatever you need." I kissed him slowly on the lips. I hope I am reading him correctly. If not, then what I am doing may look very inappropriate.
His eyes lit up gold and he asked, "anything?"
I nodded, so he leaned forward and kissed me hard on the lips. Ah, okay. I did read him correctly. I knew he needed this physical attention through kisses, hugs and etc, but I wasn't 100% sure why exactly. Maybe I would eventually understand as I follow Sam's lead.
I unbuttoned his pants, and I unstrapped my bra under my shirt. Sam helped to pull my shirt from me. He was staring at my breasts with such intense hunger in his eyes, but there was another emotion behind those eyes. I couldn't figure it out. He scrooped me from the bottom and got up from his chair. I heard his pants follow to the ground and he simply kick it to aside as he carried me to the bedroom.
He gently placed me down on the bed, and I said to him, reminding/reassuring him, "Take everything from me and give me all of your emotions. Your frustration, anger and sadness..Share them with me to set you free.."
I honestly wasn't sure if what I was saying was making sense, but it did to me. I..believe that when you don't process your emotions, then it can manifest itself in a dangerous way. In my life, I can get suicidal and have self harm tendencies, so I know..more than anyone how..awful it can get, so I want to help Sam even if it puts my mental health at stake.
I focused on his feelings and I was hit like a truck. I felt all of his emotions. His sadness was basically screaming in my mind that I couldn't help but tear up. How is he not crying? His sadness is so much. Behind his despair, I felt his frustration and arousal. I also felt the other emotion that I saw from his eyes earlier, so now I am feeling it. I sucked in a breath, trying to focus everything but the sadness, anger and despair, so naturally I was sensing his arousa, frustration and the other emotion that I can't pinpoint. It feels some kind of a needing feeling.
I saw that Sam had a painful expression and with golden eyes, so he said, "okay."
He leaned down and slowly gave me a hicky One by one, he started to place hickies all over my chest and breasts. He fondled my breasts gently, trying to get me aroused with him which made me to squeak in pleasure. Little by little, I was slowly able to not feel those intense emotions. Then, I felt him placing his cock inside me very slowly. I sucked in a breath when I felt him enter me, stretching me with his cock. He started to thrust slowly in an even pace. He continued to kiss me on the lips and nibbling them. I was moaning in his mouth as he was also grunting too. He tilted my head so he can kiss me down on my neck to my shoulder blade. I wrapped my arms around his back.
I said panting softly, "I love you, Sam."
He thrusted but slowly again. I threw my head back as I moaned in response. I felt my body tremble in excitement that I almost forgot that I also felt his hands trembling as he was holding onto my waist.
I noticed..sex this time. It wasn't intense, raw and all about fucking. It felt very intimate and slow..Ohh, I think I know what that emotion was. It was affection. He wanted closeness ..intimacy, so I said again, "I love you so much, Sam."
I confessed my love to him again because I feel like Sam needed to be reminded like a confirmation since he is hurting so much. When you are hurting, you want the person that you love to shower you with love and comfort. I guess, having sex is a way Sam feels love the best and the most. That is his love language. I think I finally got through to Sam because Sam finally wept. I felt his tears dripping down on my face. His face was grimaced in a painful expression as he let tears fall down on my face. His eyes were flickering back and forth with his wolf coming to the front and back.
I said panting as I reached to caress his face gently, "it's okay, I'm here. I'm here. Let it all out."
He thrust in slowly and I gasped softly in pleasure. He leaned toward my hand and kissed my wrist. He said softly, "I love you so much that I feel like I am going to go insane."
I hummed as he continued to thrust in me. He still had my hand by his mouth. He was kissing my hand as he said growling lowly, "if I didn't have you, I would've lost my mind."
When he said that, a lone tear fell down on his face. I felt his sincerity and seriousness to that statement. I yelped slightly in surprise when I felt his teeth grazing my wrist. He kissed from my wrist all the way down to my shoulder. I instinctively turned my head to the other side.
He said growling lowly, "you're mine"
I said sincerely, "only you, Sam. There's no one else and there will never be anyone else."
He growled as he increased his pace, and I knew he was going to cum soon. Even though I was overwhelmed by the intense emotions that Sam was expressing to me through the bond, what we were doing kept us grounded. It kept me grounded, but it somehow helped feel the intense emotions less. It was like regardless of what is going on, as long as we are together, it'll be okay. We'll keep expressing our love together like this. Then, I was going to have my orgasm as well because I felt my walls getting tighter and warmer. Finally, we both came together. Sam also bit me again on my claim mark, and of course, I gasped in response. I was gripping Sam tightly with my nails, and I think it just made Sam more excited. He was licking my claim mark.
I was hit with an idea, so I tried push Sam to turn over. All I did was just nudging him though. He understood me without even asking, so he flipped us over and now I was on top of him. I said over him, " I want to make you happy. What you want me to do?"
Sam said with a pause, "…I want you to take me on my lap, but your leg.." as he looked towards my braced leg."
I asked hesitantly, "hmm. Can you give me some support?"
His eyes lit up in happiness, so he cupped my ass with his hands as he stood up in a sitting position with his legs spread out on the bed. He helped me to put my knees at each side of his leg. With one arm, he was carrying me and with the other arm, he used it to position his cock where my clit was. He was leaning with a pillow supporting his back against the bedframe. I slowly lowered myself as his cock slid inside of me.
He growled, "fuck. I didn't expect it to feel this good."
We never did it in this position out of consideration of my leg, but his cock stretched me in a different angle. I felt so much pleasure that with my hands holding onto Sam's shoulder, I started to move up and down slowly, trying to get used to this position and feeling. He still supported me with one arm to not put pressure on my braced leg.
He groaned and threw his head back with his eye closed, just feeling everything. I kept going slowly and Sam quickly came inside of me, so I felt his semen dripped down my legs. I was completely drenched with sweat. Every time I came, I would close my eyes tightly and moaned loudly in pleasure along with Sam. I opened my eyes, and I was looking down to Sam. Sam was looking at me. His eyes were hooded with lust and such daze in such trance that I impulsively leaned down to kiss him passionately on the lips. I bit him on the lips, and I heard him chuckle under his breath.
My body was trembling and Sam noticed that I was getting tired, so he pulled me closer to him. He said breathlessly, "with you in..this position, you look amazing, but I don't want you collapsing on me."
I nodded mutely as he pulled his cock out in a loud pop. He positioned me to sit across his lap. I buried my head under his neck, and he pulled me closer in an embrace. We stayed in that position as I tried to calm my spasming body. We both were breathing heavily as he slowly stopped trembling too. I wasn't sure who was going to speak first until Sam said, "Sorry..I don't want you to think that we solve problems by having sex."
I shook my head, "I think I understand. You needed comfort and love and sex is how you feel it the most."
He nodded and sighed in content, "I really don't deserve you."
He overwhelmed me with kisses all over my face and neck that I couldn't help but squeal. He playfully bit me on my claim mark as he pulled me closer to his chest. I snuggled up closer to him.
Suddenly, Sam started speaking and he said, "harry…he.."
I nodded for him to continue, and he proceed to tell me all of his memories with Harry. He told me of how Harry became sort of a surrogate father for him since his father abandoned him and his mom. When his mom had problems with raising Sam, she would go to Sue and Sue would tell Harry to talk to Sam. Harry taught Sam how to fish, hunt, and weave along with Sam, Seth and Leah. Sam, Seth and Leah grew up together, so all of their relationships ran deeper than I anticipated.
I listened attentively. I occasionally nod and asked a question here or there, but it was mostly Sam talking. I think this is what Sam needed. Somewhere or someone to voice all of his thoughts and feelings out to process Harry's death more properly as a human being than sealing it all up because of his role as Alpha.
When Sam finally phased back as a human, his mom basically dragged him to meet Old Quil and Harry. She was afraid that he was following the same footsteps as Joshua. Now it makes more sense of why Sam really looked up to the council. He was looking up to in more specifically Harry. It also makes more sense of how the novel Harry didn't really punish Sam for breaking Leah's heart and why he became support of Sam's imprinting relationship with Emily. Nevertheless, because he was there for Sam, he wasn't there for Leah. There is a way to be there for both of them, but of course, he didn't and made some mistakes. It was still wrong for Harry not telling Leah the truth.
I listened more stories about Harry until I fell asleep in his arms.
I was woken up by Sam murmuring by my ear, "wake up hon..We have to go to the funeral."
I looked up in confusion, "huh?"
I was rubbing my eyes from the sleepiness when Sam was telling me, "I need to check in on Seth and the pack as well, but I ..feel too anxious to leave you alone.." I sort of was feeling annoyed by Sam's clingness. I thought..we finally got past this..Isn't that why I let him claim me and solidify the claim? To get some independence? Maybe he is just all over the place and not thinking straight due to the death of Harry. "Do you mind staying with Kim in the morning?"
I responded, "kay.."
He gave me a chaste kiss on the lips. I slowly got up, showered, got dress, ate a light breakfast before heading out the door. Sam updated me what is going on the ride to the funeral. Kim was at the recreation center with Jared. She was helping the Clearwaters to set up the funeral. Leah is on her way, and we won't start the funeral without her. I can help out if I want to, but he doesn't expect me to, which helps to relieve some pressure on my shoulder.
Once I got to the recreation center and saw the black decorations from the front entrance. Suddenly, I was shown a memory.
The black umbrellas. The black dresses. The quiet rain. The muffles of cries over an open grave. I watched as Grandma Eva's grave was being People I have never spoken to before. People who claimed to be Abuela's friend, neighbor or some shit. They all have been coming to me, one by one, crying of how great to see the last descendant of the Ripples has come back to La Push.
It sickens me.
Where were they when Abuela was suffering. They are all phonies, hypocrites. Nevertheless, I kept a smiling expression to all of them. I thank them for coming when internally all I want is to be alone with Grandma Eva. I was the only one why stayed by Abuela side until her very last breath, so I should have the right to be alone with her in her funeral.
I stepped backward in shock.
What was that? I didn't realize I was sweating with my hands trembling. Is this another memory from Alegria? Why her memories coming in now?
Sam said sharply, "what's wrong?"
I stuttered, "I..don't know. I think..Alegria has some bad memories with funerals, so I was reliving them for a moment there. But, I think I will be okay."
Sam said unsurely, "you..sure?"
I nodded, "yeah..it's just memories. I can push through them. I think once the funeral ceremony starts. I will be fine."
Sam said, "okay.."
I said with a forced smile, "I be fine. I go find Kim, and do what you got to do. I won't be alone."
Sam nodded and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. Sam walked toward the forest while I walked into the recreation center.
Oh, I wish I hadn't said that. I soon later to regret saying that to Sam.
Author's Note:
Here is a chapter! It's a bit smutty, and I won't do it for awhile. Things are going to get very drama and angsty from the point on. I hope you enjoy!
I don't know when I will send the next chapter, but I hope everyone has a happy holidays whether you stay home and do nothing or celebrate !
