Chapter 263: The Fuck
I laid in bed, thinking. There is no way that Sam won't try to end the Cullens now. Even if I try to reason with him that there are low chances of the pack winning the war against the Cullens, Sam would be too angry to think things clearly. He is probably would make decisions based on his emotions. The Cullens took what was very previous to him, so I have no doubt that Sam considers now the Cullens their enemy. I honestly don't know how to resolve this situation. I can't just go and leave. Everyone here would try to stop me. It would be best to not make things harder on myself and try to resist. It just will cause me more distress and sorrow.
The Cullens were too impatient. Even if Alice saw countless futures of them dead, it was still reckless of them to decide to take me. Not only that, but Jake also got involved with them and decided to trick me and kidnap me. I can understand the Cullens treating human beings as objects and without consideration. He should've come clean with me at least.
I could've helped them..But..now I am in this situation.
I felt so betrayed with the Cullens and Jake. I don't want to be anywhere near them at the moment. I don't know how to face them without feeling upset. Maybe I am being too emotional at the moment. As in for Bella, she looks like she is ready to pop any time soon, right? She might be somewhere toward the end of her third trimester, so from how quick her pregnancy tends to go, we got about a week and few days until her due date? This means, I am stuck with the Cullens for about two weeks. The Cullens are surrounded with the pack, so how are they are going to escape. Alice said there was a future when the Cullens took me as hostage, so there might be a way for them to escape alive and for me to return to the pack peacefully. I mean, I hope I go back to Sam without anything happened to me. Even though Cullens messed up big time, I know at the very least, they can't hurt me without Sam going after their heads.
The more I stayed in bed, the more I felt lonely. I was starting to miss Sam and everyone else back in the tribe. I just want to go home. It's the only place that I can call a home, and I just made a new home for myself. I don't want to lose it all because of Jake and the Cullens. Even though I care to an extent for the Cullens, they are also not my responsibility. I did what I can to help them out. At this point, what they do is beyond my control.
I am probably feeling bitter and slightly resentful against the Cullens. Even though I understand why they did what they did, it doesn't mean I am okay with it. If I am feeling like this, I can't imagine what Sam is feeling. The moment I thought about Sam, I tapped into the mating bond, and I wished I hadn't done that. I felt like my chest was slammed into something. I felt my chest tightening as a huge wave of emotions coming to me. I curled my arms tightly to my chest as the painful emotions were coming from Sam. It was so much and all overlapping one another.
Despair. Grief. Rage. Misery. Agony.
I cried loudly from the initial blow of the emotions. I bit into my pillow and screamed in agony. I regretted tapping into the mating bond, and now I don't know how to pull myself out of Sam's emotions. It was like I was falling into a well. The more I stayed in these emotions, the more I felt like I was falling deeper and deeper into Sam's pain.
I shuddered.
I tried to calm myself by taking calming breaths, but it only helped momentarily. I tried not to think about it, but I felt that there was a stinging, strong pull, trying to get me to pay attention to the emotions. I had a feeling it was imprinting pull, warning me to attend to my wolf's needs, but how could I? I was trapped in Cullen's house. It's not like I didn't want to run to Sam at this moment. I felt my heart racing thumping loudly in my chest.
I don't know how I was in this condition, but I felt like my energy was slowly dwindling from the immense emotional toll of the strained imprinting bond. I didn't realize I started crying because I finally heard myself dry heaving, gasping for air as I cried.
I felt cold arms immediately pulling me up from the bed. My eyes were clouded from my tears, but from the voice, it was Carlisle trying to speak to me.
I heard him say, "Alegria, take deep breaths. You're hyperventilating."
No, shit. That's all I could think at the moment. I felt like I was hearing him from a distance even though I know logically, he was physically in front of me.
I somehow managed to weep despite the overwhelming emotions, "let me go. I-I need to go back. I can't take this pain."
The more I spoke, the stronger and heart-wrenching I cried. I kept crying, "please"
Suddenly, I slammed to a different emotion. Tranquility. It felt foreign, forced, but I welcomed it whole-heartedly. My mind was able to clear up, and careful, cold fingers wiped the tears from my eyes. I blinked and my vision cleared up. I saw a frightened Carlisle in front of me. I was in shock, and I wasn't sure how to react from all of this. When Carlisle saw that I became more focused and I was looking at his fearful golden eyes, he sighed in relief.
He said softly, "I'm glad that you are back now.."
He trailed off as he turned his head toward his left and Jasper appeared by his side. He had his hands curled up in fists, his jaw was clenched. He looked like he was concentrating hard. Then, I was able to realize it was Jasper who intervened. I wasn't sure what to say to Jasper. My throat felt parched and sore from the loud crying and screaming.
Jasper knelt down beside the bed and held my hand. Jasper was staring very intently to me. He said tightly, "your mating bond..I need you to channel it."
I said hoarsely, "h-how?"
Jasper blinked slowly as if he was trying to put it to words. Jasper said, "think of it like background noise. Focus on me. Focus on my words and what you are feeling through your senses like the coldness of my hands."
I glanced down to his two hands holding onto mine. His cold hands were in contrast of my warm small hands. He had bigger hands that I thought. My hands felt like a child compared to his huge hands. It was calloused from the hard labor he lived when he was a human. In most cases, I would flinch from his cold, vampiric hands, but it felt nice. From all the crying, I probably raised a temperature, so his cold hands helped me to cool me down. Since he was wearing a dark blue button-down shirt with short sleeves, I was able to see the scars all over his arms. I knew from the Bella's pov in the books when she saw the scars, it amazed her. I knew he had many scars from all the southern vampire wars, but I still couldn't believe how many there were in his arms. There were so many that it just like his skin was tattooed with teeth marks all over his arms.
I heard Jasper said, "good. You're calming down. Now, as I pull back, I need you to slowly channel those emotions into the background one by one."
My heart skipped a beat from the next thing that Jasper was planning to do, Jasper held ym hands tighter.
Jasper said reassuringly, "it's okay. I got you. I need you to trust me."
With the given situation, it is hard to trust any of the Cullens, but I do need Jasper's help if I want to avoid feeling Sam's overwhelming emotions. I nodded meekly with Jasper looking deeply into my eyes.
I saw Jasper's tensed expression softening. Jasper said, "you got this. Let it go one by one."
It took almost all of my mental strength to visualize, me releasing only one of Sam's emotions: rage. I slowly visualize me letting go of his rage into a deep void. It took a few tries, but I sighed when I finally did it.
Jasper said encouragingly, "that was great, Alegria. Now, let's keep going to the next one."
I mentally embraced myself as Jasper kept on pulling back his power and letting me take control, so I can let go Sam's emotions. By the time I was done, I was leaning against Carlisle for support. I sighed in relief that it was over with. From the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper dropping on the ground with Alice immediately appearing before him. She knelt bellow him as she grabbed his face, and she asked frantically, "jazz, are you okay?"
With a very tired expression, he gave a small smile to Alice and nodded. Alice sighed in relief and wrapped her arms around his neck as they embrace each other. I looked away before I start feeling envious that Alice is able to comfort her mate at this moment. There was silence in a room for awhile until Jasper spoke.
He said, "I had expected there would be side effects of being away from her mate, but not this…"
Carlisle was patting me lightly in the back as if he was comforting a small child. I wasn't sure what to feel at this moment. I was totally exhausted. I was tired, hungry and sweaty. My head was leaning against his shoulder.
I heard Edward speaking nearby, "she's getting tired and she would like to take a bath."
I snorted. I can clearly see that they were trying to be hospitable, but it's not like I can't deny it.
Carlisle finally said, "I think it's best to get you washed up and some food in your system."
I frowned and I glanced at Carlisle. He was looking at me with gentle eyes. Seeing those eyes felt like a paradox of Carlisle's selfishness. I was not motivated to eat in the Cullens house, but I was physically weak from everything that happened. I need eat for my babies' sake.
I gasped, and I immediately placed my hands on my belly. I flinched from how tender my belly felt. The twins most likely were kicking from all the crying and screaming, but I didn't notice them. I would need to put cream on my belly later from how tender the skin feels and to prevent more scarring from my skin being stretched so much for the twins.
Carlisle said softly, "Except for your and their slightly raised blood pressure, your twins are okay unexpectedly."
Huh..How can he tell..Oh, right. His ears are sensitive enough to know and with the endless years od medical experience too.
Carlisle asked me, "would you like one of the girls to attend to you in the bathroom?"
I thought about it. I would like Esme to come with me.
I forgot that Edward was still in the room because l I heard Edward said, "she said she would like Esme to join her."
I turned to see where Edward was. I wasn't surprised, but Jake was behind Edward, and he had his face turned away from me. When I looked closely, I could tell that he felt guilty. Guilty for pulling me away from my mate and causing me this unbelievable amount of pain being forcibly separated from Sam.
I won't be forgiving Jake any time soon. Also, it seemed so strange of why he is sticking close to Edward of all beings. Does Edward have some dirt on Jake or something? I just couldn't understand what Jake was doing. I need to get answers from him, whatever it takes. I deserved to know what made Jake have a change of heart. For a moment, Edward and I made eye contact and he gave me a smug expression. I frowned and looked away.
Carlisle nodded as response to Edward as Esme appeared next to me. She was wearing a simple yellow dress. She asked me politely, "is it okay for me to help you?"
I nodded meekly. She gently helped me get up from the bed, wrapped my arm around her tiny shoulder and she held me by the waist as we walked. My legs felt too numb to walk and the way we looked; it was comical. As Esme held me by the waist, I noticed that we are almost the same height, but because of her vampire strength, my weight didn't bother her, so it really was comical to see.
Esme said, "I'll help her get dressed and we'll meet everyone else downstairs."
The guys nodded and disappeared out of the room with leaving me and Esme together. She helped me walked to Carlisle's bathroom. She gently helps sit down on the toilet seat as she disappeared and came back with sets of clothes next to her.
She gave me a sheepish smile as she pushed her hair behind her ears. She said, "these are some of Bella's maternity dresses. You can pick any from this pile."
I glanced only for a moment before I told her, "I don't have preference. You pick."
I didn't care to be honest. I just felt..tired and I wasn't in the mood for a small conversation. I know Esme is kind and motherly, but..I just can't bring myself to open up to the Cullens. I don't know if I would once, they give me back to Sam. Esme sensed that I wasn't in a good mood, so she didn't try to strike up a conversation with me and only spoke when necessary.
While Esme was helping me with bathing, I decided to not get closer to the Cullens than necessary and keep my heart guarded. Once I was washed and dressed, I felt I had enough strength to walk out of Carlisle's room. I didn't want to keep relying on Esme, but I did need a little help with going down the stairs. It's hard to see my feet with my belly in the way, but Esme was patient and didn't rush me.
I was getting slightly nervous meeting with the rest of the Cullens. Everyone is a supernatural except me and Bella. I don't know how Bella doesn't get nervous or intimidated with this fact, but despite of my nervousness, Imma face them head front. I won't be a pushover like Bella.
Author's Note:
Sorry for the delay. I got a bit of Writers block then I got sick with a stomach virus. I first thought it was COVID, but it was negative. I was going to keep the interactions with the Cullens minimal.
Imma make a poll to see if anyone wants to see Alegria's interaction with Jasper, Rose, Emmett or not.
Enjoy!
