A/N: This began as and was intended to be a very serious BSG/Firefly type of sci-fi AU, but then their romance just felt less Battlestar Galactica (2003) and very Barbarella, Buck Rogers or Bioware and so I wound up going in the parody direction. Due to that, it has some sexual themes and stronger language, but nothing graphic and I hope it's not offensive.
(Theme Eighty-Two) Tyzula in Space!
(As Prompted By) Led Feynman M.D. D.D.S. Ph.D
In a fiery star system of treachery and danger, our heroine is stranded...
Right now, Princess Azula, the Avenger of her World, is in a bind. One would wonder how such a talented woman who looks so gorgeous, and is so clever, and so famous could possibly be standing mere steps away from a menacing drop, plummeting down into the unfathomable sea of stars with her hands up in surrender.
Surrender to a girl in a ("very needlessly tight dress. How does she even fight in that? Well, yeah she was just seducing the Destroyer of Worlds but honestly..."), who has just shoved several other meaningless characters ─ people, real people, with lives and families ─ overboard with no rescue.
And Azula, ("who is the hero, Ty Lee, so shut up about the dress"), is without bending and in her underwear. ("Well she usually is in her underwear, so it seems there isn't much of a real difference. You know armor is actually really sexy on you."). And worse yet, she is at the absolute mercy of some nameless yet well dressed adversary. ("Well dressed, see? Now shut up and listen.")
The two women are in the red and black Fire Nation dreadnought spaceship, and the heroine is strong but appealing, with gilded eyes that pop more vibrantly than any color around her, and her lips are a blood red and her clothes ("which always somehow for no reason are showing her nipples") are navy and taut.
And the other is in a skin tight but classy pink dress ("with the same clear malfunction as Azula's fabric") and with a braid in a muted chestnut hue. Her dark eyes are overwhelmed by how vibrant and overdone the sparkle and shine in them is.
"I at least deserve to know your name. Or, maybe what you want in this situation," Azula purrs, waiting for the suppressant on her bending to wear off. If she can stall this girl long enough, then perhaps the girl will be the one to go out of said quite menacing airlock. ("As if.")
"Why do you deserve that?" asks the girl, not even lowering her space sword by a fraction of an inch. "Nobody said that you deserve anything."
Hesitation. Azula licks her lips and her eyes narrow dramatically.
"Well, do you have any questions for me?" Azula offers, very distractingly and cleverly, trying to keep her tone calm. She is not calm; she is not calm at all.
("Oh, stalling her, no one has ever thought of that before.")
The nameless but sexy girl pauses, thinking over the offer. Good, that adds at least a few seconds to the clock ticking until Azula's likely death. The seconds and precious minutes show up, unseen, around her and her sexy enemy.
("You don't even need to call her sexy a thousand times, Azula. We know that our darling heroine is going to get out of the mess, or be thanked for getting someone out of the mess, or thank someone for getting out of the mess by having sex with them. It's a Republic City ─")
"Yeah. I want to know your life story," the beautiful sexy woman says very honestly of course, not a lovely chestnut hair out of place ("Even though she just fought like ten of those metal men things...").
"Is that sarcasm?" asks the wise and clever Princess Azula. She glances over her shoulder and sees that they are nowhere near any land; this is certainly one of her most difficult fights since she singlehandedly brought down a Galaxy Devourer with her own lightning and charms. ("And charms, actually didn't she ask the Galaxy Devourer on a date or something? Or was it the other way around?)
"No. I asked you about it and you told me to shut up. I want to know." The sexy woman pouts her gorgeous lips defiantly ("Because she's clearly the main love interest who will have a "complex" relationship with our infallible and horrible heroine...")
Azula hesitates and swallows. "Okay..." She takes a deep breath. "I probably should have seen you coming, since I showed up here an awful lot like you did. With nothing. I ran away, you see. Or... well, perhaps broke out of prison; same concept. I was written off by the former owner of this Space Station as some young little victim. Then I decided that I would kind of like to have this place for myself. So with everyone assuming I was useless and pretty, I cleansed the place with blue fire and no one has questioned my authority since."
"That's a cute story," the mystery beauty says with a steely and powerful look in her eyes and Azula cocks an eyebrow. "I believe you. I want to go back a little bit, though. Where were you born? Why did you run away from home in the first place?"
Azula's tongue flicks over her lips, the sweat on her body glistening. The eyes of the girl stepping slowly towards the hatch yes because Azula is totally going to get stranded in space scrutinizing the every move of her target without adjusting her grip on her space sword.
"I'm not Fire Empire anymore. I know that I did some really nasty things during my time in the military," her eyes glitter with very powerful and not at all wimpy tears because that totally excuses her actions, "but I've decided that I would rather use my talents for my personal gain instead of the gain of the Empire," Azula says as her finger moves and a small flicker of blue is evident.
The assassin expected her to be lying, but everything Azula has explained lines up with the dossier, and of course, all that has come before this pivotal moment.
"What if I guess why you're here and who sent you? Would you be willing to negotiate then?" Azula purrs and her overconfidence radiates like the vibrant sun that her people colonized.
"Fine," although the beauty is still sultry and not at all falling to the charms of our heroine. ("Ugh, this is awful, please... You have as much charm as a dead squirrel toad... In this not real life! I don't have those ridiculous body proportions and there aren't space ships either! Stop looking at me like that and just keep reading!")
"My modifier sent you. The creator of the metal-hearts," the very charming Azula says with a knowing trademark smirk, and the flash in the beauty's glittering eyes shows her that she is right. "He's the only person who could have told you everything about me, all of those little details you used to seduce me and get my guard down."
The assassins grip on her space sword falters as she exhales breathily. Azula dares to step forward, watching her swallow, reveling in it as all of th young women and men admire her. I'm going to vomit is what.
"Of course he did. He wants you back," the assassin says forcefully, but now her confidence is revealed to be little more than a facade. "And the creator wants what you stole from him."
"Did he promise your freedom?" Azula purrs, striding towards her. "Did he?"
The beauty trembles sexily. ("Oh, ugh, this is... There is literally no reason for me to suddenly be bursting into tears.") She says, her eyes glimmering innocently, "That doesn't matter. I am no one, and you are just a means to an end. Take two steps back before I slice you in half."
"But you can't. Because if you kill me, he won't ever get it back," Azula breathes as she advances, unsure if she will kiss or kill. Just strangle me. "Certainly he can't be foolish enough to have told you to just kill me and search my room. He taught me better than that. So tell me if he promised you your freedom, because I know what you are."
"I am a person you do not want to fuck with."
"NO!" shrieks Ty Lee, who has been commentating rudely and interrupting the flow of Azula's dramatic reading. She slams the comic shut. "Did you approve this yet?"
Ty Lee and her fiancee are in their sparsely decorated and lemon scented Republic City apartment, Azula here on business with Fire Lord Zuko. Fifteen years after her downfall, she is no longer a whispered rumor, despite her flashbacks and nightmares, and is instead a very competent politician and celebrity, despite her... villainous past. Perhaps because of that past, the public has become so interested in her life.
Trends come and go in Republic City very quickly, and currently, it is space. The dark abyss of stars and horrible comets and solar eclipses, and moon spirits. So little is known of it, but stories of lone heroes and brave warriors came quickly back into fashion without a tyrannical regime.
Sokka decided that regular warriors were boring, and they should be in space.
And a famous genre, illogically, was born.
Now, M. Moto, a comic producer that makes illustrated serials about the famed lone wanderer types in the legends of the nations has been running a vastly consumed line featuring anyone and everyone from the One Hundred Year War.
Azula at last was extended an invitation.
Her plot, Ty Lee did not like one bit.
And Azula huffily replies, "Well, no, I haven't approved it yet, since apparently I am now a slave to my peasant girlfriend. And it's your fault if you hate it, because you are the one who insisted they could not run my special if you weren't my main love interest. It's almost sweet that you're so jealous and sad."
"No one else's specials were as porny as the one you were pitched," Ty Lee mutters in discontent. She crosses her arms and sighs.
Azula laughs a faux, icy cackle and Ty Lee grimaces. "There is nothing pornographic about the plot. I, Space Princess Azula, am the sole survivor of my destroyed planet. A planet destroyed by the galaxy devourers, and I of course am rebuilt by the main villain of the series. I've already been featured in most of the others. It's a beautiful story or revenge and redemption."
"And fucking your way through an imaginary outer space," Ty Lee replies, no longer bothering with being gentle and meek anymore. She clocked in fifteen years with this girl; she is not letting her have a comic serial of fucking her way through Sokka's outer space Universe.
"No. You're paranoid." Azula haughtily rolls her eyes and reaches to refill her rice wine.
"Well maybe you're so whipped that the galaxy devourers would laugh themselves to death as you have to ask your wife if you can sex them to death first," Ty Lee says, grinning despite how feeble that insult really was. Close enough.
Azula just turns away. "Galaxy devourers can only be killed by metalbending and lightningbending, Ty Lee."
"What's my name. Just, what's my character's name?" Ty Lee asks, wringing her hands and debating allowing a few issues.
"Compass Rose," Azula replies without a beat of thought.
"Was that a joke?" Ty Lee asks breathlessly, glaring at the now empty bottle. She could use it right now.
"No. Your name is Compass Rose." Azula shrugs, seeing nothing wrong with it.
"Ugh. Are you kidding me?" Ty Lee lies down and curls into a ball.
"Yes. Well, Mai said I should change it from the original."
"I don't think I want to ask what it was, but what was it?"
"Sunbeam Eclipse," Azula says with a cocked eyebrow.
"That sounds better," Ty Lee says earnestly before Azula nearly chokes on her mouthful of wine.
"It sounds better until you think about it for a few seconds." Azula waits and sighs. "Because solar eclipses only come once a year."
That still takes Ty Lee too long, but when she gets it, her eyes flash in anger. "Ugh! This is all so ridiculous. I can't believe that you're even buying into these people and them monetizing on the fame of war heroes and war criminals in your case!"
"I actually think this is romantic. Just imagine it, our love, but better, because it's in space."
"Do you actually think Sokka's crazy fantasy universe is cool?" Ty Lee groans.
"I think it's way more interesting than the other genres of chaining up Fire Nation people and brutalizing them, and of warriors hacking and slashing through Fire Nation oppressors. I mean mermaids are sexy, but the sun colonies, now..." Azula turns up a palm and Ty Lee does agree.
The fact that most warrior serials are about Fire Nation oppressors getting murdered and warriors fucking their way through ordinary landscapes makes the unknown of outer space kind of interesting.
"Okay, you and me in outer space is sexier than certain other scenarios," Ty Lee offers.
Azula smirks and launches into, "I actually got this offer for a follow up collection of short stories called Azure Dream, and it's another one capitalizing on that outer space craze nonsense, and I swear, you can be every love interest, as Sunbeam Rose."
"Sunbeam Rose, huh? That does seem okay." Ty Lee smiles.
"Yes. Do you want to read the rest of the comic now? We've already been through five."
"Fine. But I won't stop commenting."
"I will allow you that privilege with my divine generosity."
Ty Lee just sighs, not wanting to admit that she does kind of want to know what happens next. Even if these are all predictable trash and there's a shirtless woman and copious blue fire and lightning bolts on the front of most of them.
