(Theme Eighty-Nine) Cigarettes and Spiders [Modern AU]

(As Prompted By) KawaiiEyeliner & Koka Kola Veins

Ty Lee likes the way Azula smells. It is not abnormal to love that about your fiancée, even if her intoxicating scent is mostly that of intoxicants. They are lying in Azula's bed from when they were young, and Ty Lee cannot stop glancing at the shadowy vignettes of a life they have shared since they were little.

She thinks a lot about things that combust. Like the 4th of July sparklers that Azula could write with when Ty Lee just twirled them around and Mai dropped after two seconds because she found them boring. About the fact that Azula found a lighter on the side of the street with this completely awesome blue dragon on it, and she still has it to this day. Maybe it is because of how strongly the sheets have always smelled of that sweet, lethal security of smoke imbued in fabric.

Eventually, she cannot keep tossing and turning and struggling. She wiggles out of the bed and sets her feet on the ice cold floor. She never thought she would come back here like this; she never thought she would be Azula's date to her family Christmas. Or that she would somehow wind up marrying that girl-next-door everybody dreams about as a little kid.

Ty Lee walks into the bathroom and sees that foreign brand of hairspray that she does not know if Azula ever even used. She finds her toothbrush, which is tucked in among her eyeshadow-stained make-up bags and Azula's meticulously organized puzzle-box of a travel case.

She has only just grabbed it when her scream echoes through the cold manor. "Spider! Spider! Spider!"

Azula wakes up and instantly feels a surge of adrenaline. She quickly realizes that it is her beloved fiancée finding a spider, and not the nightmare she inhabited, and that the knife she is holding up in the darkness is completely unwarranted.

She sighs and walks across the hall to the guest bathroom. Ty Lee is on the counter holding a hairbrush like a club, her last line of defense against, "Oh, I actually think that kind might be venomous. Good thing you caught it before we went to sleep."

Ty Lee whimpers and clutches the hairbrush more tightly.

"Kill it, Azula. Kill it!" Ty Lee squeals.

"Give me that hairspray." Azula extends a hand expectantly in that regal CEO tone that drives Ty Lee crazier than her fiancée.

"Why-why? Azula, that hairspray is right by the spider!"

"Ugh. I'll get it myself. You're horrible and should learn to wash dishes if I'm going to do this," Azula snaps as she grabs the hairspray and Ty Lee hears a familiar flick.

"What are you doing? What are doing?"

"Killing the spider." Azula presses down, with that two-decade old blue dragon lighter and Ty Lee nearly falls through the solid wall because that is not okay.

A flamethrower has just erupted in the guest bathroom. They are not even two days into their visit. Also, a flamethrower.

"Do you think you're Ellen Ripley or something?" Ty Lee screeches. "You burnt the wall! They're going to be mad at us!"

"The wall is perfectly fine. It just needs... baby wipes or something. You asked me to kill the spider, and so I did." Azula smirks and Ty Lee pouts, averting her eyes from that sexy smugness.

"..."

Azula shrugs and purrs, "That's actually the only reason I have hairspray. My hair is gorgeous and perfect without any help."

"To kill spiders with fire? You can kill spiders with fire without hairspray! Why do you feel the need to do that?" Ty Lee hisses as she tries not to hyperventilate.

"Well, yes, but that's not any fun," Azula says with a dramatic sigh. "Here, I found a lighter in my step-mother's purse. You can have it."

Azula tosses it over and Ty Lee barely manages to catch it. "What do I need this for?"

"Next time there is a spider, you will see how fun it is to create a flamethrower." Azula also slides the hairspray to her girlfriend.

"..." Ty Lee is agape and really hates how fun that sounds.

Azula lectures, "It's such a shame most people don't smoke anymore. What if we were in a plane crash and needed to make a fire?"

"What if we needed health insurance because you burned us alive killing a spider?"

Azula shrugs. "I like to live dangerously."

Ty Lee wishes that weren't so sexy.