AN- Back to James now. For stuff- and a fun, new Servant. Enjoy.

Chapter 10

The girl had always been pretty. Her earliest and most treasured memory was of her mother, smiling down at her as she brushed her locks and commented on how soft her hair was. She was the jewel of her father's eyes, and the rose of the family whom all adored. For a time, her life was happy. Her family was rich, she had the love of her parents and her three younger siblings, and the sun shone over her comfortable home in the Netherlands.

But happiness never lasts, and is fleeting in those moments that it can be found.

Once the girl had been innocent- she had failed to see the signs. Her father, often away on last minute business trips. Her mother who, more often than not, could be found rosy cheeked from the expensive wine she imported and drunk to mask her sadness.

And then disaster struck, and the father whom had once bragged of his successful business, found that he had nothing left at all.

Bankruptcy was a terrible thing, so they lost the house- and moved into somewhere much smaller.

But lies were far worse- and are always the worst when they are unearthed.

Her father was disloyal to her wonderful mother. Time and time again, he had pursued wild flights of fancy, and likely had many more children than the four of them.

Finally, it was too much for the poor woman to bare.

The mother died when she was only 14 years old- an illness of anxiety and worry.

And then she lost the rest of her family. The father could no more support them than he could beg for his wife's forgiveness.

The children were separated- never to meet again, and never again to see their father who suffered the consequences of his business' collapse.

It was hard to lose them. Heartache was a sensation she loathed, but one she also grew quite familiar with. For even as she lost everything she had, time brought her new gifts. As her heart healed, she gained what she thought she always wanted- great beauty, and the charm to make any a boy offer to grant her the stars themselves if only she asked.

Her first foray into romance happened without her even realising. She had tried to move on and chose to study in order to become a teacher. But at her school, the principal had fallen madly in love, and when he invited her back to his office with a glass of wine and a smile…

She hadn't known what to do with his heartfelt confessions and whispers of poetry, but accept. She was so alone, after all.

But secrets never stay hidden for long. The truth was uncovered, and her newest guardian cast her out for her 'promiscuity'. That was the first time she fell in the love, and the first time her love turned his back on her after she was cast out.

Once more, she tried. She found a handsome man who smiled and promised her the world, and she believed him. Their romance was a whirlwind- they were married before she knew it.

The saying was true, however, that a girl will marry someone like their own father. Her husband was a liar, and despite her beauty and her devotion, it didn't stop him from drinking or turning his lecherous gaze to another whenever it suited him.

They divorced- and she carried not only the shame of her inability to have a successful marriage, but also the experience of having her heart broken a second time.

She almost gave up- wondering if it was even worth continuing.

But destiny calls, and opportunities arise where they are least expected. A meeting with a prostitute, an offer for scholarship in the art of dance, and the ubiquitous promise of Paris.

Margaretha could not find love, and could not keep the attention of the men she loved…

But perhaps Mata Hari, the sunlight dancer, could grab the eyes of any man she wanted.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was in what could only be described as hell. One comprised of warm marshmallows and soft fragrances. My dream had left me feeling melancholic, with a tear in the corner of my eyes before the details began to blur and I couldn't help but clamp down at just how sad the dream had been…

But then the sadness was expelled, for there were greater problems to deal with. Because for once, I was the first awake- it was very much out of character for me. Regardless, by being the first awake I had the displeasure of being aware of exactly how deep in this hell I was.

Once again, Boudica was a clinger, and was stuck to my left side like glue to a stick. On my right, Lily had taken to being the 'little spoon' while I was the big one, wrapped slightly around their body. By complete coincidence, subconscious arm and leg placements ensured that even in this embarrassing situation I still couldn't actually tell if Admiral Ackbar was right about the trap or not. And then to finish the pile off, Medea had somehow found herself draped over the top of me, and was curled up slightly on my torso and between my legs, perfectly content despite how uncomfortable my body likely was.

So yes- it wasn't unpleasant wake up to this. It was extremely uncomfortable though. I'd lost all sense of feeling in my left arm, and I feared I would need to amputate as this rate.

Not to mention, there would be the consequences when they woke up too…

I heard an extra set of breathing and a light rapping sound, and looked away from the unfortunate tangle of limbs I'd been locked into. Sitting at the desk, Mata Hari was happily waving at me. For a moment my heart stopped at her loveliness, but then recollections of a dream twisted and my stomach and I could only consider how sad her face would be if she wasn't smiling.

Then, in absolute silence, she gave me a bright smile, then pointed to the desk. My musings were forgotten, and she withdrew up a piece of paper and brandished it at my general direction. Atop it were the words Nightly Report.

"I suppose she very well may have been a spy. It sure looks like she can write high quality report."

Then, the Assassin pointed at my situation and she mimed laughing, and then pantomimed a man with a noose around his neck. With a final wave, she turned to exit via the open door she'd left when she snuck in to surprise me.

I desperately called her attention to myself and whispered a plea for aid- a cry for help. "I need the toilet. Help me!"

She shook her head and mouthed the words 'how about no?', and then she'd left the room, silently shutting the door behind her on her way out. I had been abandoned to my fate- it was going to be a long wait until the others naturally rose from their slumber.

"Wow. She sure can do her job, but does she have to be such a bitch about it?"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Fifth times the charm." I whispered, kneeling in front of the Summoning circle yet again. By now, the words had been hammered into my mind. I doubted I would have been able to forget them even if I wanted to.

What was different, was that this time I was alone. I'd realised that all my previous summons had been pretty hectic, and that I had gotten really lucky that all my Servants had been so laid back even though they'd been summoned when other Servants had been blatantly hanging around. I mean, any one of them could have gone 'oh, hey! Enemy Servant!', then BOOM, headshot, and I'm down a Servant.

Plus, if I was alone, maybe I could explain this whole Apocrypha thing without everything degrading quite so quickly.

My words flowed out effortlessly, and the Summoning went off without a hitch. The customary tug at my Prana sources, the flood of mist, and then the figure amidst it. I waited patiently for the Servant to speak, to reveal to me whom I had summoned, but…

GLOMP!

Like a professional American Football player, the figure tackled me full on, screaming "Anchin!" as she did so.

My head hit the floor with a loud thud, and for a moment I could only see stars. Then, I blinked away the light and realised I could feel a distinctly feminine body pinning me to the floor, while a face had pressed into my torso and was currently using my shirt as a handkerchief as she sobbed into it. "Oh, Anchin! My Anchin! I am so happy to see you again in the flesh!"

"Errrrr… pardon?" I asked her, utterly befuddled. I had not been expecting this. Even among all the Summoning's I'd performed, this was the first time my Servant had taken one look at me and erupted into waterworks.

"Ummm… is everything okay in there?" Medea's head popped in through the door. "We heard sobbing."

The Servant gasped aloud, pushing herself off me and turning to my Caster. "An enemy Servant! Have no fear, my darling! I shall protect you."

Medea gave her a 'are you stupid' look, before promptly masking it with a welcoming smile. "Hi, I'm Caster! Though, I'm not actually an enemy Servant."

"Even worse then!" She hissed through her tears. "Another woman in my darling's home? A love rival."

Medea could only hold it in for a second before she had no choice but to bend over and laugh until she coughed. "Me? A love rival? Oh no- that's ridiculous. I like my Master, but not like that. I have another that holds my heart."

My newest Servant looked at her with her empty amber eyes. "Are you sure you aren't lying?"

"Why would I be?" she replied, albeit with a little uncertainty due to the intensity of the newest Servant's glare. "Look, Master! Sort out your newest Servant already. I don't know what you said to her, but its mean to make a lady cry! You should be ashamed of myself."

If a numerical value could be assigned to my deadpan stare, it would be 11 out of 10. "Oh no. I'm a monster."

"Yeah, yeah. Just get it done already. Rider's already put some tea on, so just come on out of there when you're ready." Then the door was slammed, leaving me with the crying woman in question, though by now her tears had dried up.

"That girl… she said newest Servant." She turned to me, so deliberate in her slowness that I felt a sudden surge of dread surge through me. "Just how many love rivals do I have to deal with, hmmm?"

XXXXXXXXXX

"And that's the situation." I told her as we both took a sip of our respective drinks. Her sips were as delicate as her demeanour. To be honest, I hadn't been able to get a proper look at my newest Servant when she was summoned because of just how quickly things kicked off, but now that I had seen her interactions with my other Servants, it was easy to identify the type of girl she was.

She was a Yamato Nadeshiko through and through. Perfect in all the little ways those Japanese loved- hell, you couldn't get closer to the Japanese perfection of beauty than her, unless you took a body pillow with a waifu on it and taped a dating simulation video game to its face.

Long hair of a shade somewhere between blue and green. A pale face, with delicate features; piercing eyes of amber; a demeanour of politeness, with inner steel for those that cared to seek it out; and a wrapping of a kimono that likely cost more than I'd ever made in my entire lifetime.

"Oh, I see. They are sworn vassals, sent here to defend you! I'm glad. I feel so relieved." She said, a little bashfully. "Thank you for protecting him. I apologise for my lack of manners."

"Not a problem." Boudica said with a cheery grin from her seat beside me. "He'll always have my sword and shield there to keep him out of trouble. His other 'retainers' are also rather loyal." At this, she gestured to the other Servants. Lily was sitting on the Yamato's side of the table, Medea was in the kitchen, and Mata Hari had gone off to powder her nose (It was quietly yet mutually agreed that it was in all of our best interests if the bluenette didn't meet her biggest 'love rival' right off the bat).

"Why, without me, who knows what mischief he'd get up to?" My first Servant grinned teasingly- prodding my side affectionately.

"I'd be fine." I said defensively- though I had my own grin on. I probably wouldn't be fine if she left me, but I sure as hell wasn't going to admit it.

"Ah- that's a lie." My Yamato Nadeshiko said, as casual as proclaiming the weather.

I scratched the back of my head sheepishly. "Well, maybe I would be liable to walk face first into a spear if I didn't have someone watching my back. But even so- no need to call me on it." I said, puffing out my chest. "I do have some vestiges of my pride still intact, y'know."

"Oh, I am sorry, my Anchin, but on that I disagree." She shook her head sadly. "I'm afraid that I just cannot tolerate lies in my presence. Please do not lie in front of me, okay?"

"I'll try not to." I replied, mentally reminding myself to try to be cautious in what I said around her. So far, I already suspected that she was just as unhinged as the rest of my party (Save Lily, who was a rock of stability amidst a sea of chaos), and I guessed that she must have had a Personal Skill that let her see through lies, or something.

It's always best not to prod at a hero's personal neurosis'- you never know when they'll turn around and stab you for the insult.

"Why do you call me Anchin, by the way?" I finally asked her the question that had been bugging me since I first met her- it was the first thing she said to me since being summoned, in fact.

She gave me a look of hurt that made me feel as if I'd kicked a puppy or something.

"Come on Master, can't you see that it's kind of a personal question?" Medea yelled at me from the kitchen.

"No. It's okay. I am happy to answer." She insisted. "When I walked the land of the living, he is a man I fell in love with. He's so beautiful, my Anchin, but then he had to run. Oh- how he lied to me, and left without so much as a word! I loved him I loved him I still love him it so much it hurts, but he made me hate him so!"

After that, she put down her teacup and hammered me with the most sincerely joyous smile I'd ever seen in my life. Then, her deceivingly strong hands snatched across the table to clutch at my own. Her thumb rubbed my own reassuringly- almost… lovingly. "But that's all okay now! Because I've found you again, my Anchin, and I am so sorry that I burned you to death."

I didn't even need to think about doing it. Before I knew it, I'd somehow managed to pry her off me and had stumbled backwards out of my chair. A look of alarm flashed across her face, before she settled on a mix of expectation and grim determination. "What the hell are you talking about?" I demanded. "Are you… I don't even know you!?"

"Then allow me to remind you." She said, rising from her seat. "My name is Kiyohime- you told me I looked like a princess. I have been summoned into the Class of Berserker, so I might be with you once more! I shall win the Grail, and then we shall live together in blissful matrimony once I have a new body! Doesn't that sound nice, Anchin?"

"No, it doesn't. I'm… I'm not this Anchin fellow, you hear!? I'm not him. You're getting us mixed up!"

"I thought this might happen." The newly identified Servant Berserker said, sadly. "You have passed through the cycle of life and death, after all. It had been foolish of me to expect that you would remember me in this life, my love."

"One, I'm not your love." This was very much the important point. So far, I'd already seen waaaay too many signs pointing towards Yandere tendencies, and I REALLY wanted to nip that in the bud as soon as I could. "Two, I never was your love. I'm not… not some reincarnation of a guy you once charcoaled."

"Don't be silly. Of course you are." She said, completely sidestepping my statement as if it didn't even register to her. Despite all her preaching on lying, she physically could not accept the fact that I might not have been this long dead lover of hers. It seemed that while she lacked the customary insanity I typically associated with the Berserker Class, she still had very own brand of madness I had to suffer through.

"Ummm… sorry to pry, but don't you think you could potentially be wrong?" Medea pointed out. "I mean, I know what you feel. That love… that longing… in many ways, I still want my Jason. But it wouldn't be fair to find a random guy on the streets that looked like him and project my unwanted affections upon him, would it?"

The pseudo-Yandere smiled gratefully at the Greek princess. "You make good points. That's why I'm not going to project our last relationship upon him."

"You're not?" Lily asked, justifiably sceptical.

Berserker shook her head, and gave me another adoring gaze. "No. It would be wrong to expect us to continue as we were before his… unfortunate death."

"Murder," I am sure we all thought.

"I shall instead start a new and more beautiful relationship with you! From scratch, we can start tending to our fields of love once more!"

"Oh no you don't." Lily said, rising from their seat and walking around the table so they stood between us. They put their hands on their hips and glared at her. "It was already getting out of hand with Assassin alone!"

The Servant of Madness' eyes narrowed, almost giving her a reptilian look. "And just who and where is this Assassin character?"

"Not important!" Saber snapped. "Point is, I'm putting my foot down from now. This is a No-Romance area! You hear me!? No flirting, no hanky panky and absolutely no shipping!"

"I won't let you get in the way of our love." Berserker warned Lily warmly, though her amber eyes were far colder.

"At this point in time I don't even care." The Servant of the sword growled. "Since when did this become a romantic comedy? We're trying to win a war you know!"

"Good point. I suppose the priority is crushing the opposition first. I'll have to seal them in a bell and set them aflame, I think." She nodded solemnly to herself, satisfied with the conclusion she reached. "I can always concentrate on the courting afterwards…" At that, Berserker her tiny clenched fist into her other open palm. Much like many of my other Servants, she would have been adorable if she wasn't being so murderous about the whole thing.

"Excellent." Lily said, probably just happy to have finally taken the topic away from the whole Sailor Moon-esque 'Star-crossed Reincarnated Lovers' discussion. "So then, Berserker, what are your capabilities?"

"Ah- why don't you check my Servant stat sheets, darling?"

"I suppose I can." It took me a moment to remember the temporary incantation I was using to activate the basic spell and whisper it, but then the basic template I'd been able to create appeared in my mind. I blinked in surprise. "All your stats are D Ranked aside from your Agility, which is C. Just what kind of Berserker are you?"

The whole point of that Class was to beef up a Servant by trading in Sanity Points to boost parameters. It just didn't make sense for her stats to be so… disappointing.

Berserker's lips trembled. "Am I not up to your standards, darling?"

"Well… you're fine." I said, seeking to spare her feelings considering she looked like she'd start bawling her eyes out the moment I told her something mean.

But instead of reassuring me, her eyes darkened, and I felt a definitive sense of danger. "You are lying, aren't you? I much prefer to hear an ugly truth from your lips than a lie, my love. Please, do not lie to me again."

I flinched. "Geez, she really is big on that lying thing, isn't she? It's really ironic how she can say that concerning her own inability to see beyond her delusions and understand the truth."

"Okay. Your stats are… not as high as I expected."

She gave me a nod of satisfaction. "There we go. It is as you say, my stats are weak. I am sorry to say that in this War, your other vassals shall prove far more useful in slaying our enemies. I am a better wife than I am a warrior, I admit."

"I don't suppose you have any particularly useful Skills then?" Boudica asked, leaning forwards in her chair. No doubt she was thinking of Assassin, still lurking in the bathroom until we gave her the all clear. She had been another Servant that claimed to be absolutely useless in combat but had proved herself in other ways. Her Report had been amazingly detailed from what I'd read of it so far, especially considering how she had been given only one evening to write it- already she had made many an informant out of the local population.

Maybe Kiyohime, my Berserker, had her own specialities?

"My Skills have little battle capability- though my Stalking Skill did improve to A Rank based upon my summoning location, so I suppose that there is no place you can be taken that I cannot follow you to."

"Great. She may be pretty useless, but at least the Yandere is strong within this one, huh?"

Berserker definitely guessed my thought processes, and desperately tried to fumble her way towards some level of usability, finally settling on something with a little cute yelp. "Ah! There is my Noble Phantasm! I don't much like using it though." Berserker said with a little look of distaste. "In a worst-case scenario, I believe I will able to protect my beloved without fail, though I'd prefer to only do so in an emergency, and will be very displeased if I were forced to do so."

"Fair enough." I sighed. "Great. It looks like I've struck out again, it seems. It seems I have a feeble Berserker that refuses to use her Noble Phantasm to add to my Assassin unable to kill, my Saber devoid of a Wave Motion Gun strapped to their blade, my unbroken Caster and my Rider still not in a position to ride her mount… wow, we are a mess."

The only miracle I'd be getting this War would be just how the hell we've bloody survived this long alone as we have.

"I wish I could do more to help you…" Berserker pouted.

"Don't worry about it. We'll get through this, I'm sure." I told her gently, if only to stop her kicking off again. If there was one thing I'd learned from Mirai Nikki, it was this: 'appease the Yandere, praise the Yandere, don't piss off the Yandere'.

"Perhaps you'll Summon a more offensive Servant next time?" Lily told me reassuringly.

"I don't know." I told him. "At this point in time, I think I've just got my fingers crossed for a Servant with a dick between his legs. Because these girls are slowly but surely killing me."

As if to reiterate my point, the bathroom door swung open to reveal the ravishing figure within at the exact wrong moment… the figure that had somehow decided it would be a good idea to strip to her underwear before emerging from the room. "Can I come out yet, by the way?" Assassin asked me with an overexaggerated wink. "I've powered my nose so much that there is no powder left to powder with."

"Oh, h-h-hey Mata H-Hari." I greeted, already a flush upon my checks due to how beautifully the tastefully applied make-up added to her already flawless face… because the face was the only place I could look at without having a heart attack.

"N-no, we're-" And then I stopped. Because in thinking about not looking at her, I just had to start considering looking at her, which inevitably ended up with me looking at her in the end. Consequently, all motor functions in my body died (Okay, almost all functions).

"I see." She said. Then, a wicked smile came to her mouth, as if she'd suddenly had the best yet worst idea ever. It was then I knew, that whatever she next spoke, I was probably going to regret. "Well, if you don't finish up soon, I might need to ask you to join me in here, dar~ling~" and then she slammed the door with a hip waggle, leaving me to deal with the consequences.

"Who was she? A beauty? So shameless? Her attire!? What a harlot." Berserker stated in a dead voice. The sugar spoon had somehow found its way to her hands as she spoke, and she promptly snapped it in half, before tossing the pieces over shoulder without even realising she'd done it. "She made my Anchin blush. She stripped, swayed her hips and made him lust. She called him darling. Only I can call him that!"

And then, she said the words I dreaded, in the most level and casual manner possible. "I've really got no choice, it seems. She… is a Love Rival."

"Jesus Christ Berserker, stop trying to murder my Servants." Before I knew it, I'd already found myself using a Command Seal to stop her, because damn it, I'd seen her shuffling towards the kitchen draw with the knives in it.

"… I can't believe you just had to use a Command Seal to stop one of your Servants murdering another over a romantic joke." Noted Saber- a look of disappointment upon their face at my clearly wasted usage.

I mean, sure, I'd likely regret it in the future when I needed that third Seal, but here and now, I was really glad that Berserker couldn't use the carving knife she'd just picked up on anyone. In fact, why WAS there a carving knife in the kitchen draw in the first place!? This was a hotel! Why would I ever need a knife like that?

"You shouldn't have done that, Anchin." My Berserker told me, looking down as her prematurely prevented murder weapon. "How can I protect you from Love Rivals now that you've done that?"

By this point, I was pissed, and it showed. "Berserker, you don't need to murder Assassin, because I swear to God I'm gonna kill her myself for making me waste a Command Seal like that."

The voice from the other side of the door was worried, and with good reason. "Ummm… in my defence, I thought it would be funny… and I didn't think she was that batshit crazy… mercy?"

"Mata Hari? Darling? Light, of my life." I told her, slowly approaching the door to the bathroom. "I'm not gonna hurt you. You didn't let me finish what I was saying before you gave me your completely irrelevant excuse. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm just going to make you wish I had."

And naturally, the door had been locked from the inside.

I gave a dejected sigh. "Assassin, you're in an apartment with four other Servants. You don't really think a few inches of wood is going to stop us, do you?"

"… maybe." Mata Hari said, perhaps a little childishly.

"Saber," I looked to my most reliable Servant. "fetch me that blade of yours."

And thus, I taught my Assassin a very important lesson about fucking with Yandere's. Namely- don't.