It's Time, To Decide
I once had a friend who I considered a really good friend, and she taught me about Jealousy without even knowing it. You see I was a tomboy growing up, always playing in the dirt with the boys. I climbed the tallest trees, rode over the biggest jumps, and ran as fast as I could to make a goal. I hate anything girly, smelly, or colourful. My mom hated it, my dad loved it, and my brothers were annoyed by me always beating them at sports.
I had met my new friend at a baseball tryout, and we had hit it off right away. I never had any girls as friends, it was new and exciting. She had just moved into my neighbourhood, and I was the first person she made friends with. We would hang out at school, after school, and even talk on the phone. Until one day she was busy, the next day it was busy, the week after the same thing. She had met someone, a boy. They had started to date, and she was all about her new boyfriend. I had been forgotten and had become jealous.
He would pick her up for school, instead of walking with me. He was at all our games, cheering her on. She was still in my classes, but of course, he had to meet her at her locker, then proceed to walk her to her classes. These were all the things we use to do together, that I would do for her. Maybe it was just feeling abandoned, or I was just jealous. Either way, I remember that feeling, and I hated it so much. It was like this pressure on my stomach like I was being kicked in the stomach over and over again.
That feeling came up when Jack first came into the picture, he was the first person in her life that ever made that feeling come to the surface. When he didn't try to take over my spot in Maura's life or change it, I relaxed more around him. That is when we became friends, then he left. When he returned, I knew it wasn't the same as before. The line had been crossed while he was away, and the only way to keep his relationship was to get rid of the line altogether. I don't blame him, I would probably have done the same.
I had been sitting at my desk trying to help my partners, but I kept thinking about Maura. Thinking about what Jack had said to me, was I being selfish. Was I just jealous when someone tried to take my spot, so I make sure to claim by spot so to speak? Did I cause my best friend to lose the best relationship she might have had? Did I just cause her to lose the family she has always been looking for?
"Jane, Frost, Korsak Nina found something!" I heard Frankie yell to us. I snapped out of my thoughts joining them along with Korsak, and Frost.
"What did you find Nina?"
"I found are connection. Turns out the boyfriend is closer to are a victim than to the roommate." We gave her a questioning look.
"Carry on, explain" Frankie nudged her.
"His name is Darren, and he dated Jess. Jenna's sister."
"Talk about a small world," Frost spoke up, Korsak nodding at him.
"I called the parents to ask about what they knew about Darren, and they happen to mention that they had broken up close to a year before she passed. He still was around to help the family when they needed it and was very close to Jenna. They never heard about him after Jenna graduated high school." Frankie shared with us, turning his attention back to Nina.
"I went through everyone's Facebook. Jenna's is full of quotes, scriptures, memes, and song lyrics. Family pictures, nature, and random pictures. Alyssa's is filled with everything and anything including her relationship with Darren. As for Darren he only has pictures of him tagged from Alyssa's pictures. He doesn't update his status but does post a random meme. However, if you looked far back enough, you find some romantic quotes that Jenna had shared on his Facebook wall, and pictures of them that seem like they were more than friends."
"Jenna was dating Darren?" I asked.
"It looked like it, but you would need to confirm my suspicion with one of them. I can tell you that the quotes and pictures on his wall were posted after the breakup and before Jess passed away."
"Well let's bring Darren in, see what he has got to say," Korsak said, picking up his phone to get Darren brought in.
"You guys think you can handle this one. I gotta take Maura to the airport?"
"Where is the Doc going, are her parents okay?" I nodded at Frost.
"She is taking some time away for a bit, she will still be involved in the case while she is away."
"What about Jack?" I looked around to see who was watching, or listening to our convo. Then turned my head back to Frost.
"She ended it, she probably could use her Frosty. Maybe send her a text?" He nodded, taking a seat at his desk. I was never Jealous of their relationship, Frost was someone that Maura could go to when I wasn't around or when the situation included myself.
"Give her my best, and I will let you know when Darren gets here."
After packing up my car with Maura's stuff, we headed off to the airport. This wasn't the first time I have driven her to her family jet, I have even had the pleasure to be brought onto it. The jet was parked behind the airport, where the pilots always waited for her to board. They will come to grab her stuff and let her know when take-off is.
"Will you call when you land?" I placed my hand on her thigh, allowing her hands to cover mine.
"Of course, I don't want you to send the calvary this time."
"That was one time, I had a good reason to be worried. Besides your parents even agreed with me on the situation." I looked over at her with a smirk, she knew I was right.
We had gotten a case that involved a person obsessed with Maura. He wasn't the victim or even the culprit. He was just a regular guy who we interviewed, who got attached to the liking of our lovely doctor. He kept showing up around the crime scenes, Dirty Robber, and then finally at her home. She had plans to visit her parents, but I couldn't drive her since I was stuck at work deep in interviews. When she never call to confirm she made it, I panic and contacted NYPD, and the FBI, and put a BOLO out on the guy who was obsessed with her. Turns out her phone had been left on the plane, she was on her way back to grab it when all the Calvary showed up surrounding her plane. She wasn't very impressed, but her parents took my side once they found out why.
"My parents could have contacted the pilot's Jane, but I am thankful to have someone who cares for me as much as you do."
"Next time I will contact them before I release the Calvary, but know that I will always care for you, Maura. I will go from 0 to 100 if it means you could be in the slightest danger." I brought her hand to my lips.
"Hopefully they will happen. I wouldn't want to see what happens if I was in danger."
"You have many times, as sad as that is to say."
"Those times I was in danger, but you got to me because you know where I was. In this case, you wouldn't know."
"I don't want to think about you, or any of my loved ones in that position. I would move mountains to get to any one of you."
"Or shoot yourself." I felt her fingers run over my arm, I watched as her eyes looked out the window as I pulled into the airport.
"I would do it again if it meant saving you, Maura." She nodded, but still wouldn't look at me. I lifted my hand from her lap, turning her face towards me.
"I can't tell you that everything will be fine, that situation won't happen again. My job is dangerous Maura. You took an oath to help save lives, I took one to protect Boston and my fellow officers."
"Can I ask you a question, I need you to be honest with me Jane. Please?" I watched as she leaned back into the seat, looking me in the eyes.
"Of course."
"Is your job the reason why you don't want to marry or start a family?"
"Yes. For every funeral, I attend the family is the most painful part of it. Watching them grieve over their loved one, hearing them wish they never became a cop. Watching their children saying they want to be just like them, to be a hero. We aren't heroes Maura, we are just regular people trying to make this world a little safer. I wanted to be a cop to help others, to take away the boogeyman of the world. I can't allow my desires to bring pain to someone I love if I were not to come home one day. To allow them to have to worry every time I left, or when there is a knock at the door, or for my kids to only know me as the person who flies in and out because of late-night murders. I understand others have happy life's as a Cop, but I can't allow someone to choose the chance of anxiety, pain, and anger, just to be able to love me to be part of my life.
Maura stared at me as I explained, lacing her fingers with mine. We talked about life and what we both want, but I never really shared why I never wanted that life for myself.
"You're wrong Jane, you have asked many to be part of that life. Correction you never asked, you forced them to be part of that, to have those worries in their life. When you became a Cop, you put your parents, brothers, and friends all in that situation. The only person who was never forced into it was me. I was already part of it, because of my job, but I chose to be part of your life. I chose those phone calls late in the night, the anxiety waiting for your return, and I have felt pain watching you recover from being shot, beaten, and traumatized by those who want you dead. You might not like it Jane, but we are already part of the life you never wanted for someone. The question now is are you going to still be miserable, alone, and afraid. Or will you start accepting you deserve that life of happiness, laughter, and love? You Jane Rizzoli have been Selfish, you have held your heart so close that you haven't allowed yourself to trust others to protect it, to care for it, to want it. I want it, Jane. I want your heart, your life, your love. I am going to get on that plane to take some time away, but I need you to understand something. I love you Jane, and you are the reason why I can't love Jack the way he deserves, or how I can't love anyone else because you have all my love. I chose you a long time, all of you." Maura leaned over capturing my lips with hers, bringing her hand up to my cheek.
"Be safe while I'm gone, I love you." I watched as she got out of my car, still staring at her empty seat. I watched as she stopped at the top of the stairs, giving me one more smile.
"I love you too..." I spoke in the silence of my car.
