Walking Away
Where did the time go, when did adulthood start. Does it start when we become certain age. Or is it when we hit a certain milestone in our lives. I remember when I had bought my apartment right after graduation from the academy, thats when I felt like an adult for the first time.
This thought comes to my mind as I stare at the whiteboard, covered in evidence from our recent investigation. Kyle couldn't take the pressure from being an adult, taking his life. Between medical school, friend, relationships, heartache, and pressure from just being an adult brought him to the edge of no turning back.
I never was depressed enough to think about suicide, not even when I was healing from having scalpels shoved into my hands. I guess I should feel lucky to say I have never been to a dark place in my head. I can't even imagine how much pain you have to be in; in order to put a gun to your own head.
I shake my head from the thought, and start taking down all the copies on the board. Putting them into a box, that will be brought down to the evidence locker. Kyle's parents didn't take the news well, and proceeded to tell us we were wrong. The evidence doesn't lie, and neither does are medical examiner. This case all made us look around us, and make sure we check in with each other a little more. Cavanaugh decided he wanted to make sure we all knew we were allowed to take time off due to mental health, and no questions would happen. He rather be short staffed, the attend a funeral.
"I can take this down, I'm heading that way. Cavanaugh wants me to pull a case for him, and check out some security videos" I handed the box to Frost.
"What case?"
"Crowes case a couple months ago, the one with the missing daughter. Apparently someone called in with tips on seeing her here in Boston. I'm going to double check to make sure it was her that got onto the train, and not someone who looks like her." I walked over to my desk, grabbing my coat.
"Good luck, hope you find something. I know her parents still stop by to see if there is any progress"
"I remember Nina watching them, and if she didn't see anything I don't see myself doing it either" I smiled, they both were really good at that kind of stuff.
"Have a good night Frost, don't work too hard."
"Same for you Rizzoli, see ya Sunday"
I grabbed my travel mug, my keys, and start towards the elevator. I wanted to lay on my couch with a cold beer in my hand. As the doors open I found my self hitting the button for the basement, knowing I would find my company for the night. I smiled knowing she would assist that we stop to get healthy food, and tell me I shouldn't drink coffee after 3pm. I lifted my coffee mug to my lips, savoring the warm taste of coffee, before pouring it out before reaching her office.
I stood inside the door watching her work away. She was typing away, not noticing me yet. She had those black framed glasses on, her hair was in a messy bun, and she was wearing a pant suit. It's a good thing she didn't become a teacher, I don't think any teenage boy would be able to concentrate with her as their teacher. I myself have a hard time concentrating when she is around, specially when she touches me.
"Jane…Jane…" I blinked a couple of times, and realize she has moved to being right in front of me.
"Sorry I zoned out. I just came down to tell you I was heading home. Did you want me wait for you?"
"Not tonight. I still have more reports to get through, and I would really like to have it all done before this weekend."
"You got some big plans this weekend?"
"My parents are coming to visit, to meet Jack" I nodded, sliding my hands into my pockets of my jacket.
"Tell them I say hi, and I hope you enjoy your weekend" I give her small smile, and begin to walk back to the elevator. I didn't turned around to look at her, I already know what I would find. A disappointed face, a hurt face, a guilty face. We get a long great, we are best friends, family, as long as we don't mention Jack….her Fiance.
Jack was a great guy, he made Maura happy. When they first got together I remember how scared Maura was about accepting a coffee date with him. Then Maura was nervous about him meeting my family, and my self. Knowing we were a big part of her life, and she wanted us to like him. We did. I enjoyed talking to him about sports, Frost enjoy talking about tech stuff with him, and my mother was over the moon that Maura finally met a guy who wasn't going to try to kill her.
Then he had to move to be closer to his daughter, and Maura understood. Of course she cried, was heartbroken, but she got through it. We spent the first few nights just watching chick flicks, eating junk food. I told her that it was recommended when going through a breakup to eat unhealthy; of course she argued, but she went along with it anyways. I had stayed at her place for a week, then I would only stay on weekends. I didn't want her to ever feel like she was alone, because I know she did at times. It was about two months after that we hit a hard case, and things between us changed. A lot of late nights were spent sharing secrets, fears, and desires with each other.
We had are self a serial killer, who always was one step ahead of us. Every time we found a body, we had no evidence to follow. The killer had wiped every surface clean, burned each victim making it harder to identify them, and left a note telling us how many days till we find another body. In total there was 5 bodies, 5 notes, we waited for the 6th body to drop, but nothing. The case went cold. The killer just stopped, and we still don' t know why.
During the case we all barely got any sleep, its not like we wanted to anyways. Just seeing the burnt bodies were haunting enough, then you find out what they went through and the thought kept you awake in fear of nightmares. Maura found evidence that not only were they alive when burn to death, but they were tied to something as they burned.
Maura started to stay with me, or I would stay are her place after driving her home. I made sure she got as much sleep as she could until the nightmares happen, and she made sure I ate enough to keep me going. Winter had just hit,making my hands start to hurt. She would spend evenings rubbing my hands, and over morning coffee. Then one night while having too much Wine, we crossed the line past best friends into something more.
It started out with light kisses on the neck as we laid listening to the rain, to hands clasped as we drove into work. After a night of drinking, we allowed are hormones to lead us into my bed. Next morning we carried on like it didn't happen, then we ended back in bed the that weekend. This kept going on until a couple of weeks after she asked me out on a date, and I turned her down. It wasn't that I didn't think she was attractive, the sex was mind blowing, but I wasn't looking for more.
She was aware that I never wanted more, but she thought I might change my mind since we have spent so much time together. I explained that a future with marriage, kids, and a white picket fence was not who I was. I knew that was the future she wanted, even if she said she doesn't see marriage in her future. I wasn't going to lead her on, knowing we had different views on what are future would look like.
We went back to just having casual sex whenever we needed that scratch to be itched, until Jack came back into the picture. He worked a custody agreement with his ex, and could stay in Boston. Maura was hesitant to start things with him again, knowing she had feelings for me.
Jack was patient, and waited for Maura to be ready again. They were together for a year when Jack proposed, and Maura said yes. They spent the night celebrating when the mention of why she was hesitant about being with him again came up, and she told him the truth like always. She told him she had been seeing me, how she had feelings for me, and wasn't about to jump into a relationship until she was sure she was over me. When he asked if she was, knowing it had been over a year. She couldn't lie, and again told him the truth. " I'll always love Jane, but Jane will never love me the way I need her to" . He didn't like that answer, no fiance would.
Since then he wouldn't show his face around the precinct, Sunday dinners, or even holidays. Maura always said he was spending time with his daughter, or working. When I confronted her about it, she told me Jack wasn't comfortable with us being friends. That he is only okay with us when people are around us, like work or family gatherings. That was when I realized it had been weeks since we spent time together, or even went for a drink together. This made me upset, because I was losing my best friend. I did understand why, and it was my own fault. I had the dream girl, but I walked away from her. Now she has someone who loves her, who will take care of her, and if that means I only get my best friend at work or on holidays then so be it. Sometimes sacrifices need to be made in order for others to be happy.
Enjoy living - Keep it simple - Have fun
