Chapter 38

When he woke up in Emily's bed, Hotch could hear her breathing, even and steady, next to him and knew she was still sound asleep.

The bed was perfectly made when he followed her back to her bedroom. After their night together, the bedding was one big tangled mess. One of Emily's pale hands was curled around the top of the sheet as if she were clinging to the warmth it provided. Hotch took just a moment to appreciate the outline of her naked body beneath the thin bedsheet before carefully arranging the bedspread that had somehow ended up pushed to the back of the bed to cover her.

Hotch didn't think he'd ever seen the always perfectly put together woman with a hair out of place, but in sleep her dark hair was loose and beautifully disheveled. He knew he was seeing a different version of Emily Prentiss – a version that not many people ever got to see. If he had his way, he would be the last one to see her like this, exposed and vulnerable. There would be no other men, only him.

Feeling his gaze on her, Emily stirred. It was the first time she woke up in her own bed in over a week. She usually woke up alone, but she felt Hotch sitting up next to her in the bed, his body solid and warm against hers. It was kind of nice not to wake up alone.

And it was Hotch. For that first moment where she was still drowsy with sleep, it just felt right to have him there. But then, as she woke up more, she immediately started second-guessing herself because it was Hotch. What was she doing? He was her friend - and a good friend at that.

Emily's insecurity, fear, and doubt returned as she wondered what would happen when Hotch inevitably realized just how bad she was at relationships. Would they really be able to go back to being friends or would the friendship she treasured be forever ruined? Could they pretend this never happened? Did she want to pretend this never happened?

"Don't do that."

Hotch's voice cut into Emily's thoughts. It was soft and low and surprisingly gentle. Startled out of her thoughts and undecided on what she was going to do, Emily responded with a defensive sounding, "What?"

"You're overanalyzing," Hotch said. He knew her well enough to know what she was doing. He knew the defensive tone she was taking was only because she was scared. He could see the panicked look in her eyes. What they could have together, he and Emily, scared her, and her instinct was to run when she was scared. He wasn't going to let her do that. "I think you're so afraid things won't work out between us that you're looking for a reason to end this now before anyone gets hurt. It's already too late for that," he told her.

"I know," Emily admitted, lowering her gaze to the bed where her hands were wringing the bedsheet nervously. "I told you, I'm not very good at this."

Emily was referring to dating…relationships. She was already messing things up. They had this great night together, and instead of enjoying it, she was thinking of all the things that could go wrong – and usually did – in her experience.

It was good that he made her nervous, Hotch decided, as he took in her uncharacteristically shy demeanor. That meant she had feelings for him – real feelings…the kind that Emily Prentiss was afraid to feel. In her mind, if she let herself fall for him, she could get hurt.

"I like to think that I'm good at relationships," Hotch said, trying not to come across as overly arrogant. His marriage with Haley hadn't been perfect, but they made it work for a long time in spite of the fact that she didn't like being the wife of an FBI agent who was away more than he was home. He and Beth made long distance work longer than they probably should have. The fact of the matter was that once Aaron Hotchner found someone who was worth his time and energy, he stayed…no matter how hard things got. There was no question in his mind that Emily was worth it, even if she had commitment issues. "And if you talk to me about how you're feeling, I can help," he urged Emily.

"Last night was-"

"Don't say that it was a mistake," Hotch cut in.

"I wasn't going to," Emily said softly. She looked at him with a tender expression as she started to understand the depth of his feelings for her…feelings that she didn't even know he had until the night before. There was only one move she could make now that wouldn't hurt him. It was the move that simultaneously terrified her and excited her. She reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Last night was great. I regret nothing. I'm just afraid." She offered him a tentative smile. "You're a good friend, and I don't want to lose that, but when I think about what we could have…I want that, I do," she told him sincerely.

That morning, when they woke up together for the first time, would not be the last time Emily's feelings for Hotch would scare her, but he always seemed to know when it was getting too real for her.

The first few weeks they were together Hotch was extraordinarily understanding when she really had a case. But when she made excuses to avoid seeing him because it was too much, too fast and that scared her, he didn't accept her excuses. Somehow, he always got her to talk to him, and he managed to talk her off the ledge every time.

Emily wasn't sure how it happened because she had always liked her space, but soon she was spending more nights at Hotch's place than at her own. Jack remembered her and knew she was seeing Hotch, but she was careful to leave in the morning before the fourteen year old saw her. Being a former spy made sneaking out of the house in the early morning a piece of cake for her.

They fell into an oddly domestic routine of cooking together, with Hotch very much in charge in the kitchen and Emily relegated to easy tasks like tossing a salad or chopping vegetables, much to Jack's amusement. Jack was too sweet to give Emily a hard time about it, but he got a good laugh out of it the one time his dad left Emily unattended in the kitchen and she messed up their dinner. They ended up ordering pizza, which was fine by the teenage boy. After dinner, Jack usually went to his room to do homework while Hotch and Emily spent time together.

They were already so comfortable together that it just felt natural. The romantic relationship was new, but they had known each other for a long time. They were so at ease in each other's presence that they found themselves acting more like an old married couple than like a man and woman who had just started dating.

When she wasn't working or with Hotch, Emily was usually with Hannah. Brunch had become a regular thing for the mother and daughter, but Steve had also become much less rigid about sticking to a set visitation schedule. There were just too many times when Hannah wanted to see her birth mother outside of Saturday brunch. Both mother and daughter were busy, Emily with cases and Hannah with school as spring semester really ramped up, but they were talking every single day.

Once Hannah had seen just how dangerous Emily's job really was, Hannah worried unnecessarily any time she knew Emily was away on a case. The profiler caught onto it pretty quickly and started calling to tell her daughter goodnight once she was back in her hotel room for the night. That way Hannah knew she was okay. This worked well for a solid month, but that all changed when Emily sent a text message at 2:30 am Hannah's time (Emily was in California for a case at the time). Emily wasn't expecting a response, but the girl responded. What was her fourteen year old doing up at that hour? Emily called and asked.

Hannah's vague response was that she just couldn't sleep, but it didn't sit well with Emily. The girl didn't sound like she had just woken up or even like she was tired and trying to fall asleep. She sounded wide awake and very on edge.

Emily tested it again the next night. It wasn't quite as late, but it was still way too late for her kid to be up when Emily knew she had a test the next day. Once again, Emily received an almost immediate response to her goodnight text, confirming that Hannah wasn't sleeping very well, if at all.

The fourteen year old needed the peace of mind of knowing her birth mother was okay or her sleep was haunted by nightmares. Hannah hadn't admitted to it yet, but Emily had a feeling she knew what was going on and was kicking herself for not noticing sooner. Whenever she actually saw her daughter in person, the girl was happy to see her, if still overly careful when hugging her, but otherwise acting perfectly normal. It was only when Emily had a case that Hannah had trouble sleeping, and Hannah never said anything on the phone when they talked. Emily's first – and only – clue was the late night text messages.

After she returned from Los Angeles, where the BAU apprehended a serial killer who was raping and killing females at the local college, Emily told Steve about all of the late night next message exchanges with Hannah while she was away. Steve said that would explain why the girl had been a total grouch all week. The two parents agreed right then and there that Hannah needed to talk to someone about what happened with Jeremy. It was a monumental occasion because it was the first parenting decision that the adoptive father and the birth mother made together. Instead of blaming the need for therapy on Emily like he would have at one point, Steve confessed that he probably should have found a therapist for Hannah after her mom died. They decided to talk to Hannah about the idea of therapy together.

Initially, when confronted by both of her parents about why she wasn't sleeping, Hannah got all huffy. She gave Emily a look that was a combination of teenage annoyance and childish hurt feelings. "Don't worry. I won't call or text you after 11:00 anymore."

Emily shook her head. "That's not what this is about. You can call or text me any time. This is about you not being able to sleep at night." The woman sat down next to her daughter on the couch and looked her straight in the eye. "Are you having nightmares?"

Hannah averted her eyes as she wondered how Emily knew. On nights when she got to talk to her birth mother before she went to bed, Hannah always slept better. However, if Emily hadn't called or texted by the time she went to bed, Hannah almost inevitably had a nightmare. The last thing she remembered when she woke up from her nightmares was always her birth mother with a giant knife in her stomach. It was Emily as she'd been on the living room floor after Jeremy stabbed her, deathly pale with blood staining her shirt. The only difference was that in the fourteen year old's dreams Emily always died. Hannah would wake up with a start, her pajama top drenched in sweat and her skin clammy. She wouldn't go back to sleep after that, not until she heard from her birth mother and knew for a fact that the woman was okay. Until then, Hannah would lie awake, her mind racing with all of the bad things that could happen to Emily.

Emily knew the answer when her kid ducked her head a little and avoided eye contact. "Okay, that's a yes," Emily concluded easily, glancing at Steve to gauge his reaction.

The adoptive father looked genuinely surprised, not because he didn't believe Emily when she came to him with this, but because he couldn't believe that he didn't know his daughter had been having nightmares. Her room was right down the hall from his. "Why didn't you say anything?" Steve asked the fourteen year old.

"Because it's stupid," Hannah muttered, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. She wasn't a little kid. She wasn't going to go wake her dad up in the middle of the night because she had a nightmare. It was just a dream. It wasn't real. "I know Emily's okay," she reasoned. "I don't know why I keep having dreams where she's not."

"It's not stupid. It's normal," Emily assured her. "You went through something terrible-"

"No, I didn't. You did," Hannah cut in.

Despite disagreeing, Emily decided now might not be the best time to point out that Jeremy held Hannah hostage, too. Hannah wasn't afraid for herself. She was afraid for Emily. "You were there when he stabbed me. Honey, I'm so sorry you had to see that," Emily said sincerely, her heart aching for the young girl.

"No. Don't apologize," Hannah stopped her birth mother, feeling a fresh wave of guilt crash over her. Emily could have died because of her, and here Emily was apologizing to her. "It's not your fault," Hannah said emphatically. "And it's not even about Jeremy. He's dead, right?"

"He is," Emily confirmed.

"It's just…I know you're going after people who are just as bad as him. Worse even," Hannah said, her voice cracking. "And I can't help but think about what they could do to you."

"And it's keeping you up at night," Emily said guiltily. She could tell Hannah that she was good at her job and that her team had her back, but she'd already done that - and it obviously hadn't eased the girl's fears. Short of quitting the BAU, Emily didn't know how to help Hannah.

"Not all the time," Hannah said quickly.

"Only when I'm not here?" Emily questioned knowingly.

Hannah merely nodded in response. She felt like the biggest baby in the world for being scared any time her mom wasn't there.

"You need to talk to someone," Emily said.

"I just did," Hannah pointed out.

Emily wanted to smile at her daughter's misunderstanding but didn't. "I didn't mean us," she clarified, referring to herself and Steve.

It took a few seconds for Hannah to realize what Emily was implying, but when she did, she was absolutely horrified. For a teenage girl who just wanted to be normal and fit in, the suggestion that she needed to talk to a professional was appalling. She stared at Emily incredulously. "What, like a shrink?"

"I think it's a good idea," Steve spoke up.

"What? No!" Hannah cried unhappily. She shot Emily a look and threw the woman's words from just a few moments ago right back at her. "You said it was normal. If it's so normal, then why do I have to go to a shrink?"

"It is normal for anyone who's been through what you've been through to have nightmares," Emily replied carefully. "But the nightmares aren't going to go away until you talk to someone."

Because she didn't like that answer, Hannah turned to her dad with a pleading expression. "Dad, no. I'll talk to you, but I don't want to talk to someone I don't even know."

"You haven't been talking to me or Emily," Steve pointed out. "And I really think it will be good for you to have someone you can talk to who isn't one of us. There are things you might not want to talk to us about."

"Like what?" Hannah asked him curiously.

"Your mom," Steve suggested tentatively.

If she were being honest, Hannah wasn't very comfortable talking to her dad or Emily about her mom. She knew it made her dad sad. And it just felt strange to talk to her birth mother about her adoptive mom. Hannah didn't actually say that, but she was quiet instead of continuing to argue.

The truth was that everyone in the room knew there was a lot Hannah could talk to a therapist about – her dead mom, finding out she was adopted, accepting her birth mother, her unfounded fear that she could be like her biological father, and, now, what happened with Jeremy Sayer.

"I gave your dad the name of a therapist Tara recommended," Emily told Hannah gently.

"You told Tara?" Hannah asked with a mixture of horror and embarrassment. "Now she's going to think there's something wrong with me."

"She doesn't think that," Emily assured her daughter. "Look at me, Hannah. Do you think there's something wrong with me?"

Hannah looked at Emily with confusion. "No."

"I go to a therapist," Emily told the girl. She conveniently left out the fact that she only went to a therapist when ordered to by the FBI and that maybe she wasn't always one hundred percent honest with the FBI therapist.

"You do?" Hannah questioned in a surprised tone.

Over the last couple of months, she had gotten to know Emily as much more than the cool, sophisticated older woman she had looked up to at the beginning. For one thing, Emily's job was a lot less cool than it had seemed at first. It was definitely not cool that Emily could get hurt or die. For another, the fourteen year old knew Emily would yell at her when she screwed up, which made the woman as uncool as any other parent out there. The girl still looked up to her birth mother, but it was so different now. Hannah wasn't putting Emily up on a pedestal anymore. Emily had become just a normal mom…so normal that the idea of Emily needing therapy was bizarre.

"I do," Emily confirmed simply.

"But you're not crazy," Hannah pointed out helpfully.

"No, I'm not. And neither are you. Just because you're going to a therapist, that doesn't mean you're crazy," Emily explained patiently. "All it means is that you've been through something that would give any kid nightmares and talking to someone will help."

"Are you having nightmares?" Hannah asked.

Emily thought about how to answer and sighed softly. "If you were the one who was hurt, I would be having nightmares," she answered honestly. "It's harder to see someone you love hurt than it is to be the one who's hurt. It's a different kind of pain. That's what you're feeling now. You can't keep bottling your feelings up. You need to talk to someone. I wouldn't be pushing this if I didn't think it would help."

"We're going to try it and see if it helps. You have an appointment on Tuesday at 2:00," Steve told his daughter. He had taken the first available appointment even though it meant Hannah would have to miss her last class of the day.

That was it then. It didn't matter what Hannah said to try to get out of it. Her dad had already made the appointment. Her shoulders slumping in defeat, she nodded with weary acceptance.

It was the first time Steve and Emily ever really tag teamed it with their daughter, and it made the single father see for the first time since Emily had come back into Hannah's life that having someone to co-parent with wasn't all bad.

A/N: Thank you for reading, and, as always, thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I kind of hate this chapter, but it was more of a transition chapter and I felt like it was needed. I'm building up to another big angsty story line where Hannah and Declan will finally meet, but some time needs to pass first. I want to show some good times and normal 'slice of life' scenes before there's any more drama. I have a few things in mind for some lighter, fluffier chapters, but I'd love any ideas people have of mother/daughter bonding you might like to see. I plan to write Hannah going to a spring dance, Emily's first Mother's Day with Hannah, and possibly a birthday dinner for Hannah. For some reason, it's much easier for me to write angst so I can pump out the angsty chapters a lot faster. I'm not 100% sure how many chapters this will end up being, but I'm thinking somewhere around ten more chapters remaining, give or take a few.