A/N: As always, thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. I have a longer Author's Note at the end to respond to one of the things that a few people commented on.
Chapter 41
"You can't be surprised," Hotch said, the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement. He was glad Emily couldn't see him. Somehow, he didn't think she would appreciate him laughing at her right now.
He thought her indignance probably had more to do with her fourteen year old daughter knowing about the BAU's pool on their relationship before she did than the fact that there was a pool. She called him to tell him as soon as Hannah left.
If memory served, Emily bet in every pool the BAU had when Hotch was a part of the team. It wasn't even the first time that the team bet on the speed with which his relationship would develop. Although they tried to keep it quiet, Hotch knew there had been a pool going on about how long it would take him to propose to Beth. He was with Beth for long enough, and she was a good woman that he cared about a great deal, even loved, but he never felt about her the way he felt about Emily.
With Emily, he just knew. He was already planning on spending the rest of his life with her, and he was an honorable enough man who still held with some of the more traditional beliefs about marriage that it wasn't a question of if he would propose but when.
"Does it bother you?" Emily asked Hotch.
"No," Hotch answered honestly. "It is the next logical step in a serious relationship," he pointed out cautiously.
"We haven't been together for that long," Emily countered with the same argument she used with Hannah.
"Maybe not," Hotch conceded. "But we do love each other. Emily, when I think of what my life would be like without you in it, it's not a possibility I want to consider. That doesn't mean we need to get married right now," he said quickly. He didn't want to scare her. "But it could happen sometime in the future."
He knew it would spook Emily if he acted too fast. She was afraid to commit, afraid to open herself up to anyone, afraid to love anyone. He had known it going in, but it was different actually being in a relationship with her. Her lack of experience being in a long-term, committed relationship showed. Any words of affirmation made her blush like a schoolgirl. She gave out compliments freely, but she was bad about taking compliments herself. She generally responded with self-deprecating humor. She became suddenly awkward whenever feelings were involved. If he didn't understand her relationship fears and insecurities, it would have been strange to think of the confident, self-assured woman being so tentative and unsure when it came to love. Hotch thought there was a part of her that would always be the little girl who felt unworthy of her mother's love. As a child, Emily felt like she had to be perfect or her mother wouldn't love her. It was a combination of Ambassador Prentiss' impossibly high expectations and rather aloof behavior toward Emily when she was younger that led to Emily becoming the person she was today – someone who still had a hard time believing that anyone could love her for who she was.
No. Emily wasn't ready for any big steps. They weren't ready. Hotch already had one failed marriage. He didn't want another.
It took two people to make a marriage work. They both had to be willing to stay through the good and the bad. He didn't know how long it would take Emily to get to that level of commitment. They hadn't had their first fight yet, and something told Hotch that when they did, Emily's instinct would be to end things. If there was any part of her that thought he might want out, then Hotch was afraid she would think it was better to walk away on her own than to stay and try to make it work.
He knew Emily loved him. He'd known it before she actually said it. Whether she knew it or not, she showed him how she felt about him all the time without even realizing she was doing it.
There was the way she listened – really listened – when he told her how his day was, even if it was boring in comparison to hers, and offered a sympathetic ear and, when warranted, advice. She did that even when she was away for a case. Hotch knew how hard it was to balance the duties of being Unit Chief of the BAU with a relationship, and Emily was doing an admirable job of it so far. Making time for him even when he knew she had precious little time didn't go unnoticed. He knew she wouldn't do that unless he was important to her.
She did things for him – surprisingly sweet, thoughtful things that he wasn't expecting. It was those things that showed him that she was thinking of him, always trying to make his day better. He remembered returning to the house in the morning, tired and sore and dripping with sweat, after he started training for his next triathlon. He was surprised to find that Emily had a hot bath waiting for him to soak his sore muscles in. She slipped into the tub behind him; and, knowing he was too tired for anything more, simply rubbed some of the stiffness out of his shoulders and back, expertly kneading his tight muscles in a way that made him relax completely under her touch.
She was similarly thoughtful when it came to his son, not that he expected anything less. Jack had his first real crush, and Emily had given the teenage boy a female's perspective on how he could begin to feel out if the girl liked him. The advice she gave Jack was good, and Hotch could tell how grateful Jack was to have a woman to talk to about, well…girls. Of course, Jack could have talked to Jessica, but Emily was right there, an increasingly common presence in the Hotchner house, and it spoke volumes that Jack was comfortable going to her. When the girl in question agreed to go on a date with Jack, it was once again Emily, not Hotch, that Jack went to for advice on where they should go and what he should wear. Hotch wasn't jealous or hurt that Jack was going to Emily. On the contrary, he loved watching the ease and warmth with which Emily interacted with his son.
"It could," Emily agreed tentatively.
When she was undercover as Lauren with Doyle, Emily told him that she wasn't the marrying type. It was more that she never would have married him, but she didn't know if she ever really saw herself getting married. Her parents' marriage wasn't the best example of a happy marriage. From the outside looking in, they may have looked like the perfect power couple. They showed up at dinners, fundraisers and events together and smiled for the cameras. But, at home, Emily rarely saw them together. They retreated to their own home offices. They worked through meals. They never had time for Emily, but they also never really had time for each other. They may have loved each other once, but from what Emily remembered, it had been more of a political arrangement than a marriage. That made Emily a little cynical about the idea of marriage, but marriage with someone like Hotch…there would be nothing fake or political about it. What they had was real. He loved her, and she loved him…him and Jack.
Emily liked how things were now. Things were good between them. They had fallen into a comfortable rhythm, and Emily didn't want to rock the boat. Why change anything now? Emily didn't need a ring on her finger to know that Hotch was hers and she was his. There would be no one else while they were together. He was as loyal and trustworthy as they come. Emily knew that, even if she didn't know how long it would last or if it would be forever. When most of her previous relationships had been short-lived, it was hard for Emily to imagine forever with anyone, even Hotch.
Sensing that, Hotch changed the subject. "How was Hannah?"
Emily told him about the conversation she had with her daughter.
"Do you want me to talk to her?" Hotch offered after Emily finished.
"No," Emily told him even though she appreciated the offer. "I know she likes you, and I think she understands that my relationship with you wouldn't change anything between me and her."
While Hotch trusted Emily's instincts with Hannah implicitly, he couldn't help but feel like he should be doing more to show the young girl that he liked her and accepted her. Emily had certainly done that - and more - for Jack.
It wasn't that simple with Hannah though. He knew Emily was worried that Steve's old jealousy could rear its ugly head if he felt like Emily's boyfriend was stepping on his toes. And, honestly, it was a valid concern.
If Haley had lived and re-married, Hotch knew that he wouldn't have liked seeing another man take on any of his paternal duties with Jack. He would have resented it. Jack was his son, not anybody else's, so he could put himself in the adoptive father's shoes and understand how the other man might feel if Emily's boyfriend suddenly started spending more time with his daughter.
With that matter effectively closed, they wrapped up the conversation and said goodnight.
Emily was glad that all the marriage talk died down after that. Hotch didn't bring it up again, and neither did Hannah.
Emily gave an unrepentant Penelope Garcia hell for the pool, but JJ was quick to remind Emily of how many BAU pools Emily bet in before she was Unit Chief.
Rossi tried to convince Emily that it was a good thing – they were all betting on her and Hotch. There wasn't a single one of the profilers who thought the relationship wouldn't last.
Rossi even convinced Emily to bring the Hotchner men to his Easter brunch. For most of the members of the BAU team, it would be the first time that they were seeing Aaron Hotchner since he left the team. It would also be the first time that Emily and Hotch really stepped out in public. Okay, maybe Easter brunch at Rossi's house wasn't quite the public affair that she was imagining, but most of the people Emily cared about would be there – and most of those people were profilers. The idea of her romantic relationship with Hotch being on display for profilers who would analyze it made the notoriously private woman uneasy. She was probably more nervous than she should be considering they all knew Hotch and liked him.
As nervous as she was when Easter morning rolled around, Emily was also excited in a weird way. Sometimes it felt like she was the only perpetually single one in the group, which wasn't even true, but that was still how it felt. When Emily first joined the team, Hotch had Haley. Rossi had his ex-wives – yes, plural – and now the ex-wife who was soon to become his wife again. For most of the time that Emily had known her, JJ had Will. It was hard to remember a time that JJ was single. Penelope was single, but she and Kevin had been so close to making a run of it. And, when Derek Morgan was a part of the team, the well-known player always seemed to have a different girl on his arm until Savannah, but he rarely showed up to anything alone. Of the members of the team who had worked together the longest, it was really just Emily and Reid who never really brought anyone serious to a team gathering – and everyone knew Reid was less experienced in an adorably awkward, naïve kind of way. Emily was excited to have someone to go to the Easter brunch with, excited and proud to be able to introduce Hotch as her boyfriend to Krystal.
With Aaron Hotchner being a stickler for being on time, the trio that was Hotch, Emily and Jack were amongst the first to arrive to Rossi's house – or, as he liked to call it, his mansion. It helped to ease Jack back into everything since the boy knew Rossi well but hadn't seen the rest of the team since he was much younger. As people started trickling in, Hotch took point on asking Jack if he remembered everyone and getting him re-introduced to the team.
As usual, Rossi had gone all out. He had a buffet set up in the kitchen with a large fruit and cheese tray, bread, and a chocolate fountain. That was just the start of the feast – "appetizers to the main event, if you will," he told them. He had a big breakfast planned, with an omelet station, Belgian waffles, and French toast. They would sit down and have brunch together after the Easter egg hunt. Until then, the adults could enjoy mimosas and the buffet while the younger generation found the colorful plastic eggs that Rossi had strategically hidden in his expansive backyard – something that would be no easy task due to the sheer size of the yard. Rossi promised the kiddos that their efforts would be well worth it in the end. There was more than just candy in the eggs. He hinted to Jack that there might even be some cash in a few of the eggs. That was all he needed to say to convince the teenager to join the younger kids in the hunt.
Reid was the last to arrive. When he got there, the Easter egg hunt was already on, and the adults were all gathered on the patio, sipping mimosas while they watched the kids search the yard, with both Jack and Henry frequently stopping to help Michael.
Reid hesitated for just a moment when he saw Hotch standing next to Emily, his hand on her lower back as he leaned in to whisper something that made her laugh.
"Hotch?" Reid called out, hanging back awkwardly as he waited for the older man to turn and acknowledge him. There was something young and needy and imploring in his voice that gave away how much he missed Hotch, whose calm, steady presence in his life had helped make up for the fact that Gideon left him just like his dad left him when he was younger. Everyone always left. Reid knew it was different with Hotch. Aaron Hotchner didn't leave Reid – and everyone else in the BAU - because he wanted to. He only left because Scratch was stalking Jack. Reid knew that. He could understand why Hotch left. He could even understand why Hotch didn't come back to the BAU after Scratch was caught. But Hotch was here now, and Reid wanted – no, needed – acknowledgement from the man. Even though Reid understood, it still hurt that Hotch hadn't stayed in touch, hadn't even really said goodbye. They were family.
Emily and Hotch exchanged a significant look. The look said it all. She knew he needed to talk to Reid. She would be fine on her own. She would keep an eye on Jack, however unnecessary that may be. Hotch could go.
Rossi was Johnny-on-the-spot, giving Hotch and Reid a convenient excuse to talk away from the others, when he asked if Hotch could "get the man a drink" from the bar.
"How have you been?" Hotch asked the younger man politely as they headed back toward the house, deciding to temporarily ignore the tension that he was picking up on until they could talk in private.
Hotch knew he probably owed Reid an apology, but he wasn't certain how well Reid would react to it. The young genius could be emotionally immature at times. Hotch knew that was only to be expected from someone who had finished school at an exceptionally young age and entered the real world when he was still, essentially, just a kid.
Skipping several grades meant that Reid never had a chance to form friendships with his peers. He was always the youngest – and the smartest – which, right or wrong, made him an outcast in his youth. To make matters worse, his father was absent and his mother was battling mental illness without getting the treatment she needed. Hotch knew the young man hadn't had anyone to teach him how to cope with his emotions in a healthy way or interact with others appropriately when he was angry or upset.
Spencer Reid was the youngest member of the BAU team – and had been the youngest agent to ever join the highly esteemed team. It had been clear from the get-go that he would need more guidance and mentorship than any other new agent that came before him. Reid had done better with Gideon's kind, gentle approach than with Hotch's sometimes stern demeanor. It was by mutual agreement then that Gideon had taken on the role of mentor, but Hotch was still the leader of the team, and it had fallen on Hotch to have some hard conversations with Reid over the years.
Hotch still looked at Reid and saw him as a kid, but he knew Reid had grown up a lot since they saw each other last. It wasn't just that Reid was older now. Hotch knew that Reid's time in prison had toughened him up. Reid wasn't as naïve as he once was. In a way, it saddened Hotch to see the changes in the younger man.
Even with the changes he saw in Reid, Hotch knew Reid was still the same person. He could see an all-too-familiar spark of defiance in the set of Reid's mouth and the way his chin jutted up as if preparing to argue.
"I could see how you would ask since you haven't seen me in three years and six months," Reid replied, allowing his hurt and anger to dictate how he responded to Hotch asking an innocent question.
Hotch winced slightly at the amount of time that he had allowed to pass. Knowing Reid, the young genius had calculated it down to the minute. Sensing that Reid had a lot more to say, Hotch waited for him to continue.
"To answer your question, Hotch, not very good," Reid stated bluntly. "Did you know that I went to prison for a crime I didn't commit? Everyone else visited me." Reid frowned before correcting himself. "Well, Derek wanted to visit, but I didn't want him to," he said with a plaintive expression. "Did you know that I almost wasn't allowed to be an agent again?"
"I'm sorry, Reid," Hotch apologized sincerely. He was apologizing not just for everything that Reid went through, but for not being there for him the way he should have been. Even after Rossi left the BAU, Hotch knew he could always call the older man who had been a mentor to him. Hotch should have done the same for Reid. "I think that in trying to distance myself from the BAU, I distanced myself from the team, too. I…didn't know how to stop. It wasn't just a job for me. Being the leader of the team was a part of who I was, but it wasn't fair of me to continue working cases that put my son in danger," he tried to explain. "After Scratch, I knew I needed to take a step back, and I did that by keeping my distance."
"But we didn't just work together," Reid protested as a new wave of hurt and indignance swelled within him. "We were family."
Hotch offered Reid a small, indulgent smile. "You all were more than a team to me," Hotch acknowledged, knowing the verbal affirmation would be important to Reid. "I'm sorry I forgot that."
"You're only here right now because of Emily," Reid said in an accusatory tone. "How do I know you're not just going to leave again if you break up?"
There was a very real concern in the question, a vulnerability that made Reid seem younger than he was. Hotch knew he needed to reassure Reid.
"I'm here because of Emily," Hotch conceded. "And, for the record, I don't plan on breaking up with her. I love her, Reid." His tone carried a silent warning that Reid would do well not to question his relationship with Emily. Hotch understood the younger man's justifiable anger with him, but his relationship with Emily was off limits. "But, if anything were to happen between us, I promise I would do a better job of staying in touch," Hotch offered in a conciliatory tone. He cleared his throat before admitting candidly, "I missed you, all of you."
"Just…don't disappear again," Reid warned Hotch, beginning to waver in his hurt and anger. On some level, Reid recognized the fact that Hotch was doing everything he wished his dad would do. Hotch was apologizing and trying to fix things with him. That had to count for something. Reid had never been quick to forgive and forget, but he also knew that he didn't want to push Hotch away. He had already lost his dad and Gideon. He didn't want to lose Hotch, too.
Hotch inclined his head slightly in agreement. "I won't."
It was a promise, and Reid knew that Hotch always kept his promises. Mollified, Reid started chattering away to Hotch about everything the man had missed, talking a mile a minute in a way that was so typical of the young genius who had been known to go off on tangents.
When they re-joined the others on the patio, everyone could tell Hotch had made up with Reid. Emily quietly slipped her hand into Hotch's and gave it a reassuring squeeze. She knew how Reid could hold a grudge, but she also knew that his abandonment issues made anything that could possibly be perceived as abandonment hurt him in a way that it didn't hurt everyone else.
The boys had found all the colorful plastic eggs and were now sitting down at the patio table, opening the eggs excitedly and exclaiming over the candy. When he saw JJ trying to explain to Michael why he had to wait to eat all of the chocolaty treats, Rossi suggested that they adjourn to the dining room for brunch. JJ shot him a grateful look and took Michael's hand, promising him that he could have some of the candy later.
Once everyone in attendance was seated around the large dining room table, from his spot at the head of the table, Rossi stood up to make a toast. He cleared his throat pointedly and waited until he was sure that he had everyone's attention.
"Here at the BAU, we're not just a team. We're a family," he started in a strong voice. "And, like any family, we've grown as we've welcomed new members into the fold." His gaze swept over Tara and Luke. Matt was the only one who couldn't make it, having his own family traditions with the Simmons brood.
"And we've had members of the team leave us to spend more time with their loved ones." Rossi was looking at Hotch when he said that, but he was also referring to Derek Morgan. "But the BAU is a little like Hotel California in that you can never really leave," Rossi went on, earning several chuckles. "Because no matter where any of us go or what we may do next in our lives, at the end of the day, we don't need to work together to be there for each other. And being there for each other through thick and thin…that's what family is all about." He paused there and took a moment to survey everyone at the table before wrapping up his toast. "I, for one, am glad to count everyone here as family, and I look forward to many more celebrations with you all. But, for now, happy Easter, everyone. Bon appetit."
There was a murmuring of agreement as everyone clinked glasses before digging in to the feast that Rossi had prepared. Rossi's table was filled with good conversation and hearty laughter as everyone ate. It was, Rossi thought, exactly as it should be.
A/N: Thank you for reading!
In response to the reviews about Hannah's curfew, I'll try to explain what I'm basing that off. Part of it is just my own experience, but it's also the type of school that Hannah is attending.
I've been very intentional in having Hannah attend an elite private school in Washington D.C., where I imagine many of the kids that she's going to school with (not all) may have parents who, like Emily's mother, are more focused on their political careers than on what their teenagers are doing. I envision a lack of supervision that allows these kids to get away with more than the average teenager. To that end, many of Hannah's friends may be the stereotypical spoiled rich kids like what you might see in shows like Gossip Girl or with some of the One Tree Hill characters like Nathan Scott and Brooke Davis.
Keep in mind that Hannah is the only freshman on the Varsity volleyball team. Because of that, most of her friends are older and are already driving. Hannah drinks and goes to parties. While I by no means think that every fourteen year old – or even most fourteen year olds - drink, I knew people who started drinking at that age, so I don't think it's completely unrealistic (although I do think that shows like Gossip Girl tend to exaggerate how prevalent that is and how much kids can get away with). Anyway, I have set it up that way for future story lines I have planned. We have not seen the last of Hannah drinking, for example.
More than anything, I'm using what little we know about Emily's high school years to shape some of my vision for this high school and these kids. There were sparse references to Emily being rebellious throughout various episodes of the show. Matthew's parents thought she was a bad influence. We know she got pregnant at fifteen and had an abortion. I could be wrong here, but I always got the impression she did that without Ambassador Prentiss knowing, which tells me she must have had a lot of freedom and very little supervision. I could have sworn she mentioned smoking as a teenager in one of the episodes, but I can't for the life of me remember which one right now. Anyway, I wanted Hannah to have some of that same rebellious spirit while having a much more attentive parent and more supervision. I wanted to play with what that would look like. In my mind, I want Hannah to be a mostly good kid who gets good grades, but who succumbs to peer pressure sometimes and does things that she shouldn't do to try to fit in. I thought that would all be fitting for a teenager who has some of Emily's personality traits but has been raised very differently from how Emily was raised. I hope what I was trying to do there makes sense. I'd be very interested in whether you agree with my thoughts or not. It's okay to disagree! I honestly welcome the feedback. I won't take it personally, and I'm genuinely curious because I've tried really hard to keep Emily in character and make Hannah a realistic and believable teenager who has some similarities to Emily without being an exact carbon copy. If that's not how it's coming across, I'd really like to know so I can try to make everything more realistic in future chapters and rethink some of the story lines I have planned that deal with teenage trouble.
Beyond all of that, at my high school, most kids had later curfews. A lot of the activities didn't end early. For example, high school football games usually started at around 7:00 pm and went until around 9:30 pm, with it easily taking 30 minutes just to get out of the stadium and the parking lot. That puts it at 10:00 pm easily, later if you hung out with anyone after or went to grab food or something. Dances didn't really get going until at least 9:00 pm and, if I'm remember correctly, they usually lasted until at least 11:00 pm. I know some schools have dinners as part of the dance, but at my high school, we always went out to dinner in a big group before going to the dance. We usually had dinner reservations at restaurants at like 7:30 or 8:00 at the earliest and then went to the dance after dinner. There were also usually parties after dances. I seem to remember most kids have a curfew of midnight, which incidentally was the local city curfew, too.
Sorry for the long author's note. I just really wanted to give some context, especially since more than one person commented on the curfew issue. Thank you again for reading. I'd love to hear what you think :)
