CHAPTER 5 – Not good enough
*Roni*
I haven't slept a wink. I couldn't stop thinking about Geralt's weird behavior. I haven't got any conclusion beside that I am still angry as hell with him. He is clearly holding back, and shutting me out and that alone makes me furious every second.
But it's fine. If that's what he wants he can get it. I won't give a damn about him any more than necessary. I'm done with not knowing where we are with each other. If I'm not good enough for him, well, then screw him. There are plenty of men in the world.
I get dressed up and head down to the tavern where I'm supposed to meet Geralt and Jaskier. Naturally, they are already at the table, eating. Geralt looks like shit, I'm sure he haven't slept a bit either, but it's not my fault. I scoff silently under my breath, as I feel the anger rising inside me again. It's okay, Roni, it's not your problem anymore.
"Good morning, Jaskier" I approach them from behind, placing my hand on the bard's shoulder then sitting down next to him, not even glancing at Geralt. "What are you working on?" I ask curiously, as I notice the instrument and some paper next to him. Jaskier looks a bit surprised, but he answers quickly.
"Oh, it's a new song about our last adventure."
"Sounds great, I'd love to hear it, sometime. Preferably somewhere nice and quiet" I suggest, lowering my voice, stroking over his left thigh playfully. He almost chokes on his food, but tries to hide his amazement. I hear Geralt grumble something and I know he is fuming, yet he doesn't even look at me. A part of me feel satisfied. Is it childish? Absolutely. But not much more than leaving someone hanging like he did.
"Actually, I have something for you. I started to write one of you too. If you don't mind, of course." Jaskier starts hesitantly. "It's not ready yet, but I'm curious what you think"
"Well, then, fire away" I encourage him smiling and waiting.
"Oh, right now? Okay." He clears his throat grabbing his lute. "Here goes nothing" He murmurs, starting the chores.
Mountains fall at her feet when they see the woman she has become
Stars fall out of alignment when they hear all that she has done
The rain falls for her and the flowers mistake her for the sun
Oh when the moon howls for her, how the wolves will run.
Silence fall on us as Jaskier finishes with the note. I sit there, speechless, I have no idea what to say. I love it, he really has his way with the words.
"Thank you, Jasky, that was wonderful" I say eventually, this time fully genuinely.
"Alrigt, that's enough" Geralt raises his voice as he stands up. "Jaskier, pay for the breakfast and for the horse, and pack something for Roni." He orders almost barking. "You are coming with me" He tells me, already ushering me out to the stable where Roach is.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He asks me when we are outside with not so repressed anger.
"I could ask you the same" I retort challenging. "Anyway, I'm having fun with Jaskier." I shrug nonchalantly.
"Is that so?" He questions threateningly, his two huge arms cornering me to the wall, but I'm not afraid at all. I have every right to do so.
"Last time I checked I had no man in my life, romantically speaking. Or am I wrong?" I raise my brows, knowing it will hit the prefect spot. We stare daggers at each other for a few very long moments then he growls frustrated and takes a step back. "Yeah, I thought that much" I add bitterly. I know it's stupid, but some part of me hoped he'd disagree with me.
Pff you know better than that, Roni! A voice in my head warns me as I bite back a tear.
"I know, it's might not be the best time, but I have to ask for this teeny, teeny-weeny little favor." Jaskier arrives too as I put on a smile. The show must go on.
"Fuck off, bard." Geralt push him away as he leads Roach out. He is in one hell of a mood. I haven't seen him like this before.
"For one measly night of service, you will gain a cornucopia of earthly delights." Jaskier continued, now talking to me, getting his freshly purchased horse as well. "The greatest masters of the culinary arts crafting morsels worthy of a goddess." He winks at me cheerfully. "Maidens that would make the sun itself blush with a single comely smile. And rivers of the sweetest of drinks from the rarest of..." He adds in favor to Geralt, as we all follow him out, but he's adamant.
"I said, FUCK. OFF."
"It is one night body guarding your very best friend in the whole wide world. How hard could it be?" He pleads, getting more and more desperate.
"I'm not your friend." Geralt murmurs under his breath, getting on Roach angrily.
"Alright, I'm in" I agree making up my mind. I haven't seen anything in the world, this party seems like a good start.
"That's amazing!" Jaskier cheers with me, hopping on his horse. "Every lord, knight and twopenny king worth his salt will be at this betrothal. The Lioness of Cintra herself will sing the praises of Jaskier's triumphant performance!" He adds getting a bit ahead of himself as he offers his hand to ride with him.
"Enough of this nonsense, Roni" Geralt grumble, grabbing my waist to pull me up on Roach and sit right in front of him. I hiss furiously, wiggling myself free, but he holds me tight. Too tight. I could get away easily, using my magic, but I don't want to hurt him. At least not yet.
I let out a deep breath, forcing myself to sit calmly, trying out a different approach.
"Geralt of Rivia. If you can't do such a little favor for someone who helps you get your records straight as keeping him company for one night at a gathering in the nearest city possible, then at least let me go and do it instead of you."
"Oh, for fuck's sake" He curse defeated. Duty card. Works most of the times. "After this, we are even" He warns Jaskier while nudges Roach gently, turning her into the right direction.
"Of course" The bard grins ear to ear, mouthing a silent thank you to me.
"And now, let me go, I wish travelling with Jaskier." I order Geralt coldly. I want to keep my distance and stay mad at him, but it's pretty hard, being pressed up to his muscly chest, caged by his strong arms. Not to mention his calming woody and iron scent filling my nose.
"You don't want him to get hurt, do you?" He asks with obvious anger, barely audible whispering into my ear and it takes me a second to understand his not so covered personal threat. "Then I suggest you to wish sitting on your pretty little butt right where you are." He emphasizes it as an involuntary smirk spread across my face. It should piss me off, but somehow it rather sends me a warm tingling sensation through my body. He is jealous. So fricking jealous.
"How many of these lords want to kill you actually?" I question Jaskier later, knowingly. Him being an infamous womanizer must get him some good enemies.
"Hard to say. One stops keeping count after a while. Wives, concubines, mothers sometimes."He confirms my theory. "Ooh, yeah, that face! Scary face! No lord in his right mind will come close if you're standing next to me with a puss like that." He compliments Geralt who glares at the bard.
"So I have to suffer tonight just because you hid your sausage in the wrong royal pantry." He sums it up pretty accurately. "Wonderful. I'm not killing anyone though. Not over the petty squabbles of men."
"Yes, yes, yes. You never get involved." Jaskier nods with a hint of mockery in his tone. "Except you actually do, all of the time whenever Roni is in the picture." He adds seeing through it. "It's so romantic. The cold and rigid witcher, the monster slayer who melts at his gorgeous queen's every word... Ugh, I mean what happens when you get old? Actually, I've always wanted to know, do witchers ever retire?" He changes the topic quickly, sensing the dangerous vibes coming from both of us.
"Yeah. When they slow and get killed." Geralt answers eventually shortly.
"Come on, you must want something for yourself once all this monster hunting nonsense is over with." Jaskier pushes it, as I feel Geralt's arm tightening around my waist, yet he doesn't seem to realize it.
"I want nothing." He insists stubbornly, ending the conversation once and for all as we trot in silence ahead right into Cintra.
*Geralt*
Just keep your distance and don't get too close, it should be fine . These feelings will fade. - My ass. How can one stay away from someone this important to him?
I sigh desperately as I dive under the water of my bath. Not enough the chaos inside, I have to babysit tonight and put on a kind face for the royals... Just great.
But first things first, I need to get ready, if the people of Cintra were so nice to provide opportunity before the party.
I come up again just to notice the most intoxicating scent filling the whole room.
"Fuck" I mutter under my breath. I know I'm done without opening my eyes. Jasmine and orange never smelled this tempting before.
"Yeah, it's good to see you too" Roni scoffs offended at my greeting. "Jaskier wanted to make sure you'll look presentable and proper, but I can tell him you rather get dressed by him than me"
"No, Roni, stay" I ask her immediately, wiping my face. "Please" I add genuinely. I didn't want to hurt her, yet seems like that's all I've done lately...
Her posture eases a bit as she places my and her clothes on a chair, walking up to the bathtub. She is wearing only a robe, being done with the bath, but not dressed yet in her fancy dress. Her curves are generously presented, making the mind wonder and fantasize.
"You missed a spot" She sits at the edge of the tub, starting to wash my back carefully. Her fragile hand works its way up and down, gently. I close my eyes enjoying the sensation she offers. She's so close I can feel her breath on my neck and her silky hair tickling my ear.
It's a shame she, herself is already done with getting clean.
"Mmm, next time come earlier and join me."
"Are you sure you wouldn't run away?" She teases me, standing up. "It would be more awkward naked, you know" She adds, throwing the towel at me then turning her back at me.
"Yeah, funny as ever" I murmur standing up. I did deserve it though, and I'm pretty sure it won't go away anytime soon. I wrap the tower around my waist, getting out of the water completely.
"Now, return the favor and land me a hand, will you?" She asks, slowly taking off her robe to slip into her night dress. She leaves enough time between changes for me to admire her delicate figure.
I groan painfully. Even this few seconds of glimpse on her clotheless body makes me semi-hard. The arch of her back, her delicious waistline, the perfect roundness of her butt and her carefully toned thighs. I need all my willpower not to push her hard on the wall and see how it feels being between them.
"You sure you don't wish Jaskier instead?" I tease her as now she's finally in her dress, waiting for me to tie the laces on her back.
"Should I?" She tests me as I pull the strings to make the dress tight enough to stay on. "You know it was only a show for you" She adds in the end with surprising honesty, taking a deep breath as I finish up with the laces.
"I know." I admit it leaning closer, not being able to resist to place a soft kiss on her shoulder. "Still, good to hear." I confess trailing my way up on her neck with tender kisses.
Stop it, you moron! This is everything you promised not to do! Don't you hear it? Stop right now! The voice of reason in my head screamed to quit it, but the other voice that her fastening heartbeat, shallow breaths and that tiny escaped moans awakened, singed another tone.
Fuck it. Fuck your code. Fuck moral. Fuck everything. But firstly and most importantly, fuck her.
She leans back, pressing herself closer to me, allowing me to enjoy the view of her decolletage. The heat of her body and her alluring scent drives me crazy and knowing she wants me just as bad, makes it even worse.
My hands travel all over her wanting to learn every inch of her skin, but it's impossible. I can't get enough of her. I spun her around abruptly to be face to face. I finally want to taste those bewitching lips I was longing for.
But with her eyes full of lust, comes the realization what I am about to do. Stealing away the chance of a normal life from her.
"Fuck, I can't. Sorry" I stumble backwards, not daring to look at Roni.
"Why Geralt? Why are you pushing me away? Why are you punishing me?" She asks her voice trembling so much she can barely control. "Why am I not good enough for you either?" She adds defeated, tears rolling down on her cheeks.
Her words slap me hard on the face. Does she really think that?
"Not good-, not good enough?" I repeat after her in disbelief. "You think you are-? You really don't get it, do you?" I step close to her cupping her face. "You are so much more than I could ever possibly wish for" I confess without thinking. "You are not good enough Ron, because you are perfect for me" I explain maybe too openly, but I can't let her think even for another second that she somehow less than anyone else. "The one who is not good enough is me. You are the one who deserves way better."
She scoffs chuckling, shaking her head.
"I'm serious, Roni." I try to reason with her. "Just imagine what can I offer for you? No stable life, no rest and peace, no normal family, not knowing what tomorrow brings."
"Someone who loves me genuinely" She answers my question now with matched seriousness.
"A freak. A result of some experiment. Not much better than those monsters."
"And what do you think I am?" She retorts raising her voice. "I can't believe it." She shakes her head again, this time, more frustrated, searching for the right words. "Geralt, you are literally better than most people I've ever encountered." She says eventually. "It doesn't matter what you are. You stayed when everyone else left. I don't give a fuck about any of the rest." She continues as we lock eyes, her passion burning wildly in her irises. "I really hope you can get that into your stubborn head, because it's not going to change." She pokes my forehead, then with another huff, she turns around and leaves as I stand there for long minutes, rendered completely speechless.
