MOMMY ISSUES III– The Remorse Awakens
AN: Okay, last installment, kids. If you haven't read Chapters 12 and 13, you will be completely lost reading this one so you may wanna go back and review them.
Thanks SO much for all the kind words and reviews! I hope this story gets you through this short hiatus. I'm DYING!
This one is probably K+ for a few words and a dash of inuendo...
It took some time, but Paige's heart rate eventually slowed to some semblance of normal again. When she drifted back to Earth and regained the use of her lower extremities, she took off after Walter replaying the whole incident in her mind.
First she thought about his tirade and all those accusations. Was it fair? Was it true? All of it? Any of it?
Then that kiss! That kiss! Where had he been hiding all that? Just reliving it made her knees feel wobbly again. Tim had never shown that kind of passion for her, not in all the months they were together. What they had was nice. Tame. Safe. Walter was a powder keg with a lit fuse by comparison. It was like a gentle, spring breeze versus a cyclone. How apt. Paige huffed out a humorless laugh.
The two of them had to fix this. But what should she say to him? Because the more she focused on his words, the more conflicted and regretful or, alternately, insulted she felt. But then her focus would shift. The kiss… Oh, my. Never had she been knocked so far off kilter by a kiss. Well, not since the first time he'd kissed her anyway.
Paige found Walter in the loft. Fortunately he was in the lab. If she'd caught up to him anywhere near his bed, she wasn't sure she could keep her mind from drawing vivid pictures, making any discussion worthless or incoherent due to wondering where all that pent up passion could take them.
Walter's back was to her. He was hunched over his worktable running agitated fingers through his hair, his shoulders bunched up with tension. Lost in thought, he jumped slightly when she said his name.
"This is not a good time," he muttered tightly.
"You know we're going to have to talk about this at some point."
"Understood. But it's not a good idea right now. I think I'll work up here today if you will let the others know."
Well. Just like that she was dismissed. Paige decided she would let him get away with it for the time being. Maybe it was a good idea to let him have time to process everything. Hell, it might be a good idea to let herself have time to process everything.
All day long she seesawed between exasperation and excitement; voracity and vexation. And guilt. The guilt nagged at her every time she tried to deny the things he'd said. When Paige drove Ralph to school she was feeling resentful. When she greeted her other coworkers she was feeling remorseful. She paid invoices and felt aggravated. She went through the mail and felt ashamed. One minute she was devising arguments to refute what Walter said, the next she could see his point and wanted to ask for forgiveness, and the next she wanted to say 'screw it' and just kiss him until they both forgot the last few months ever happened. The impossible man had her tied up in knots. And he was the one who'd declared knot tying obsolete!
Somewhere in the recesses of her thoughts she acknowledged she wasn't feeling one iota of sadness about the demise of her relationship with Tim. Shouldn't she at least be a little bit upset over it?
And she didn't find herself arguing with her mother in her head either. Oh, Paige and her mother were going to have one hell of a conversation. It would probably be the last one they would ever have, but that was for another day. Her mind was too full of Walter. There just wasn't room for anyone else right then.
When her boss still hadn't put in an appearance by the end of the day, she offered to buy dinner for Sylvester if he would stay with Ralph for a couple of hours. By then, her discussion with Walter was way overdue, but she still had no idea how to approach him and no plan regarding what she wanted to say. She was the company liaison. Why couldn't she see a way to liaise her way through this situation? But how do you tell someone 'I may have messed things up but it's just as likely you messed things up at least as much and I don't understand you sometimes and you make me crazy a lot of the time and I know you love me because I was eavesdropping when you were hallucinating in space and I'm pretty sure it's a very bad idea, but I'm afraid I kinda love you too and I would really like a repeat of that incredible, Earth-shattering kiss just to be sure!'?
Paige needed to come up with something to say because she was still debating with herself when she was pulling back into the parking area at the garage. She half hoped Walter's car would be gone, but no such luck. The 'company car' was in its usual spot.
Hesitantly she walked inside. The garage's front door made so much noise it was impossible to sneak through it undetected. She made a mental note to see if Happy could fix that issue as she nervously scanned for signs of Walter.
And there he was, standing at her desk frozen in the process of putting a stack of papers in her inbox. Their eyes met and the paralysis became mutual as an uncomfortable silence filled the space between them.
The genius recovered first. Focusing on the papers in his hand, he said, "Oh, uh, hi. I thought you were gone for the day."
"That explains why you're out of hiding…" Paige said to herself.
"What was that?" He dropped the forms unceremoniously on the corner of her desk.
"Nothing. Not important. Walter, you know we need to talk." She made her way over to stand beside the conference table setting her purse and keys down so she could keep her eyes averted from his for a few more seconds.
Obviously stalling too, he answered, "Where's Ralph?"
"He's with Sly for a little while because you and I really need to clear the air and I didn't want an audience for once. You certainly can't keep working up in the loft every day from now on."
Turning toward her but staring holes in the floor, Walter said, "About earlier… It was, uh, inappropriate. I-I'm sorry."
"It? What was inappropriate? The speech or…" Paige found she really didn't want him to apologize for kissing her.
But he did.
"Uh, for-for kissing you…like that. It shouldn't have happened." His mouth kicked up at one corner. "I was angry and over-overwrought? Um, emotional. See? I can admit that now. Human progress, right?" His expression was wry as his eyes finally met hers.
In spite of herself she smiled back. "Yes, Walter. Very human of you. But seriously, I'd rather we talk about the things you said before…you know, the, uh kiss." Why was she blushing? It was only a kiss…and not even their first one. Paige cleared her throat.
"I know I should have accepted your apology and left it…"
"No. I can see you had some valid points you've probably needed to make for a while now. Maybe not in that tone, but you had every right to say what you did. And I did assume you were the one to sabotage my relationship with Tim. I based my assumption solely on what you did in Tahoe…"
"I promised I wouldn't interfere after that. And I haven't," Walter replied frowning in confusion and hurt.
"I know. I should have believed you. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry that people have been giving you a hard time since I started dating Tim. I had no idea they were saying those things or I would have told them to leave it alone. You were right. Everyone does tend to excuse my mistakes and their own more than yours. It's not fair. And that stops now. I'll talk to them…"
"There's no need. I am clueless. I do struggle with what's appropriate…"
"You aren't the only one. Do you think it was appropriate for them to try to manipulate you and Tim into being friends? A parent trap? Wow. Like you're children? I didn't appreciate that one myself. I should have said something then. They need to be fair and they really need to mind their own business. No one is blameless. Certainly not me."
"I guess they were trying to help."
"It doesn't make it okay, Walter. If it's wrong for you, it's wrong for everyone. But leaving all that alone for now, I'd really like to talk about what you accused me of doing. All day I've been replaying everything you said about me."
"I shouldn't have…"
"No. You were right about a lot of it. Let me try to explain if I can. The thing is…" Floundering, she couldn't decide how to justify her behavior without revealing what was said when Walter was in space. She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes for a second trying to decide how to broach the subject.
Paige could tell Walter had moved toward the conference table because he sounded closer when he said, "Can I ask you something first?"
Sure enough, when she glanced up and nodded, he was leaning on the table next to her and he seemed anxious and a little sad. "Did you only say it back because you were trying to get me to pull a lever? Or did you mean it? Even a little? And if you meant it, how could you...be with Tim? How could you make sure I saw you together like that? At the very least, I thought we've always been friends. If you- you knew, why would you do that?"
Astonished, Paige asked, "Wait. You remembered?"
Walter traced an invisible equation with his index finger on the table unable to look at her. "When, uh, when I, when we…kissed. I remembered." He said softly, then closed his eyes and sighed.
Her heart sank. "No wonder you didn't want to talk to me this morning. Oh, wow. Toby told me not to ask you about it because it could be damaging. That's why I never said anything."
"That still doesn't answer my questions." Suddenly Walter's eyes drilled into hers until she looked away.
"You're right. It doesn't. All I can say is, I was so hurt and so tired of being brushed aside for nearly a year..."
"So it was about getting back at me?" He said, his voice full of the pain of betrayal.
"No. At least not entirely. Walter, if you remember the whole conversation, you know that even while admitting how you felt about me you were still coming up with reasons and making excuses why we couldn't and shouldn't be together. You said something about being unavailable emotionally and not being what I need. I'm sorry. I know I didn't handle things well. I wasn't consciously trying to hurt you. I promise. I guess I wanted so badly for you to admit your feelings and fight for me, for us. So much for me being the emotionally mature and non manipulative one. Can you forgive me?"
"Paige, I can forgive you anything," Walter replied with a rueful smile. "I love you." He shrugged.
His face blurred as her eyes filled. Sounding choked, she said, "I love you too. I'm a moron."
He chuckled and opened his arms. She stepped into them, burying her face in his shoulder. He grinned into her neck and asked, "Do you think a couple of morons can make things work?"
"I think I'd like to try," she sniffed and hid her wobbly smile against his shirt.
