ROBOT REBOOT

AN: I love this show, but I almost hated this Christmas episode because it ended SO badly! *sigh* So, this is dedicated to all the bashed and battered Waige shippers like me. I'm SO tired of Terrific Tim winning at every turn. He bullied people like Walter as a kid and he's still on top in every way that counts. It's time for Walter to get a little back, so I wrote this to make myself (and hopefully you too) feel better. Keep the faith. This story is angsty, so beware. I don't know why Walter hasn't gone this direction yet. I would if it was me.

And please review. I need the encouragement and feedback!

Rated K+

"Walter? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Paige edged into Walter's private work space in the loft with caution. He hadn't been what one might call approachable lately and the tension sizzling between the two of them since Tim's departure didn't help matters.

"I'm in the middle of…"

"I know you're busy, but this is important."

"Okay. Try and make it quick." Walter sighed and set down the motherboard he was fixing and put the soldering iron back on its stand. When he pushed his magnifying goggles onto the top of his head, Paige could see the dark circles under his bloodshot eyes and she noted the tired lines of his shoulders. His shirt was wrinkled and sagging around his frame, highlighting his recent weight loss. His hair was in desperate need of a trim, unkempt and curling wildly around his ears and collar.

"Toby told me…"

Walter interrupted with a derisive snort. "He's chock full of unhelpful advice these days, isn't he? But I don't have time for head-shrinking. I told him I'm fine. You may reiterate that to him." Her boss turned back to his work.

"You are not fine. I mean, look at you. When was the last time you ate? Or had a full night's rest?" Paige touched his shoulder and he subtlely leaned away from her hand, his eyes still trained at the tools atop his worktable.

The genius scratched at the stubble on his jaw absently. "I've been…preoccupied."

"I know. That's the problem. We haven't seen you downstairs for weeks unless there's an active Homeland case…"

"I've been taking private jobs. I find the fewer distractions I have, the more productive I can be. And the extra money benefits the company, so it ultimately benefits everyone. Now if you will excuse me, I have…"

"I will not excuse you. You have taken on too much extra work…"

Turning his head so he could glower at Paige, he stated with quiet sarcasm, "If the surplus workload is too much for you, I can transfer some of the accounting duties to Sylvester. I've heard he's good with numbers."

Fuming, the company liaison's fists clenched as she bit back an angry retort. He was purposely trying to aggravate her in an attempt to make her leave. What she didn't understand was why, so she refused to even engage in an argument until she got some answers.

She took a deep breath, so she could calmly say, "It isn't the work, okay? I'm happy to send invoices and field calls from clients all day long. That's my job. But there will be no benefits for anyone if you make yourself sick in the process."

"Not to worry. All your jobs are safe. I am fulfilling my life's purpose. My only usefulness lies in my ability to advance the greater good through my work. I'm doing what I'm best at; what someone like me is made to do. If you will just let me get back to it…"

"Is that really what you think? That my only concern here is my job? "

"I think that's abundantly clear. You and the rest of the team are right to base my worth solely on my ability to keep you employed. It's logical and the reason you're here after all." Walter reached for the smoldering soldering iron signaling an end to the conversation, but Paige was having none of it and made a grab for the tool. When her hand accidentally came in contact with the heated end, she snatched it back and drew in a sharp gasp through clenched teeth.

Instantly concern melted the indifferent mask of Walter's face as he caught her wrist and surveyed the injury. Still clutching her arm gently, he led her to the sink and flipped on the cold water tap so he could run her burn under the water. The relief was instant. And not just in the small reddened area on her hand, but in seeing emotion, any emotion besides impatience, in the genius next to her. And he was touching her, if not with affection, at least with compassion. It was the first time Paige had seen anything roughly human in the man in quite a while.

Walter left her at the sink and walked to the refrigerator to get her an ice pack. Her hand was still stinging slightly, but she shut the water off and accepted the towel and the cold compress with a soft 'thank you'. And she watched as the shutters fell back into place over his countenance as he turned and strode back to his desk.

"Walter. We aren't done here. Not by a long shot."

Sighing with frustration, he turned back to look at her. "What do you want from me? Hmm? I've had nothing but time on my own since the holidays to think, Paige. Not only did I remember a few things that happened while I was in space, I've also had time to contemplate the last nineteen months of my life and evaluate some things. And I've drawn some key conclusions. I have realized that my initial findings were correct." He set his jaw firmly, stubbornly daring her to ask the question he knew she would.

Rolling her eyes, she complied, "And what findings were those?"

With a smirk that was the closest thing to a smile she'd gotten from him for weeks, he answered, "My experiments with becoming more human have almost without exception been abysmal failures. So, I decided being open was a mistake. People don't seem to like what they encounter when I am. And-and my sister. Sh-she was wrong and I was right to be afraid. Someone like me isn't meant to have close attachments. I'm not equipped. I tried to learn, but my attempts were often met with condescension or contempt or hostility. I was constantly being told I was juvenile and half-baked and wrong. Toby spent months taking supreme delight in telling me exactly how wrong I was after encouraging me to acknowledge my feelings in the first place." The expression fell from his face and he swallowed hard. "Cabe told me he hoped I would feel this-this… one day. And when I did, he told me I was selfish to feel it and I should suppress it and keep it to myself." Almost as an aside to himself, he added, "I don't get why he would wish this on me." Then shaking his head as if to clear it, he continued, "So I decided since I proved my previous hypothesis, I should go back to feeling nothing. Robots might be annoying to others, but they don't…hurt. And when they don't, they are more efficient."

Without her permission, Paige's hand reached toward him, but he stepped back, averting his eyes to a place just beyond her shoulder. "Do you really believe you were better off before?" She rasped the words out around the lump in her throat as her arm fell back to her side.

"It's a fact. I tried an experiment. It failed. End of story. Someone like me…It isn't wise to try. I can be more constructive on my own. I recognize that I was wrong. L-love does exist and it is possible for some people. People like you. Or Megan. Or-or, uh, Tim. But not…"

"So you don't think you deserve to love and be loved?"

Shaking his head, he huffed out a mirthless laugh, "It's not about deserving or not deserving. It's about abilities. Aptitudes. I lack the ability to be a successful romantic companion. I should never have made the attempt. I should stick to where I excel instead."

"So you are unable to love? Is that what you're saying?"

Walter's eyes bored into hers. "Oh, I definitely have the capacity to love. But it's an affliction I should have avoided at all costs, because I'm woefully inadequate to be loved in return. It was better when I didn't feel at all. So that's what I'm endeavoring to do again."

Paige was surprised she didn't hear her heart break audibly. So this was the reason he was working himself to death? No wonder, considering the only feedback Walter had been getting for his efforts was negative. She realized for the last several months, all of it had been. From everyone. Herself included. Her mind scrambled for an argument she could use to refute his logic. "But Happy is a person like you. And she and Toby are going strong. They adore each other."

His lips curled up at one corner in warped imitation of a smile. "Well. She's a notable exception, I guess. Even if I could find a youngish, female, genius behaviorist who could be attracted to an emotionally immature, romantic failure with no verbal filter and no people skills, if she was anything like Toby, I wouldn't be interested. See my dilemma?"

Feeling tears prickle her eyes, but hiding it with a smile, she said, "I like to think anything is possible. What about Ralph? It's not romantic, but he loves you. You know that."

Walter's eyes softened at the mention of her son. "Yes. I think he does. But even he castigated me for my romantic inadequacies." He shrugged, "And he has another father figure in his life now. One that you prefer. One that I think cares for him."

Struggling to find the right words, she stood quietly studying him for a few moments. Paige took a step nearer to him and lifted her hand. Walter dropped his gaze, but didn't move away this time. She ran her fingers lightly through the silky, tangled hair above his ear and allowed them to wander over his scalp then down to his jaw letting her thumb caress his bristly cheek. His eyes drifted shut and he shuddered as he leaned into her touch, drinking it in as if trying to absorb it.

Closing the distance between them, Paige briefly touched her lips to his. "Please don't give up." She murmured against his lips. And as she pulled away, she said, "Things with Tim fell apart a couple of weeks ago. What we had looked good in every possible way, but it was all on the surface. I finally saw that it had no real depth. I gave up on you too soon, so I know I have no right to ask this. You and I have a long way to go and a lot of making up to do, but please have a little faith. I love what I see when you open up. I'm sorry if it didn't seem like it."

Before the words were out, he grabbed her and hugged her tightly to him. That was all the answer she needed.