Hello, hello? Ca-can you hear me? I can be your china doll, if you want to see me fall. Boy, you're so dope, your love is deadly. Tell me life is beautiful, they think that I have it all. I've nothing without you. All my dreams and all the lights mean nothing without you. ~ Lana Del Rey, Without You

Dark…

BPOV

The second Esme grabbed my wrist I swore I could hear the click of a handcuff around me. Images of every moment someone slapped a pair of cuffs around my wrists flashed through my mind. The feeling of complete helplessness took over for a minute and made my heart race.

"No, no, no." I pulled my hand free, thankful that instead of harsh metal I just had to fight through Esme's grip. Backing away, I bumped into Edward's solid chest and took complete comfort in it. He always had my back, literally and figuratively.

"It's okay, you're safe," he whispered.

I hated this. Freaking out about little things always made me feel weak, even if I was alone. Having a panic attack like that in front of so many members of Edward's family was even worse.

No one knew how much the flashbacks messed with me. I would be on edge for the rest of the day, constantly paranoid. They rarely happened these days, but the routine was always the same.

"Never touch her again," Edward hissed at his mother. I knew he had told his family not to touch me or my wrists. He never told me he did, but one time Jasper grabbed my arm to pull me over to show me something and he started profusely apologizing. It was pretty obvious he knew, and kind of sweet that he felt so bad even though he didn't trigger any kind of reaction.

That just made me more furious, because Esme was obviously trying to set me off. Maybe she wanted to embarrass me in front of everyone, or she hoped that seeing me freak out would make everyone agree that she should have the bracelet. All of this over a goddamn bracelet.

"I don't care about the fucking bracelet," I said, picking up the box from where I dropped it and tossing it at Esme. "I don't care about the money Edward spends on me, or what the Cullen name means. I know you think I'm a gold digging whore, but I don't care."

I really didn't. For more than ten years I had listened to people who didn't know me call me every name imaginable. It was pretty easy to brush it off ninety percent of the time. It still got to me sometimes on particularly bad days, but I truly didn't care about what Esme thought of me.

For years I let every snide remark and eyeroll slide. I put up with her because she was Edward's mother, but this was the last straw.

"I never wanted any of this. It was never my plan to become a mob wife or steal your precious status. I fell in love with a man who happened to be your son. I don't love him because of his job or his money, I love him in spite of all of that shit."

Honestly, my life would have been so much simpler if Edward were just a business man, or a guy I met in a coffee shop. But he wasn't, and I would never take back a second of our time together.

"And I'm so fucking sick of you looking at me like I ruined your life. So, take the goddamn bracelet and just… leave me alone."

I could see it in Esme's eyes every time she looked at me. Pure hatred radiated from her, more so after the trial. In her head, I had sullied the good Cullen name. Never mind the fact that I got her two sons and son-in-law out of jail. To her, I had very much ruined her good social standing, both by the trial and simply being married to Edward.

I left then, simultaneously embarrassed by my outburst and still too angry to let it go. Anymore from Esme and I couldn't be sure I wouldn't completely snap, so I thought escaping was my best choice.

I heard quick footsteps following and assumed it was Edward, but when I got to the car it was Jasper who had followed me. "You okay?"

With a sigh, I shrugged. "I'm fine."

"You're perfect, you know," Jasper said, a cocky smirk reminiscent of Edward's on his face.

"What?"

"Perfect for Edward. You've been married what… six, seven years? It's obvious you're not going anywhere, but in case Esme ever made you doubt it… Edward would never have been a tenth as happy as he is now with anyone else.

"He would never tell you this, but he was damn proud of you when you took over for him. No one else could have done what you did. Emmett and I were skeptical about the whole thing, but you did great."

Edward and I never talked about it much, the time I spent taking over his responsibilities. Mostly because we had made a promise on the island never to discuss what I did again. We talked about the trial and my time away, because I had a lot of lasting issues that I needed to get out, but we never mentioned what put me there in the first place.

"Everyone else sees it, too. Even Aiden could see it and he never met you. Don't let Esme get to you, okay?"

"Thanks, Jasper," I sighed. Edward strode out of the house then, and Jasper retreated back inside.

We were quite on the drive to the airport and as we got ready for the flight. It wasn't until we were seated across from each other that Edward spoke.

"Do you feel like I ruined your life?" His words were like a knife to my chest.

"What?"

"The way you said it to Esme… It was like you felt we had ruined your life." Edward's eyes were sad and his voice sounded so very defeated.

I stumbled out of my seat and got into Edward's, straddling his waist. With my hands on either side of his face, I kept our eyes even. Edward kept his hands on the armrest. "You're the best part about my life. I don't regret a second of our time together. You're… I'd be completely lost without you."

"What did you mean, then?"

"Every time I see her, Esme looks at me like I killed her puppy. After our fight at that party… It's like she thinks I ruined her and her reputation." That was the only way I could describe it.

"But do you think we ruined your reputation?" Edward probed.

"No. I ruined my reputation, not you. But Esme doesn't have the right to think I ruined hers." That was what I was trying to say. Never did I think Edward would take it to mean I thought he ruined my life.

"But you ruined your reputation by being with me. So I –"

"No. I ruined it by putting four bullets in Aro Volturi's chest. That's where I lost it, Edward. Not being with you. That was all on me. I have never, not once, thought any of that was your fault."

My hands slid to his neck, pulling at the short hairs on the back of his head. "I love our life together. I like waking up next to you every day and being able to see you whenever I want. It's nice knowing you're just downtown if I need you, not across the country."

One of Edward's hands reached up and cradled my face. "You're happy?"

"In general, yes. Currently, I'm still furious at Esme, but I'll get over it."

Edward relaxed into the chair, and I rested my head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry she grabbed you."

"It's okay. I shouldn't still…"

"It's not okay. She knew it would set you off. It's not your fault."

I sighed against him, suddenly exhausted. "Thank you for always defending me."

"Always," Edward said with a kiss to my temple.

Dark…

Ever since my birthday blowout with Esme, the younger Cullen's had started having our own get together on Friday nights. Everyone else still went to Sunday dinner with Carlisle and Esme, but Edward and I never did. Carlisle came to ours sometimes, but not often. This week we were at Alice and Jasper's place. Rosalie and I got here early to help Alice get dinner ready. Alec was with Maggie, and I had no clue where Jared was.

We all heard the telltale ruckus coming from the family room that told us our husbands were here. In the minute it took us to get out there, they all already had a glass of amber liquid in their hands. That was never a good sign. Edward usually went straight for the bar at home when he was having a bad day.

As soon as he saw me across the room and his mossy eyes blazed into mine, I knew something was up. The look on his face made my blood run cold.

"Dinner is almost ready," Alice said, oblivious to the somber mood I could feel coming from the men.

"We need a few minutes before dinner," Edward said. Jasper and Emmett gave their wives a quick greeting before they were heading down the hall to Jasper's office. Edward still stood there, staring at me as he swirled his drink around in the glass. "Would you join us?"

Shit. Alice and Rosalie's eyes burned into me as I walked over to Edward. As I passed him I grabbed the drink from his hands and finished it myself, before dropping the glass on a nearby table. We walked slowly down the hall to Jasper's office. Edward had a hand on my waist, but it did nothing to ease the tension that had taken over my body.

"It's nothing… horrible. I promise." His words would have been comforting if we had similar definitions of what horrible really meant. When we got to the office I was surprised to see Jasper not sitting behind his own desk. He sat next to Emmett on the opposite side, next to another empty chair. I sat in my spot, and Edward got behind the desk.

"We have two things to discuss with you," Edward said, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Okay," I replied hesitantly. "On a scale of robbing a bank to rotting in prison… where are we?"

"It's nothing that bad," Edward said, his face softening.

"Probably more like taking over a crime family on the scale, I think," Emmett said, completely serious. My eyes widened as I turned to stare at him.

"Emmett," Edward hissed, effectively shutting Emmett up. "It's not bad, I promise."

With a sigh, I nodded. "Okay. Tell me the worst one first."

Edward was quiet for a moment, thinking, and it put me on edge. If he had to think this long about which one was worse, they were probably both pretty bad. "Felix and Demetri recently found an old will of Aro's. It's nothing official, but it had an unknown beneficiary listed. A child."

Huh. Not what I was expecting. "Me."

"Your name isn't listed. It was in the very early stages, so no contact information was there," Edward said.

My heart, which had started to nearly beat out of my chest, calmed a little at his explanation. "Okay."

"There's nothing you have to do. We're monitoring the situation so you don't have to worry about it. I just thought you would like to know."

"Thank you," I said, my voice nothing more than a whisper. "What's the other thing?"

Edward didn't say anything, he simply motioned toward Jasper next to me. Twisting in my seat, I looked toward him with a frown. "What is it?"

"Jared got arrested again. He doesn't listen to Alice or me. He's about to turn eighteen, so he'll start to be charged as an adult with all of this shit. We've all seen you put him in his place a few times. He would never admit it, but he's scared of you. I was wondering… I have this plan to try and scare him. I don't think it would be as effective if I did it, though."

There had been a time or two when I could tell I intimidated Jared, like with the cupcakes a few weeks ago. It usually only happened when he pissed me off, though. It wasn't a regular occurrence. And I definitely wasn't the most intimidating member of this family.

"I'm happy to help, but Edward can be far more intimidating than me."

Jasper shook his head. "Not at this."

My stomach twisted at his words. "What do you want me to do?"

"I thought… if he knew what it was like to actually be in trouble like that, he might understand. Maybe walking through the precinct with you would make him realize – "

An odd combination of a gasp, cough, and laugh bubbled out of me. Suddenly I was too wound up to sit still, so I jumped out of my chair and started pacing, focusing solely on trying to keep the images of that place out of my mind.

Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it.

"You can say no, Bella," Edward's voice came from somewhere behind me. Of course, I could say no, but I knew I wouldn't. Jasper had always been there when I needed someone and Edward wasn't around. I had vague memories of him during the two days I was freed for Edward's funeral. He made me eat, made sure I had everything I needed and was never alone. Then he held my hand the entire day of the funeral.

Maybe… maybe going back would help me move on, too. Of course, it could also send me in a tailspin of memories and flashbacks, but I wouldn't know until I was actually there.

"No, I… I can do it," I said, turning to face the three men staring at me, all with equal amounts of worry in their eyes. "Although, I'd like to go on record and say how fucked up it is that I'm the one here with the most experience in jail." Nothing better than the go-to defense mechanism of poor-timed humor.

Edward excused Jasper and Emmett, telling them we'd be out for dinner in a few minutes. He stood and leaned against the front of the desk and stared at me where I continued to pace across the room.

"You really don't have to. I don't want you to torture yourself over this."

"I know, but if it'll help Jasper and Alice finally get through to Jared, I'll do it. And maybe it'll help me, too. Going back, seeing it all from a different perspective might help me forget."

Edward watched me as I paced for a few more minutes. Eventually my stress started to disappear and I was able to relax. I wrapped my arms around Edward and took three deep breaths before we went out to meet everyone for dinner.

Dinner was a quiet affair for me. I ate my food, which now tasted like cardboard, and replied whenever anyone asked me a question, but that was it. I panicked for a minute when Alice and Jasper stood and said they had exciting news to share, but quickly realized they weren't talking about the Jared thing.

"I'm pregnant!" Alice shrieked. Everyone surrounded her and Jasper, hugs were exchanged and the men congratulated each other.

"I'm so happy for you," I whispered to Alice as I gave her a tight hug. Her and Jasper had been trying for over a year for a baby. Maggie and Jared were already nearly adults by the time they adopted them, and it was obvious Alice was longing for a child of her own.

A while later everyone dispersed. Edward and I were quiet in the car, but that wasn't unusual. We didn't need to constantly talk, we could comfortably sit in silence together without it being odd or awkward.

When we got home, Edward said he had some work to take care of. So, with a quick kiss he went to his office and I went to bed.

Not to sleep. I got in bed, dressed in one of Edward's t-shirts and nothing else and just sat there. My back against the headboard while I picked at a loose string on the blanket in my lap. It was one of those times where my mind was too full. There were too many things to worry about so it was just… blank.

I looked at the clock for the first time all night when Edward wandered in. Two am. I should be exhausted, but I wasn't.

"You should be asleep," Edward said, shrugging off his jacket and coming to stand next to the bed. "Are you okay?"

My shrug was the only answer I had. "Tonight was just… a lot, I guess."

Edward looked at me for a minute before he retreated to the closet without a word. I frowned but stayed in my spot in bed. Ten minutes later Edward emerged from the closet with two bags over his shoulders.

"Are – are you going somewhere?" I asked, panic starting to well up in my chest.

"Wherever you'd like. For the weekend, just me and you." Oh.

"But I'm sure you've got –"

"I've got a wife who has had a shitty day. Where shall we go?" Edward looked at me, eyes wide with excitement. He was standing in the bedroom doorway, still in his suit from yesterday, ready to hop on a plane because I had a bad day. The lengths he went to make me smile made me want to burst into tears, but I held it in.

"Maybe… a cabin somewhere?" Being secluded from the rest of the world sounded nice. A warm cabin with snow falling outside would be ideal, but it was spring so I would probably have to let go of the snow.

"Okay, let's go," Edward said, nodding his head toward the door.

"I… need pants," I said dumbly. I was still only in Edward's shirt.

Edward threw his head back with a laugh. "You put on some pants and I'll wait for you downstairs, okay?" I nodded, and Edward turned to leave.

"Edward?" I shouted after him. When he came back inside I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Thank you."

Dark…

It was late morning when Edward and I pulled up to a picture-perfect cabin. I wasn't even sure what state we were in, but it wasn't important. There was even a light coating of snow on the ground despite the time of year it was.

Within an hour of arriving we were in comfortable clothes curled up on the couch in front of a fire. The house was luxurious, of course, but this was all I wanted. Edward and a comfy spot in front of a fire.

Edward didn't push me to talk. He sat with me and let me sort out my own thoughts. We had been together long enough to know when to push and when to wait. For the first hour or two we were here my mind was still a jumbled mess of thoughts; thoughts about Felix and Demetri and what I would have to do in a few days with Jared. Especially thoughts about Alice's announcement.

"It isn't… I never wanted children," I whispered eventually. "They're just so much work and responsibility, and I have a lot of parental issues." Saying I had a lot of parental issues was putting it lightly. I hadn't said a word to Renee since I found out she wasn't my mother. Charlie and I wrote sometimes, but the letters were getting fewer and farther apart. I had absolutely no idea where my biological mother was, and I put four bullets through my biological father's chest. Parental issues was an understatement.

"I never wanted to put another kid through what I went through. I always thought I would mess them up. Make them like me."

"You're not messed up," Edward interjected.

"I'm not the most… stable person. You're the only one that keeps me grounded." I sighed. "But it's different, making the decision for myself with the option to change my mind, and having it ripped away from me."

Edward's hands trailed under my t-shirt and stopped on the scar on my abdomen. It was faded now, but still noticeable if you were looking. Edward's hands knew exactly where it was without having to see my skin. "There are… options if you want a child," he said hesitantly.

"I don't think it's that I want any child. I would want yours. Ours." I twisted in his lap so I could look at him. "We would have a little boy and he would be a miniature you with crazy hair. Maybe my eyes."

There was this recurring dream I had. Edward standing in a nursery, obviously decorated for a boy, with a tiny baby in his arms. It was always a short dream, just me standing in the doorway watching them.

"I don't think about it a lot. But then days like yesterday make the floodgates open," I finished. Edward reached up and swiped away a few tears that had fallen down my cheeks.

"I think we would have had a little girl," Edward said, the tenderness in his voice taking me by surprise. "She would be just like you, sweet and passionate and talented as hell. It would be a third job of mine to keep boys away from her, though."

There was no need for me to ask Edward how he felt about having a child now. We had the same conversation a dozen times over the years. He would have had a child because it was expected, and he would have loved them because they were part of us, but he didn't need one.

When I was twenty I was vehemently against having a kid of my own. I didn't think I could handle it and not mess them up like Renee did to me. Now, if I had the option, I would try to get pregnant. But I didn't have that option, because Aro, and Carlisle, took it away from me.

It was times like this when any residual guilt over what I had done so long ago disappeared completely.

A few hours later I was sitting cross-legged on a marble countertop, a bowl of pasta in my hands. Edward sat on the counter across from me, eating his own dinner. It was an extravagant kitchen that deserved a professional chef to use it to its full extent, not the two of us who ordered food and used the counterspace as a sitting area.

"Are you sure you'll be okay to deal with Jared?"

"Yes. He's an asshole to everyone in the family. If I can get him out of that phase, I'll try."

"I don't care about helping him, I care about what it's going to do to you," Edward said bluntly.

"It's not going to be pleasant, I know that, but maybe it'll help me. I haven't been there since…" Since I walked out of the precinct, not knowing if Carlisle was telling me the truth about Edward.

Fuck.

Dark…

The day after we got back from our little weekend getaway, I was on my way to the precinct where I spent over a year behind bars. The closer we got, the more I started regretting my decision.

We all thought Jared would listen more if I was the only one there. He seemed to act up more around other people, so I didn't even have Edward here to keep me calm. He was just down the street in his office, where I would head immediately after this was over.

Jasper had gone about this whole thing very professionally. He talked to the police chief and asked permission and everything. They all readily agreed, having had so many issues with Jared in the past. My only condition had been that Riley Biers was nowhere near the building while I was here.

I was dressed casually enough; a flowy button-down shirt tucked into a pair of dark jeans. When the car stopped in front of the precinct, I made no move toward the door. When Ben opened the door for me, I still made no move to get out. Every muscle in my body was revolting against what my brain was telling it to do.

"Bella?" Jasper stuck his head in the car.

"Yeah?" I asked, looking over at him like nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Fine. Everything's fine." That was a lie. Nothing was fine.

"Um, Jared's inside."

"Good. I will be there in a minute," I said, closing the door as Jasper backed away. Pulling my phone out with shaking hands, I quickly dialed Edward.

"Are you done already?" he asked the second he picked up.

"No. I haven't gone in. I just –" I can't get locked up in there again. I can't go back to that life.

"Nothing is going to happen to you, Bella. I wouldn't let you get taken away from me again."

I wouldn't let you get taken away from me again. No, he wouldn't. Edward would never let me go in there if he thought anything bad was going to happen.

"Okay," I said. "Okay, I'm good now. Thank you."

"Call me as soon as you're done, okay?"

"I will."

We hung up and I swung the door open. The sooner I got in there the sooner this could all be over with. I walked up the same path I had taken with Edward so long ago, and through the doors to the station.

Everything looked the same as it did before. Desks in the back, a receptionist area in the front where an officer was sitting. It was pretty empty, I assumed because Jared and I were here.

Jared was sitting in a chair off to the side. Jasper said something to him before walking out, giving me a squeeze on my shoulder as he passed.

"I've been arrested before. I don't know why we're doing this," Jared grumbled, walking over to me. He wasn't as tall as Edward, but he was at least a few inches taller than me. He was built similarly to Emmett but didn't have the muscles to match him. By all accounts, I should be intimidated by him. I didn't scare easily, though.

"You've been arrested as a minor and held until your parents could come get you. There's a difference between that and actually being charged with a crime," I told him.

"They fingerprint me and lock me up. It's the same process."

"No, it's not," I said, walking past the reception and into the main area. I found the familiar desk and saw a chair right where it was that night. I kicked the leg as I walked past. "This is where I sat an hour after Aro Volturi tried to kill me. They brought me here immediately instead of a hospital. That was when they decided I was guilty."

I kept walking, toward the interrogation room. Surprisingly, I could hear Jared following me. Opening the door, everything was the same. "Sit down," I told Jared.

He did. He sat exactly where I did that first night I was arrested. I grabbed the hair at the back of his head, probably a little too roughly. "This is where a detective slammed my head into the table because I wouldn't talk without a lawyer." I shoved his head away and left the room, memories of that night flashing before my eyes.

I went down the hallway toward the stairs that led to the jail. Cells lined the wall, but they were all empty. Before I went there, I turned right to the visiting room. Jared was behind me again, and I pushed him inside.

"This is where I was cuffed and nearly beaten to death to keep quiet about everything I knew. It was the only room I saw anybody in for months before the trial started."

I backed out of the room quickly and went down the hall to the third cell down. This was where I lived for over a year. Everything was exactly the same. Small cot in the corner and not much else. The door was open, but there was no way I was walking in it.

Jared slowly walked toward me. I looked at him for just a moment and didn't see his usual cockiness on his features. "This is where all of my freedom and dignity and self-respect was stripped away from me."

Jared walked in the cell slowly and looked around. It was cruel, but the second he was inside I slid the door shut, hearing the all-too-familiar grinding of metal and click of the lock.

"Hey!" Jared shouted, walking over and trying to pull it open.

"You've been taken in on petty, minor issues. If you keep pulling shit like that, keep fighting Alice and Jasper at every turn, you will end up here for more than a few hours. You may not like it, but you're a Cullen – "

"I never asked to be a Cullen!" Jared shouted at me.

"Neither did I. But I love my husband, so I accepted the name and everything that came with it. You're a Cullen and you need to understand that the authorities will try and pin even the most minor of charges on you to be able to say they locked up a member of this family.

"Alice and Jasper saved you from a hell of a lot of hurt when they adopted you. It's been years. They gave you a good home, bought you anything you could possibly need. It's time you start showing them some fucking respect.

"You can pretend that you don't care, but I know you do. I know you care about your sister at the very least. Don't put her through hell watching you get locked up for the rest of your life. You may think it's not a big deal now, but after a few weeks in that cell you'll start regretting every decision you've ever made."

With that, I turned around on my heel and started toward the stairs.

"Hey, let me out!" Jared shouted.

Ignoring him, I kept walking up the stairs and toward the door. While my legs dragged as I walked in, they were now very eager to get toward the door. I halted for a moment, right when I got outside, and reveled in the warm sun on my face. Then I rushed to the car and got the hell away from there.

A/N: I hope you're all sticking with me. So much more to come. As always, thank you to everyone reading/reviewing. 90+ reviews on the first four chapters? Insane. I love hearing from you, so thank you! See ya next time.