I've seen the world, lit it up as my stage now. Channeling angels in the new age now. Hot summer days, rock and roll. The way you'd play for me at your show. And all the ways I got to know your pretty face and electric soul. ~ Lana Del Rey, Young and Beautiful
BPOV
I was very lucky early on in my career. When I got my first role, I had absolutely no representation. Everything moved very fast after that, and despite the hurried way I found my team, I had been with them since the beginning. Heidi always looked out for me. She was hard as nails and never took no for an answer when there was something I wanted. Claire knew the kinds of stories I would be okay with online, and the kind that I wanted rebutted before I knew myself. And Kate took better care of me than any mother of mine ever did.
So, it wasn't surprising that at ten in the morning the night after I told Heidi I wanted fifty scripts, there were three boxes full of them outside my door. A familiar adrenaline rushed through my veins as I carried them upstairs.
The clock caught my eye, and I realized it had been a while since I heard from Edward. He never came back after he left late last night, but that wasn't unusual.
Are you alive? I texted. There was no need for me to know where he was or what he was doing, that was never what I worried about. He knew if I hadn't heard from him overnight or for more than a few hours I would start to get worried. No matter what he was doing, he always replied immediately.
Yes, love.
Instant relief flooded my body, and I was able to relax. I changed into some comfortable black leggings and one of Edward's t-shirts. Grabbing the first script from the box, I quickly turned the cover over. I didn't want to know what it was called or who was directing or anything like that. I wanted my opinion on the project to be based solely on the words in front of me, not on anything else.
Halfway through the day I had to grab my reading glasses because my eyes were starting to blur, but other than that, I spent the entire day sprawled out on the bed with a script in my hand. I had a highlighter and a pen next to me at all times and made various notes in a few spots.
There were three piles surrounding me. The first were my favorites, there were only five scripts there after I got through about half of the pile. The second were the maybe's, the ones I would settle for it none of my favorites worked out. Then, there was the absolute reject pile. That one was the biggest. I couldn't just choose any film. It had to be perfect.
The urge to get back to work had been getting stronger and stronger the last few months, but an irrational fear kept me back. I didn't want it to put another target on Edward or me. There was nothing worth putting him in danger. There was also a nagging voice in my head that kept telling me I couldn't do it.
Professionally, it was hard coming back after my arrest. No one wanted to work with me or be associated with me. I had to practically beg everyone to let me make reputation and then beg people to be part of it. Now, it was obvious it was worth it, but before it came out everyone was skeptical about how the public would receive it.
And now, I had been out of the public for a long time again. I still saw the specials they did on me, and heard the jokes made about the situation from time to time. People still talked about the trial and people still called me a murderer. That would never change.
I didn't know if it was possible for me to make yet another successful comeback. It seemed like it was all I did. But, hearing Luka say people were calling his daughter the new me… that was infuriating.
Edward was right. I liked being the best. I liked excelling at what I put my mind to. There was nothing wrong with that. That's also why I was so willing to help Edward with whatever he wanted.
I surprised myself with my willingness once he admitted it was something he thought about, bringing his work to Hollywood. Of course, I would always do anything for him, but that used to mean anything within the law.
Now, I wasn't so bogged down by that rule. I should be, but I wasn't. Being arrested should have scared any inkling of breaking the law out of my brain, but it just made me angry at the entire system. I wouldn't plan anything myself, obviously I wasn't very good at that part.
But, if Edward needed information on how Hollywood worked and how to use it best to his advantage, I could do that. My desire to be the best in Hollywood had started to cross over to my family life. Edward was the best in Chicago, and I could help him stay there. So, I would.
Flipping the latest script closed, I tossed it in the no pile. I stretched my arms out, rolling on my back and hearing a few of my muscles pop in protest of being still for so long. Somehow, I had ended up on my stomach facing the foot of the bed.
"Comfortable?" Edward's voice sounded through the room. When I opened my eyes, he was standing over me, smirking down.
"Very," I said, smiling as he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.
"Have you made any decisions?" Edward asked, looking at the piles of scripts surrounding me.
"Not yet," I said, eying the small stack of ones I actually liked.
"Everyone is here for dinner."
Shit. Saturday dinner was here tonight, and I had absolutely nothing ready. "Fuck, I –"
"I brought food home. Alice and Rosalie are setting it up as we speak." How he did it, I'll never know. But, somehow Edward always thought of everything.
"Thank you." I got out of bed, stretching yet again, and ended up with my arms around Edward's neck. After getting dressed quickly in some jean shorts and a loose-fitting tank top I wandered downstairs while Edward took a shower.
"Hey, sorry about this," I told the girls as they placed food around the table.
"No worries! I've been craving a good steak anyway," Alice said with a smile. She was starting to gain a little weight and had a cute little stomach protruding from her dress now.
"So, Bella," Rosalie said as we were finishing up with the table. "Alice and I have started a bet, and we thought you and Edward might want in."
"What's the bet?" The entire Cullen family was too competitive. There were bets all of the time, always about the oddest things. A week ago, Emmett and Jasper got into a heated argument over who could eat the hottest pepper in the world. Both of them ended up vomiting in the kitchen sink.
"Who can go the longest without sex," Alice said, a sinister smirk on her face.
No, thank you. "I'm out," I said with a huff. It was rare that Edward or I participated in any of the bets, but that was definitely not one I would even consider. It just seemed… cruel. "Why would you put yourself through that?"
"It's exciting. All the teasing, wondering who is going to cave first…" Rosalie said, a wistful look on her face.
"You know what else is exciting?" I asked. "Getting laid."
It made no sense to me, willingly depriving yourself of the companionship of your partner. Maybe it was because for so long Edward and I were deprived without a choice, or maybe it was because I went for so long thinking I would never see him again. Never get to feel his lips against mine or be able to run my fingers through his hair.
"Sex isn't just an orgasm," I said, mostly talking to myself. "It's connecting with your partner. Having an intimate moment just the two of you know about can be better than the actual act itself."
I finished setting out all of the silverware and looked up to see four sets of eyes all on me. Alice and Rosalie looked about ready to combust. Then Emmett and Jasper, who must have snuck in while I was distractedly talking to myself, looked amused and confused.
"Edward's either horrible or spectacular in bed," Jasper whispered to Emmett.
"It's the latter," I said, passing them both and going back to the kitchen for a pitcher of water.
"Besides," I continued as I came back with the water. "We were celibate for over a year. So, unless you all plan on beating that, we already won."
"What did we win?" Edward asked, coming downstairs with wet hair and a black t-shirt that clung to every muscle in his chest. Yes, it was a very good thing we weren't participating in this ridiculous bet.
"The bet on who can go longest without sex. Those four seem to think it's some fun contest. I think it's torture."
Despite the odd topic of conversation, I would miss these weekly get togethers when I went back to work. I would have to be in Los Angeles or somewhere else for at least three months, probably longer to film whatever project I chose. It would be worth it, though. I would make sure of it.
Later that night, long after everyone left, I was back in my spot on the bed, but this time Edward joined me. He sat at the head of the bed with his computer in his lap working while I laid on my stomach facing the foot, a script in front of me. The steady sound of his typing fingers was surprisingly comforting in the otherwise silent room.
I clicked my pen, intending to make a small note in the margin of the page I was currently reading, when the typing stopped and a warm hand started to creep along my thigh.
"So, the intimate moment is better than the finish?" Edward asked, his legs suddenly straddling my hips and his head buried in my shoulder. I sighed at the steady weight of him pinning me to the bed.
"Huh?" I asked, already forgetting what his original question was.
"Did you know you talk to yourself when you're reading scripts?" he asked, his lips trailing from my neck to my cheek and chin. "You don't do it when you read anything else. It's adorable."
When his hands started to roam my back and one eventually snuck under the cotton shorts I was wearing, I knew we were both done working for the night. The pen fell from my hand and I pushed the script away. It fell to the floor with a solid thud.
Edward situated himself more fully on top of me, and I clenched my thighs when I felt his hard length press against me. This is exactly why I could never participate in that bet. Just a few touches and I was already past the point of no return.
I needed Edward like I needed air. It wasn't the healthiest way to think of it, I supposed I could survive without him. But it would be a miserable existence.
When the hand that had found its way under my shorts found the wet, needy flesh waiting for it, Edward groaned from above me and slowly pushed two fingers inside. Not enough.
"Fuck, you feel good," he grunted into my ear. I blamed the gruff, breathiness of his voice on the embarrassing whimper I let out.
Another, louder, protest escaped my lips when his fingers were suddenly gone and he sat up, leaving my upper body cold and alone. Then, my shirt and shorts were frantically ripped away from me so I couldn't complain.
"You're so…" Edward said, his hands pressing into the skin of my back and rubbing in gentle but firm circles. "Soft and warm and fucking perfect."
Edward flipped me over onto my back and I gasped as I saw him above me. He lost his clothes at some point, and the sight of his bare skin made me gasp. He always told me I was perfect, but I was pretty sure it was the other way around. He was all muscles, but not overly bulky like Emmett. He was strong and lean and exuded power.
All at once, Edward leaned back down over me, captured my lips with his, and slowly pushed himself inside me. I could feel myself clench around him, holding him to me in any way I could.
As Edward started to move, I opened my eyes and saw him hovering over me. This is what I was talking about. This moment where Edward looked at me like I was the only thing that mattered in the entire world. That look was worth a million orgasms.
My hands got knotted in his hair as he started increasing his rhythm, his hips pounding into mine with a force that caused my entire body to shake.
"I love you, I love you, I love you," I panted, my hands gripping any part of him I could get my fingers on.
"Bella," Edward grunted, his lips and teeth nipping at my neck. His hand cupped the back of my head, forcing me to look him in the eyes. "Come for me, baby girl."
Seconds later I did as he said and felt him as he spilled his release into me.
I protested, somewhat weakly, as Edward wrapped me up in his arms and carried me to the shower. The entire time we were in there I had to keep one hand on his shoulder just to keep myself standing. I was a little more lucid by the time the water turned off and a towel was wrapped around me.
"Did you find anything that you liked?" Edward asked as he started to move some scripts that were left around the room. I had a few piles on the bedside tables.
"Don't mess with the system!" I shouted, going over and making sure my piles were still correct.
"What's the system?" He replied with a chuckle.
"These," I said, holding up the stack he was about to move. "Are maybes." I set them off to the side, on the side table in the sitting area of our room. Then I grabbed a handful of others that were on the other bedside table and dropped them into an empty box. "No's."
Then I grabbed the small stack I had placed on the floor by the bed. "These are the five I've found so far that I would actually consider. I still have about fifteen left to read through."
"Can I look at them?" Edward asked, a cute smile on his face. He looked genuinely happy to get to look through them.
"Of course. I want to know which your favorite is."
He started looking at the scripts, one by one, simply skimming the title page and the first few after that. He froze when he got to the last one in the stack. "Savage?" He asked, his voice quiet but confused.
"Yeah. It's probably the best in there, but Heidi put a note in it that said they're about to sign some other girl. Lawrence is directing, so it would have been fun," I shrugged. It really was the best out of all of the scripts I had read so far. There could be a diamond in the rough in the last few I had to go through, but it was doubtful.
Savage was dirty and gritty and a complete one-eighty from what I was used to. I hadn't really acted in years. It was months before I did Welcome to the Badlands that I ever had to act as someone other than myself. I wanted a challenge, and Savage would be the biggest challenge of them all.
It was about the life and mentality of a Russian girl who became one of the highest ranking unofficial spies for the government, but eventually started working for the United States as well. She was ruthless and lethal and just trying to save herself. It wouldn't do me any good to get attached to it. Heidi left a note on top of it saying they were in the very last stages of signing someone else to the role.
Edward was still staring intently at the script in his hands. "This is the role Luka and Katrina were talking about, the one that is making her the next you."
Hated that saying.
People thinking they were the new me.
I'm still here.
Typically, I backed off of a role if I knew it was already cast. But, Heidi said nothing was official with this one yet, which is why she included it in the bunch. If I really wanted it, I could still try for it.
"That would be a nice little slap in the face, wouldn't it?" I asked, thinking Edward would get a kick out of it.
"I don't want you doing this because of them. I want you to choose a project you want to do and do it in your own time," Edward said, surprisingly softly.
"I'm not doing anything because of them. This is what I want. That really is the best script in there. Heidi wouldn't have included it if she didn't think I could take it. I'll go to Los Angeles next week and meet with Lawrence."
Edward sighed, but I could also see the eagerness in his expression. The desire to take absolutely everything away from Luka. "If you're sure it's what you want."
"I'm sure."
…Dark…
Three days later I was landing in Los Angeles. I had a meeting with Lawrence in two hours, and another with my entire team after that. It felt good to be working again, even though I hadn't done much yet.
My time off with Edward had been wonderful, and much needed, but we both knew I would never be the kind of person to be content cleaning all day and waiting for him to come home all night.
I pulled my phone out as I got into the waiting car, and Ben drove us toward the city.
Just landed. I texted Edward and got a response immediately.
Good. Stay safe.
Years ago, I would have rolled my eyes at his warning. Now, I knew how prone I was to causing trouble. A little extra luck could never hurt.
Smoothing out the lines of my simple grey and white striped cotton dress, I did my best to clear my mind before we got to the restaurant. This wasn't an official meeting by any means, to anyone else it would just look as though we were two friends catching up for lunch. Lawrence knew what I wanted, though.
We were meeting at a typical Los Angeles restaurant; most people were already sitting outside, but we would be in a back corner. The hostess didn't wait for me to even say my name before she grabbed a menu and started walking me through the restaurant. I lucked out with no paparazzi waiting for me, but I knew by the time I left there would be a crowd.
"Lawrence," I said with a smile, seeing my old friend already seated at the table. He stood and gave me a friendly hug before we both sat.
We went through all of the basics as we ordered, fulfilling the 'friendly catchup' portion of the meeting. I didn't beat around any bushes when there was a lull in the conversation.
"I want Savage."
"I knew you would," Lawrence said, looking slightly uncomfortable. "There are some people in the production company who had concerns when I brought up your name. I have to say, Bella, they're valid concerns."
"I'm the best. You know it and they know it, that's all that should matter."
"You were arrested and tried for murder. You're married to a man who –"
"I have no criminal record. My husband has no criminal record. You've known me since I was sixteen, Lawrence. I'm not who they make me out to be." Lawrence was the first person to take a chance on me. I just needed that faith one more time.
Lawrence sighed. "I know. You're phenomenal at what you do, but you still have a lot of baggage, Bella."
"Yes, six Academy Awards is quite a lot of baggage," I said with a friendly smirk. It would be easy you get angry at everything Lawrence was bringing up, but I expected it. When I made reputation, I had to have similar conversations with about a hundred people. No one respected a girl who had a quick temper and screamed to get her way.
Lawrence's smirk told me I hit the sweet spot. Anyone who chose to work with an inexperienced actress over someone with six Oscars was delusional, especially on a role like this. "I'll see what I can do. It's not only my decision."
"I know," I said, appreciating the fact that he would stick his neck out for me. With one meeting down, I had another to get to. I said my goodbyes to Lawrence and noticed the large group of men waiting outside the restaurant.
Ben was at the door waiting for me. He placed a hand on the center of my back and led the through the throng. This whole thing made me appreciate Chicago so much more.
There were a few people that still came to Chicago from time to time to see if they could catch me off guard, but overall it was paparazzi-free. I could walk down the street to the Starbucks and back to Edward's office without a crowd of twenty men following me. Two hours in Los Angeles and they were already on my tail.
When we got to Heidi's office Ben's driving had managed to lose a few of them, but there was still a small crowd around the door. Ben ushered me through, and I ended up in a conference room surrounded by Heidi, Claire, and Kate.
Kate had started working with Heidi at her offices. Heidi was my manager and agent, which was rare, but it worked for us. She worked for a larger group led by a few classic, money hungry Hollywood scum. Heidi was the only reason I stayed with them.
Kate worked as Heidi's assistant when she wanted to stop traveling so much as my assistant, and Claire was one of many publicists that worked with the company. Thankfully, they were the only ones I really had to deal with.
"How did it go with Lawrence?" Heidi asked, fumbling with some files in front of her. She was as put together as ever; perfect blond curls falling down her face and bright red lips popping against her tan skin.
"As well as it could have. He brought up the typical drawbacks but said he would see what he could do with the production company."
"Well, we've got a few things to discuss," Heidi said. "This is your new contract with Stewart & Kirkland," she told me, pushing one of the folders toward me. My current contract was just about up with the firm. I was killing a lot of birds with one trip up here. I picked up a pen, ready to sign the contract.
"Wait!" all three women shouted at me. My pen froze just above the paper.
"We have a… proposition for you," Kate said, looking a mixture of nervous and excited.
"We've been thinking about this a lot," Claire told me. "We all hate Stewart & Kirkland. They're assholes. We've been saving for a while, and now that you're back we thought it was a good time to talk to you about it."
I'm lost. "About what?"
"We want to open our own company. Kate and I will handle the management of the clients, and Claire and a few of her most trusted will handle the publicity."
"So, you're trying to poach me?" I asked with a smirk. It happened all of the time. People stealing high-profile clients from another company to get theirs off the ground.
"No, we care about you and don't want to leave you behind, it's different," Kate told me with a smile. "Besides, we need you as more than a client."
"Ah, you need money." It took a hell of a lot of money to run a company like this, especially starting out. They all looked incredibly guilty. It was pretty amusing. "Oh, don't look so guilty. I get it. Edward is always looking for something new to invest in. Give me information on what you have put together so far and I'll talk to him about it."
I was actually honored that they wanted me to be part of it. These were the people that helped me shape my career. I wouldn't want to stay with Stewart & Kirkland if they left, anyway.
"Either way, if you're all leaving then I'm going with you."
It was late by the time we finished. We had a lot of shit to get through, but I didn't mind the late work. I wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight anyway, not without Edward next to me.
You're going to have to for months if you get that part. The nagging voice in the back of my head told me. Bitch.
Tomorrow at this time I would be back in Chicago. That was what I needed to focus on now.
Then, my phone rang.
A/N: Who could it be? I guarantee it's not what you think. Nothing too intense... yet. Remember, I'll always give you a HEA.
As always, thank you to everyone reviewing! I love hearing your thoughts.
