A/N: There is some sensitive content in this chapter that could be triggering for some readers. A description is at the bottom of this chapter – please read that note before reading the chapter if you are sensitive to certain topics.
I want to have fun and be in love with you. I know that I'm a mess with my long hair and my suntan, short dress, bare feet. I don't care what they say about, what they say about me because I know that it's l-o-v-e. You make me happy, you make me happy. And I never listen to anyone. ~ Lana Del Rey, Lolita
BPOV
There were very few things as disgusting as filming a scene where you vomit. Currently, I was sitting in a dingy metal chair with a fake gun pressed into the back of my skull with a mouth full of mushroom soup. Like I said, disgusting.
My entire body was shaking, my eyes wide enough to convey the terror someone in this position would have. When I heard the click from behind me, I waited a few seconds before expelling the soup with a few coughs, catching my breath frantically.
"Cut!" Lawrence shouted, probably watching back what we had just done.
I leaned back in the uncomfortable chair as one of the girls from hair and makeup came over and started brushing out the chunks of soup that had gotten tangled in the ends of the blonde wig. I was infinitely relieved it wasn't in my actual hair.
It had been over a month since my accident. Which meant it had also been a month since I had seen my husband. We were in Budapest now so it was nearly impossible to catch each other on the phone without feeling guilty that you were keeping the other up.
Things were going smoothly, work wise. I loved my job, loved the challenge of playing this gritty, strong character, and it provided a good distraction from the constant hollow feeling I had in my chest.
Edward and I had barely spoken in a week. He was finalizing the production company, or at least I thought he was. I was pretty sure he was also fighting with Embry Call. I heard them on the phone one day before I left, and it was just a shouting match. For some reason, I wasn't worried about the perjury charge anymore. Maybe it was because Edward was taking care of it, because he didn't seem worried about it.
There was no doubt in my mind that if he thought we were looking at another situation similar to what we went through before, we would be holed up on the island again.
So, I focused on my job and did my best not to think about how lonely I was. I had Ben and Eric, though they were as quiet and stoic as ever. Angela was an employee first. She was a great assistant, but she was just that. She would talk to me if I needed, but I wasn't going to be spilling my deepest, darkest secrets with her.
This had been my life for years before I met Edward. I went from place to place, filming and promoting projects, but I never felt this alone then. Maybe it was because I had Kate, or perhaps I just didn't know what I was missing out on.
Maggie had started at Northwestern a week ago. Alec's fifth birthday was a couple days ago. Alice was getting further along in her pregnancy and was adorably round, or so I'm told.
I missed my family, and I missed my husband.
"You look fucking spectacular as a blonde," a deep, velvet voice said. One that I would recognize anywhere.
My eyes snapped open and there, standing in front of me, was Edward. I eyed him up and down, taking in the sexy charcoal grey suit and his usual disarray of copper hair.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, frozen in my seat. The woman fixing my hair left quietly. I wanted to jump up and wrap myself around him and never let go. But, I was covered in fake vomit.
"I missed you," Edward shrugged, like it was the simplest thing in the world. To him, it always was. If he wanted something he never second-guessed himself. He spared no expense when either of us wanted the smallest thing, whether it be a quick getaway for the weekend or a trip across the world just because he missed me. I love you, I love you, I love you.
"That's a wrap for today," was shouted across the area. Finally.
"I need to change and get this wig off. I'll be ready to go in about twenty minutes. You can go and I can meet you – "
Edward cut me off with a kiss to my nose. "Lead the way."
There were stares from everyone around us, and a few whispered conversations as we passed. For the most part, the cast and crew had been nothing but kind to me. There were a few that obviously had preconceived notions about who I was. I would walk on to set and they would suddenly stop talking, or I would catch them staring at me and whispering. It wasn't anything I hadn't had to deal with before, but I had seen Ben and Eric talking with the regular offenders more than once.
Edward walked with me to the hair and makeup trailer and watched from behind as two women worked to remove the blonde wig and the makeup covering my face and body. It was always such a relief to get the heavy makeup taken off at the end of the day. Edward actually looked a little sad to see the blonde wig go but perked up a bit again when he realized my natural hair was also a few shades lighter.
I knew he had a thing for blondes. Unfortunately, I had met one too many women who he had been with in the past, and every single one of them was blonde.
He followed me to my trailer when I was done, watching me carefully as I changed into yoga pants and a t-shirt. I couldn't help but notice he had the same scruff covering his face as he did the first night I was home after the accident. Edward never let his facial hair get out of control like that – he was always very clean shaven, very professional.
He told me I had said something about wanting to feel his beard against my thighs as he went down on me while I was high on pain meds. I may have been high at the time but looking at him now I couldn't help but think the same thing.
As we got in the waiting car, my mind was filled with flashbacks of the last two days I was home after the accident. I had finally convinced Edward I was healed enough for him to touch me and once he started, he never stopped. We spent two days in bed together, slowly reconnecting after weeks apart. Edward's touches were soft and sweet and reverent. It made me think he was just as lonely as I was.
Thankfully, the hotel I was staying at was only about a ten-minute drive from where we were. I sat as close to Edward as I could, with his arm wrapped around my shoulders. It was amazing how just sitting next to him put everything back in place for me. That frustrating hollow feeling was gone, and everything was just right. At least, it would be until he left.
"How long are you here?" I whispered into the dark, afraid to pop our happy bubble.
"Ten days."
I could feel my smile threatening to split my face in half. "That's longer than I expected." Twisting my head toward him, Edward bent down and gave me a quick kiss. As he pulled away he pressed his lips together, suppressing a smile.
What… Oh. Perfect. "I smell like mushroom soup, don't I?"
"Hmm. Taste like it, too," Edward said with another smile. We got out of the car, finally at the hotel, hand in hand.
"You couldn't have come on a day where I looked worse," I mumbled as we got to the elevator.
Edward chuckled, pressing his lips to the top of my head. As soon as we got to my suite I made a beeline for the bathroom, needing to brush my teeth a time or two. After I rinsed my mouth out for the last time, Edward appeared behind me. His hands rested on my waist, pulling my back against his chest.
"I love watching you work," he whispered, his hands roaming freely along my abdomen and down my legs.
"You do?" It was surprising to me. I always assumed it would be boring for anyone else, especially Edward. I knew he didn't really care about films and only watched things I was in or I forced him to watch. I didn't mind, I didn't expect him to fake interest or change himself for me.
"You don't realize the… presence you have when you're working, when you're anywhere really. You walk into the room and everyone stops and stares. They admire you, they want to be you… they fear you." As he spoke, Edward lifted my t-shirt above my head, giving himself access to more bare skin to roam. "You exude power when you're in your element. It is quite," to accentuate his point, Edward gripped my hips fiercely and pulled me back against his hard length, "the turn on."
I had the urge to roll my eyes at him saying that, but I had felt the same thing a time or two. Edward intimidated nearly everyone he met. There was something about knowing I had him, this powerful man, in the palm of my hand. Maybe it was the same for him. Though I wouldn't say I was nearly as intimidating or fear-inducing as he was.
It was a combination of things, really, that made me lose any sense of self control. The way Edward's fingers dug into my flesh like he never wanted to let me go. There was the warm breath on my neck, and the fire behind his eyes as they met mine in the mirror. Don't get me started on the fucking stubble that was scratching against my shoulder. Add in the fact that it had been over four weeks since I had seen him, touched him, tasted him, and I was completely desperate.
Before Edward could stop me, I quickly turned to face him and started tearing at the suit that was in my way. We were a mess of limbs and flailing clothing as we stumbled into the shower. Before I could enjoy the warm water, Edward had me pressed against the cold tile locked in a kiss that took my breath away, literally.
"I believe I made a promise the last time I saw you." Edward kissed his way down my shoulders, making me completely forget what he said as he sucked, bit, and pulled at my nipples. It wasn't until he knelt in front of me, lifting one of my legs over his shoulder, that I remembered the promise. I'll let you try out the scruff sometime.
If it wasn't for Edward's firm grip on each of my legs, I would have fallen the second he leaned forward and kissed my inner thigh. Then again when he started slow, long licks along my swollen flesh, and again as he sucked my clit while two fingers pushed me toward a mind-blowing orgasm.
So much better than when I have to do it myself.
"What?" Edward asked, looking up at me with a mixture of surprise and mischief on his face.
"Huh?" Panting, my mind was still mush.
"What do you mean better that when you have to do it yourself?" Edwards voice was deep and his grip on my legs still strong. "How often do you do it yourself?"
Oh, shit. "Not… often," I admitted. "And it's not very good, either." I had never been big on self-pleasure, not that I saw anything wrong with it. But, there were a few times after a stressful day working that I just needed some kind of release.
"Why isn't it good?" Edward stood, finally setting my leg back down on the ground. He looked far too concerned for this to simply be a conversation about masturbation.
"Because it's not you."
Suddenly I was thrown over Edward's shoulder as he left the shower. Whenever I squirmed Edward's hand landed with a firm smack on my ass. He probably thought of it as a sort of punishment, but it was the farthest thing from that.
Edward plopped me down on the bed, then situated himself behind me, I fit perfectly between his legs. He grabbed one of my hands in his and guided it down between my legs.
"You should be able to satisfy yourself when I'm not around," he whispered, his warm breath right at my ear. "First, you should rub your clit, just like this." Edward took our joined hands and followed his own instructions, using his hand to guide mine. "Then, take these two fingers and…" I felt myself clench around my own fingers as Edward slowly guided them.
"Edward, I –" I stuttered as Edward brought up his other hand, intertwined with mine, and cupped my breast. "I know the mechanics, Edward." Physically, I could do it. It just wasn't as enjoyable alone.
"Next time you need help, call me. I'll talk you through it. Now, get on your hands and knees." Edward's voice was gruff and demanding. I followed his instructions, my body humming with desire as Edward knelt behind me.
He entered me slowly the first time, but that was the only thing slow. Edward set a punishing pace, pounding into me as he gripped my hips. My arms gave out from under me, my head falling to the bed.
So good.
So full.
"Speak up, Isabella," Edward grunted, a hand coming down on my ass with a satisfying smack.
"Harder," I breathed out, unable to say much more. Edward showed no mercy then, his cock entering me at a pace I didn't even know was possible. The noises coming out of me were downright embarrassing, but I couldn't find it in me to care. I was completely surrounded by Edward; his scent all over me, his hands dragging along my back and thighs and hips, his voice echoing in the dark room. Edward. Everywhere.
My entire body collapsed, my hips held up only by Edward's firm grip. "Almost there, baby," he panted. The unadulterated pleasure in his voice, sent me over the edge, screaming out Edward's name. Just seconds later I felt Edward come inside me in three long spurts.
Somehow, minutes later, I ended up under the covers and wrapped up in Edward's arms. His skin was warm with a light sheen of sweat on it, but it didn't matter. I was too comfortable to even think about moving an inch.
"Love you," I mumbled, already half asleep. I heard Edward's murmured love right before I drifted off.
As usual, my alarm went off and it felt like I had just fallen asleep. This time, it was actually true, though. The last time I looked at the clock last night it had been about two in the morning. I had a four am call time so here I was at three in the morning, completely spent and sore in the best spots.
Edward was snoring softly next to me, so I quickly shut off the alarm and snuck out from underneath his heavy arm. I knew my husband and I knew he needed at least three hours of sleep to be able to function. It wasn't an outlandish request, three hours of sleep probably wasn't the healthiest of habits for him to be in, but it just worked for him. Anything less and he was grumpier than usual.
So, I tried to be as quiet as possible as I stumbled around the hotel room, pulling on a pair of black yoga pants and stealing the button-down shirt Edward had worn yesterday. It was wrinkly and obviously worn, but I didn't care. It smelled like him. No one cared what I wore to set anyway, half of the men showed up in pajama bottoms.
I couldn't stop myself from leaning down to kiss away the frown lines on Edward's forehead as he slept. He was too cute to ignore, looking all sleepy and content.
"Where are you going?" he asked, nearly giving me a heart attack. He never even moved, so I assumed he was still asleep.
"To work. Go back to sleep." I gave him another quick kiss just because I could.
In the dim light, I saw Edward's eyes scan the alarm clock. "Jesus, you should have said you needed to get up at four in the fucking morning. I shouldn't have kept you up so late." Edward threw the comforter off of him, obviously about to get out of bed, but I pushed him back.
"I'm going to go sit in a makeup chair for a few hours, then sit around for another hour until they're ready for me. I can squeeze in a nap or two. You need to sleep, too." Edward finally relented, leaning back into the bed. "Besides, last night was totally worth it."
It didn't take much convincing to get Edward to go back to bed. One more kiss and he relaxed back into the sheets and his soft snores followed me as I left.
Despite what I told Edward, I never got a nap. I tried as I sat back in the makeup trailer, but memories of last night kept flashing through my mind and made it impossible to relax. Every sore muscle reminded of me of the deliciously naked man probably snoring away in my hotel room.
It really wasn't smart of me to stay up all night with him considering the day I had ahead of me. It was literally torture. These weren't the first torture scenes I had ever had to do, so I knew from experience they were exhausting as hell. Still, I couldn't regret anything about last night.
Edward showed up just before we started for the day. He was unfairly well rested and looked far too delectable in the black button down and dark jeans he was wearing. Instead of focusing on my job, I had an internal debate about whether I preferred him in a suit or his casual wear instead. By the time the set was ready around me, I was still unsure.
We started off easy, the interrogation that mostly consisted of a lot of cursing in Russian. But I could tell that as things got more intense, as I had to scream and grunt in pain, Edward started getting uncomfortable. Whenever I allowed myself a glance in his direction he was incredibly tense, whispering with Ben and Eric. He was quiet when we had a short lunch together. I told him I wasn't actually in any pain despite how realistic the hits or screams looked.
As we got toward the end of the day, my exhaustion started to get the better of me. Things were getting reset around me and I took advantage of the few minutes of freedom to lean back and close my eyes. When we were finally done for the day, I stumbled over to where Edward was waiting, vaguely aware of Angela wrapping a soft robe around my shoulders.
"You didn't have to stay all day," I told him as we walked hand in hand toward the trailer where I could change. He stood in the background all day, simply watching me work. It had to have been a complete bore for him. At lunch I told him he could go and do whatever he wanted, but he wouldn't budge.
"I wasn't going to let anyone near you with a weapon and not be there to oversee it," Edward said simply. He finally looked a little more relaxed. Had he come all this way just because he knew we were shooting these kinds of scenes? He didn't trust people to even act like they were hurting me?
"Did you fly all the way out here just for that?"
"It was why I chose the timing, yes. I was always planning to come visit you, I just didn't know when." Edward spoke as if it was no big deal, but the realization made me stop in my tracks. It was just the right amount of protectiveness. Edward was never overbearing, demanding that I not do something just because he didn't want me to or it made him uncomfortable. He was worried about my safety so he came here to watch over me. Compromise.
Sometimes, I still felt like the outcast. The shy girl that no one wanted to talk to in high school, or the new girl in Hollywood that everyone thought would be gone within a year. I didn't need a therapist to tell me I had attachment and trust issues, especially after finding out my parents weren't actually my parents.
Looking back on my life now, I wasn't sure I had ever felt very taken care of as a child. Charlie and I would spend time together, but it was never a lot. He worked, which was understandable. Renee didn't, but she spent most of her time with Jane. I was usually on my own.
Then, I grew up quickly once I hit sixteen. I started taking care of myself because I had learned that I couldn't rely on anyone else. By eighteen I was able to completely take care of myself and my so-called family. I didn't need anyone to help me or look out for me anymore.
But it was when Edward came along that I realized how deprived I was. I had friends and boyfriends, but nothing as serious or meaningful and I thought they were. No one really cared about me, they cared about what I could do for them.
No one but Edward had ever put my needs above theirs time and time again. No matter how often it happened, it was something that always made me emotional. I didn't need him to take care of me, but he did it because he wanted to.
"Let's get you something to eat and then in bed," he told me, completely unaware of the mental detour I had just taken.
I was dead on my feet by the time we got back to the hotel. There was food waiting for us, but I was too tired to eat. I was pretty sure I fell asleep on Edward's shoulder as we ate dinner. Then, somehow, I ended up in the shower with all of the grime and sweat from the day suddenly washed off. When I finally relaxed into bed, I was surrounded by Edward's scent, his arms around me and my head resting in the crook of his neck.
…Dark…
My ten days with Edward got me through the last month and a half of filming. I loved my job, loved this challenging project, but it was still just that: a challenge. Every day was hard, physically and emotionally. Being away from my family, Edward especially, was a drain on me. And, for some reason, I had agreed to go to Los Angeles for a few days right after Savage wrapped to guest star in the series finale of Unknown.
Edward was less than thrilled when I told him about it, but I felt a sense of obligation to the show. Most of the people working on it were nothing but kind, and it had been a good stepping stone for me. The only downside was that I would have to see Jacob. Unsurprisingly, Katrina's character was killed off a while ago.
That's how I got here; in another makeup chair at four in the morning. Today was my last day here, and it would be a short day. I should wrap in the late afternoon and then I could go home. I was practically salivating at the thought of sleeping in my own bed tonight. Edward had to be at some charity event, and I was hoping to surprise him there if I got done early enough.
There was one thing that was bugging me, though. Jacob had talked about Katrina a few times since I had been here. They were obviously still together, not that I cared, but I was worried about why they were together. It couldn't be to make me jealous, anyone with half a brain would see that I didn't care about anyone like that other than my husband.
Despite his shitty attitude toward me, Jacob was fairly well liked in this industry. He had been working on Unknown for over a decade, and he knew how to put on a good attitude when he needed to. Which got him a good number of connections through the years.
I had a sneaking suspicion that the Petrov's were trying to use him to get more connections, and Edward had said the same. Every time I saw Jacob I felt a pang of guilt, like I had put him in this potentially dangerous situation. He may be an asshole, but he didn't deserve to be in the middle of a mob war.
That guilt followed me around all day. So, by the time I was done for the day I made an impulsive, possibly stupid decision.
"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked Jacob as he stood with Sam, who gave me a look like I was insane. I probably am, Sam.
"Sure, sure," Jacob replied, looking both shocked and confused. But also, a little… off. I couldn't tell exactly what it was. He followed me to my trailer, and I told Ben to wait outside. This was something Jacob wouldn't want to talk about with others present. I would be lucky if he would talk about it with just me.
The trailer was surprisingly nice; kind of like a long, mini apartment. Jacob made himself comfortable on the couch on one side, and I leaned against the small counter, just a few feet across from him.
"You're still with Katrina Petrov, right?" I asked, suddenly unsure what I should say, how I should bring any of this up.
"Yeah. Jealous?" Jacob joked, but I could see it for what it was. A defense mechanism. When I first met him, he wasn't this cocky asshole that he turned out to be. He was warm and kind and talented. But, I found out later it was all an act. I had to remember who he really was.
"No. I just… wanted to tell you to be careful. Don't trust her, or her family."
Jacob scoffed and rolled his eyes. "You're such a fucking hypocrite, Bella."
I probably deserved that. "I'm not telling you what to do, Jacob. I'm just telling you that they're not people you can trust."
"They would probably say the same about you." Ouch.
"You've known me for years, Jacob. I've never done anything to intentionally hurt you." This was not how I pictured this conversation going. Maybe I should have just left the whole thing alone.
Jacob stood and crossed the small space between us. He was now uncomfortably close, hovering a good foot above me. When I shifted just an inch to the right, to try and put some space between us, both of his hands wrapped around my wrists, pressing me further into the counter.
"Your testimony ruined my marriage," Jacob grunted. My instinct was to defend myself and tell him I was under oath, that I had to tell the truth, but I kept my mouth shut. I kept my mind on anything other than his hands around my wrists. "You destroy everything you touch. You ran off to Chicago, started fucking a bunch of criminals. Not that I can blame them, you were always a good fuck."
Before I could stop anything, Jacob's lips crashed down on mine, his movements becoming more harsh as I tried to tear myself away. He let go of one of my wrists and ripped the strap of the tank top I was wearing. I tried to push and shove him away, but he was like a wall of muscle.
"Jacob, stop!" I shouted, frantically trying to push his hands away from me. "Ben!" I screamed as loud as I could. Not a second later the door to the trailer slammed open and Jacob was tossed across the small space.
Grabbing at my torn top, I held it up as best I could as I backed away, watching Jacob fight a losing battle with Ben. I gasped as I backed into someone, but it was only Eric. Without a word, he took off his suit jacket and placed it around my shoulders, gently pushing me outside.
We sat in the car for ten minutes in complete silence. The only thing I could hear was a constant ringing in my ears, the only thing running through my mind was a replay of the last thirty minutes.
Eventually Ben joined us, getting in the driver's seat and quickly driving off. He didn't say a word. I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw the airport come into view. I just want to go home.
Sitting in the jet, waiting for takeoff, my mind was completely blank. I wasn't angry, I wasn't scared, I was numb. When I felt a slight pressure on my bottom lip, I immediately flinched away.
"Your lip is bleeding," Ben said calmly. I looked at him, kneeling on the floor in front of me with a first aid kit next to him.
"Did you tell him?"
"Yes. He was… furious to put it lightly," Ben told me, handing me the kit and going back to his seat.
Yes, I was sure saying Edward was furious about the situation was an understatement.
…Dark…
An instant sense of relief flooded me when Ben turned down our street. I was almost home, finally. I spent the flight here cleaning myself up; there was a small cut on my lower lip and it was a bit swollen, and I had some light bruises around my wrists but that was it. Thankfully I had a change of clothes on the plane, so I got into a pair of comfortable yoga pants and a t-shirt. I spent the rest of the flight staring out the window.
Now I was home, and I knew Edward would be waiting inside. There was no way he would have gone to the charity event now. I could picture him pacing his office, waiting for the sound of a car pulling up.
That wasn't where he was, though. No, when Ben pulled the car into the driveway, Edward was standing there. He must have been pacing outside but froze when he saw the car.
I had done a pretty good job at holding myself together, I thought. There had been no tears, no panicking, nothing like that. But, the second Edward had the door open and pulled me into his arms all of that went away. There was nothing I could do to stop the loud, embarrassing sobs that escaped me.
It went on for hours. I cried as Edward took me inside, I cried when he put me in the shower and helped me wash away everything about the day, and I cried until I fell asleep with his arms wrapped around me.
Sensitive content: Mild description on sexual assault – if you would like to skip that content, ignore the passage between the first and second page breaks.
A/N: This chapter has been split in two, so the next one will also be in Bella's POV. I knew it was going to turn out to be a monster, and I didn't want you guys waiting for as long as you did for the last one. You'll understand why when we get to it – it's definitely something I'm sure you'll all want in her head for. Maybe I'll add a little crossover in the one after, so you get Edward's thoughts on it too.
Anyway, I know this was a heavy chapter but we're getting to some heavy stuff. Let me know what you thought of this one!
